Corny Jokes Thread

[mchammer75040]

What kind of underwear do old people wear?
Depends.

 

[Dynasty]

A bearded lady shot a dwarf out of a cannon who landed on the elephant man's head and killed him.

Freak accident.

 

[G(ordon)-man]

How do you name a martial arts pig?

Pork chop

 

[Escaep]

I guess I'll answer my own knock knock joke.

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Queen.

Queen Who?

Queen as a whistle!


lawlawlawlawlawlawl

 

[Officer Combine]

What kind of underwear do old people wear?
Depends.

Yes.

 

[Dynasty]

What do a walrus and a tupperware box have in common?

Spoiler

They both like tight seals.

Why do midgits laugh when they run?

Spoiler

Because the grass tickles their balls.

My personal fave:

Whats the hardest part about rollerblading?

Spoiler

Telling your parents you're gay.

 

[Officer Combine]

What do a walrus and a tupperware box have in common?

Spoiler

They both like tight seals.

Why do midgits laugh when they run?

Spoiler

Because the grass tickles their balls.

My personal fave:

Whats the hardest part about rollerblading?

Spoiler

Telling your parents you're gay.

All of these made me cringe.

 

[Stigmata]

Whats the hardest part about rollerblading?

Spoiler

Telling your parents you're gay.

 

[Warped]

whats long, hard and full of seamen??

A submarine! get your mind out of the gutter

 

[Stigmata]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

Spoiler

"My son was just diagnosed with leukemia."

 

[Sheepo]

A deaf goat and a sheep walk into a bar. The sheep says "Hey, wanna drink?" and the goat says

Spoiler

Sorry, I can't SHEAR YOU! LOLOLOLOL

/:

 

[Stigmata]

aaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Sheepo that was so godawful

 

[Sheepo]

I use it in every joke thread and I don't seem to get any points for having made it up myself.

:arms:

 

[Stigmata]

Well here, have thirty points for making me laugh for as many seconds.

/gives

 

[Slug Advisor]

[Obligatory Nate the Snake post]

 

[Operational]

A Man sees an atom crying.

Man: Why are you crying?

Atom: I've lost an electron.

Man: Are you sure?

Atom: Yes, I'm positive!

 

[tschumann]

Two potato chips walked down the street.
One was assaulted.

 

[delusional]

Why did the Ice cream man cross the road?

To sell Rocky road ice cream to the little children.

 

[Emporius]

Whats the hardest part about rollerblading?

Spoiler

Telling your parents you're gay.

Lol Human Giant

 

[Sheepo]

A Man sees an atom crying.

Man: Why are you crying?

Atom: I've lost an electron.

Man: Are you sure?

Atom: Yes, I'm positive!

I chuckled.

Also, less than three to the power of two Stigmata.

 

[Neutrino]

So a termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

 

[Cpt Tenacious]

A guy walks up to me and says "IM A TEEPEE IM A WIGWAM IM A TEEPEE IM A WIGWAM!" so I say "Calm down man! You're two tents!"

What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

Why can't witches have babies? There husbands have hollow-weenies.

 

[Bad^Hat]

What's blue and square?

Spoiler

An orange in disguise.

What's green, has six legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?

Spoiler

A billiards table.

How many zen buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler

Two. One to screw it in, and one not to screw it in.

What does a cowboy use to see in the dark?

Spoiler

A saddle light.

 

[G(ordon)-man]

What does the mother broom tell to her children?

Children, it's time to go to sweep!

 

[Dynasty]

This whole thread is like talking to my 8 year-old nephew.

More fake laughter than Jackass and Dirty Sanchez combined.

 

[Dog--]

How do you make a hanky dance?


Put a little boogie in it.


Ba dum tish.

 

[SamuraiKenji]

Why is Six afraid of Seven~?
Because Seven Eight Nine!
Say it outloud to get the cornyness

 

[Gemma]

What did the mommy chimney say to the baby chimney?

Spoiler

You're too young to smoke

 

[JNightshade]

What do nine out of ten people enjoy?

Spoiler

Gang rape.

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

Spoiler

Half a cat.

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Spoiler

Doctor Dre.

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Spoiler

You can't jelly your c*ck into someone's mouth.

 

[Dog--]

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Spoiler

Fo Drizzle

 

[PJ]

Two fish were in a tank and one said to the other 'How do you drive this thing?'

 

[Mr-Fusion]

What did the sailor find in the toilet?

The captains log.

 

[Dynasty]

Two sausages in a frying pan.

One says to the other 'Damn it's hot in here'

The other says '***k a talking sausage!'

 

[SimpleAssassin]

completely un-pc but what the hell

whats the quickest way to turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS

 

[PvtRyan]

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, the fourth an eighth, and so on.

The bartender looks at the line going out the door, pours two beers and walks away.

 

[Bad^Hat]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFIHqS5vZ8E

 

[DEATHMASTER]

that didn't make any sense.

 

[Shamrock]

that didn't make any sense.

Made sense to me, and I'm ****ing retarded.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

On second thought, it made sense, it just wasn't the least bit funny.

 

[Kula Meenur]

Oh DM, it's Bill Bailey. The guy is hilarious