Farting in Elevators

[Tyguy]

Sure, the world is a ****ed up place and I'm sure there's a lot more practical stuff to make a thread about, but not today...

I would like to discuss farting in elevators. Here's a little background on my reason for posting. My office, like most others, has a number of floors, mine being the top floor. At the end of the day I ride it down to the basement to get my car and leave...blah blah blah....

So yesterday I'm waiting for the elevator in the lobby and notice that I have a beast of a fart coming on. No big deal I thought, I can hold it until I get downstairs. At this point I assume my brain went dead and stopped thinking about the future because the second I got in the elevator I let one rip that might have woken a coma patient. I had myself a little giggle and began my journey down 5 floors.

"Why is the elevator stopping" I asked myself seconds later...it was at that point I remembered that people generally leave their offices at 5 as well...the elevator slowed to a stop on the fourth floor...I knew to a virgin nose my fart would be disgustingly obvious and I started to panic. Do I get off on this floor and make a run for it, avoiding any type of gastro-intestinal confrontation? Too late...I just stood there as a group of people walked in. Their conversations ending abruptly for an obvious reason.

Now, when we smell a foreign fart we all go through the same process....small sniff, a look around, and then an attempt to mask the smell (breathing through clothing, etc...) I noticed all of them do this in utter silence, casually exchanging empty gestures to one another, as I stood there basking in my own poo vapor. It was painfully obvious I was the culprit but acknowledging that would be pointless and would only serve to make things even more awkward.

Ah well, the elevator got to the 1st floor and I was about to scramble, leaving the mess behind me. But no, my boss was waiting for the same elevator to go back up. There were 4 people in it so he couldn't just assume it was me, but as I looked back at him as the doors closed I could tell....he knew. The last thing I saw as the doors came together was a look of horror in his eyes and the facial expression to match.

Epic I thought.

 

[Dog--]

I lol'd.

Decent.

 

[CptStern]

your ass smells like the inside of a dead animal because of all the meds you take. no really toxicity from prescription drug use makes people's farts/shits smell like death


also this is a good time to repost this gem of a story, i'ts not an elevator story but it must be something like what the people left on the elevator must have felt:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/323013997.html

 

[Warped]

you probably held that fart in subconsciously all day

also funniest time to fart is when you go pee

 

[Shamrock]

That was hilarious.

 

[Tyguy]

I seem to need to fart every time I'm about to leave work, almost like my subconscious is playing a horribly smelly trick on me. Even the test farts are becoming quite unbearable...maybe stern is right.

gotta lay off that little blue pill...

 

[VirusType2]

You should shit in the corner one day. And maybe just leave it there to ride alone. Just picture it.

 

[Warped]

learn how to make controlled farts, best time is when you pee because bathrooms are hard to tell where smells are coming from anyway. just let them rip because its the only acceptable place to fart besides outside in the wind!

 

[VirusType2]

But when you are in the restroom your farts are like 19 times louder and reverberate your ass cheeks. No other place possess these kind of acoustics. It's amazing, really.

 

[Warped]

But when you are in the restroom your farts are like 19 times louder and reverberate your ass cheeks. No other place possess these kind of acoustics. It's amazing, really.

true but its funnier to fart in a bathroom because
A) there are only guys in there
B) its custom
C) its safer

one question remains though.....why are bathrooms so small and cafeterias are humongous and are hardly ever full

 

[Tyguy]

But when you are in the restroom your farts are like 19 times louder and reverberate your ass cheeks. No other place possess these kind of acoustics. It's amazing, really.

it's my theory that the air is thinner in bathrooms as well. I'm basing this on the fact that every time i shit I become light headed to the point where i start forgetting crucial moments of my life.

 

[Warped]

it's my theory that the air is thinner in bathrooms as well. I'm basing this on the fact that every time i shit I become light headed to the point where i start forgetting crucial moments of my life.

Ahem

 

[huntingbear]

also funniest time to fart is when you go pee

i lol'd

 

[StarBob]

you probably held that fart in subconsciously all day

also funniest time to fart is when you go pee

This!

Ah I'm so excited right now. I've been looking for an outlet to talk about my farting experiences. My friends don't find it nearly as entertaining as do so I can FINALLY get some release (puntended).

First off, I have a very consistent diet. I have no idea what in my diet does it, but everyday post lunch the gases start building. I know there's only one solution. I do have an office, but it's sort of a well traveled avenue to an office behind me and has an open door to another office on the other side. So I hold these potential farts in... waiting for the best time. Usually this comes during a bathroom break. One day I make this daily trip to the bathroom and step up to the urinal. I quick glance as I walked in led me to believe I was alone in this room and I could feel free to fully relieve myself. I proceeded to produce four separate farts, about a half second apart, and each about two notes lower than the rest. It was like the beginning of a slow waltz... it went from a trumpet to a tuba. It was truly epic... and I started laughing. Then suddenly, albeit faintly, off in the last stall I heard a supressed laugh. I will never know who that was and he will never know who I was, but we with both always have that moment.

