age to get married

[Ravioli]

live life till ur atleast 25-27 then get married and do whatever you want! But if you are married or have children before 25 then SHOT YOURSELF

 

[Instinct]

I'd be suprised if many 17-18 year olds would be able to afford to get married.

I've had alot of friends who have been 'engaged' after 2 or three months of a relationship. It never works. However, getting married at 17 or 18 doesn't necessarily mean you're jumping into things too quickly. Being married is hard work no matter how old you are.

 

[CptStern]

in my experience only arranged marriages or fundamentalist religious couples last when married so young ..but in most cases it's against their tradions/religion to split up/divorce so it's a little one sided

17-18 is far too young to have a serious relationship never mind marriage ..you should be experiencing life at that age, not limiting it

 

[FoB_Ed]

I'm 19, and my girlfriend(20) and I have talked about getting married. Although not anytime soon of course! At least waiting until we graduate in 3 years and then possibly a year or two after. We'll see. It'd be foolish to try and rush anything. I'm crazy about her, but it's worth waiting for.

But WHY do you feel the need to get married now? If you're abstaining from sex until you're married, DON'T just marry her now because you want to do it. I've known many conservative Christian couples who have done this and seperate or divorce later. It's not pretty. But anyways, IMO living together is a bad idea; it's something reserved for bond of marriage.

But still, there are couples who have been married that young and lasted, like some of my friends' parents. Of course that was years and years ago, times were different then. Hell. It's possible, just damn hard. If she's someone you want to marry than she's worth waiting for; you both have a lot of growing to do, just like my girlfriend and I. Shit happens, people change, they'll grow closer together or seperate apart. It's life.

And I disagree with Stern. Being in a serious relationship is in no sense limiting, unless you hate maintaining contact with her or you want to **** every attractive woman in sight .

 

[Kester^]

And I disagree with Stern. Being in a serious relationship is in no sense limiting, unless you hate maintaining contact with her or you want to **** every attractive woman in sight .

Considering he's male, I find the fact you can't **** ever attractive woman in sight pretty limiting.

We're men, lets not try and kid ourselves. We naturally want to sow our seed in an many women as possible.

 

[Muffin Man]

I must have an under-active libido or something, 'cause I'm 17 and I don't feel the need to bed every attractive girl I see.

 

[CptStern]

whether you subscribe to it or not, it's a part of every male: the biological desire to propegate as much as possible ..it's nature's way of ensuring we as humans continue to survive .......and what other excuse do we really need to sleep with as many women as possible? it's in our genes; that's good enough for me

 

[CptStern]

I think it may be a matter of opportunity more than anything else ..i mean you show me a man who's disinterested in bedding a ton of women even if they throw themselves at him and I'll point out a gay man ...I dont know of a single person who would turn down an endless string of women if given the opportunity (ok there's me but I'm married)

And I disagree with Stern. Being in a serious relationship is in no sense limiting, unless you hate maintaining contact with her or you want to **** every attractive woman in sight .

at age 17-18? it's extremely limiting ...I mean if you lived on a island all you life living on a diet of coconuts and bananas and by some small miracle you went to Hagen Daus Island where you had a choice of 151 flavours of icecream would you only eat banana or coconut flavoured ice cream? limiting yourself to a single person over a long period of time when you're just starting discover yourself emotionally is just doing yourself a diservice ...anyways sex is only one part of it ..really getting out there and discovering what the opposite sex is all about is the real point ..the bedding part is just the icing on the cake

 

[Instinct]

You can't compare ice cream to a relationship. Some people descover themselves emotionally and think "Why waste time 'shopping around' when I can see that what I have here is right for me"

And as far as the ice cream thing is concerned .. I always pick chocolate or mint.. Hagen Daus island or not

 

[CptStern]

You can't compare ice cream to a relationship. Some people descover themselves emotionally and think "Why waste time 'shopping around' when I can see that what I have here is right for me"

I'm specifically talking about 17-18 year olds who have yet to experience anything even resembling a real relationship ..that doesnt hold true for everyone, just that specific age group

And as far as the ice cream thing is concerned .. I always pick chocolate or mint.. Hagen Daus island or not

am I inadvertedly writing my posts in chinese? no really because no one understands a single word I say any more ..that's twice in a single post Instinct ...what does that have to do with a person who stuck on a island and has NEVER tried ice cream? ..jebus h christ

 

[Instinct]

I was also referring to that age group, I was just raising the opposite argument.

