What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes?

[Dog--]

Nothing, you already told her twice.


Joke thread COMMENCE.

 

[Pesmerga]

What do you call a shitty thread?

Locked.

 

[Eejit]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?





Being raped.

 

[Dog--]

What do you call a PIECE of shit?

Pesmerga.

 

[Insano]

I actually laughed out loud at the OP

 

[CyberPitz]

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown suit.

 

[The Monkey]

The OP's joke is the lulz.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

What's the difference between a black guy and a basketball?
You're not allowed to kick a basketball.

 

[Qonfused]

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods has a better driver.

 

[Shamrock]

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods has a better driver.

El to the Oh to the El.

 

[AJ Rimmer]

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods has a better driver.

What does the french Princess Diana Memorial plaque say?

"Please slow down in the tunnel."

 

[Pesmerga]

What do Pink Floyd's "The Wall" and Princess Diana have in common?

It was their last big hit.

 

[Qonfused]

How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders in the dashboard.

 

[CyberPitz]

Why shouldn't you buy a car for a woman?

There aren't any roads between the kitchen and living room.

 

[Krynn72]

A black guy and a mexican are going for a drive. Who's driving?


The police officer.



What do condoms and women have in common?

If they're not on your dick, they're in your wallet.


How many men does it take to open a can of beer?

None. She opened it for him when she brought it to him

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

A man runs over his wife, whose fault is it?

The man for driving in the kitchen.

Also see sig

 

[Krynn72]

How do you know when a woman is about to say something intelligent?

She'll start by saying "A man once told me..."

 

[Stigmata]

Why are wedding dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the fridge.

 

[Gray Fox]

What's the difference between a black man and a hard drive?

The hard drive can read and write.

 

[Krynn72]

What's the difference between a black man and a hard drive?

The hard drive can read and write.

Its even funnier when you read it and then look at your avatar.

 

[Cormeh]

A feminist visits Kabul just after the fall of the Taliban and is not pleased to find that women must walk 5 paces behind the men.

A year later she returns and is delighted to find that men must now walk 5 paces behind women.

She asked the interpreter:

"What brought about the change?"

He replied:

"Land mines".

OMFG HAHAHA

/irish lightbulb joke not found

 

[CyberPitz]

Sheep - Legs = Cloud

 

[Stigmata]

What do you call it when a baby is stillborn during water birth?

Soup.

 

[Qonfused]

What's the difference between a black man and a hard drive?

The hard drive can read and write.

I lol'd.

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

what do you call a school bus full of black people?

a rotten banana

 

[CyberPitz]

What's yellow, black and rolling down a hill?

A bus full of black people.

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

why dont black people have dreams?

The last one that had one was killed.

 

[Krynn72]

 

[Dog--]

What's the best thing about sex with eighty one year olds?

There are 80 of them.



So, a penis walks into a vagina.

Then the penis cums out.

 

[Pulse]

So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the voice is "wut r u doin wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say "my dad is ded".
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

 

[mindless_moder]

the mother ? .

 

[Dog--]

You have no idea how much I laughed at that, Pulse.

 

[Saturos]

What do you call a shitty thread?

Locked.

What do you call a PIECE of shit?

Pesmerga.

I LOL @ the bitterness that can be found on the internet(s).

Funniest thing in the whole damn thread.

 

[lefty]

So, I stuck my penis in toaster, and I got electrocuted.

 

[Kula Meenur]

What do you call a shitty thread?

Locked.

I lol'd heartily at this, my good Peshy chum.

 

[MJ12]

So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the voice is "wut r u doin wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say "my dad is ded".
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

Oh good lord lol.

 

[Acepilotf14]

phone wuz dad

 

[AJ Rimmer]

So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the voice is "wut r u doin wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say "my dad is ded".
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

...I GOT IT! Her parents were lesbos, and the dad had a sex change!

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

So, I stuck my penis in toaster, and I got electrocuted.

Hilarious brilliance, 10/10. I actually lol'd at this.

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

So a bear went into a bar. As soon as he walked through the door the bartender warns him that the bar is a drug free establishment, and that although bears aren't unwelcome, many get removed for violating this rule. The bear agrees and goes to sit at a table. After a while a formerly Christian woman who had been sitting at the bar and who was depressed and alcoholic because she was raped in a back alley on her way home one night came over and started flirting with the bear and tried to get it to buy her drinks. The Bear brushed her off at first but she wouldn't stop because she now had to get very drunk to forget the pain and eventually the bear got very fed up and ate her.


Upon observing this the bartender yelled, "That's it bear, you're out of here! I told you no drugs and you agreed, and you broke the rule so I'm kicking you out."

The bear, confused replied, "I didn't do any drugs, I swear?"

The bartender responded, "Oh yeah?", putting on a pair of black sunglasses, "what about that bar bitch you ate?"

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

 

[lefty]

omfg lol'd so hard at Pulse



I can't help it that your penis is a fork, mang.

So I can fork you all night long.