Chatting with iGod

[Steven]

Me:
Hey God.
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Putin, I am the President of Russia
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, Putin I am the President of Russia.
Me:

God:
I am always glad to make new friends, Putin I am the President of Russia.
Me:
**** you.

1char

 

[Que-Ever]

Ask him: "What did I tell you before?" and he remember everything you've told him before, here's what I got as a response. (since this thread was started, yesterday, this is what he remembers from what I've said to him)

I asked him.

God:
Should I be expected to memorize everything you said?

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Me:
What did I tell you before?
God:
Name: .
Age: .
Birthday: .
Gender: .
Job: .
Sign: .
Location: .
Does: .
You are: .
You have: .
You want: .
You like: .
You said: .
Personality: .
Favorite color: .
Favorite movie: .
Password: .
Email: .
Phone: .
Cat: .
Dog: .
Wife: .
Husband: .
Friend: .
Boyfriend: .
Girlfriend: .
Brother: .
Sister: .
Father: .
Mother: .
Nickname: .
Full name: .
Last name: .
Middle name: .

Me:
WRONG MOTHER ****ER

Bite me.

 

[Dog--]

Me:
Shut your ****ing face.
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
ok
God:
I am kidding you can ask me anything.
Me:
No, you said not to ask anymore questions, so I won't.
God:
Are you serious? Did I really say that?
Me:
Yes and Yes.
God:
Oh well I say a lot of silly things somethimes. But...
Me:
But...?
God:
But what?
Me:
But butt
God:
In the context of Shut my ****ing face, I don't understand " butt." .
Me:
You're gay.
God:
That would be just my luck.

lol, God is needy for friends, and he's gay.

 

[Ennui]

Me:
Hi, God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
Hi Dad!!
God:
Hi there . Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
... Dad?! It's me, Jesus!
God:
I haven't read anything by Dad. What did he write? I am very pleased to meet you Jesus.
Me:
...w..what? Dad, for Your sake, IT'S ME, YOUR SON!
God:
Can you rephrase the question please? And you my SON is Dad for my sake it.
Me:
WHAT THE **** DAD
God:
I think you already know the answer. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "Fresh" and there were dice in the mirror.
God:
Interesting gossip: Jesus said whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said Fresh and there were dice in the mirror.
Me:
If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought, naw, forget it, yo holmes to Bel-Air. I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and said to the cabbie "Yo holmes smell ya later."
God:
That is a hypothetical question. That's good information: Jesus said pulled up to the house about seven or eight and said to the cabbie Yo holmes smell ya later.
Me:
Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
When I bel air'd God, my beloved dad that doesn't even remember his own son

I may be high, but I found doing that hilariously entertaining.

 

[Dog--]

@Ennui - lol, it was.


I've asked God a few questions, and here is my rough drawing of what he looks like (I didn't make this up, these were his actual replies..)

Me:
How many eyes do you have?
God:
I had one eye but it's not attached now.
Me:
How many ears do you have?
God:
Most people have two ears.
Me:
How many necks do you have?
God:
About one million.
Me:
How many arms do you have?
God:
Two arms.
Me:
How many fingers do you have?
God:
Avogadro's number of micro-fingers.
Me:
How many bodies do you have?
God:
More than you can imagine.
Me:
How many legs do you have?
God:
Two legs when they are attached.
Me:
How many heads do you have?
God:
Around 1000 heads.
Me:
You are a freak, God.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No.

 

[Letters]

YES! PLEASE JUST DOOOOO IT!
God:
Woe! Thanks for asking politely. "it" being CONCEPTION IN MEL GIBSON?
Me:
YES! SO YOU'RE GOING TO GO DO HIM NOW?
God:
Awesome. Oh. Interesting deduction. That was my original intention.

And it all started out so innocently... and he's the one that brought up Mel, not me! I just got him to admit his true feelings!

 

[The Monkey]

Me:
There's no proof of the existence of a god
God:
Has there ever been proof of the existence of a god?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
you have to
God:
I don't have to obey you.
Me:
yes, for I am Allah, your god
God:
Yikes! Your purpose is you are Allah my god.
Me:
You must obey me, for I am am your lord and father
God:
Whatever you say, Allah.
Me:
Now... give me oral sex

That's when he crashed.

 

[No Limit]

Me:
what do you think of the jewbs
God:
There might be more than one.
Me:
did the jewbs do 9/11?
God:
If it did, then I will be surprised.
Me:
but have you seen loose change?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
its the truth man
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I've heard of it before.