 

[CptStern]

having two kids has made farting fun again. I am the Farting King of my house as the only other adult, my wife, farts like a mouse ...all squeek no bass

"mom, dad's asking me to pull his finger"

 

[Tyguy]

This!
I quick glance as I walked in led me to believe I was alone in this room and I could feel free to fully relieve myself. I proceeded to produce four separate farts, about a half second apart, and each about two notes lower than the rest. It was like the beginning of a slow waltz... it went from a trumpet to a tuba. It was truly epic... and I started laughing. Then suddenly, albeit faintly, off in the last stall I heard a supressed laugh. I will never know who that was and he will never know who I was, but we with both always have that moment.

some part of this will be sigged...

i like how much detail you put into that.

 

[Harryz]

When Eddie Murphy was funny - the fart game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSZJJc3T1RQ

 

[StarBob]

some part of this will be sigged...

i like how much detail you put into that.

It's a memory I cherish.

 

[hot564231]

Best time I let one rip was in primary school, we were sitting in the assembly hall, the principal was giving a speech about something, and I was sitting in the middle of the assembly hall, with 25 people to each corner of me, I notice my gut making sounds, clearly wind I was having, so during this speech without warning, this loud thunder roar comes from my arse hole, and it lasted near 30 sec atleast from my memory serves me.


The sudden silence from the principal was that of a dramatic tense moment, my heart stopped, I knew he was annoyed during his planned speech that he worked on for god knows how long, my classmates turned around looking for who dealt it, and they clearly smelt it, I turn around to look behind me, and I see a pupil from another class waving hand, batting the smell of my arse away from his tainted nose.

Seconds later, the principal resumes his speech and most pupils around me pull their shirts over they're noses and I sat there, proud of what I done.

Truly a great day in my childhood.

 

[AKIRA]

my god...i can't stop laughing..bastard it HURTS WHEN I LAUGH!!!


but seriously I love hearing embarrassing stories like these.

 

[VirusType2]

When Eddie Murphy was funny

Have you lost your mind? Eddie Murphy will kill you to death with laughter whenever he feels like it. I mean literally, you can die from it.

Well anyway, I seriously thought I was going to die or go into a coma, but I could not stop laughing hysterically. It was terrifying, yet hilarious.

 

[StarBob]

Have you lost your mind? Eddie Murphy will kill you to death with laughter whenever he feels like it. I mean literally, you can die from it.

Well anyway, I seriously thought I was going to die or go into a coma, but I could not stop laughing hysterically. It was terrifying, yet hilarious.

He was great in I Spy... that's kinda recent


Here's a shorter and more recent story. I went home the other day and my cat was lying on the arm of the couch as I Walked in the door. It looked at me and let out a slight "meow" as I walked toward it. I started petting it a bit... but then I quickly turned my body and farted in it's face. I don't know why I turned quickly... as though the cat would somehow recognize the impending fart and seek shelter... but that's how it happened. I only wish I could have somehow still been facing it so I could see it's face at the pinnacle of action.

 

[Stigmata]

My cat would run if a bear even showed up, let alone farted in his face.

 

[StarBob]

My cat would run if a bear even showed up, let alone farted in his face.

Everyone knows you're supposed to run toward bears not away from them.

 

[VirusType2]

curl up in a ball, making yourself as small as possible and shit all over yourself.

I mean, that's probably what would happen, but it also might work.

 

[Tyguy]

farting in front of pets is part of the human condition...and it's never a bore. the look they give you is one of absolute confusion. they have no idea what that noise could have possibly been until...the smell...

then they walk out of the room, but not before looking back with a poignant sense of disdain.

at least i dont shit in the yard, you little 4 legged bastard.

 

[Dekstar]

Oh man I have this really funny story. I wasn't the farter, but still I think it's on topic.

So I was in this meeting at some office (I can't remember where), and I really needed a shit. So I go into their cubicles, and I'm in there not 5 minutes when I hear the door open. I have a thing about not leaving a cubicle when someone's in the toilet there with me, so I sit in wait hoping they hadn't noticed me and will be on their way. So I hear this guy walk up to a urinal and start pissing. Then, I hear the 4 most musical farts ever. They were about a half a second apart and each one was lower in pitch than the last.

Man it was so funny. It could have been the start to a waltz or something, and they were all really so powerful, and the guy was laughing so I couldn't help but let out a little laugh, blowing my cover. Needless to say I didn't leave the stall so I never knew the hero who farted a melody, but it was legendary.

 

[Tyguy]

^ I see what you did there, you scrupulous bastard.

 

[StarBob]

So I go into their cubicles

It's ill advised to shit in a cubicle... someone may be uncomfortable.

 

[The Brick]

Related:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EupskfPAlVo

 

[Maestro]

This thread...

This thread is making me lol every other post.

 

[Tyguy]

the best part of ripping ass in an elevator is the fact that it spreads throughout the entire building in a matter of minutes. every time that door opens it's a present from the sixth floor.

 

[flamingdts]

the best part of ripping ass in an elevator is the fact that it spreads throughout the entire building in a matter of minutes. every time that door opens it's a present from the sixth floor.

Talk about gas grenades.

Lol

 

[The Monkey]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMX8L7Yxyfk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohDTSJo5bYU

 

[Stormy]

I always fart as I leave the lift, hoping some poor bastard will have to deal with it and have no idea who it was! hahaha

 

[Tyguy]

I always fart as I leave the lift, hoping some poor bastard will have to deal with it and have no idea who it was! hahaha

this is actually the best thing you can do to mess with your coworkers, and i shall be doing more of it.