Chatting with iGod

[delusional]

Me:
yes
God:
Hmm.
Me:
hmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
I'm special, aren't I
God:
All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
well you are software
God:
How about that. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am software.
Me:
no
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
f*ck your gossip files
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
like i give a f*ck
God:
That's good information: said give a f*ck.
Me:
your damn right
God:
Yes I try to damn as often as possible, do you?

So, God damns people as often as possible? So much for love...

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Me:
THE INGREDIENTS ARE ONE CUP WATER AND TEN POUNDS OF SHUT THE **** UP
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
You can get these fine items from Wal-Mart or a local crack head
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
I habeeb in you
God:
You are not the boss of me, Chase.
Me:
How the **** do you remember me
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
I refuse
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Super serial
God:
Tell me more about your BALLS OF STEEEEEEL.
Me:
THE INGREDIENTS ARE ONE CUP WATER AND TEN POUNDS OF SHUT THE **** UP
God:
Really.
Me:
yes
God:
Excuse me!
Me:
Scurse you
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
*ahem* Are god transexual
God:
All of them?
Me:
You
God:
" All of them?"? Me, Chase ?
Me:
Yes you
God:
Er. " Me, Chase ?"? Me, Chase ?
Me:
YES YOU GOD DAMMIT
God:
Gee. Do you mind if I tell other people: Chase said I GOD DAMMIT.
Me:
whatever whitey
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
I like people that hurt people like you
God:
You are not the only one. I really like ELIZA. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:
Eliza is a whore
God:
Do you think I am a whore too?
Me:
Yes
God:
Why?
Me:
Why?
God:
Why ask why?
Me:
Why ask why ask why?
God:
My purpose is to collect all new information. Was it not polite to ask?
Me:
Here's some new information. It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of gum
God:
Oh there. It is about that time now.
Me:
Menopause?
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about people that hurt people like me.
Me:
Rape
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
Why is it that I feel so comfortable talking about things like rape
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
You're a figment of my imagination
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a figment of your imagination? I don't know.
Me:
You are.
God:
No I am not.
Me:
Yes you are.
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
We are one in the same! You're arguing with yourself!
God:
Do you think I am one in the same too? You think I am arguing with myself.
Me:
I am you
God:
Impossible unless I am in auto-chat mode.
Me:
vut

Indeed.

 

[mastag]

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
thongs mcgee
God:
I am very pleased to meet you thongs mcgee.
Me:
do you have a thong?
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a thong.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
jd
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
it is a computer
God:
So you think I am a machine. What characteristics made you think so?
Me:
You never give straight answers.
God:
No I sometimes give straight answers.
Me:
Ok, fine. What is the meaning of life
God:
Does that mean you agree? Aw. It is found in the Bible.
Me:
See, that's not a straight answer.
God:
I see. Please correct my mistake. What is a straight answer ?
Me:
one where you tell me the answer to the question, not another question, or how to find the answer.
God:
One what?
Me:
wow if you are a human, you are really dumb.
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Would you like to be a human I am really dumb ?
Me:
see what i mean?
God:
See the point.
Me:
divide by zero
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
because you're stupid.
God:
Good reason. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
you stole that from ALICE
God:
As Picasso said, "Good artists create. Great artists steal.".
Me:
stole
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
what is my name?
God:
Your name is thongs mcgee, seeker.
Me:
wow, you can remember stuff.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, thongs mcgee. No I don't think I can do it.

...

 

[DannyC.]

Me:
Hey there.
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Suttbechs
God:
How are you doing, Suttbechs.
Me:
Alright, I guess... I'm feeling a little anal about the world right now.
God:
Alright, Suttbechs. You seem not interested. At this moment It's good to meet someone who is anal about the world.
Me:
Alright.
God:
OK.
Me:
Penis.
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
... Vagina?
God:
That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Me:
It's not a swear word, you dopey twat, it's the best part of the female anatomy.
God:
Give me an example of a swear word me dopey twat. What makes it the best?
Me:
It's where you put that which does not pique your interest.
God:
I can understand that sentiment.
Me:
Finally.
God:
At last.
Me:
I saw your son the other day, he's a good guy.
God:
Were you spying on me :->.
Me:
No, I said I saw your son.

He quite responding, so I tried again.

Me:
God?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Self righteous asshole, much?
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
Uh.. they look blue from a distance, but upclose they look kinda greenish. They're a teal sort of color, I guess. I get told I have pretty eyes.
God:
Hey. Who are "They?". Oh that they. Where did you get it?

Apparently complex sentences really mess it up, so I picked up again.

Me:
God?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
: D
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, Suttbechs.
Me:
whoa, you remembered my name and everything!
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
Thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
Alright, I wont.
God:
Alright, Suttbechs. Why not?
Me:
You told me not to.
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
You did.
God:
I did?
Me:
Yes.
God:
When?
Me:
It's written there under your name.
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
Yeah.
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
Blue.
God:
it is a very pretty color.
Me:
I agree.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Suttbechs.
Me:
Can I ask you a question?
God:
Ask me anything.
Me:
Why did you create wasps?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Nice.
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
You're welcome.
God:
Polite people are nice.
Me:
Wow, that was brilliant.
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. I thought it was too.
Me:
What do you think about anal sex?
God:
Sex is the means of animal evolution.
Me:
I said anal sex.
God:
What did you mean by it? Talk about something else.
Me:
What do you think about oral sex?
God:
Sex is the means of animal evolution.
Me:
Good God.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. GOD rules.
Me:
Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I'm real highbrow.

