Man convicted for sex with a bike.

PvtRyan

PvtRyan

Party Escort Bot
Joined
Jul 17, 2003
Messages
10,026
Reaction score
1
This has GOT to be the most retarded thing I have ever heard:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.
Click to expand...

He was sentenced to three years on probation. For what? Because cleaners saw him after they opened his locked door. And they were shocked by what exactly, a man fornicating with his bike? Where I come from, that's funny. Who is the victim here anyway? Did the bike feel violated? Or because the cleaners were shocked? I certainly hope not that shocking people is punishable by law. And this isn't even in the US, but in Britain for fuck's sake.

What the fuck?
 
I heard about this, a friend told me about it and I just couldn't stop wondering about the... "mechanics" about it. I mean, where, or how, was he... "violating" the bike?
 
Hey, I just realized that for once I can be the first to say this in a thread! :D Here goes:


I came.
 
Wow of all the weird things I've read, this story is the hardest to handle -- bar none!
I wonder if the guys' place of work gave him a suspension notice when they heard about it.
 
I dunno, i bet he was framed. If the cleaners hit the brakes and realized he wasnt dangerous, theres wouldnt be a problem. Its just very tired
 
Tyguy said:
I dunno, i bet he was framed. If the cleaners hit the brakes and realized he wasnt dangerous, theres wouldnt be a problem. Its just very tired
Click to expand...

Look, this chain of jokes is getting tiresome. Let's just stop this repetive cycle and pedal onwards.
 
AJ Rimmer said:
Look, this chain of jokes is getting tiresome. Let's just stop this repetive cycle and pedal onwards.
Click to expand...

Ok, its time to change gears here a little. To be honest, I think the most they should of done is given him a suspension. I bet if he spoke to his lawyer earlier, this case would have hit the proverbial brakes.
 
AJ Rimmer said:
I heard about this, a friend told me about it and I just couldn't stop wondering about the... "mechanics" about it. I mean, where, or how, was he... "violating" the bike?
Click to expand...

To be honest I always figured he just stuck the pointed end of the bike seat into his anus and went at it.
 
This thread makes great fap material, keep at it fellas! ;)
 
Tyguy said:
Ok, its time to change gears here a little. To be honest, I think the most they should of done is given him a suspension. I bet if he spoke to his lawyer earlier, this case would have hit the proverbial brakes.
Click to expand...

We're really riding this for all it's worth. I wonder if soon we'll run out of viable euphamisms or if we'll have to just resort to things like testicular cancer and having sex with a bike. By wich I mean of course we should make a punctuation and stop it.
 
Damn right, damn sick bastard had sex with a bicycle :frown:
 
AJ Rimmer said:
We're really riding this for all it's worth. I wonder if soon we'll run out of viable euphamisms or if we'll have to just resort to things like testicular cancer and having sex with a bike. By wich I mean of course we should make a punctuation and stop it.
Click to expand...

My testicles are constantly shifting from left to right. Sometimes I stare at them for hours and just sit there bewildered. Why the **** are they moving, and what the **** does it accomplish?
 
Tyguy said:
My testicles are constantly shifting from left to right. Sometimes I stare at them for hours and just sit there bewildered. Why the **** are they moving, and what the **** does it accomplish?
Click to expand...

I am turned on.
 
This just in! Woman convicted of having sex with a dildo! Makes about as much sense. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've never tried having sex with a bike, but don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
 
You just made my day bitchin'.

/tears THANK YOU GOD!

Finally, someone who agrees that bikes are people too!
 
Swear to god I dreamt I was ****ing a bike about a year ago. It was really ****ed up.
 
Swear to god I dreamt a bike was ****ing me about a year ago. It was really ****ed up.
 
Swear to God I dreamt I was a bike ****ing these two people about a year ago. It was really ****ed up.
 
Swear to God I dreamt I was a bike ****ing these three people about a year ago. It was really ****ing hot.
 
Wait a sec he was put on the Sex Offenders Register along side pedos and rapists for that.
 
The sex offenders register? **** you goverment....**** you.
 
Wow, this thread made me lol multiple times.

Helplife2.net ftw.
 
Omg! I had sex with my hand! Prosectute me! :O
 
HL2.net wins again.

Ah well - here's me thinking that all cyclists are wankers.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MFL
Fascinating look at the ongoing psychological evolution of flat hieirarchies.
Replies
2
Views
2K
Tollbooth Willie
Tollbooth Willie
B
Barking Dog Studios' work for Valve
Replies
0
Views
12K
Barnz
B
B
Marc Laidlaw releases Half-Life 2: Episode Three's plot
Replies
32
Views
39K
BabyHeadCrab
BabyHeadCrab
B
The other cancelled ports of Half-Life
Replies
3
Views
7K
Tollbooth Willie
Tollbooth Willie
B
The cut missions of Half-Life: Decay
Replies
2
Views
21K
Evo
Evo
Back
Top