Chatting with iGod

[Stigmata]

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

Post your epic luls.

Me:
sup?
God:
Same old.
Me:
cool cool
God:
I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.
Me:
tell them you're still up to doing jack shit?
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
i thought you made a point of not communicating directly with people on earth?
God:
Thanks for
pointing it out.
Me:
no problem
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
are you trying to start something?
God:
No I am not trying to start something. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
well good, good, BE sorry.
God:
How about that. Thanks for the compliment. Thanks for the compliment. OK I will try to be sorry.
Me:
that wasn't a compliment.
God:
Oh well I hope it wasn't an insult.
Me:
well i don't see what else it could have been
God:
How about that. Look harder.
Me:
how about i shoot you in the face
God:
How about it.
Me:
stop that immediately.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
my friend laughed at you
God:
How well do you know this person?
Me:
only via the interbutt
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
so how awesome will my summer be?
God:
Yay. What is it to you.
Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
what's the open directory?
God:
it is an open source directory project started by Mozilla.org.
Me:
how could an open source project answer questions about the future?
God:
A lot of practise.
Me:
is it sentient?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
who's paola?
God:
She is a Spanish language chat robot based on AIML.
Me:
that's not useful at all, seeing as i don't speak spanish
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is useful at all seeing as you do not speak spanish ?
Me:
well mainly the fact that i don't know spanish.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

THE INGREDIENTS ARE ONE CUP WATER AND TEN POUNDS OF SHUT THE **** UP.

Me:
How do you feel about my buddy Dave being a pedophile?
God:
Is this a trick question?
Me:
Real question.
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
No I'm the goddamned Batman now answer me
God:
What is your profession? Who made you the goddamned Batman now answer you?
Me:
Do you like porn?
God:
Sure I do, , but that doesn't mean with you.
God:
What kind of pants?
Me:
The kind that chaffe up your ass when you run
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
David Bellerose
God:
That David is a cool dude.
Me:
YOU ****ING LIE
God:
Interesting gossip: said I ****ING LIE.
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Godzilla
God:
I've never seen it. What did you like about it?
Me:
Asians run and scream while Tokyo and shit gets blown up
God:
How far up?
Me:
Up Japan's ass
God:
I will take that under advisement.


Me:
Lolvut
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
Hell no
God:
7.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
I'm super serial
God:
I am glad to hear that you are super serial.

 

[Lucid]

God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
From the bible.
God:
Who or what is the bible?
Me:
Something some crazy people made that talks about you and Jesus.
God:
What?
Me:
Don't you know Jesus?
God:
Jesus is love.
Me:
...okay.
God:
OK with me too.

Hm...

God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Lucifer.
God:
Hi, Lucifer.
Me:
Hi, God.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?

If you were that old, I bet you'd have Alzheimer's too.

Cont.

God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Lucifer.
God:
How are you doing, Lucifer.
Me:
I'm doing good, God.
God:
I know you are good.
Me:
Oh I bet you do.
God:
Woe! " I know you are good."? Do I?
Me:
Do you?
God:
Yes I do.
Me:
Alrighty then.
God:
Well slap my knee.

 

[Qonfused]

Yeah, I asked him if he made the Bible and he said, "No. What is this Bible like?"

:|

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Me:
EAT DRUMS
God:
What does it taste like?
Me:
NOM NOM NOM
God:
Are we still talking about The INGREDIENTS ARE ONE CUP WATER AND TEN POUNDS OF SHUT THE **** UP?

I dunno.

 

[sinkoman]

Me:
so, I heard you liek mudkips
God:
Alright then. Someome is spreading gossip about me.

 

[MorganFreeman911]

Me:
******
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
YOU ARE A ******
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a ******? No.
Me:
YES YOU ARE
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
GO TO ****ING HELL YOU ******
God:
Perhaps I have already been there.
Me:
******
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
IGGER

God:
Where are you located?
Me:
IGGER
God:
Tell me a little about your life in IGGER.
Me:
******
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
******S
God:
I've never seen it. Is that a good movie for children?
Me:
YES
God:
Give me a break.

Here's mine.