And the ice cream thing was a joke .. You know .. Haha .. Ha.

 

[CptStern]

how would they know what a "good" relationship is if they have nothing else to compare it with? you miss the underlying point ..and your joke was offtopic because the island dweller would never have tried icecream ...that's the point

 

[Instinct]

Unless the person was trapped on your coconut island they would have other relationships to compare with. Not their own granted but people live and learn. Say their parents had been really close friends as well as husband and wife, so the teenager goes out in search of a great friend and life partner and finds one. It happens alot.

Back to the island dweller, perhaps he would stick to what he knows and choose the goddamn banana icecream.

 

[CptStern]

Unless the person was trapped on your coconut island they would have other relationships to compare with. Not their own granted but people live and learn. Say their parents had been really close friends as well as husband and wife, so the teenager goes out in search of a great friend and life partner and finds one. It happens alot.

no it does not ..i dont know of a single couple that started out as childhood sweethearts and is still married/together ..in fact almost everyone I know who was married in their early 20's is now divorced ..you just havent finished discovering yourself at that age, people change drastically during those important years ..anyways childhood sweethearts staying together for life is extremely rare ..I do know of a few guys who married their first girlfriend but to be honest if they hadnt it would have been their first and last girlfriend

Back to the island dweller, perhaps he would stick to what he knows and choose the goddamn banana icecream.

of course he would but you miss the point ..he's never tried ice cream so of course for the first few times he'll stick to what he knows ..but then he'll branch out; it's inevitable ...anyways I'm explaining the point yet again

 

[Instinct]

Well I know of a few, people can discover themsleves together after all. Im just trying to point out to you that not EVERYONE is the same as far as this is concerned. There are quite a few people who marry young and stay together.

 

[CptStern]

Well I know of a few, people can discover themsleves together after all. Im just trying to point out to you that not EVERYONE is the same as far as this is concerned. There are quite a few people who marry young and stay together.

like whom? how many couples do you know that have been married for a few years ..arent you 15?

 

[Instinct]

For one, would you feel enlightened if I named them? You don't know them, as far as you're concerned they don't exist. So no, I won't. Secondly (and I don't know what this has to do with anything) im 17 next month, hence this topic being relevent to me.

You're arguing for the sake of arguing. Perhaps if you came off the internet and had a look around, you'd see that while what you say is true, what I have said is true as well.

 

[CptStern]

For one, would you feel enlightened if I named them? You don't know them, as far as you're concerned they don't exist. So no, I won't. Secondly (and I don't know what this has to do with anything) im 17 next month, hence this topic being relevent to me.

the topic may be relevent but we're talking about marrying the first person you're involved with ..that in itself couldnt be more irrelevent because unless you're going through the same it's meaningless

You're arguing for the sake of arguing.

no not really, I'm trying to prove a point ..it is you who is arguing for the sake of arguing ...as evidenced by arguing about ice cream choice

Perhaps if you came off the internet and had a look around,

is that a shot at me personally? commenting on how I spend so much time on the internet? well unlike you I am actually married, most of my friends are married, most of my coworkers are married most of the people that I grew up with in any way shape or form are married ..your peers are just starting to be involved in relationships my peers have been there done that and are now having kids ..I'm not making judgements based on nothing more than "sitting on the internet" but rather real world experiences ..oh and implying I'm living in front of computer is not at all accurate ..for one, my life is already established, I'm married, I have kids I own a house have a career ..you're just starting yours off yet spend quite a bit of your time in front of a computer ..I can afford to sit in front of a computer ..can you? ...dont judge lest you be judged

you'd see that while what you say is true, what I have said is true as well.

that's meaningless ..I can say some people have 4 toes ..while that's true in some cases it isnt the case every time or else we'd all have 4 toes ...of course what you say is true but in comparison to the majority it's meaningless ...seriously how many people actually stay with their first girlfriend ..maybe for those turning 17 in a few months that might be a reality but add another twenty years to that and it wont be the case ..if that were true the majority of people would have one partner throughout life and that is extremely rare ..again that's only the norm for the religious because their traditions dictates it to be that way

 

[Instinct]

I dont know how you can be so single minded. As Ive said, what you are arguing is true, but what I am arguing is also true. You have more life experience you argue? I guess you presume all my 'peers' are of the same age as me, and that I dont have friends or relatives who are considerably older who I frequently talk to and get on with much the same way that you do with yours, therefore implying that I dont know what I'm talking about - So why have you bothered arguing this to the ground in the first place?

