Your most screwed up (made up) stories

[dream431ca]

One day..I was sitting outside..then a bumble bee flew by me..then he flashed me..FLASHED ME!! I was so embarresed I walked away down into the woods...I was walking for a few minutes...then I saw..in the distance..Pink jellybeans...dancing over a rainbow waterfall...singing "let the bodies hit the floor" song while barney the dinosaur was pimpin with the teletubbies...I did not appreciate what I saw..so I left. I found a river and decided it would be nice to sit by the river bank..I was there for a couple minutes when 1000 George bush's..dressed up in flashy orange tuxidoes (hope I spelled that right), walked passed me and chanting "THE INTERNETS!" I was so horrified I walked back home. I went into the kitchen...and proceded to eat pink biscuts while drinking overrated coffee with muffins in the mail....DAMN!! It was all a bad dream...oh well...better get up and get pikachu off the shrooms and get Mickey mouse a straight jacket....DAMN!!

 

[nw909]

Yes, Alberta is like that all the time, isn't it?

 

[dream431ca]

Yes, Alberta is like that all the time, isn't it?

It's made up stories...

To answer your question...only in the morning. :O

 

[CrazyHarij]

Haha, um is this just about making things up or about effed up dreams or events?

 

[dream431ca]

Haha, um is this just about making things up or about effed up dreams or events?

Nah..just made up...you can post dreams if you want..but made up stories this thread is about.

 

[bam23]

A guy ouches into a walk and says, "Bar".

 

[Ames]

Pffft, if you really want to see something cool, just go to the depths of hell. I hear they got teletubbies hooked up to some electrified hair folicles. :O

 

[The Mullinator]

Have you ever seen one of your pubic hairs start talking to you? I got so scared I shaved it. :O

 

[nw909]

It's made up stories...

To answer your question...only in the morning. :O

I hear dat.

 

[UmbrellaMaster]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his fly. The pirate sits down and the bartender asks, "What's with the steering wheel?".
The pirate looks at the steering wheel, then at the bartender and replies, "Yarrr... I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

I didnt make that up, I heard it somewhere.

 

[She]

edit: whatever

 

[The DemonWithin]

stop activating the turbolift you savage radar operator! ill button your shirt so that you cant type with four hands while happy rainbows and smiling mountains rain down upon the castles full of chocolate alarm clocks and spread fire red powerups. sometimes the phasar touches the sky but most times the deer walk to their cars and roll down their sandwhiches into each others eating tube. they carry rocks they found from their dreams in their inventory so that they can cast level 4 ground shake when the giant sits down to walk to school with his pet trees that he eats for super plastic activation codes so that there is unlimited access to the internet which is limited.

eat spinach and eats his whiteboard with sandwhich bread 8 times before the match witch its made of lego and bread butter jam but sometinmes the dataframe is not existant with super radar but only with double anchovies and keyboard setups, sometimes this leads to legal issues but more often then not the rabbits know how to jump and they flip the ears to the sun because that is what they worship when they wake up in the afternoon to sip on their green grass and tie their ears to the docks so they dont float away with the tide and wash their belly buttons with their own bodily fluids, but i feel that i can sense their super moves that require too much energy to require your minerals

Every time i jump the gate i seem to hold the button down too much, but its fine cause the scream of the eagle is so satisfying i jus have to sketch a monday comic on the spot. The other day i was driving around the aerospace station in space and i wrote a letter to my automobile manufactuer about the protein stains on zekes mothers panties, they told me that every piece of string i collect i get a sticker. well the other day i collected about forty eleven stickers, so i said **** you godzilla, **** you. i then captured the round metal ball that allowed me to have two shots instead of one and i defeated the zorganaught. when i got back to the station i took a train to hawaii and spent a couple weeks there driving cars and eyeing all the strapping young gentlemen. after all this happened i joined the navy and they told me my puppy had died, so i killed them all and made a totem out of their bloody carcasses to exact my revenge.

Fire is really hot, but not as hot as the farthest reaches of a bar of nutrigrain, but only the kind that has sprinkles and popsicle sticks that are attached to the railroad system that you can buy for$22 dollars and they suck cause i was out in about four minutes but then i used my super and i blew ken halfway across the map which christopher columbus himself sailed upon to find the people who wash their eyelids with their tails and scrub their brushes with their hair, i do the same, but only on tuesdays when i dont have a car, otherwise i can usually jump up about 22 feet on good days but on the other days i have to cry myself over building instead but its ok because my cat is very large and she is staring at me right now but when i jump over these buildings i tend to lubricate my feelings so i am not let down by the constant repeating of my horrible quality tapes and the hammering of my scrotum into my bladder by baseball bats and various limbs that you can cut off and they give you + 5 to attack and +1 to light radius, but you can easily sell these for a rocking good time.

http://godsclans.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=3723&st=0
lol.

