Woman Overjoyed By Giant Uterine Parasite

Baal

Baal

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The Onion said:
Woman Overjoyed By Giant Uterine Parasite

NEW BRIGHTON, MN: Immediately following a physician's examination for her menstrual cessation, 37-year-old events planner Janice Crowley told reporters Tuesday that she is "ecstatic" with her diagnosis of a rapidly growing intrauterine parasite.

"I'm so happy!" Crowley said of the golf ball?sized, nutrient-sapping organism embedded deep in the wall of her uterus. "I was beginning to think this would never happen to me."

Crowley's condition is common and well-documented, with millions of women between the ages of 12 and 50 diagnosed every year. Studies have shown that while the disorder strikes without prejudice across racial, ethnic, and class lines, it bears a very high correlation with the consumption of alcohol at the time of infection. Although there is a low-cost daily medication available that can prevent the harmful symbiote with 99 percent efficacy, many women inexplicably choose not to use it.

...Read More
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:D
 
"For some reason I can't stop eating olives dipped in chocolate cake frosting," Crowley said cheerfully. "And the other day I just had to have sardines with butter and jam. Crazy!"
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:LOL: I love the onion.
 
For the record, I was fooled until

The Onion said:
...will burden her and her family for the rest of their lives.
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Once I read that, all of the pieces fell into place, so to speak.
 
I just showed this to a mother at my work and it failed miserably :(

She sniffed it out immediately, claiming to know what they were talking about after the first paragraph :| She doesn't even know what The Onion is either!
 
Tbh I was going to make a 'You mean a baby?' quip after reading the thread title, but I *heart* theonion.
 
I saw "The Onion" and immediately assumed it was a baby.

Or a giant tumor.
 
I knew what it was just by reading the thread name.
 
Well aren't you special, Mr. Raziaar!

It seems like it has been a while since I've seen that dancing cow; am I correct in saying that?
 
He quit the forums for a while then got slowly sucked back into this whirling nexus of depravity and gravity-guns.
 
I didn't get it was supposed to be a baby until I read the responses here.
 
I knew it was a joke when I saw the Onion, but I was on the third paragraph before I realised it was a baby.
 
Jintor said:
He quit the forums for a while then got slowly sucked back into this whirling nexus of depravity and gravity-guns.
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People always quit the forums and make a big deal about it, then come back like 2 weeks later. I say you should get banned when you declare you are leaving.
 
Dan said:
People always quit the forums and make a big deal about it, then come back like 2 weeks later. I say you should get banned when you declare you are leaving.
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I left for nearly four months before making a post since I left, after which I made one post for forza 2, one post concerning the Hl2 wiki, one post for net neutrality. I wasn't planning on coming back, and I still don't really plan on it. I only started posting again after that because I had some computer issues half a month later, and wanted help from Asus. And while yes I have been posting more lately, that's because it is an addicting habit, since I haven't posted on any forums since I left. I still think the forums are in the same condition as when I left, and I'm not necessarily going to stay.

And one reason because of that, is I wanted to avoid shit that people like you say regarding such situations.
 
Agreed.

Language makes anything sound bad.

Although giving birth is pretty bloody already...
 
gotta love The Onion. It's the Harry Potter date-rape all over again.
 
all hail the mighty onion! :cheers:


HAIL IT!!! :flame:
 
I figured it out at "nutrient-sapping".
Yay.

Still don't know what this "the onion" thing is.
 
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