Again you make a bad reference with toes .. it is not as rare as you make out that someone has only one partner throughout life (and by partner I mean a relationship that has lasted a considerable time)

Perhaps people who start their relationships in their teens DO break up some 20 or so years later, but you can hardly blame 'emotional development' for that.

 

[CptStern]

I dont know how you can be so single minded. As Ive said, what you are arguing is true, but what I am arguing is also true.

again that doesnt make it the norm

You have more life experience you argue? I guess you presume all my 'peers' are of the same age as me

yes that would be what "peer" means

peer:

1. a person who is equal to another in abilities, qualifications, age, background, and social status.

, and that I dont have friends or relatives who are considerably older who I frequently talk to and get on with much the same way that you do with yours

but they're not your peers, however they are mine

therefore implying that I dont know what I'm talking about - So why have you bothered arguing this to the ground in the first place?

because from experience I can rightfully say that few if any of people in my age group (married with kids) are married to their first girlfriend ..look dont take my word for it, ask every adult around you

Again you make a bad reference with toes .. it is not as rare as you make out that someone has only one partner throughout life (and by partner I mean a relationship that has lasted a considerable time)

that is so open to interpretation is is off topic ..it's whether they stay together permanently not whether they date more than a few weeks

Perhaps people who start their relationships in their teens DO break up some 20 or so years later, but you can hardly blame 'emotional development' for that.

in my experience they do not last 20 years ..in fact they dont last 5 and yes it's always emotional development: they grow apart ..the you at 17 is not the you of 27 ..but the you of 27 IS the you of 37 of 47 of 57 of 67 of 77 etc

 

[Shodan]

Is patronising people your best method of debate, Stern?

 

[<RJMC>]

ask any people you know if they remenber theyr firts girlfriend/boyfriend,sure that will clear things up

 

[Kester^]

Instinct, you are wrong on so many levels. This is going to sound really patronising but, you're young, you think you know it all, but you don't.

We know this because we thought the same things when we were your age, so does everyone else around your age. You're 16 ffs you know crap all about life in an adult environment, no amount of asking people and viewing others can ever prepare you, or let you understand, those changes that occur when you emotionally mature. Your current relationships are governed by some of the most basic interactions of a relationship - lust and friendship.

As you grow and become an adult, not only do your emotions change, but the interactions of your relationships do as well and while, yes, you can stay with your first through this, more than 9/10 of people won't/can't. Lust no longer plays such a huge part, but companionship (this is different to friendship), financial setting and aspirations play a massive part.

More often than not, when coming from a young age these things aren't the same for both of you and that is where relationships fail.

 

[Smoke]

Is patronising people your best method of debate, Stern?

Why yes, it is.

 

[CptStern]

no no, dont mind me, by all means, shoot the messenger and ignore the message ..it's become a HL2.net staple, huzzah for enlightenment

 

[leib10]

Most of the time, relationships that get that serious at that age are very difficult to maintain because there usually hasn't been enough time for maturity and accomplishment for both partners. Also, financial stability is usually not obtained by that time.

Not saying that it can't work, but I for one will not even consider marriage until I'm out of college and have a steady and lucrative job to support my family (I'd guess at around 27 or 28).

 

[Pi Mu Rho]

Is patronising people your best method of debate, Stern?

Well done you for noticing!


And, on topic, at 16 you know **** all about **** all. I look back on what I thought I knew at 16 and cringe. Yet, at the time, I was as sure as everyone else at that age is that you know everything there is to know.
For the record, I got married at 22, and I probably wasn't old enough then.

 

[Warbie]

I got together with my current gf at 19 and, 10 years later, have no desire for marriage. Find someone you're happy with, have a laugh, lots of sex, and don't feel the need to make life more complicated than it needs to be. There's nothing wrong with getting married, but with so much time ahead of you, what's the rush?

 

[NeptuneUK]

^ win.

 

[Instinct]

Instinct, you are wrong on so many levels. This is going to sound really patronising but, you're young, you think you know it all, but you don't.

We know this because we thought the same things when we were your age, so does everyone else around your age. You're 16 ffs you know crap all about life in an adult environment, no amount of asking people and viewing others can ever prepare you, or let you understand, those changes that occur when you emotionally mature. Your current relationships are governed by some of the most basic interactions of a relationship - lust and friendship.

As you grow and become an adult, not only do your emotions change, but the interactions of your relationships do as well and while, yes, you can stay with your first through this, more than 9/10 of people won't/can't. Lust no longer plays such a huge part, but companionship (this is different to friendship), financial setting and aspirations play a massive part.

More often than not, when coming from a young age these things aren't the same for both of you and that is where relationships fail.

And at what age does a person 'emotionally mature'? What is stopping me, for example, from emotionally maturing at 16?

Perhaps Im just old-fashined, but most people I know (who obviously are older) married young and stuck with them. I just don't see why it is such a hard thing to beileve that people DO stick with their first boy/girlfriend.

What you say about companionship I know is true, and of course is relevent. I don't see why companionship is an 'adult only' thing though?

It just seems that my thoughts are being overlooked just because of my age... Perhaps what is being said is true and that this whole marrying young and lasting thing really is rare and it is pure coincidence that I have experienced it alot.

I guess noone will know until my generation gets married.

 

[Warbie]

Why take the chance? What benefit is there to getting married at a young age?

 

[Shodan]

Surely if it makes you happy...?

If you stay happy, great, if it doesn't work, you're not gonna die from it.

People worry to much about what might happen, while you're happy - enjoy it.

 

[Kester^]

If you are genuinly emotionally mature enough to marry at 16 I pity you.

When your 16 you should be experiencing life, going out with your mates, getting so drunk you don't remember going out, let alone how you got home. Getting arrested over shit. Experimenting with drugs, experimenting sexually. Not getting a certificate to make your relationship a legal thing.

You shouldn't be signing your life away, you'll only regret it at a later date. Do you really want to wake up one day as a 40 year old and thought, I wish I had done more with my youth when I had the chance?

There is only one point in your life when not only are you allowed to do those things, your body can cope with it. I'm only 23 and now my body can't keep up with the things I did when I was 18, that's only 5 years. Imagine getting with someone at the age of 16 then realising at 30 she's not the one. You'll never get those years back, so why bother taking the risk in regretting that you never got the chance to truely live them?

Fair enough, if you believe you really do love a girl, stay with them, but don't rush into marriage. You believe you'll be together forever anyhow, so where's the need to rush in to marriage?

 

[Smoke]

If you are genuinly emotionally mature enough to marry at 16 I pity you.

When your 16 you should be experiencing life, going out with your mates, getting so drunk you don't remember going out, let alone how you got home. Getting arrested over shit. Experimenting with drugs, experimenting sexually. Not getting a certificate to make your relationship a legal thing.

You shouldn't be signing your life away, you'll only regret it at a later date. Do you really want to wake up one day as a 40 year old and thought, I wish I had done more with my youth when I had the chance?

There is only one point in your life when not only are you allowed to do those things, your body can cope with it. I'm only 23 and now my body can't keep up with the things I did when I was 18, that's only 5 years. Imagine getting with someone at the age of 16 then realising at 30 she's not the one. You'll never get those years back, so why bother taking the risk in regretting that you never got the chance to truely live them?

Fair enough, if you believe you really do love a girl, stay with them, but don't rush into marriage. You believe you'll be together forever anyhow, so where's the need to rush in to marriage?

You can do all of these things whilst being emotionally mature. I am, and do.

 

[Dynasty]

Mid to late 20s

 

[CptStern]

Surely if it makes you happy...?

If you stay happy, great, if it doesn't work, you're not gonna die from it.