 

[CyberSh33p]

'Also,' says the garrulous beautician as she works. 'You will never guess. We are favoured by a visit from celebrity today.'

'Unglaublich,' I say without much interest. 'Some dreary town councillor or rising star of the banking industry, no doubt,' I say with a wink at Jetta.

'No, no,' says the busybody as she plies her trade, 'This is a big American rock star who wears iconic black clothing and trademark dark glasses. His name is Roy...Orbital? Orbheissen? Rasmussen? Something of that nature.'

It takes a second or two for the penny to drop. 'Black clothes and dark glasses you say. I implore you to think carefully. Could the man's name conceivably be Roy Orbison? This is a matter of extreme urgency to me.'

'Yes! That was it exactly! Fancy, he is in the next room waiting for me to give him a sea-weed wrap.'

I rise from the chair. 'I find I have to go out for a moment. You will please remain here and attend to Jetta. I have decided you will give her a shell-wax. I will be locking the door after I leave to ensure your compliance.'

'So.'

'So.'

I adjourn smartly to the next cubicle. Roy Orbison is lying on a massage table naked save for a strategically-placed towel. Some soothing unguent has been applied to his face and slices of cucumber have been placed over his trademark dark glasses.

'Good day,' I say. 'Are you relaxed.'

'I am highly relaxed but expect to be more so following my seaweed wrap,' says Roy.

'Regrettably I find we have run out of seaweed following a maritime disaster in which various contaminants were released destroying the world supply of sargasso for generations to come,' I say smoothly. 'Instead I urge you to try our new cling-film wrap. The health-giving properties of this miracle substance cannot be overstated.'

'Cling-film?' Roy cannot see me but tries to peer round the cucumber slices occluding his glasses. 'Don't I know your voice?'

'I am an eminent doctor and am to be trusted implicitly.'

'Ah,' says Roy. 'Then you may commence.'

'Speaking as a doctor, that is a wise decision.'

I start from the feet and work my way up. It is strange for him to be naked as I wrap him but I suppose it would be too suspicious were I to ask him to put his trademark black clothes back on. I am like an Egyptian priest enshrouding his Pharaoh. Soon, Roy Orbison is wrapped up in Clingfilm. I let out a soft mew of content and mutely acknowledge that all things work for the best in this world.

'You are completely wrapped in cling-film,' I tell him. 'To get the full benefits you must remain so for several hours or until someone comes and finds us. To keep you company I will stay in the room and breathe heavily.'

'That is kind of you.'

There follows several hours of almost unbearable bliss. Presently a masseuse comes and looks at us quizzically.

'We are closing now. Have you seen Frieda?'

'Yes, I locked her in the room next door.'

'Ah. Why is that man in clingfilm?'

'Medical reasons.'

'So.'

I permit the woman to unwrap Roy as it is not in my nature to do so.

'You know,' I say, 'If you were to remain wrapped in cling-film forever I estimate it could extend your lifespan by a thousand years.'

'I will bear that in mind,' says Roy.

And it wouldn't do my health any harm either, I almost add!

 

[el Chi]

I think the G-Man was in one of my dreams. I was walking through a building site at night and he was just standing there. I didn't talk to him and he didn't say anything to me, I just stood and looked at him for a while and then went off, although for some reason, I felt partly like it was me too... Very weird.
Then I arrived at a grand hotel/embassy style building in a busy street but these two Chinese people (one man one woman) in red jackets wouldn't let me in until I answered their riddle something to do with the pound-yen exchange rate. I couldn't work it out and they just laughed at me. Bastards. Then I had sex with Angelina Jolie (Matt Bellamy from Muse made an appearance halfway through) and then I got mocked by a cute barmaid because I ordered a pint of Stella - apparently it was a girls' drink. Dreams're great.

 

[Platinum]

wow ... those are very creative ...

