What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes?

How many dead babies can you fit in a trash can?


SEVEN
 
A few minutes ago, I felt inclined to do what Crushenator just did, but I digressed.
 
so ur like an outlet or something wut i dun get it i dun get this joke.


so what do you get when you cross a minimalist with a bear?

the bear necessities
 
thejunglebook2pic.jpg
 
Adrik_Senturu said:
so ur like an outlet or something wut i dun get it i dun get this joke.


so what do you get when you cross a minimalist with a bear?

the bear necessities
Click to expand...

OK, I got one.

What do you get when you cross a bear with a small child.

A bear.
 
mastag said:
How many dead babies can you fit in a trash can?


SEVEN
Click to expand...
If it's a trash can in China, none.

EDIT> Crap, I read it as, "How many dead babies can you find in a trash can."

/fail*
 
Oh, I got another one!


How do you know when a baby is dead?
When it's finally quiet enough to get back to sleep
 
Engineering In Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Click to expand...

took me a few seconds to get it..
 
What did the Leper say to the Prostitute?

Keep the tip.
 
What's worse than 9 dead babies in a tree?

1 dead baby in 9 trees.
 
Old but-
How do you circumcise a hick?

Kick his sister in the jaw.
 
A drunk guy is showing his two friends around his new apartment, and the last stop is the bed room. They see a big gong right next to the bed. They say "LOL wut's that gong doing thar?" and the drunk guy says, "It's no gong! It's a talking clock!"

He picks up a hammer and gives the gong a huge WACK and the gong makes an ear-shattering sound. Then a voice from the other side of the wall says "FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU ASSHOLE! IT'S 3:00 IN THE F*CKING MORNING!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police officer pulls up to a car by the road late one night. There's a guy reading a magazine and a hot girl in the back seat. The officer shines his light in the car and he asks "Sir, is this woman 18?" because she looked rather young. The guy puts down his magazine and looks at his watch. He replies "No, but in about ten minutes she will be."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man goes to a monastery deep in the mountains of Tibet to study and meditate. He is told that he may only speak two words every year. So, the first year he goes to the head monk and says "More blankets".

The next year he goes to the head monk and he says "More food".

Well, after a few more years of being warm and eating well, he goes to the head monk and says "I'm leaving".

The head monk looks at him and says "Good. All you've done is bitch since you got here."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edit: Wow, I actually remember that joke. And I read it, too.
 
toaster-chan said:
I felt inclined to do the same as well, but I wanted to drive home the fact that sex with me = death instead.
Click to expand...

There's other methods of death sex than electrocution. Like using your beautiful breasts to lure people into an abandoned warehouse where rich people pay exhorbitant amounts of money to slaughter naive tourists.

EDIT: or bathtubs. I'm not sure how that fits, but I just remembered that it was relevant... somehow.
 
What do you call black people at the bottom of the ocean?
- Pollution.

What else do you call black people at the bottom of the ocean?
- Solution.



A little boy gets on the school bus in the morning and sits directly behind the bus driver. As the bus moves forward the kid starts to sing: "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a baby calf!", "If my dad was a rooster and my mom a chicken, I'd be a baby chick!" The kid does this over and over again with all sorts of different animals. Finally, the bus driver pulls over furious and annoyed and stands up looking directly at the kid. He yells "If your dad was gay and your mom a whore, what would you be?" The kid says to him "A bus driver!"
 
Sgt.Tibbs said:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man goes to a monastery deep in the mountains of Tibet to study and meditate. He is told that he may only speak two words every year. So, the first year he goes to the head monk and says "More blankets".

The next year he goes to the head monk and he says "More food".

Well, after a few more years of being warm and eating well, he goes to the head monk and says "I'm leaving".

The head monk looks at him and says "Good. All you've done is bitch since you got here."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Click to expand...

I've actually never heard that joke before. Good one.
 
Pesmerga said:
What do you call a shitty thread?

Locked.
Click to expand...

Use the wrong key huh?

Anyway:

Q: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?







A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.
 
I thought this up just the other day.

Why do guys with only one eye make such great pirates?

They have no depth perception.




:D
 
Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

/gets coat
 
why do black people have baggy jeans?

because their negroes (knee-grows)
 
What's written on the underside of a Norwegian can?
Open here.

How do you open a Norwegian submarine?
Knock on the hatch.

Bad, I know.

Another one:

Who wins if two black guys are fighting near a precipice?
Society.
 
Why did the Icecream Man cross the road?

To get the Rocky Road Icecream.

heh
 
What's a foot long, rock hard, and makes women scream at night?






Crib death.
 
What's the best thing about a black man?



Nothing.
 
What do you call a black person on the moon?

a problem.

What do you call all black people on the moon?

a solution.
 
-How do you keep 10 black guys from raping a white woman?
Give them a Basketball

-How do you keep 10 mexicans from raping a white woman?
Give them a Lawn Mower

Jew Jokes
-LOLocaust
-Guy1:My grandfather died during the Holocaust
Guy2:Dude thats so sad
Guy1:Yeah I know, he fell off a watchtower
-How many Jews can you fit in a car?
5, with 6 million in the ashtray
 
I see the irony of this :D being in the thing Guy2 says.

EDIT: WOW! Hey kids, a black man!

I'm kidding, I'm no racist. As maybe are most of us on these forums.
 
I'm pretty damn un-racist. I just happen to find racist and generally offensive humour to be amazing.
 
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