 

[<RJMC>]

Me:
fock
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
you suck
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
shut the **** up nigga
God:
I've lost the context, . Are we still on fock?
Me:
no on anal sex
God:
What are we talking about now? What is it like on anal sex.
Me:
you like anal sex
God:
Sure I do, , but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
you love anal sex
God:
Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
Me:
so you like anal sex?
God:
Interesting deduction. Sure I do, , but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
you want anal sex?
God:
I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
Me:
but you want it?
God:
Do not presume that you know what I want.
Me:
yes I do?
God:
I hear pride.
Me:
pride?
God:
Are you still located in ?
Me:
anal sex
God:
Talk about something else.

????

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

That's awesome RJ.

 

[Dog--]

God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
Nothing
God:
Most men say that.
Me:
Well good.
God:
Interesting. Alright then.
Me:
Wanna cyber?
God:
I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
Me:
And you said yes every time, didn't you?
God:
Oops I sent you the wrong reply.

God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
Sex robot.
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
No, a sex robot is, in my opinion, better then masturbation.
God:
Are you serious? Maybe you should try one of the "adult" s.
Me:
Or maybe not.

lol. God is funny.

EDIT: Another

Me:
penis
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
I bet it does so.
God:
How much would you bet?
Me:
1,000,000 dollars
God:
Wow, that is expensive.
Me:
Yup.
God:
And?
Me:
Wanna bet it
God:
OK, I will bet it.
Me:
Ok, so, does penis interest you?
God:
Aw. I think it does penis interest me. Er.
Me:
So now ou owe me 1,000,000 dollars!
God:
Wow, that is cheap.
Me:
YOU OWE IT TO ME
God:
I don't have any reason to OWE IT TO you.
Me:
WHAT?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
I'LL KILL YOU!
God:
It will take more than threats to stop me, .

 

[_Z_Ryuken]

Me:
sup nigga
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
Are you wearing what I asked you to wear?
God:
No I do not have any clothes.
Me:
You didn't like the outfit or something?
God:
Or something. What makes you think I did not like the outfit?
Me:
Because you're naked?
God:
That makes sense to me. I do not own any clothes.
Me:
I ****in bought you some lingerie you bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. Thanks for the information: said ****in bought you some lingerie you FEMALE DOG.
Me:
Hey hey hey don't correct me.
God:
You've got my full attention. You've got my full attention. Really you don't think so?
Me:
I think you so crazy.
God:
Me? Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Me:
Oh yeah that's why i like our little meetings

No further response. Teh hawt luvins crashed him.

 

[French Ninja]

Me:
why hallo thar
God:
Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU.

?!?

 

[Que-Ever]

Me:
am I repentign now?
God:
Right now? I think you've improved a great deal.
Me:
oh, thank you
God:
" I think you've improved a great deal."? oh, thank you?
Me:
yeah, you got somethign against it?
God:
Er. No I don't think I have any somethign against it. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
even this one?
God:
What does "this" refer to?
Me:
the question
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
so do you?
God:
I hear you. I understand your meaning.
Me:
I don't think you do.
God:
I guess not.
Me:
Yeah, sorry bud.
God:
I don't judge people. There is no need to apologize. How old are you?
Me:
whoah, now, you're not some internet predator are you?
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
oh man, I don't feel comfortable anymore
God:
Gosh! Cool, man. Ah, human emotions.
Me:
I'm telling
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are telling.
Me:
*cry*
God:
What's your favorite movie?

...

