el Chi
Newbie
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2003
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- 7,439
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I think - and seriously now, folks - we should take a moment out of this sordid hilarity to consider some genuine problems with our pal, Santa.
I'm not too sure about other countries, but we here in dearest old Blighty have the tradition of leaving Santa out a carrot for Rudolph, and a mine pie and glass of whiskey/sherry/triple vodka and soda/whatever's going.
Now even if this is just a UK thing, that's still about, at a guess, 45 million households. I don't know anyone who can drink that much - not even Northerners - and still be alive, let alone conscious, let alone able to FLY. The man has a problem and I think it's one that needs to be resolved - and quickly. As far as I can tell, it's only a matter of time before he flies the sleigh into the roof of an orphanage, or gives coal to kids who saved their parents' lives, or accidentally sets fire to his breath and thus incinerating his reindeers fcausing him to plummet from the sky and straight into a plane's engine.
Even if we say "Ok, Santa fair play to you. You can drink that much and still not be dead. Bravo." It's still not healthy.
Nor are the vast quantities of mince pies he must consume. They're a nice little yuletide indulgence but even if he only eats a quarter of the ones he's offered (saving the rest for Mrs. C and the elves, natch) he's still on a road to ruin of cholestorol horror. How much longer can his arteries withstand his lifestyle?
I think we should all consider this before we set out snacks for him this Chistmas. Perhaps some orange juice and a stick of celery?
Although that's pretty much justification for receiving a small lump of coal with Santa's spit on it.
I'm not too sure about other countries, but we here in dearest old Blighty have the tradition of leaving Santa out a carrot for Rudolph, and a mine pie and glass of whiskey/sherry/triple vodka and soda/whatever's going.
Now even if this is just a UK thing, that's still about, at a guess, 45 million households. I don't know anyone who can drink that much - not even Northerners - and still be alive, let alone conscious, let alone able to FLY. The man has a problem and I think it's one that needs to be resolved - and quickly. As far as I can tell, it's only a matter of time before he flies the sleigh into the roof of an orphanage, or gives coal to kids who saved their parents' lives, or accidentally sets fire to his breath and thus incinerating his reindeers fcausing him to plummet from the sky and straight into a plane's engine.
Even if we say "Ok, Santa fair play to you. You can drink that much and still not be dead. Bravo." It's still not healthy.
Nor are the vast quantities of mince pies he must consume. They're a nice little yuletide indulgence but even if he only eats a quarter of the ones he's offered (saving the rest for Mrs. C and the elves, natch) he's still on a road to ruin of cholestorol horror. How much longer can his arteries withstand his lifestyle?
I think we should all consider this before we set out snacks for him this Chistmas. Perhaps some orange juice and a stick of celery?
Although that's pretty much justification for receiving a small lump of coal with Santa's spit on it.