People worry to much about what might happen, while you're happy - enjoy it.

unless you have kids, mortgage, financial responsibilities etc ..you know, the typical things married couples do ..but by all means marriage should be about having a fun ride

Perhaps Im just old-fashined, but most people I know (who obviously are older) married young and stuck with them. I just don't see why it is such a hard thing to beileve that people DO stick with their first boy/girlfriend.

answer me this, those relationships that you speak of that have lasted despite being married as teens ..did religious beliefs/traditions play a part of it? what about pregnancy? ..anyways the stats prove you have a much higher chance of divorce if married young ...and these are just stats for 10 years ..I wonder it would be for 20 years, 30 years etc

Figures released last year from the National Center for Health Statistics found nearly half of marriages in which the bride is 18 or younger end in separation or divorce within 10 years. For brides 25 and older, half as many marriages break up.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/11/08/national/main528755.shtml


what about kids? how are they affected by divorce:

Fatherless homes account for 63% of youth suicides, 90% of homeless/runaway children, 85% of children with behavior problems, 71% of high school dropouts, 85% of youths in prison, well over 50% of teen mothers.


? Children born to teen mothers are more likely to be born prematurely and 50 percent more likely to be low-birth weight babies, which increases the likelihood for chronic respiratory problems, mental retardation, and cerebral palsy.

? Children of teen mothers perform significantly worse on test of their cognitive development.

? Only 77 percent of the children of adolescent mothers earn their high school diplomas by early adulthood, compared with 89 percent of the comparison group.

? The teen sons of adolescent mothers are 2.7 times more likely to land in prison than the sons of mothers who delayed childbearing until early twenties.

http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml

from personal experience, obviously not typical but illustrative of immaturity: ...a week or so before my daughter was born we rushed to the hospital for false labour scare ..while we were waiting for the nurse to give us the go ahead to go home in came a teenage pregnant girl and her teenage husband/boyfriend ..within 30 seconds of being there I wanted to punch the father for being loud obnoxious and completely disrespectful of people in surrounding examination beds ..one of the other guys a little older than me eventually told him to shut up or leave the room ..anyways ..it took me 30 seconds to hate him but about a minute or so to hate the teenage mother ..see she was there because she was waiting to be induced (when you pass your due date sometimes doctors will inject the mother with something to "induce" labor as it can get dangerous the longer you wait to give birth) ..not 5 minutes into being in the room, the teenage mother to be asks the nurse if she can go out for a cigarette as she's been waiting for 2 hours ..the nurse hestitated and said "I cant stop you from having a cigarette but please think of the child" ..the teen said "nah it's ok, I've been good and only had 10 cigarettes a day ...


that child doesnt stand a chance

 

[Instinct]

FYI my mother smoked 20 a day at least and as I said, I came out fine.

And to answer you question, no. The people I know married young because they wanted to have that special bond. they weren't religious and weren't pregnant. All you have to do is admit that it happens sometimes, more often that you say, and the thread can be left to die :/

Also, theres no need to study stats. IMO a marriage of 10 years or more is a steady happy marriage full of happy times and nothing to do with emotional development of either partner.

Like I have previously said, it isn't unusual for a young marriage to fall apart early, but it isnt unusual for a young marriage to last a long time either.

 

[CptStern]

FYI my mother smoked 20 a day at least and as I said, I came out fine.

so? are you disputing medical science that proves mothers who smoke often have premature babies etc?

And to answer you question, no. The people I know married young because they wanted to have that special bond. they weren't religious and weren't pregnant. All you have to do is admit that it happens sometimes, more often that you say, and the thread can be left to die :/

sounds like religious reasons to me ...where you live ..does it happen to look like a compound? and do people wear some type of jumpsuit and refer to each other as "brother"

please teenage marriage is rare 4% at that ..anyways what's there to admit? I've already stated repeatedly that it is possible ..but it's not the freaking norm as you suggest

Also, theres no need to study stats.

oh yes why have facts at all ..who cares about facts? facts are for those with sloped brows

IMO a marriage of 10 years or more is a steady happy marriage full of happy times and nothing to do with emotional development of either partner.

your opinion is meaningless especially when it doesnt even come from experience

Like I have previously said, it isn't unusual for a young marriage to fall apart early, but it isnt unusual for a young marriage to last a long time either.

you contradict yourself

 

[Shodan]

Keep increasing that postcount.

Or just let it die why don't you? do you purely exist to argue on halflife2.****ingnet?

 

[CptStern]

Keep increasing that postcount.

why is it any of your business?

Or just let it die why don't you?

why because you say so?

do you purely exist to argue on halflife2.****ingnet?

why is it any of your business? you're trolling