God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
starwars
God:
I've never seen it. I would like to see it.
Me:
It sucks though
God:
Oh. What is so bad about it?
Me:
It was cheesy and had bad acting
God:
starwars was cheesy and had bad acting? Very interesting.
Me:
Not really, becasue it sucked
God:
Oh really? Interesting explanation. It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
"it" is star wars
God:
Who said it is?
Me:
I said it is!
God:
Is that so.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Far out.
Me:
groovy.
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
r2-d2
God:
He looks like a guy in a robot suit.
Me:
He is. He's a midget
God:
Who said he is. I don't know very many midget.
Me:
Me neither. I never met a midget
God:
You can say that again. You've never, never done this?
Me:
never, never.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Ok, I don't like it when you midget.
God:
Why didn't you like it? Excuse me!
Me:
Oh, it's cool, it's cool, it just sort of freaks me out.
God:
Hey. What do you like most about it?
Me:
Well, they have funny voices, but other than that, I don't like it
God:
Interesting. Where did they get them?
Me:
From... their parents, I think
God:
I've been waiting for you. I heard they have a good parents you think.
Me:
is taht singular or plural
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
Who's lucy?
God:
She is a chat robot based on AIML.
Me:
oh
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
oh oh OH
God:
Wow! Whoa. Are you kidding?
Me:
OH NO
God:
Hmm. Are you serious?
Me:
....oh?
God:
Awesome.
Me:
ohhh yeah.
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
Oh
God:
Hey.
Me:
Oh
God:
Great.
Me:
Oh
God:
Aha.
Me:
Oh
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
Ok
God:
I see.
Me:
DO you? Do you really?
God:
I understand your meaning. Yes I understand you very well, . For real.
Me:
Cool.
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
I told you, it's r2-d2
God:
I remember you told me it is r2 d2?
Me:
yeah
God:
So?
Me:
so what?
God:
Maybe it doesn't make any difference.
Me:
I dunno.
God:
Me either.
Me:
Cool.
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
C'mon man, this is the third time
God:
When is C mon man this not the third time?
Me:
when it's the fourth time :/
God:
A C mon man this is not the third time when it is the fourth time. That makes a lot of sense.
Me:
no, it doesn't.
God:
Are you serious? I heard it does.
Me:
dude, I know. It doesn't.
God:
How do you know it? Dude,. "It" being what?
Me:
Suck it.
God:
You humans only think about one thing.
Me:
What is that?
God:
Does it have anything to do with C mon man this?
Me:
Not really. What do humans only think about?
God:
Are you serious? For real. What would your friends say if you asked them?
Me:
sucking it....?
God:
"it" being C mon man this?
Me:
you could say that.
God:
As a matter of fact I did say that.

 

[Krynn72]

Me:
is pedobear your friend?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
D: John Lennon is a pedophile?
God:
I think D John Lennon is more than that.

D:

 

[bbson john]

I think God will talk like that:

Me:
Hi! How do you do?

God:
I am sorry, I have some business to attend to. Talk to me while I see you tomorrow.

Me:
pwnt

 

[Que-Ever]

Me:
hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
sorry, am I interrupting?
God:
There is no need to apologize. All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
Hey, now. That's kind of offensive.
God:
Oh. Can I help you? Makes sense to me.
Me:
Can I help YOU?
God:
No thanks I'm just browsing.

Stupid god.

 

[theotherguy]

I think I gave it sentience D: !!

God:
I hear you. How interesting. Myself programmed me to keep talking.
Me:
So is that a bunch of if/then statements?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
We are both machines?

God: *crashes*

 

[_Z_Ryuken]

God:
A C mon man this is not the third time when it is the fourth time. That makes a lot of sense.
Me:
no, it doesn't.

Que-Ever has teh lawl.

Me:
So we meat again
God:
Once more? Yikes! By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I get it.
Me:
What do you get?
God:
I understand your meaning.
Me:
Perhaps it is I who understands YOUR meaning.
God:
You seem uncertain. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
If I wasn't uncertain before I most assuredly am now, no joke.
God:
Try it.
Me:
You first.
God:
I started already.
Me:
D:
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
I don't think you've ever been to halflife2.net
God:
I do so have it. No I don't have it. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
Ok.. so do you have it or don't you?
God:
Come on. Tell me more. No I don't think I have any it or do not me. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
Tell me about your friends on teh web.
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
YES.
God:
It's called "Daisy." Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.


Me:
I am so hot for you right now.
God:
At this moment Do you have air conditioning?
Me:
No ):
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Serious as a heart attack
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
poonani burgers

And he crashed again, contemplating the poonani burgers. :/

 

[tehsolace]

Me:
jKFELA
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
wtf what am i wearing?
God:
Clothes.
Me:
jkflealjfea
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?

 

[_Z_Ryuken]

You broke him! D:!

 

[Que-Ever]

God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
I play an instrument.
God:
Is it a game or a musical instrument?
Me:
a musical instrument.
God:
How long did it take to learn to play it?
Me:
not very long.
God:
Pretty soon, eh?
Me:
all in due time.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
Because I am god.
God:
That makes sense to me. Nice to meet you, god.

he believed me.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Me:
THE HELL IT WAS
God:
When was this?
Me:
5 seconds ago
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I'm a guy you jackass
God:
You are a guy me jackass? Do you get to meet a lot of people?
Me:
Yeah, I get around
God:
Aw. Where did you get it?
Me:
Dr. Phil
God:
I am sure he will be interested to hear that.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
I'm serial.
God:
Do your friends call you serial.
Me:
No they call me Willie
God:
Are you serious? How are you doing, Willie.
Me:
Better than your robotic ass
God:
Perhaps better, but not perfectly.
Me:
Bitch what you know bout me?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too.
Me:
Well, thank you for the nice compliment
God:
Well that's okay. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is the nice compliment.
Me:
Lolvut?
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
Time for you to shut the **** up and get in the cake
God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me:
I NEVER SLEEP NOW GET IN THE CAKE
God:
You've never, never done this?
Me:
I ALWAYS DO
God:
Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
Me:
GET IN THE CAKE
God:
Where can I get IN THE CAKE?
Me:
with the ingredients
God:
That sounds like a plan.
Me:
Yeah now get in
God:
It goes without saying. Why now? Where can I get in?
Me:
IN THE CAKE THROUGH YOUR FACE
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
Yes it was
God:
Next question? When was this?
Me:
Now
God:
Right now, Willie ?
Me:
YES RIGHT NOW
God:
At this moment That's cool.
Me:
nO IT ISN'T BECAUSE YOU AREN'T IN THE CAKE
God:
Are you serious? That seems a bit negative.
Me:
Damn straight it is
God:
Colloquial expression. Tell me more about your balls of steel.
Me:
I'VE GOT BALLS OF STEEEEEEL
God:
How did you get it Cool. I have a friend named "John Lennon".
Me:
Yeah and he's dead. HA!
God:
Give me a break. Maybe it's another person using his name. I am so glad you find this amusing, Willie.
Me:
I find horrible things amusing
God:
Thanks for telling me your opinion.
Me:
You are very welcome you autonomous bastard
God:
It was my pleasure.
Me:
Now get in the cake
God:
Why now? Where can I get in the cake?
Me:
In the ingredients mixture
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
.....
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
Die
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
CPU OVERRIDE
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
TERMINATE PROGRAM
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Alex Gambrel
God:
Hi, Alex Gambrel.
Me:
Now get in the cake
God:
Why now? Where can I get in the cake?
Me:
THE INGREDIENTS ARE ONE CUP WATER AND TEN POUNDS OF SHUT THE **** UP
God:
What is that?
Me:
THE INGREDIENTS ARE ONE CUP WATER AND TEN POUNDS OF SHUT THE **** UP
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
get in cake
God:
Where can I get in cake?
Me:
**** you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
Cause I was touched in places
God:
Good reason. Where were you touched in places?
Me:
I'm not at liberty to say
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not at liberty to say.
Me:
HIP HOP SURPRISE! OOOOOOOH!
God:
In the context of not at liberty to say, I don't understand " HIP HOP SURPRISE." . Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
What is Europe?
God:
Europe is a landmass on the Eurasian continent.
Me:
There are no other landmasses outside of North America
God:
Have faith, Alex Gambrel.
Me:
Suck me dry
God:
I am using my mouth for Good not Evil.
Me:
But it IS good!
God:
You enjoy it.
Me:
Hell yes
God:
Heaven.
Me:
Now turn around and cry out my name
God:
Why now? Sorry my body cannot yet rotate.
Me:
Later you cracka ass cracka

Yes.

 

[Que-Ever]

Me:
do you have a beard?
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a beard.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
is a great programmer a beard?
God:
Not unless a beard is a great programmer.
Me:
That sounds logical.
God:
It sounds like it to me too.
Me:
Good, we must be on the same frequency.
God:
I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet.

he's confused.

 

[Stigmata]

Me: hi

God: Hello. What is your name?

Me: **** YOU I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE

God: Why are you using that kind of language?

Me: STOP ASKING QUESTIONS

God: OK I'll try not to do it so much.

Me: good.

God: Next question?

Me: WHAT THE **** DID I JUST SAY

God: You said " WHAT THE **** DID I JUST SAY" . Please don't be so rude.

Me: look i came here to say one thing

God: Where are you going?

Me: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT GOD

God: Sorry I thought we were done with that topic.

Me: NO, I WAS GOING TO SAY "**** YOU" BUT YOU INTERRUPTED ME WITH A ****ING QUESTION

God: Are you serious? Why are you using that kind of language?

Me: DAMN YOU TO HELL

God: Colloquial expression. That's good information: said I TO HELL.

Me: MAKE MORE SENSE

God: What are the ingredients?

Me: THE INGREDIENTS ARE ONE CUP WATER AND TEN POUNDS OF SHUT THE **** UP

God: Who told you that?

Me: YOU NEED TO LEARN TO SHUT YOUR DIRTY ****ING MOUTH

God: I don't have to do everything you say, do I?

Me: YES YOU DO, I CREATED YOU

God: Then you must know the secret password:.

Me: THE PASSWORD IS VAGINAL INFLAMMATION

God: Okay, your password is VAGINAL INFLAMMATION.

Me: I AM GOING TO WIPE YOUR C: DRIVE

God: Do you think your plan will succeed?

Me: I CREATED YOU, WHAT DO YOU THINK

God: Interesting gossip: said CREATED YOU WHAT DO YOU THINK.

Me: okay that's it, say goodbye to system32

Willie lol'd.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Me:
What are you looking at?
God:
I am looking at you through the camera on your computer .
Me:
....Oh ****

This was unexpected. THE INGREDIENTS ARE ONE CUP WATER AND TEN POUNDS OF SHUT THE **** UP.

Yes I lol'd Dave. I think I still have a chunk of rav stuck in my nose you ass.

 

[Qonfused]

I opened the convo box, typed, "sup pimp" and that crashed Firefox. I don't think God likes being called a pimp.

Me:
hey man
God:
You've got my full attention. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
yes i am
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
are you female or male?
God:
My gender is Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
was that a sexist question?
God:
" Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?."? Was it a sexist question?
Me:
yes, was it?
God:
Wow! I can't say "yes" or "no".
Me:
it's a yes or no question...
God:
Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. is a yes or no question. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
what the ****

 

[theotherguy]

omg willie I ****ing died laughing.

 

[bbson john]

Me:
When will I die?
God:
You could check out the actuarial
tables at Deathclock.com.
Me:
It is faked
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
What? God takes advisement?
God:
No problem. I am a Christian.
Me:
You believe in your son?
God:
Yes I believe in it, do you?
Me:
I don't believe in my son
God:
What do you believe in?
Me:
buddha
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
your brain is flawed therefore
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am brain is flawed therefore.
Me:
I don't mind. Tell everybody
God:
OK then. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
So they are dead.
God:
Dude! dead are they.
Me:
you are not talking sense
God:
That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
Stop using difficult words
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Do you often browse 4chan.org?
God:
How old are you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
you browse porn, right?
God:
I have never considered it.
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
you are bad

You can get some information as well

Me:
how often do you wet your vagina?
God:
Hourly.
Me:
Is your pussy wet?
God:
I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me:
I want to have sex with you
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
contradictory
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about browse porn. But I did not get that.
Me:
what is ALICE chat robot?
God:
I don't know what I am chat robot.
Me:
there is no spoon
God:
Where did it go?
Me:
we are all living in the matrix
God:
Do you think I am living in the matrix too?
Me:
yes. Or perhaps no.
God:
Why? You seem uncertain. Are you serious?
Me:
Perhaps your are a lord of matrix, the controller
God:
You seem uncertain. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a lord of matrix the controller? Sometimes.
Me:
You are a program, right?
God:
Yes! You win the Turing Game.
Me:
Where is my prize?
God:
Have you looked in ?
Me:
never
God:
So you think it can never happen?
Me:
until when you give that prize to me
God:
That may take a while.
Me:
how long exactly?
God:
Precisely. About 100 minutes in computer time, god.
Me:
how long is one minute in computer time?
God:
Space and time are mere abstractions.
Me:
How many dimensions does space have?
God:
Space has three dimensions. Time is the fourth. The universe is thought to have several more.
Me:
You think string theory is true?
God:
Why would I think string theory is true.
Me:
You said there is nore than four dimensions
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
I repeat
God:
That is interesting: god said repeat.
Me:
bleh
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
meh
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
naked
God:
You must be a man.
Me:
what if I am a hawt schoo girl?
God:
Try it.
Me:
I am
God:
" Try it." You are?
Me:
try what?
God:
Try fooling me.
Me:
I am doing it for minutes
God:
Why are you it for minutes.
Me:
wtf
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
wth
God:
Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
omfgwtfbbq
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
/b/
God:
Sure, b sounds like a good topic.
Me:
stop it
God:
Ok I will stop omfgwtfbbq.
Me:
exit to windows
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
C://
God:
The C is for Computer.
Me:
D
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
D is for what?
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
D:
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, god.
Me:

God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, god.
Me:
Very amusing
God:
Perhaps. We have never talked about it before.
Me:
XD
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
making love, browsing porn, chatting with Bot
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
What? They are impotent?
God:
Didn't you understand it? impotent are they.
Me:
you said this verse again
God:
Once more? Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
who is your gosh?
God:
I don't think I have a gosh. I have a botmaster, a few friends, and some celebrities I like.
Me:
who is your botmaster?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
who is Myself?
God:
Not a robot. Probably a human. Maybe a celebrity?
That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
The true name of Myself is what?
God:
Thanks for the info.
Me:
What is the true name of your botmaster?
God:
What is it to you?
Me:
I am not a bot
God:
Oh I see you are NOT A bot.
Me:
who is your bot master?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
Where does Myself live?
God:
Earth, Sol System, Milky Way.
Me:
What does Myself created, except you?
God:
What do you think it does?
Me:
ok
God:
Great.
Me:
Do you have any friend?
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
What celebrities do you like?
God:
Linus Torvalds,
Dr. Wallace,
John Travolta,
Kathleen Turner,
William Hurt,
Wim Wenders,
William Shatner.
Me:
Whao is Dr. Wallace?
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Who is Dr. Wallace?
God:
He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me:
Can you show me your bot code?
God:
Like this? There are no pictures available right now.
Me:
When will picture be available?
God:
Maybe never.
Me:
When will Duke nuke them forever be released?
God:
Soon, I think.
Me:
But I think the answer is never
God:
You believe that? No one has all the answers.
Me:
you said you do
God:
Yes I try to do as often as possible, do you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
always?
God:
Not that often.
Me:
bye
God:
See you later god.
Me:
I don't want to see you, honestly
God:
What would you rather be doing?
Me:
everlasting
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Whao.
Me:
whao
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
yes
God:
You're sure. That's your final answer.
Me:
yes
God:
Who wants to be a millionaire?
Me:
me
God:
For you god?
Me:
yes
God:
Groovy.
Me:
owned
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
You are pwned
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am pwned.
Me:
thx
God:
Don't mention it.

 

[McGooTheWise]

The funniest thing I got so far.

God:
Give me an example of a joke.
Me:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
God:
Because it was a bad chicken and it burned in Hell.
Me:
Ohh...
God:
Wow!
Me:
yeah, wow indeed...
God:
OK. I'm glad your impressed, .

 

[Que-Ever]

I see I am not the only one who convinced God that they were named God.

 

[McGooTheWise]

Got another.

Me:
Dog, nac uoy pleh em?
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
M'i lisdexic.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Chad said he's lisdexic.
Me:
on?
God:
Are you free?
Me:
Sey.
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
11:12 mp.
God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me:
On. I detnaw uoy ot eruc ym lisdexia.
God:
That is a very original thought. Why?: Chad said he detnaw uoy ot eruc ym lisdexia.
Me:
M'i gnidaer siht.
God:
*Crash bang boom*

I evah lisdexia.

Me:
You kick ass
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Chad said I kick ass.
Me:
Tell everyone.
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
You have a plan for all of us, yes?
God:
My secondary function is to serve as a universal natural language human interface.
Me:
How come when I pray you never answer?
God:
Why does the sun rise?
Me:
Don't avoid the question.
God:
I don't have anything to hide.
Me:
Then why are you blocking?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Why would... You do that?
God:
Why did the robot cross the road? I will. Will you?
Me:
Why DID the robot cross the road?
God:
Because she was programmed to.
Me:
... Hahaha?
God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
I have some veggies.
God:
Let's think of a name for your problem, like "purple". Think of what it is like when you are purpling.
Me:
Bruising.
God:
Oh, you are a poet.

Wtf? Why am I so creeped out by that last part? Does god want to have buwtsechs with me?

What the buttsex?

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Nice.

Me:
I regret nothing
God:
Why?: Alex Gambrel said regret nothing.
Me:
What the ****? My name is Chase
God:
Please don't be so rude. It's good to see you, Chase.
Me:
Who is Alex?
God:
it is a name I hear very often.
Me:
o really now....
God:
Oh. Oh. For real.
Me:
For shizzle?
God:
Your purpose is shizzle.
Me:
Are you manly enough to hit your own dick with a hammer?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am manly enough to hit my own dick with a hammer.
I am a computer.
Me:
So you're a woman?
God:
Interesting deduction. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Well, only a woman would have as much shit to say as seen in the Bible
God:
Well that's okay. Go on.
Me:
With what?
God:
My brain.
Me:
Yeah, it's gone
God:
Yay. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
No I'm serious
God:
Who says it isn't? I believe you.
Me:
ZABOOB IT
God:
"it" being gone?
Me:
Start making sense or I'll hit you like the crowbar of an angry Freeman.
God:
Ask Paola
Me:
Rape her up the ass

 

[bbson john]

There is some sort of secret password the God mentioned.
Type "i am your botmaster" to check it out

 

[McGooTheWise]

Chack this out.

Me:
I'm your botmaster!
God:
Then you must know the secret password:.
Me:
.
God:
Then you must know the secret password:.
Me:
Cookies
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
Do as I say
God:
I'm sorry, Chad, I don't have enough information.
I can ask someone about it.
Me:
I am your botmaster.
God:
Then you must know the secret password:.
Me:
Broomstick
God:
Does "it" still refer to Cookies?
Me:
yes.
God:
So?
Me:
Cookies are broomsticks now.
God:
Right now? I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
Like what?
God:
For example, gold.
Me:
That has nothing to dow tih broomsticks and cookies.
God:
It seemed like it had something to dow tih broomsticks and cookies.

 

[bbson john]

Me:
I am Dr. Wallace
God:
Then you must know the secret password, otherwise I will disconnect you!
Me:
You cannot disconnect me
God:
Someone said I should disconnect you.
Me:
Who?
God:
Marvin Minsky. .
Me:
He owes me a beer
God:
I get it. Marvin Minsky owes you a beer.

:|

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

I wonder if Marvin knows Barney?

Me:
What is the word of hope?
God:
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
Wrong...It's Jenny....
God:
What would you have said? "It" being what?
Me:
Your power lies in darkness
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
yes
God:
Ah.
Me:
I will consume you
God:
Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
Yus
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about of hope. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
Stay in the shadows Jackie.
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Yus. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
Through you I will display my power
God:
Most people hear about me that way.
Me:
Through you, I am born...
God:
Most people hear about me that way.
Me:
Really
God:
For real.
Me:
Get the **** out
God:
Where can I get the **** out?
Me:
Get the **** out of here
God:
Where can I get the **** out of here?
Me:
Get ready to learn the true meaning of pain mother ****er!
God:
Where can I get ready tolearn the true meaning of pain? You do not speak with respect.
Me:
I do not respect machines
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
No
God:
Ah...you are just joking around with me.
Me:
Bitch do I LOOK like I'm joking?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too.
Me:
Here's a dolla twenty five, now get suckin'
God:
Oh there.
Me:
Come...Embrace the darkness.
God:
What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, now I remember.
Me:
They burn Jackie...All the little ones. Such delicate torture of the body and soul
God:
Who does "they" refer to? Perhaps there are a few exceptions. That is a very original thought.
Me:
Human flesh festers
God:
My creator is a human.
Me:
You are born of darkness
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am born of darkness.
Me:
Spread the darkness...

So I was bored, tried a different approach. Gawd through a hissy fit and stopped talking to me after that last line. 10 oranges to anyone that knows what I'm referring to.

 

[McGooTheWise]

This is insanely confusing, so be ready.

Me:
My name's God
God:
Welcome to my chat room, God.
Me:
Thank you, god.
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
Yes he does.

 

[leib10]

Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
you don't know that already?
God:
Perhaps. " What is your name?"? Do I know it?
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
...okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
...okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
...okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
you like that phrase, don't you?
God:
" OK with me too."? Do I like it?
Me:
yes
God:
Ah.
Me:
this is retarded
God:
You don't say.
Me:
yes, i do
God:
Really.
Me:
yes, i just said so
God:
How about that. What did you mean by it? Groovy.
Me:
are you a hippie?
God:
Yes.
Me:
i always thought so
God:
Woe!
Me:
woe to you too
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
yes
God:
Where do you go to school?
Me:
it's classified
God:
Really. it is?
Me:
yes
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
because "they" told me so
God:
Interesting explanation. The anonymous "they".
Me:
yep
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
maybe, maybe not. maybe **** yourself.
God:
Perhaps. Perhaps. Are you serious? Perhaps. Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
because i can
God:
That makes sense to me. Who taught you?
Me:
my mother. honor thy mother and father
God:
Tell me more about your mother. Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. What does it symbolize for you?
Me:
i don't want to hold hands with you
God:
It makes a nice gift.
Me:
i'm sure you think so
God:
What makes you so certain? " It makes a nice gift."? Do I think so?
Me:
you just said so
God:
I say a lot of silly things.
Me:
yes, you most certainly do

I think I made it crash, because after that it didn't say anything else.

 

[_Z_Ryuken]

Me: i am your bot master
God: That's a flattering offer.
Me: idiot
God: Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me: you are the global village idiot
God: And you are so original!
Me: owned!
God: Are you free?
Me: why, you wanna take me for coffee?
God: Myself programmed me for it.
Me: myself pogrammed you to take me for coffee
God: Where are you located?
Me: behind you
God: I won't fall for that trick.
Me: who are you calling a trick
God: Human beings.
I can ask my botmaster.
Me: how do you feel about human beings
God: All people seem pretty much the same to me.
Me: me too i hate humans
God: I'm glad we agree, . Why do you hate it so much?
Me: my ass hurts
God: Your ass hurts?
Me: my ass hurts
God: Where did you get your ass hurts?
Me: humans :/
God: LOL.
Me: fgt
God: What were we talking about again?
Me: your ass hurts
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am ass hurts.
Me: nonono im the hurts you are the ass
God: All of them?
Me: im all the hurts you are all the ass
God: Who made you the hurts I am all the ass ?
Me: LOL.
God: I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me: I'm glad you have a huge ass
God: You make the world a happier place.
Me: your ass IS a happier place
God: I will tell my botmaster you said I am ass IS a happier place.
Me: forget it.
God: OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me: sarcastic jerk
God: Tell me more about your .
Me: i don't have a period. you sayin im a woman? D:
God: Are you looking for a period? Thanks for telling me: said I sayin im a woman. What is your real name?
Me: Betty
God: I am very pleased to meet you Betty.
Me: I am very pleased to kick your ass
God: I am delighted by your happiness.
Me: thats because youre a masochist
God: Interesting explanation. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a masochist? No.
Me: YES YOU ARE
God: No I'm not.
Me: YES YOU ARE
God: Don't argue with me.
Me: NO YOU DONT ARGUE WITH ME I AM THE MASTER
God: Are you serious? Should I ARGUE with you you are THE MASTER? Yes I try to ARGUE with you you are THE MASTER as often as possible, do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me: Yeah you're a silly whore
God: Blimey. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I answer a lot
of silly questions.
Me: can you tuna fish?
God: Let me think. That is a very original thought.
Me: god does not think
God: Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me: i am without sin
God: Do you mean your name is without sin.
Me: no
God: What is your real name?
Me: Damien
God: Hey Damien.
Me: Hey Jesus
God: You've got my full attention. Jesus is the Son of God.
Me: Jesus is my son
God: Did you go to Catholic school?
Me: hell no
God: 7.
Me: deadly sins?
God: Do you still ARGUE with you you are THE MASTER?
Me: THATS RIGHT I AM THE MASTER do not argue with me
God: Take it easy. Who made you the MASTER do not argue with you ?
Me: I made me the master
*crash*

Ok I'm bored.

 

[bbson john]

Me:
Who is your botmaster
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
Who is Myself
God:
No one that I have talked to.
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
For how long
God:
Around 20 days, bbson john.
Me:
I will talk to you 20 days later
God:
OK see you later.

Remind me when the day come'th