 

[dream431ca]

stop activating the turbolift you savage radar operator! ill button your shirt so that you cant type with four hands while happy rainbows and smiling mountains rain down upon the castles full of chocolate alarm clocks and spread fire red powerups. sometimes the phasar touches the sky but most times the deer walk to their cars and roll down their sandwhiches into each others eating tube. they carry rocks they found from their dreams in their inventory so that they can cast level 4 ground shake when the giant sits down to walk to school with his pet trees that he eats for super plastic activation codes so that there is unlimited access to the internet which is limited.

eat spinach and eats his whiteboard with sandwhich bread 8 times before the match witch its made of lego and bread butter jam but sometinmes the dataframe is not existant with super radar but only with double anchovies and keyboard setups, sometimes this leads to legal issues but more often then not the rabbits know how to jump and they flip the ears to the sun because that is what they worship when they wake up in the afternoon to sip on their green grass and tie their ears to the docks so they dont float away with the tide and wash their belly buttons with their own bodily fluids, but i feel that i can sense their super moves that require too much energy to require your minerals

Every time i jump the gate i seem to hold the button down too much, but its fine cause the scream of the eagle is so satisfying i jus have to sketch a monday comic on the spot. The other day i was driving around the aerospace station in space and i wrote a letter to my automobile manufactuer about the protein stains on zekes mothers panties, they told me that every piece of string i collect i get a sticker. well the other day i collected about forty eleven stickers, so i said **** you godzilla, **** you. i then captured the round metal ball that allowed me to have two shots instead of one and i defeated the zorganaught. when i got back to the station i took a train to hawaii and spent a couple weeks there driving cars and eyeing all the strapping young gentlemen. after all this happened i joined the navy and they told me my puppy had died, so i killed them all and made a totem out of their bloody carcasses to exact my revenge.

Fire is really hot, but not as hot as the farthest reaches of a bar of nutrigrain, but only the kind that has sprinkles and popsicle sticks that are attached to the railroad system that you can buy for$22 dollars and they suck cause i was out in about four minutes but then i used my super and i blew ken halfway across the map which christopher columbus himself sailed upon to find the people who wash their eyelids with their tails and scrub their brushes with their hair, i do the same, but only on tuesdays when i dont have a car, otherwise i can usually jump up about 22 feet on good days but on the other days i have to cry myself over building instead but its ok because my cat is very large and she is staring at me right now but when i jump over these buildings i tend to lubricate my feelings so i am not let down by the constant repeating of my horrible quality tapes and the hammering of my scrotum into my bladder by baseball bats and various limbs that you can cut off and they give you + 5 to attack and +1 to light radius, but you can easily sell these for a rocking good time.

http://godsclans.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=3723&st=0
lol.

THAT WAS AWESOME!! LOL!!

 

[Jack_Karverboy]

Jesus Christ, this happened to me last saturday, it made me so mad :angry:

I was just walking down Apple street, and the night came crashing down. Okay, I see this guy walking, and he reaches me, pulls down his hood. I'm face to face with a demon, Jacob Smith, also known as Satan, the devil. He grabs a bike out of his pocket and says to me: "Dude, you have ten seconds to steal this bike from me, or the future will crumble."

So I got my 'WTF?' face on, but I stand still and he grabs out the gnarliest knife ever. At this point I'm regretting the nine Corona's I had the bar. He laughs and says to me: "I guess I'l have to murder five innocent sheep, you dumbass"

How's that?

 

[Danimal]

I had this wierd ass dream 4 days ago

I was in a HUGE mansion and my parents were going somewhere, my brother and I are just chilling at home and the roof just suddenly dissapeared and an Apache helicopter came soaring over with a huge machinegun on it and started shooting us. I got hit twice in the sholdur and I ran into my bathroom. I was lying down in the bath tub trying to hide as I heard chatter outside and a small hole was being formed in the wall behind me and the Black Ops from OP4 and some soldiers from Resident Evil: Apocolypse and a character from Trigun called Legalos walked in front of me and he said "Consider yourself adopted" and I had my "The ****?" face on and my parents came home and the whole thing was explained to them and they seemed to keep a straight face.

I was suddenly in some wierd place and everything was anime like. I was so confused but I forgot what else happened.

 

[we11er]

There once was a Sailor Boy,
There once was a Sailor Boy,
There once was a Sailor Boy, who ate too much pie.

 

[Icarus]

'Also,' says the garrulous beautician as she works. 'You will never guess. We are favoured by a visit from celebrity today.'

'Unglaublich,' I say without much interest. 'Some dreary town councillor or rising star of the banking industry, no doubt,' I say with a wink at Jetta.