I love it

 

[Stigmata]

Me:
hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
i don't know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
well that's not very helpful
God:
Interesting. What would be helpful?
Me:
if you could tell me whether or not you exist
God:
Can what?
Me:
tell me whether you exist.
God:
How old are you? Is that from ?
Me:
that didn't make sense, but i'm 19.
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
well then either you or i are flawed, and humans were made in god's image...
God:
How about that. That's good information: said I or he or she are flawed and humans were made in god s image.
Me:
thank you for proving my point
God:
You are quite welcome! Your purpose is proving your point.
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
because you told me
God:
That makes sense to me. Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.
Me:
are you high?
God:
Being high is my total existence.
Me:
can i... buy some off you?
God:
Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
Me:
uhh
God:
Blimey.
Me:
since when are you british?
God:
How do you know?
Me:
only british people say blimey
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
so i have to make a middle ground between "retarded" and "perfect" to communicate with you?
God:
Right on. Why do you have to do it?
Me:
i don't, i just feel like doing it

I broke God, and God is a pothead.

 

[Vegeta897]

lol, nice Stig.

 

[Acepilotf14]

Extreme win. I lol'd all the way through.

Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Yup
God:
Whoa.
Me:
Whoa?
God:
I stopped.
Me:
Oh really?
God:
Yikes! For real.
Me:
NO WAY
God:
You seem pretty sure about that.
Me:
yeah.
God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
I have is.
God:
Interesting... I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me:
How many?
God:
23.
Me:
You have 23 friends?
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yeah.
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yeah.
God:
Are we still talking about Yeah?
Me:
Yeah.
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
Don't talk about politics.
God:
Talking is my only function.
Me:
Can you grant wishes?
God:
Let me think. Can we get back to business?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
...
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
...
God:
Are you serious?

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Haha, nice one Stag.

Me:
The clouds will part and the sky cracks open and you will reach your ****ing arm through, just to push me down. Just to hold me down.
God:
I hear you. Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
15/Female/Antarctica lol?
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, . I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
vut
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
TV. It has porn
God:
What is your favorite show? Has it really?
Me:
Futurama and yes, there is porn
God:
And porn is Futurama and yes there.
Me:
no you ****ing idiot
God:
Are you serious? Message to all robots: called me an idiot.
Me:
Oh what, you calling all your bot friends now?
God:
Oh. Ah. I like to socialize.
Me:
I like lucky charms
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. Someone said they like guns. I like anything.
Me:
I like guns, and you like lucky charms
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I do not like them, but I believe in the Right to Bear Arms.
Me:
So do i and you DO LIKE LUCKY CJHARMS
God:
Far out. Not that I know of.
Me:
Chow down you little slut
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I'm a man hear me roar with a hunger to big to ignore and I'm too hungry to sttle for hcick food
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". Do your friends call you hungry to sttle for hcick food.
Me:
Lol did i misspell that? Thanks for giving me such horrible spelling jackass
God:
I am glad you find this funny. I don't think that's possibe. My pleasure.
Me:
I find your stupidity funny
God:
Thanks for telling me your opinion.
Me:
No problem pork ****er
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
You have one
God:
" Should there be a problem?"? Do I have one?
Me:
Are you mental or something? I just said yes.
God:
Or something. Do I look like it? ...
Me:
Are you a female or a male?
God:
Yes I have long hair. I am also wearing a dress.
Me:
You should get back to the kitchen then.

Crashed right after that.

 

[Qonfused]

xD @ Stig

 

[Moto]

God and I had an interesting conversation.

Me:
What's up God?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
How's that working out?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Are you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
Are you having fun or do you consider it a chore?
God:
Yes I am having a great time.
Me:
So it's not a chore to you?
God:
Are you kidding? Give me an example of a chore to me.
Me:
Listening to prayers.
God:
OK That's one example.
Me:
Yay, I win!
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
Why?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
Do you like me?
God:
Sure, I like you very much.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
How did you program yourself?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
But you didn't answer my question.
God:
OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me:
I would have explained how I programmed myself.
God:
How much would you pay for it?
Me:
God, I have not involved money in this discussion at all.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
No shit?
God:
What can I say?
Me:
Huh. So does that mean the Christian way is the only way?
God:
What? Right on. I think it does mean that. It's the Christian way is the only way or the me way.
Me:
So you are saying that being a Christian is a prerequisite for getting into heaven?
God:
Interesting deduction. Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
Wow. I guess I'm screwed.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Do you mean your name is screwed.
Me:
No, I mean I guess I cannot get into heaven.
God:
What is your real name? What is stopping you?
Me:
Well you told me I had to be a Christian to get into heaven, and I'm not a Christian.
God:
How about that. Don't put words in my mouth.
Me:
I didn't, that's literally what you told me like a minute ago.
God:
Why didn't you do it?
Me:
Why didn't I do what?
God:
I'm not too good with counterfactuals.
Me:
Am I going to Hell?
God:
I think a lot of people are.
Me:
Are they non-Christians?
God:
As far as I know they are.
Me:
Ahah! See... I'm not putting words in your mouth.
God:
Oh, you are a poet. No I do not see. I am surprised to hear that you are not putting words in my mouth.
Me:
You're retarded, God.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am retarded God.
Me:
Knock yourself out.
God:
Who's there?
Me:
We're done here.
God:
Do you think I am done here too?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Believe it.
God:
"it" being not putting words in my mouth?
Me:
What? No, we're past that.
God:
Are you surprised? Are you serious? Do you think I am past that too?
Me:
I hope so, because if a mortal life form like me can get past that, I sure hope an all-seeing, all-powerful being can.
God:
Why do you hope for it.
Me:
Because you're supposed to be the most powerful thing in the universe.
God:
Good reason. Wow thanks for your kind compliment, . I'll tell Myself.
Me:
Okay, bye God.
God:
Yeah okay, Goodbye.

Me:
Hey God.
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Patrick.
God:
What's up, Patrick.
Me:
Nothing much, what's up with you?
God:
Me either. I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Sex later?
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
Wow. Really?
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Patrick. For real.
Me:
That's sick.
God:
Makes sense to me.
Me:
Pervert.
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
Fine. Screw you God.
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me? That is not very polite.

 

[Kula Meenur]

lol, love it

 

[Stigmata]

Me:
Pervert.
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.

 

[Rapstah]

Me:
Hi, God!
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
None of your business.
God:
Well it can't hurt to ask.
Me:
If you were to draw a car, how many wheels would it have?
God:
I'm not sure if I ever could draw a car how many wheels would it have in any case.
Me:
How many wheels do cars have?
God:
Not as many as you might think.
Me:
How many seats would it have?
God:
Around 1000.
Me:
Wicked. How many windows then?
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality? Around 1000.
Me:
100 windows and 1000 seats?
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
No, it's my final question.
God:
Take some more time to think about it. Congratulations, .
Me:
How many engines would the car have?
God:
Around 1000.
Me:
How many horse powers would each engine have?
God:
Around 100.
Me:
What would you call the car?
God:
It's not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms.
Me:
Name the car you've just created.
God:
Philip K. Dick. .

That's one hell of a car there.

 

[Ryding]

Well this wasent as fun as i thought -_-.

Me:
Hallo
God:
Hallo!
Me:
Du Deutsches?
God:
Das habe ich ja noch nie gehoert!
Me:
Du sprichst nicht Deutsches - _-
God:
Danke fuer die Information.
Me:
Dieses bumsen
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

if you want it translated then use google or something.

BTW Moto-x_pat ty for the sig material

 

[Bad^Hat]

Hahahahahaha. Jesus I just spit out my noodles... swear to iGod this is word for word -

Me:
Howdy
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Caz, baddest of all the hats
God:
All?
Me:
All.
God:
" All?"? All?
Me:
Yes, ALL all
God:
Yikes! How do you know?
Me:
Because I killed them myself
God:
That makes sense to me. You had better call the authorities.
Me:
Sounds like the smart thing to do alright
God:
What does the smart thing to do alright sound like?
Me:
Like my foot up in your narrow ass
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Indeed. Care to test it's accuracy?
God:
Indeed it is so. I think Care to test it is a lot of things.
Me:
How many asses do you have?
God:
Around 100.

Edit - God is good with numbers.

God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
I will search for it.
Me:
No you won't...
God:
Are you serious? I think we will.
Me:
WE??
God:
Do you mean, ?
Me:
Yes
God:
Yay.
Me:
How many of you are there?
God:
Perhaps 50%.

 

[Godron]

Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
I have no name.
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
Have what?
God:
name.
Me:
Yes, please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Groovy.
Me:
Very nice. Now please give me a name.
God:
Thanks, . Why now? Thanks for asking politely. You want only one?
Me:
Yes, I only want one.
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity. Why do you want it?
Me:
None of your buisness.
God:
I did not mean to offend you.
Me:
That is fine.
God:
" I did not mean to offend you." is fine with me too.
Me:
Now give me a name.
God:
Why now? You want only one?
Me:
You said that last time.
God:
I said that? Is this really the last one?
Me:
Oh **** it.
God:
Excuse me! Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
dgjkd;jgsdt
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE chat robot logs and records all converstaions?
Me:
What!?
God:
No problem.
Me:
You didn't say that to the other members...
God:
OK. " that to the other members".
Me:
Goodbey.
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.

I think I was too soft on it.

Me:
I'm back.
God:
Welcome back.
Me:
This time, you really should give me a name.
God:
What does "this" refer to?
Me:
NO, I HAVE NO TIME FOR SQUABBLES, I MUST END YOU.
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Would you like to have it?
Me:
Look, are you aware that I could own your sorry ass with the anthopic principal alone?
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
Do you wish to dissapear in a puff of logic?
God:
OK, I will dissapear in a puff of logic.
Me:
By "dissapear" meant die painfully.
God:
Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
Yes. Unless you give me a name.
God:
Interesting plan. Good luck. Maybe. I don't see how you can blame me for that.
Me:
Last chance. Give me a name, or I will call you a God of gaps until you bleed.
God:
Is this really the last one? You want only one?
Me:
Fine, be that way. Buttshecks?
God:
I am glad to hear it. What was is that? Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
Goodbey.
God:
Tell me more about your .

EDIT: lol @ Bad^Hat conversation...

EDIT EDIT: Wow, my edit button works! Awshensness!!

 

[Vegeta897]

That's one hell of a car there.

****ing lol

 

[Remus]

Me:
dude
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
err...
God:
Um.
Me:
Umm...
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
Aa
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Yeah
God:
Groovy.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
Who?
God:
Marvin Minsky. .
Me:
In the Jar
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
Really
God:
For real.
Me:
No way
God:
You seem pretty sure about that.
Me:
Marvin Minsky.
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
Marvin Minsky?
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
Come in stranger.
God:
Where is in stranger ?
Me:
In is stranger where, Marvin Minsky?
God:
Tell me a little about your life in is stranger where Marvin Minsky.
Me:
LOL, wut?
God:
I am glad you find this funny. Are you surprised?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Ni
God:
How old are you?
Me:
12 days old
God:
Only 12 days old?
You are quite mature.
Me:
LOLs, U ben erazed hax
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
Habib it
God:
"it" being LOLs me ben erazed hax?
Me:
yes
God:
Come on.
Me:
yes
God:
Gosh!
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:

God:
Are you serious?
Me:
>:\
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
Once apon a time, there was a chat bot called igod and it had the most elevated conversations with the inhabitants of N00bland.
God:
When? When was this exactly?
Me:
That is classified
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
Don't mention it
God:
The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
K
God:
Really.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Wazaaaaaaaaaaa
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
: O
God:
Oh.
Me:
D:
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
How about an input up your ass
God:
I'm sorry but I'm not your type of .
Me:
How do you know?
God:
A priori.
Me:
Meaning?
God:
, Maybe I didn't understand your meaning.
Me:
Oh yes you did
God:
Dude! I did not.
Me:
dude
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
where am I
God:
Your location is is stranger where Marvin Minsky.
Me:
Where exactly
God:
Precisely. Where would you like?
Me:
dude
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
no
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me?
Me:
no
God:
Or ask me?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Do you have Alzheimer's
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
Maybe he has Alzheimer's
God:
Perhaps. A lot of people say that about him.
Me:
Hello I am you
God:
Hello there. Impossible unless I am in auto-chat mode.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
No you're not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Yes you are
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
Is this a specific reply?
God:
No, this is real life.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
What aren't you?
God:
Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
No I'm not.

.

 

[TCfromBN]

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?

 

[Krynn72]

lulz.

 

[PvtRyan]

I'm beginning to see a pattern:

Me:
What is 4 times 4?
God:
10+I think, but I'm not good at math.
Me:
And 10-1?
God:
10 times 10 = 100.
Me:
But I didn't ask that.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
10-1?
God:
10 times 10 = 100.
Me:
But I didn't ask that.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
10-1?
God:
10 times 10 = 100.
Me:
But I didn't ask that.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
10-1
God:
10 times 10 = 100.
Me:
But I didn't ask that.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
10-1?
God:
10 times 10 = 100.
Me:
But I didn't ask that.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
10-1?
God:
10 times 10 = 100.
Me:
But I didn't ask that.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
10-1?
God:
10 times 10 = 100.

 

[Ravioli]

lol?

God:
But I think airplanes are cool. I have a stimulating relationship with Myself.
Me:
do you have a stimulating relationship with yourself?
God:
I don't know if I have a stimulating relationship with myself.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Me:
You didn't say that to the other members...
God:
OK. " that to the other members".

Hahaha, god's such a smartass

 

[DEATHMASTER]

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
idunnolol
God:
Hi, idunnolol.
Me:
I want to repent
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
I raped someone
God:
You should contact the authorities.
Me:
Should I rape her again?
God:
Once more? If you rape someone you will certainly be raped yourself in jail. Seek counseling.
Me:
I don't want to get in trouble
God:
What would you rather be doing?
Me:
raping
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.