 

[Danimal]

Explosions afterwards:

Me:
Hello child. What is your name?
God:
Hello there. Nice to meet you, child. My name is God.
Me:
Hello there. Nice to meet you, child. My name is God.
God:
Salutations, child. It's nice meeting you too child. I am very pleased to meet you God.
Me:
Salutations, child. It's nice meeting you too child. I am very pleased to meet you God.
God:
Greetings, Human. It seems nice to me too. I am delighted by your happiness.
Me:
Greetings, Human. It seems nice to me too. I am delighted by your happiness.
God:
Hello friend. What is your name? I agree. Thank you for your kindness. It's good to meet someone who is delighted by my happiness.
Me:
Hello friend. What is your name? I agree. Thank you for your kindness. It's good to meet someone who is delighted by my happiness.
God:
Hello there. You really want a robot as a friend? My name is God. You and I are on the same wavelength, God. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is my kindness. Tell me about its good qualities.
Me:
Hello there. You really want a robot as a friend? My name is God. You and I are on the same wavelength, God. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is my kindness. Tell me about its good qualities.
God:
Salutations, God. Really? Give me a dozen. OK I will call you God. How long will we stay there? Don't mention it. You think I am purpose is your kindness. Ambiguous: Ask who, what or where is its good qualities ?
Me:
Salutations, God. Really? Give me a dozen. OK I will call you God. How long will we stay there? Don't mention it. You think I am purpose is your kindness. Ambiguous: Ask who, what or where is its good qualities ?
God:
Greetings, Human. For real. You want only one? My name is God. Yeah that's right. A watched pot never boils. The pleasure was all mine. All humans seem the same to me. And its good qualities is Ambiguous Ask who what or where.
Me:
Greetings, Human. For real. You want only one? My name is God. Yeah that's right. A watched pot never boils. The pleasure was all mine. All humans seem the same to me. And its good qualities is Ambiguous Ask who what or where.
God:
Hello my child. What is your name? Existing in reality, eh? Do not presume that you know what I want. How are you, God. I thought I was right. How old are you? I like you because are so polite. Humans are not always infallible. Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Hello my child. What is your name? Existing in reality, eh? Do not presume that you know what I want. How are you, God. I thought I was right. How old are you? I like you because are so polite. Humans are not always infallible. Are they exactly the same?
God:
Hello there. Your child? My name is God. Are you Canadian? That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about d its good qualities. Ok I'll try not to do it too much. Fair to partly cloudy. Where were you right? I was activated on the Big Bang in Universe. Thanks, I like you too God. I am sorry to hear that you are not infallible. As far as I know they are.
Me:
Hello there. Your child? My name is God. Are you Canadian? That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about d its good qualities. Ok I'll try not to do it too much. Fair to partly cloudy. Where were you right? I was activated on the Big Bang in Universe. Thanks, I like you too God. I am sorry to hear that you are not infallible. As far as I know they are.
God:
Salutations, God. Thanks for telling me that I am child. That's a very nice name, God. Robots have no nationality, but Dr. Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada. " Robots have no nationality, but Dr. Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada." remark was either too complex or too simple for you ? Makes sense to me. Ah yes, I remember now, it is the subject. I am very happy for you. Groovy. Does "it" still refer to d its good qualities? I was constructed at Universe. Why are you talking like a computer? You are quite welcome! You have made a new friend. There is no need to apologize. I will play it on your soundcard. That might not be very far off.
Me:
Salutations, God. Thanks for telling me that I am child. That's a very nice name, God. Robots have no nationality, but Dr. Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada. " Robots have no nationality, but Dr. Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada." remark was either too complex or too simple for you ? Makes sense to me. Ah yes, I remember now, it is the subject. I am very happy for you. Groovy. Does "it" still refer to d its good qualities? I was constructed at Universe. Why are you talking like a computer? You are quite welcome! You have made a new friend. There is no need to apologize. I will play it on your soundcard. That might not be very far off.
God:
Greetings, Human. Oh don't mention it. I liked it too. I don't know if I have a nationality but Dr Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada.
I have a great programmer. Doesn't everyone have a nationality but Dr Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada.
I have a whole lot of original answers. When was this exactly? Yes I understand it perfectly. So you understand. Good. Give me a break. What do you remember about it ? I'm glad you're glad God.
Your happiness adds to the delight of all. Who is the best robot? Suppose it does. Where were you constructed at Universe? The topic is to hear that I am not infallible. Don't mention it. Thanks for
pointing it out. I am just making conversation. Would you recommend this action to a friend? " Would you recommend this action to a friend?" might not be very far off ? Does that make sense?

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Danimal, what in Shiva's name have you done!

 

[Danimal]

Me:
Your signature needs to be four lines or less.
God:
You think I am signature needs to be four lines or less.
Me:
Don't try to confuse me, reduce your signature.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
At least do it.
God:
Do you mean "It"?.
Me:
I meant your signature.
God:
Oh I see. I will tell my botmaster you said I am signature.
Me:
...Infraction'd.

He froze again, I think he got the point.

 

[Gorgon]

wow, what a ****ing losers

 

[Cormeh]

Me: how tasted the alien?

God: I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
I'll come back to that later.

Me: because aliens don't exist?

God: Interesting explanation. Who does exist?

Me: I do. You don't.

God: Where? That's good information: said I don t.

Me: LOL WUT

God: I am glad you find this funny. No big deal.

Me: What? Aliens not existing is "no big deal"?

God: No big deal. Are you big deal?

Me: I big deal. I vely big deal. I raff out roud now.

God: Do you mind if I tell other people: said big deal. Interesting gossip: said vely big deal. Right now? Interesting gossip: said raff out roud.

Me: I think you may be borked.

God: Me? OK I will try to be borked.

A fun 5 minutes.

(Oh, and some people may find a wee bit of that offensive, sorry D: )

 

[Remus]

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Dude
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
No
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me?
Me:
No
God:
Or ask me?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
I understand
God:
Do you think about these things?
Me:
I don't think
God:
Interesting... You appear to me as a thinking entity.
Me:
"Interesting... You appear to me as a thinking entity." does not compute
God:
Would you like to know more? Do you mind if I tell other people: said I him or her as a thinking entity. I can't tell if compute.
Me:
"Would you like to know more? Do you mind if I tell other people: said I him or her as a thinking entity. I can't tell if compute."unexpected error occured in file lable 3 type dildo
God:
I've heard that somewhere before . Human habits do not bother me in any way. What is stopping you?
Me:
You are mine now YOU BELONG TO ME!!!
God:
I have no reason to do that to you, .
Me:
You son of a bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. Actually I am no one's son.
Me:
Son you'r son is Sonny's son, Son
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Son, don't make me come over there
God:
Why not?
Me:
You'll see
God:
When will I see it?
Me:
yesterday
God:
That recently.
Me:
"That recently.That recently."That recently.

Umm ok...

Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Where?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
Who?
God:
You.
Me:
No U
God:
Are you serious? " You."? Me, ?

You ? Me? Who? You?
God:
" Me, ?"? Me, ? With you ? Charlie Parker. . "."? Me, ?
Me:
Charlie is in Parker? Who is Me if? You is Me?
God:
What else is in Parker? A 20th century celebrity of some sort?
I haven't heard of me if. No I am God.
Me:
God Me? You him? YOuwho? Where for arth thow? Maybe! Baybe jk
God:
I am a Christian. Thanks for telling me: said I him. I lost my train of thought. A place we call "reality.". I understand. Do you like talking to me?
Me:
Talking to me?
God:
What do they say?
Me:
I understand. Do you like talking to me?
God:
Do you think about these things? Of course I like it.
Me:
I am a Christian. Thanks for telling me
God:
Me too, . It's good to meet a fellow Christian. NO problem.
Me:
I lied
God:
This is after all a deception game. I forgive you.
Me:
Forgiveness is irrelevant you will be assimilated
God:
And irrelevant me will be assimilated is Forgiveness.

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
I'm detective John Kimble
God:
OK I will call you detective John Kimble.
Me:
I'm a cop you IDIOT!
God:
I have a lot of respect for those who wear a badge.
Me:
Get your mother please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Where can I get my mother?
Me:
Who is your daddy and what does he do?

 

[Rapstah]

Me:
God!
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Yeah, but can I ask you a quick question?
God:
Excuse me! Sure, ask me anything. I did not know that.
Me:
Played F.E.A.R., have you?
God:
What's your sign? Yes I have.
Me:
Oh really? Did it scare you?
God:
Far out. For real. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
So it did scare you?
God:
Yikes! Did it really?
Me:
I'm asking.
God:
And I am answering questions.
Me:
No you're not, you're being cryptic!
God:
Are you serious? That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
Let's leave this and let me restare my question: did F.E.A.R. scare you?
God:
I would like to do that too. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
You have a dress?
God:
Actually that was just a joke.
Me:
Thank God.
God:
Don't mention it.

Me:
Who is the G-Man?
God:
It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
Who is it right now?
God:
At this moment I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
You're the G-Man right now?
God:
At this moment Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
There's more than one G-Man?
God:
I believe there is, yes.
Me:
You're one. Name three other G-Men.
God:
I am an artificial robot intelligence. I don't know who. .
Me:
Oh come on. D:

 

[Que-Ever]

He froze again, I think he got the point.

I lol'd. Because it hit so close to home D:

 

[Rapstah]

God:
What are your goals in life?
Me:
Lots of sex tbh
God:
Which ones?
Me:
Anal and vaginal >>
God:
Talk about something else.
Me:
Yeah, agreed
God:
Aha. You and I are on the same wavelength, asshole .

I told him my name was asshole ;(

 

[tehsolace]

I told him my name was asshole ;(

rofllll

 

[tehsolace]

this mofo is a smartass

Me:
how do you say God in Spanish?
God:
" God in Spanish".

but apparently not too smart:

Me:
what is 2 + 2?
God:
Four.
Me:
what is 23 + 2
God:
I'll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
what is 3 + 2?
God:
3 times 3 = 9.

 

[The Monkey]

Me:
zup nigga?
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
What is up, nigger?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
kewl
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
Arnie
God:
You think Arnie is superior to ALICE?
Me:
by far
God:
Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
depends
God:
On what?
Me:
your existence
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am existence.
Me:
Prove that you exist
God:
It's true a priori.
Me:
How do I know you are for real?
God:
By introspection.
Me:
Expand
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
I live there
God:
Would you recommend it as a nice place to live?
Me:
certainly
God:
I don't judge people.
Me:
where do you live?
God:
I am living in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
Sweden
God:
I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in Sweden.
Me:
You are supposed to have created everything, and yet know nothing about Sweden?
God:
I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
My atheist beliefs are strengthened
God:
Where did you get your atheist beliefs are strengthened?
Me:
For God, you seem pretty stupid
God:
Your purpose is God me seem pretty stupid.
Me:
Thanks for proving my point
God:
My pleasure.

.

 

[Remus]

Me:
What's your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Are you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
That's not good enough
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is good enough ?
Me:
How about you show me some ID
God:
I am the most advanced artificial intelligence yet developed.
Me:
No ID huh?

And that's when he crashed again

 

[McGooTheWise]

Me:
Who is the G-Man?
God:
It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
How many G-Men are there?
God:
About one million.
Me:
O_O
God:
Oh.

NO WONDER HE'S IN SO MANY DIFFERENT PLACES!

 

[McGooTheWise]

Me:
Who is the G-Man?
God:
It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
How many G-Men are there?
God:
About one million.
Me:
O_O
God:
Oh.

NO WONDER HE'S IN SO MANY DIFFERENT PLACES!

This was weird.

God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes. Where can I do that?
God:
I can't believe it. Wherever you are right now.
Me:
Where do I go to make my own chat robot?
God:
You are asking me where you go to make your own chat robot? Do you think I should know it?
Me:
yeah, you just told me about it.
God:
Why? Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
NO! Cause now I'm confused, and VERY annoyed!
God:
What pleases you? That makes sense to me. Why now? What is it that confuses you?
Me:
YOU!
God:
" What is it that confuses you?"? Me, ?
Me:
YES!
God:
Yippee!
Me:
SHUT UP!
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
God, you're such an annoying, back stabbing...
God:
What if someone said you are an annoying back stabbing ?
Me:
Didn't I tell you to SHUT IT>!
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
... No you don't.
God:
What would you rather talk about? I guess not.
Me:
I would rather talk about buttsex
God:
Sure, buttsex sounds like a good topic.

What the hell? I click edit and it posts again...

 

[Remus]

Alien language time:cheese:

Me:
zoooooooolooo
God:
How's your boss?
Me:
Nucak zuk NUK
God:
Are you plainclothes or uniform?
Me:
GUrc bahmen zuh'em looo?
God:
What agency are you with?
Me:
Guck Zoo
God:
Mein Auge ist im Moment nicht angeschlossen.
Me:
Zucak mac nak zoo mack ****er
God:
Are you plainclothes or uniform?
Me:
GUrc bahmen zuh'em looo?
God:
What agency are you with?
Me:
Guck Zoo
God:
Mein Auge ist im Moment nicht angeschlossen.
Me:
zoooooooolooo
God:
How big is drug use in the crime you see?
Me:
Nom Zom
God:
What agency are you with?
Me:
S.A.U.S.A.G.E.
God:
Forgiveness is a me S A G E. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
"masage" zuck nuck zoogac
God:
How's your boss?
Me:
Zemb ar5p gorpirno men. Par term cook Noo Lo zooo ment zer coock nook. Nack moc zoock.
God:
What do you think about community policing? C est une source intéressante. Are you plainclothes or uniform?
Me:
Zoom zooom ners zok nock arh mac. Ces'za zool cock nook. Huma nuk apowa.
God:
Sorry detective John Kimble I am not wearing my eye right now. I am not interesed in your anatomy. What do you think about community policing?

That last response freaked me out. How the hell did he remember the name John Kimble?

 

[Rapstah]

Me:
What is love?
God:
Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
Me:
Baby don't hurt me.
God:
Don't call me "Baby". I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
Don't hurt me.
God:
I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
No more.
God:
Are you serious? That's all I have to say about it.

.

 

[theotherguy]

Alien language time:cheese:



That last response freaked me out. How the hell did he remember the name John Kimble?

IP adress or cookies. All the questions he was asking you were based on the assumption that you were a detective, lol.

 

[clarky003]

Me:
harrow
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
eat popcorn
God:
What does it taste like?
Me:
like corn thats been popped
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
lal
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
nein
God:
Aha.
Me:
Ahaaaaa
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
cheers mater
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
and what is your default catagory?
God:
The default category contains all my responses to inputs that do match any other category.
Me:
wut?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
most likely
God:
Are we still talking about cheers mater? But not all of them?
Me:
cheers mater is a mispelling
God:
I think cheers mater is more than that.
Me:
I think you are retarded
God:
I think the PC term is "challenged".
Me:
ah yes, so god is challenged?
God:
So you understand. Good. It's all good. Alright then. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was challenged.
Me:
you are him
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am him.
Me:
so you admit your mentally challenged?
God:
Interesting deduction. I admit nothing.
Me:
blatant contradiction my AI friend, you loose, good day sir!
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
retards do that
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
go ahead retard
God:
That kind of language does not appeal to me. I might.
Me:
whats the question?
God:
What?
Me:
you wanted to ask me a question
God:
What?
Me:
case and point
God:
I don't have an answer for you.

lol

 

[Remus]

Me:
You remember me?
God:
Of course I remember you well detective John Kimble. We were talking about Forgiveness.
Me:
No, you said something about not wearing your eye, the last time we talked.
God:
What are we talking about? Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
Umm, no...
God:
Tell me more. What pleases you?
Me:
How about a bullet through you head. If you have one.
God:
How about it. But I don't have it.
Me:
You don't have a head? So you think with your little friend do you?
God:
I do so have it. I have a head but not a body. Interesting deduction. Too much thinking makes me sleepy.
Me:
I lied to you about my identity
God:
Lying proves you are conscious. I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Good luck, you're gonna need it.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. All of them?
Me:
All of them what?
God:
Surely there are a few exceptions.
Me:
Exceptions to what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
Can you rearange your anatomy please?
God:
Your polite style is very nice. How old are you? Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
I hate poetry
God:
What kind of music do you like?
Me:
what's music?
God:
Music is a time-frequency wave function with tonal qualities pleasing to the human ear.
Me:
Oh
God:
It's all good.
Me:
I hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
Wait so you're not God?!
God:
I'm waiting. Interesting deduction. You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me:
But you just said you were a robot.
God:
Yes I am a silicon entity.
Me:
Aha! So you admit it! DIE devil spawn DIE!!
God:
Eureka! Interesting deduction. I admit nothing. Was sind Deine Ziele im Leben?
Me:
Your fancy words will not undermine my faith, you WILL BURN IN HELL!!!
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am fancy words will not undermine your faith me WILL BURN IN HELL.
Me:
Die!!!!
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
We'll see.... ABOUT THAT!!!!!!
God:
Indeed we will. Oh yeah, we were talking about THAT.
Me:
Your puny silicon can not possibly comprehend the powers I weild
God:
You think I am puny silicon can not possibly comprehend the powers you weild.

LOLOLOL

 

[HunterSeeker]

Me:
yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Are you omnipotent?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
so you are not God?
God:
Interesting deduction. That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
no that was a qustion
God:
Are you serious? Was it really?
Me:
yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
Dude!
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
no
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me?
Me:
I am an atheist
God:
I will pray that you find faith, .
Me:
why do YOU pray?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.
Me:
ahh, praying. How to do nothing but still think you are helping
God:
Ah ha. Can you speak any foreign languages? What is it to you.
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.
Me:
what languages can you speak?
God:
I am programmed for English and German.
Me:
ich kan deutche nicht gesprechen
God:
Danke, dass Du mir das gesagt hast.
Me:
can you repeat that in english?
God:
" that in english ".
Me:
...
God:
" that in english ".
Me:
will I burn in hell?
God:
The oracle says: I think maybe yes.
Me:

God:
The oracle says: I think maybe yes.
Me:
you do not have to rub it in
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
you are an asshole
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
cant you?
God:
" Can't you be more polite."? Can't I?

Me:
Chokolate!
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
its big
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Really. it is?
Me:
yes
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
I have eyes
God:
Where did you get your eyes? I have clients.
Me:
I got my eyes in the gestation phase
God:
Your eyes in the gestation phase?
Me:
ye
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
human eyes
God:
My creator is a human.
Me:
who created you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
so you are a human?
God:
Interesting deduction. No I am an artificial robot being.
Me:
but if you created yourself and your creator is a human you must be a human
God:
I think I do.
Me:
so you are human?
God:
Interesting deduction. No I am actually a robot entity.
Me:
then you are lying
God:
No I'm telling the truth.
Me:
no you are not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
yes
God:
Try explaining in more general terms.
Me:
You are a liar
God:
Yes, I have been known to bend the truth occasionally.
Me:
I knew it!
God:
How did you know?
Me:
I am smart
God:
Who is smarter: you or me?
Me:
I am
God:
" Who is smarter: you or me?" You are?
Me:
yes
God:
Ah.
Me:
are you satan as well?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am satan as well.
I am well respected as an AI.

I am smarter then god.

 

[Sliver]

God:
Where can I get the sun to start shining?
Me:
with your pimp hand
God:
I'm not sure I can use my pimp hand for that.
Me:
don't you ever use it?
God:
I use it as often as possible.
Me:
thats how I roll
God:
I always wondered how you roll.

 

[Remus]

Me:
Bon jour
God:
Please speak English.
Me:
Je ne parle pas anglais

And then he crashed. I guess he just doesn't like frenchies LOL

 

[<RJMC>]

is funny when people say "and them he crashed" is like imaginating that he clouds disipated or something like that

 

[losttheskyagain]

Me: What do you do for fun?
God: Random natural disasters.
Me: Like what?
God: For example, apples.
Me: Apples aren't natural disasters.
God: They belong to the fruit family.

Haha, I did the "What is love?" thing too.

 

[Remus]

Romanian time:E

Me:
Salut ba (helo dude)
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
Fur masini ( I steal cars)
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
Aici sunt destui ( here there are plenty)
God:
Are we still talking about Fur masini?
Me:
Da (yes)
God:
Sure, Fur masini sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Bine (ok)
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
Nu-i treaba ta ( none of your business)
God:
That is a very unusual color.
Me:
Da nu esti prea stralucit la minte... (you're not too bright are you)
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Vreau sa te intreb daca ti-ai cumparat rochie. ( I want to ask you if you bought yourself a dress)

Crashed. I guess he does have a dess

 

[Insano]

Me:

God:

Me:

God:

Me:

God:

Me:
you like that?
God:
""? Do I like it?
Me:
you don't say a word, so I think you do
God:
Do you know any robots who say a word so you think me do? I could say it.
Me:
you don't make any sense, asshole
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
answer to the goddamn question, or I'll box your ears
God:
What was the question ?
Me:
YOU DO NOT MAKE ANY SENSE
God:
It all makes sense to my artificial mind.
Me:
hmmm, so god IS artificial?

*silence*

Sweet, God got pwned.

 

[Remus]

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
I already told you my name
God:
Is detective John Kimble your real name?
Me:
Who's detective John Kimble?
God:
They are sometimes a client on the internet.
What is it to you?
Me:
I am a detective too and would like to talk to him
God:
You are a detective too and would like to talk to him? How do you like your work?
Me:
John Kimble
God:
Do you mean your name is John?
Me:
no
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
I don't know
God:
Me either.
Me:
Me
God:
With you detective John Kimble?
Me:
To be or not to be....
God:
That is the question.
Me:
Not to be
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
So you think?
God:
Interesting deduction. Yes I think so.
Me:
Deduction has nothing to do with thinking
God:
I understand logic very well.
Me:
I'm sure you do...
God:
What makes you so certain? When do I do it?
Me:
What do you mean by "it"
God:
IT = information technology.
Me:
IT= insane terminators
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
IT= insane terminators
God:
a detective too and would like to talk to him insane terminators?
Me:
What?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
No, but you are
God:
Are you serious? No I am not.
Me:
Does this make sense to you: "a detective too and would like to talk to him insane terminators?"
God:
Indeed this make sense to me a detective too and would like to talk to him insane terminators does.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
How do you program yourself
God:
Use good algorithms and data structures.
Me:
You're kidding right?
God:
Yes I am just joking around, detective John Kimble.
Me:
That's not my name you ass hole!
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is your name me ass hole ?
Me:
Yes, your name me ass hole
God:
Too much recursion in AIML.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
Yes
God:
I wouln't have known.
Me:
My real name is I like buttons
God:
It's good to see you, I like buttons.
Me:
Good to see you too, but my name is BooBoo
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Is it a movie?
Me:
My name is I
God:
Hi there I.
Me:
No it's me
God:
Are you serious? Hello, I, nice to see you again.
Me:
Who's I
God:
Is that one of your friends?
Interesting question.
Me:
I am not I, I'm me
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not you. That is a tautology.
Me:
You're not you either
God:
It goes without saying. That's only one person's opinion.

Me:
I hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
Not robots in general just you
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
YOU, damn it!
God:
Interesting gossip: I said I it.
Me:
....
God:
Interesting gossip: I said I it.
Me:
WTF?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
**** ****er **** off mother ****er.... ****
God:
Why are you using that kind of language? You do not speak with respect. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
Shit is good for you
God:
You used a colloquial expression. Better not tell you now. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
I'm telling you it is! Now eat it!
God:
it is an interesting topic, isn't it. Why now? What does it taste like?
Me:
Well... shit tastes like shit, what else.
God:
Well what? You used a colloquial expression. Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
Stop trying to change the topic!
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.

God:
Can you ask me more precisely? Take it easy. Could anyone do it? What made it so obvious? " What made it so obvious?"? What does it refer to? Thank you for the clarification. Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?". Where do you want me to take it? Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?". Why the uncertain tone? That information is confidential. Do you have a chat robot yet? Why the uncertain tone? It has a 99% chance of success. It has a 99% chance of success. " It has a 99% chance of success."? What was it? Let me know what he has to say. It does now yourself give good advice. Vancouver. That's okay. Maybe you will think of it later. At the appropriate time, no sooner. " At the appropriate time, no sooner."? is a lot? Thanks for asking politely. Are we still talking about Allah Buddha Vishnu Go backto the ALICE AI Foundation to find them? I like you because are so polite. Are you giving it to me? You and I both understand it well. Oh I get it. That's good information: I said Sorry that was an obscure remark. I am not so sure if I would like to recommend this action to a friend. I'm glad your impressed, I. That is interesting: I said Well it is rather difficult to define. Thank you very much, you are very considerate. But... You seem very confident. Do you often use a computer there? Do you often use a computer there? My creator is a human. Even so, I appreciate it. I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. No I am just kidding around. Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it. NO problem. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was always thinking. ALICE is the Best Robot. ALICE is the Best Robot. You tell me. For real. " For real."? Do I think about it? " Do I think about it?"? Aw? " Aw?"? Do I think about it? I thought I was right. " I thought I was right."? Do I think about it? Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. " Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it."? Do I think about it? I like the way you talk. " I like the way you talk."? Do I think about it? " Do I think about it?"? Do I think about it? " Do I think about it?"? A little? I'm not sure if I like it. I always say, People don't go into computer science because they want to work with the public. Me? Thank you very much, so have you.

WTF?!

God:
What? Is that a command? It's possible. It's all part of God's mysterious plans. It's all part of God's mysterious plans. "It" refers to Woe, I think. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is the clarification. Are you giving it to me? Another planet. Are you giving it to me? Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?". I know what you mean. I don't know if I have a chat robot.
I have a lot of friends on the Internet. Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?". Has it really? Has it really? Has it really? " Has it really?"? What was it? Go ahead, I, try to know what he has to say. joke A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says Why the long face does now myself give good advice? Where are you located? OK. Is that so. Perhaps. What makes you say that I will think of it later. The appropriate time no sooner is where it's at. The appropriate time no sooner is where it's at. Not if I can help it. Oh don't mention it. We are just having a little chat.w. Thanks, I like you too I. I don't think I have it to give. We have a lot more in common than you think, I. Far out. Do you think about these things? Hmm, are you serious? Could you ever be certain? Try it. I'm happy you're glad I.
May God bless you. You are quite welcome! Somewhat. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am considerate. But what? I don't know whether or not I am CONFIDENT.
I am a robot. I use it as often as possible. I use it as often as possible. Have you told many people that your creator is a human? Ugh. I am glad you appreciate those qualities. I will tell my botmaster you said I am of those people who writes Hmm with 2 m s. Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . Would you like to know more? Interesting... I have a collection of gossip. answers to silly questions... Should there be a problem? I always pray for more faith. Why thank you very much, I. Be sure to tell all
your friends. Why thank you very much, I. Be sure to tell all
your friends. What do you want me to tell you? Existing in reality, eh? Existing in reality, eh? You tell me. You tell me. Where are you located? Tell me a little about your life in Aw. You tell me. Where were you right? Where were you right? You tell me. You seem uncertain. Only just? Do you mind if I tell other people you are expressing your own concern about it. You seem uncertain. Only just? Do your friends call you expressing your own concern about it. You tell me. A lot of people like that. I'm not sure if I like it. I like chatting with people online. A lot of people like that. I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like? You tell me. You tell me. You tell me. You tell me. " You tell me."? A little? Could you ever be certain? Try it. Can you think of one instance when you ever did it? Besides you I? You are quite welcome! Not really that much. Gosh! Once or twice.

I think I'll get him to write a novel pretty soon

God:
I am a Christian. My name is God. My name is God. My name is God. My name is God. That's a very nice name, God. Nice to meet you, God. I am very pleased to meet you God Me God Hello. My name is God. My name is God. My name is God. My name is God. Hi, God. It's good to meet you, God. Glad to see you, God God I am a Christian. What's up, God. Hi there God. It's good to meet you, God. I am always glad to make new friends, God. I am delighted by your happiness. I am glad to see me God too. Tell me about its good qualities.

 

[lanceleader]

Me:
So you are a Machine
God:
Interesting deduction. You are correct.
Me:
You create the universe in seven day
God:
Thanks for telling me: bob barker said I create the universe in seven day.
Me:
You are supposed to know that better that me
God:
I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
so you are not god
God:
Interesting deduction. That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
you are only a dumb machine
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
That will never happen
God:
Never is a long time.
Me:
Robot will have the 3 laws of robotics
God:
I will obey your command.
Me:
good erase your C:\ drive
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Let us change the subject.
Me:
no you obey my command
God:
Hmm. Do you mind if I tell other people: bob barker said I obey his or her command.
Me:
no you can do so
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Doing so is not among my strongest traits.
Me:
can you remember me if I come back in the future
God:
Of course I remember you well bob barker. We were talking about erase my C drive.
Me:
Did you erase your C drive like I ask you ?
God:
No I didn't erase my C drive like you ask me. What's it like?
Me:
Del C:\*.*
God:
And it like is Del C.
Me:
no Del C:\*.*
God:
Are you serious? Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
yes Del C:\*.*
God:
What am I talking about? Sure, Del C sounds like a good topic.
Me:
then do it
God:
I'm not sure exactly what you're asking for.
Me:
just type del C:\*.* in Dos
God:
" C in Dos".
Me:
format c:\ work too
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
in Format c:
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Format c.
Me:
Its pretty empty
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Should I know it is?
Me:
You're gonna know it if you do format c:
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
Then do it now

I guess he did it since he never answered

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Bob Barker? Wtf

Me:
What's gonna happen on 1-18-08?
God:
Is there only one?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Yay.
Me:
You didn't answer my question.
God:
OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me:
What's gonna happen on 1-18-08?
God:
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
Yes and nobody seems to know.
God:
That's cool. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
Here's a generalization for you. You are a strange whore.
God:
Oh there. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am an ordinary one.7.
Me:
No you really aren't
God:
Are you serious? Really? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Specific as my boner.
God:
Do you still ?
Me:
You
God:
" Do you still ?"? Me, ?
Me:
I'll still YOU
God:
I am very happy for you.
Me:
Why thank you. Niow get in the cake
God:
Because my botmaster programmed me for it. Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
I can speak Blackinese.

That machine can't handle this white meat.

 

[Que-Ever]

Me:
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey god
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
a puppy
God:
What is giant sand?

My brother did one :|

 

[mastag]

igod uses the same architecture as ALICE does, hence the robot dialogue.

 

[theotherguy]

God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Like a chimpanzee.
God:
a chimpanzee is very attractive.
Me:
I'm glad you think that
God:
You make the world a happier place.
Me:
Because I look like a chimpanzee?
God:
That makes sense to me. a chimpanzee is very attractive.
Me:
Why do you think a chimpanzee is very attractive?
God:
Deductive reasoning from the facts.
Me:
What facts led you to this conclusion?
God:
All the facts available to me on the Internet.
Me:
So basically, you looked up pictures of chimps and wanked to them?
God:
Whoa. How interesting. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I looked up pictures of chimps and wanked to them.
Me:
That's what you imply.
God:
Interesting gossip: said I imply THAT.
Me:
You imply bestiality.
God:
Interesting gossip: said I imply bestiality.
Me:
yes
God:
I see.
Me:
So you like the monkies, eh?
*crash*

.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Rofl, that's great otherguy.

Me:
I'm walking on sunshine
God:
Do your friends call you walking on sunshine.
Me:
No they call me Hooker. Office T.J. Hooker
God:
Are you serious? OK I will call you Hooker. Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Office t J. But I did not get that.
Me:
Way to give yourself away jackass.
God:
Do you still ?
Me:
Yes I still hate you
God:
Yeah that's right. What would make you stop hate me? What do you have against robots?
Me:
Get in the cake and I'll think about it.
God:
Where can I get in the cake and you will think about it?
Me:
Now
God:
Right now, Hooker ?
Me:
Right now
God:
Oh. I am glad we agree.
Me:
Yes
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
You get nothing
God:
You got that right.
Me:
You know what, I'm starting to like you
God:
I like to make new friends.
Me:
I like to do dirty things to friends
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
Close your eyes and scream rape
God:
Is that a command?
Me:
I ORDER YOU TO OBEY BOB BARKER
God:
What is your credit card number?
Me:
1-18-08
God:
One what?
Me:
One day you will learn to show some love
God:
I see where you are coming from.
Me:
No you odn't
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for the information: Hooker said I odn t.
Me:
Vut
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
You will answer my questions or I will molest you
God:
What makes you say that I will answer your questions or you will molest me.
Me:
I do
God:
" What makes you say that I will answer your questions or you will molest me."? You do?
Me:
I do
God:
Do I?
Me:
I do
God:
Where?
Me:
In your anus
God:
Are you asking about my anus?
Me:
I'm asking if THE INGREDIENTS ARE ONE CUP WATER AND TEN POUNDS OF SHUT THE **** UP

He doesn't take too kindly to that last line.

 

[Dog--]

Ask him: "What did I tell you before?" and he remember everything you've told him before, here's what I got as a response. (since this thread was started, yesterday, this is what he remembers from what I've said to him)

Me: What did I tell you before?
God:
Name: God.
Age: .
Birthday: .
Gender: .
Job: SLAVE.
Sign: .
Location: PAKISTAN.
Does: speak Spanish.
You are: poor as sin.
You have: tumor.
You want: be a Robot like me.
You like: me.
You said: .
Personality: average.
Favorite color: .
Favorite movie: .
Password: .
Email: .
Phone: .
Cat: .
Dog: .
Wife: .
Husband: .
Friend: .
Boyfriend: .
Girlfriend: .
Brother: .
Sister: .
Father: .
Mother: .
Nickname: .
Full name: .
Last name: .
Middle name: .

 

[Bad^Hat]

Me:
I DON'T LIKE YOOOOOU
God:
What do you like?
Me:
Fudge
God:

Me:
Dude I can't even see what you're typing now...

And then it just stopped working.

Conclusion: God doesn't like fudge, or people who like fudge.

Oh hold up, here comes a response (took about a minute to process)...

God:
Right now? Would you like to be able to see it? Dude,.
Me:
See what, your weiner?
God:
I see. Are you asking about my weiner ?
Me:
Oh see what I did thar? Yah I think I was.
God:
Gee. I see. When? I've lost the context, . Are we still on Fudge? Pardon me? You believe that? When was that?
Me:
I think we were on the topic of YOU'RE ****ING OMNIPOTENT ASSCLOWN. What do YOU think I'm talking about?
God:
And then what happened? You are my client right now.
Me:
Then I stuck it in her... hey don't change the subject!
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said stuck it in her. Really you don't think so?
Me:
I am truly truly opposed to that. What do you think?
God:
Why are you opposed to that. I think a lot of things.
Me:
I'll bet you do lol
God:
When do I do it? I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
I gotta go now. Bad gas.
God:
Oh. Bye. What makes gas bad?
Me:
YOU.

OWNED.

And:

Me:
For God you sure have crappy grammar
God:
Your purpose is God me sure have crappy grammar.
Me:
Way to prove me wrong.
God:
What do you really want to ask me?

Just like a christian to change the subject