'No, no,' says the busybody as she plies her trade, 'This is a big American rock star who wears iconic black clothing and trademark dark glasses. His name is Roy...Orbital? Orbheissen? Rasmussen? Something of that nature.'

It takes a second or two for the penny to drop. 'Black clothes and dark glasses you say. I implore you to think carefully. Could the man's name conceivably be Roy Orbison? This is a matter of extreme urgency to me.'

'Yes! That was it exactly! Fancy, he is in the next room waiting for me to give him a sea-weed wrap.'

I rise from the chair. 'I find I have to go out for a moment. You will please remain here and attend to Jetta. I have decided you will give her a shell-wax. I will be locking the door after I leave to ensure your compliance.'

'So.'

'So.'

I adjourn smartly to the next cubicle. Roy Orbison is lying on a massage table naked save for a strategically-placed towel. Some soothing unguent has been applied to his face and slices of cucumber have been placed over his trademark dark glasses.

'Good day,' I say. 'Are you relaxed.'

'I am highly relaxed but expect to be more so following my seaweed wrap,' says Roy.

'Regrettably I find we have run out of seaweed following a maritime disaster in which various contaminants were released destroying the world supply of sargasso for generations to come,' I say smoothly. 'Instead I urge you to try our new cling-film wrap. The health-giving properties of this miracle substance cannot be overstated.'

'Cling-film?' Roy cannot see me but tries to peer round the cucumber slices occluding his glasses. 'Don't I know your voice?'

'I am an eminent doctor and am to be trusted implicitly.'

'Ah,' says Roy. 'Then you may commence.'

'Speaking as a doctor, that is a wise decision.'

I start from the feet and work my way up. It is strange for him to be naked as I wrap him but I suppose it would be too suspicious were I to ask him to put his trademark black clothes back on. I am like an Egyptian priest enshrouding his Pharaoh. Soon, Roy Orbison is wrapped up in Clingfilm. I let out a soft mew of content and mutely acknowledge that all things work for the best in this world.

'You are completely wrapped in cling-film,' I tell him. 'To get the full benefits you must remain so for several hours or until someone comes and finds us. To keep you company I will stay in the room and breathe heavily.'

'That is kind of you.'

There follows several hours of almost unbearable bliss. Presently a masseuse comes and looks at us quizzically.

'We are closing now. Have you seen Frieda?'

'Yes, I locked her in the room next door.'

'Ah. Why is that man in clingfilm?'

'Medical reasons.'

'So.'

I permit the woman to unwrap Roy as it is not in my nature to do so.

'You know,' I say, 'If you were to remain wrapped in cling-film forever I estimate it could extend your lifespan by a thousand years.'

'I will bear that in mind,' says Roy.

And it wouldn't do my health any harm either, I almost add!

You stole that from me stealing it from someone else who stole it from a site that has stories about roy getting wrapped in clig-flim for sexual pleasure

 

[Danimal]

Icarus SMOKED Cybersh33p!

I may as well add another wierd dream

I dreamt years ago I was a bear learning to play the violin... Like the brown from Black & White...

But here is a random story

I am a man, I am a man from the moon they say. I really do not enjoy this as I am trying to play golf with this rubber chicken but GUESS WHAT!? Mcdonalds won't give me enoguh funding for the pie fairy to grant me with many hamburgers. Mmmmm organised crime but anyway speaking of princesses and peeing. I was once a horse, yep the fattest horse in the world. Jeebz I was such a fat horse that my belly would grind along the ground as I would be taken away by the G-man riding on a purple tiger.

So here I am, on the moon. It isn't Earth's moon. It is Uranus' moon but it was so scary. I had zerglings coming from everywhere back in 'nam.

But I may as well get to the actual random story instead of rambling on about my life

I am a man, I am a man from the moon they say. I really do not enjoy this as I am trying to play golf with this rubber chicken but GUESS WH--

Oh wait I used that joke

I am a nice, gentle Mongoose-fish from Alabama without a seatbelt and I was fined 2 quarters and 60 bees. I was in the war yes, but that dosen't mean I do ballet.

These days its just like:

"Do you have my easter egg?"

"Yes!"

"Can I have it back?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo"

 

[Recoil]

a character from Trigun called Legalos walked in front of me

Isn't he called Legato? The latin term for... message-bringer?

 

[Bad^Hat]

Cybersh33p, you need to write a book, dude.

You stole that from me stealing it from someone else who stole it from a site that has stories about roy getting wrapped in clig-flim for sexual pleasure

Edit - About how much of an asshole you are :burp: