12 reasons same-sex marriage will destroy our great Society

[Sprafa]

Twelve "Reasons" Same-Sex Marriages Will Ruin Society

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Same-sex marriage should be decided by people not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

7. Same-sex marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

8. Same-sex marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing same-sex marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Same-sex marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer life spans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.


[original poster was good-fortune on the DeviantArt forums. You can find the original thread here ]

 

[Pericolos0]

*applauds*

 

[Steve]

Is it weird that I got to #3 before I realized that you were being sarcastic?

Well done.

 

[Sprafa]

Please credit the original poster, I'm just spreading the word.

 

[The Monkey]

So true.

 

[JNightshade]

I was ready to go into cornered liberal mode when I read the title, but I was laughing by the end of the post. Very, very well done. (even if it wasn't technically your words)

 

[Gargantou]

Thanks dude, that just made my day LOL! So let me get this straight, if I work in a nuclear reactor and becomes unable to have children can't I legally marry someone?:O

 

[Sulkdodds]

When I saw the thread title, I thought "Oh ffs..."
When I saw who posted the thread I thought "Eh? But he's not.."
When I read the thread I lolled.

 

[firemachine69]

 

[PvtRyan]

Haha, nicely said (by the guy who wrote it)

 

[Thadius Dean]

Brilliant.
You forgot the part about how a child will be ****ed up if they have two daddys or mommies.

 

[CptStern]

*sits and waits for the other side to respond*

nice find sprafa

 

[FictiousWill]

I was ready to go into cornered liberal mode when I read the title, but I was laughing by the end of the post. Very, very well done. (even if it wasn't technically your words)

When I saw the thread title, I thought "Oh ffs..."
When I saw who posted the thread I thought "Eh? But he's not.."
When I read the thread I lolled.

My reaction exactly!

 

[ComradeBadger]

*sits and waits for the other side to respond*

nice find sprafa

Is there another side on this?

I honestly don't see a good reason for opposing same-sex marriage.

 

[CptStern]

hehe comradebadger, how I wish it were true

 

[GiaOmerta]

Postives and Negatives attract. A Postive and a Postive repel each other, the same with a Negative and a Negative.

Makes sense.

 

[bliink]

Postives and Negatives attract. A Postive and a Postive repel each other, the same with a Negative and a Negative.

Makes sense.

how exactly do the laws of particle interaction have anything to do with human relationships?

 

[GiaOmerta]

Don't ask me. I didnt make the rules. I just break a few of them, now and then.

 

[Steve]

hehe comradebadger, how I wish it were true

We've voted to allow a state constitutional ban here in LA, too...I'm ashamed...

 

[No Limit]

hehe comradebadger, how I wish it were true

I think people that vote for something need to give a reason. If that reason is stupid the ballot should be thrown out. With this great system 99% of Bush ballots would have been thrown out.

 

[bliink]

Don't ask me. I didnt make the rules. I just break a few of them, now and then.

oh yeah... dont get me started on the time I created an inverse time-flux cascade!

 

[Steve]

I think people that vote for something need to give a reason. If that reason is stupid the ballot should be thrown out. With this great system 99% of Bush ballots would have been thrown out.

Naw..."moral values" isn't technically a stupid reason.

The fact that they believe that Bush is more moral than Kerry is kinda silly, though...

 

[Steve]

oh yeah... dont get me started on the time I created an inverse time-flux cascade!

And then threw it at me.

 

[GiaOmerta]

Kerry is a wimp. Need a tough guy to get the job done.

 

[No Limit]

Naw..."moral values" isn't technically a stupid reason.

The fact that they believe that Bush is more moral than Kerry is kinda silly, though...

Moral values is a pretty f*cking stupid reason. "yes, I will vote for this guy because I think he is more religious than the other guy. Screw everything else."

 

[Steve]

Kerry is a wimp. Need a tough guy to get the job done.

We don't know, ya? Before the election, time and time again, I proclaimed to my friends that if Kerry and Bush had a fist fight, I would vote for the winner no matter what.

Moral values is a pretty f*cking stupid reason. "yes, I will vote for this guy because I think he is more religious than the other guy. Screw everything else."

Technically, you don't have to be religious to be moral. But hey, dude...religion is very important to some people. Granted, it shouldn't be a factor in government elections...but some people just don't think that way.

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

Postives and Negatives attract. A Postive and a Postive repel each other, the same with a Negative and a Negative.

Makes sense.

Actually, in terms of human relationships, similars are what attract. According to science! (Yes, it deserves the exclamation mark) you are most likely to find a partner like your mother. (Whether you like your mother or not is pretty much irrelevant, because even children who say they have nothing in common with their parents, more often than not do...but wont realise it because of the age difference.)


At least, thats what New Scientist told me

 

[seinfeldrules]

Give them civil unions. Keep marriage for heterosexuals, and let homosexuals create their own unique and special union. Oh wait, for saying that the 'tolerant' left will call me a bigot, homophobe etc. etc.

 

[GiaOmerta]

Will you hold the same if Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hillary Clinton run for office?

 

[Edcrab]

Pfft. I think marriage as a whole is utterly, utterly stupid. Woo, let's spend money on some lavish ceremony just so we can get our names on yet another piece of paper. Urgh, my bureaucracy allergy is playing up again.

If I live with a woman I want the same tax benefits as a married couple. I guess I'm just cynical considering the divorce rate. Wait, no, if I live with a man I want the same tax benefits as a married couple. Civil union for me! That way we can unify with our friends, attract strange looks and save money!

 

[GiaOmerta]

Actually, in terms of human relationships, similars are what attract. According to science! (Yes, it deserves the exclamation mark) you are most likely to find a partner like your mother. (Whether you like your mother or not is pretty much irrelevant, because even children who say they have nothing in common with their parents, more often than not do...but wont realise it because of the age difference.)


At least, thats what New Scientist told me

Your right about that.
But, I was referring to sexual parts.

Boys have outties and Girls have innies.
Two outties dont really get you anywhere.
Two innies dont really get you anywhere either.
Outtie + Innie =

 

[seinfeldrules]

Will you hold the same if Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hillary Clinton run for office?

If you were referring to me, my positions are not based on whichever canidate is running.

 

[Pericolos0]

well gay marriage totally works here in belgium. Pretty much everyone has accepted it and society hasnt derailed lol. Only made some people happier so i only see it as a good thing

That is.. untill we get flooded by a tsunami ofcourse and get god's vengeance.

 

[bliink]

AAccording to science! (Yes, it deserves the exclamation mark) you are most likely to find a partner like your mother.

Wasn't that a theory of Freud's?
He also said that basically all of our society is obsessed with the male genitals in some way, explains things such as the Washington monument, Eiffel Tower, etc quite well I think

 

[Steve]

Wasn't that a theory of Freud's?
He also said that basically all of our society is obsessed with the male genitals in some way, explains things such as the Washington monument, Eiffel Tower, etc quite well I think

Right...that's why. It's not because sloping to a point can make something structurally sound...

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

Wasn't that a theory of Freud's?
He also said that basically all of our society is obsessed with the male genitals in some way, explains things such as the Washington monument, Eiffel Tower, etc quite well I think

No it wasn't exaclty, though he did think a lot of our problems relted to our mothers. (As a little extra point, many of his theories have been discredited now)

 

[el Chi]

Give them civil unions. Keep marriage for heterosexuals, and let homosexuals create their own unique and special union. Oh wait, for saying that the 'tolerant' left will call me a bigot, homophobe etc. etc.

Good Lord, you're such a bigot. Do you think that perhaps your anti-liberal, intolerant homophobia might stem from some uncertainty you have about your own sexuality?

Kerry is a wimp. Need a tough guy to get the job done.

Actually, in some ways referendums are the last refuge of the weak leader hedging his bets. After all, why do we elect a government? To govern. When they ask us about things, they aren't entirely fulfilling their duties. Why? Because they're unsure on a topic and bad at making a decision. Thus hand the decision, and all the blame, to the public. The people who asked you to make all the decisions in the first place.

 

[marksmanHL2 :)]

Excelent post.


Credit to the writer. :thumbs:

 

[Kangy]

Yeah, there's no reason to stop same sex marriages now. I mean, you can't force ancient and cranky religions to change just like that, but there's no reason to stop it in tolerant religions, or simple non-religious ceremonies.

 

[bliink]

Right...that's why. It's not because sloping to a point can make something structurally sound...

No, nothing to do with that heheh

What I meant though, was the reason people build such long, errect structures.. not how :bounce:

(edit, but as farrow said, alot of freuds theorys are little more than novelties now)