Fundies Say the Darndest Things!

[kjac]

http://www.fstdt.com/

Here are a few of my favorites, post yours if you have any.

"There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least."

(not religious, but hilarious)

"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!"

"[Replying to 'as for not seeing evolution it takes several million years... incase you missed that memo...']

several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years."

"You got it backwards.

Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence.

Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales."

"I honestly don't care about your rights. If it were up to me, all Atheists would be burnt at the stake and or cast into a river with weights tied to their ankles and or placed before the firing squad, etc etc etc."

"Have you ever seen an airplane or a bird? They defy the theory of gravity. Dont' say stupid stuff..... theorys can be broken, that's why they're not laws....."

"One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]"

:rolling:

 

[JNightshade]

Ugh. Talk about scum.

 

[Beerdude26]

"One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]"

 

[Stigmata]

So much evidence in favor of elective abortion.

 

[Dog--]

lol, the dirty magazine with men one is funny, if someone said that they are just retarded.

 

[CptStern]

"The fallacies of gravity

just curious if anyone can explain these errors that many people are aware of when it comes to the theory of gravity

number 1. the way gravity reads, scientists have you think that objects of larger mass would have more of a gravitational pull then objects of smaller mass. so tell me how this makes sense

when we look at the sun we see the earth orbiting the sun, and the moon obriting the earth. if gravity were true, shouldnt our moon be orbiting the sun??? oh better yet, how come a planet way out in the distance such as neptune will orbit the sun, yet its moons will not orbit the sun??? something is wrong here, even at thise immense distances the moons will orbit the planets and not the sun, yet the suns "gravity" is strong enough supposedly to keep the planets in orbit.

number 2. why is it, only planets have orbits?? you could put a space shuttle in outter space and a astronaut will not orbit it. you could put the smallest pebbble into outter space and it will not orbit the space shuttle. why is this???? if gravity were true then surely such small objects would orbit larger ones, especially in space

number 3. on earth we see things that defy "gravity" on a daily basis. birds and airplanes for example. are you going to tell me that the gravity of the sun is strong enough to keep PLUTo in orbit but not an airplane or a little bird??????

number 4. scientists dont know how gravity works. or what it really is, and even then we see anaomolies in space that defy gravity

so my point is that gravity(like other scientifist "tHeories" is very on shaky grounds. it doesnt have the evidnece to back it up, and when examined critically it falls under the pressure(no pun intended )

show me a pebble that orbits a mountain or a bird that orbits the earth and then gravity will make sense. or better yet just show me how gravity works(if it works at all) and then maybe it will be more than just a theory

how do you evolutionsts explain gravity???"

:O

"[On homosexuality being a condition one is born with]

Just because you are born a certain way doesn't meant that is the way you have to be. Some people are born Asian, but through surgeries and counseling they can change."

lol!

 

[Que-Ever]

Birds and airplanes don't defy gravity, gravity is still working on them...*grumble grumble*

 

[CptStern]

/me points at Que-Ever

SATANIST!! avert your eyes children he may take on other forms!

How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys heres a few questions for people who beleive that

1.If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys

2.Even Darwin said his theories were wrong before he died so why do you still believe them

3.do you really not believe the bible it says we were created in seven days not millions of years

4.how come we cant speak monkey

doh, I wanna speak monkey!!!

 

[Que-Ever]

I can speak monkey... *shape-shifts*

 

[Adabiviak]

That's awesome. How is it that this seems to be so prevalent here in the US?

 

[Qonfused]

I can speak monkey... *shape-shifts*

Witch!

 

[Que-Ever]

Today was the frist rain of the season down our way... two girls from my first block were missing, and my teacher said they were witches- they hadn't had time to put on their protective coating, so they stayed home. Of course, the rest of the block was spent concieving inventive ways of lynching and burning them when they came back tomorrow.

Lucky me, I looked outside last night when it had started raining...

 

[Absinthe]

As funny as some of those quotes are, they also scare the shit out of me.

 

[Dan]

I thought you were talking about Newfoundlanders when you said Fundies or maybe residents of the bay of Fundy who are almost Newfoundlanders.

 

[Dekstar]

Quite scary indeed!

 

[gick]

As funny as some of those quotes are, they also scare the shit out of me.

Ditto. I dont know whether to laugh, or just kill myself...

 

[The Brick]

These things make me lose faith in humanity. Will we ever be intelligent as a whole?

 

[gick]

"Female circumcision is not barbaric. It is done for a reason, to keep the female pure. If only we adopted such practices here in the UK, then maybe women would be less inclined toward infidelity and therefore family values would still be an integral part of society. Family values instil a sense of discipline and respect, which we need as a counteraction against the modern trend of zero respect and zero discipline that is undermining the very fabric of our decaying society."

These people are the ****ing scum of the earth...

 

[ríomhaire]

HAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHA
That's all I can say.

 

[PvtRyan]

"There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least."

Hehe, I knew that guy already, he's indeed a true fundie. Look at another thread from him here:

http://www.christianforums.com/t4071399-4-reasons-against-evolution.html

Disproving a scientific theory by refering to the Bible. Genius, I'd say!

These people truly are too dumb to breathe.

 

[ComradeBadger]

Highlarious:E

 

[Mechagodzilla]

Depressing:O

 

[ríomhaire]

I thank any higher being who was passing at the time for giving us these idiots. Our days would be so much less enjoyable without them.

 

[CrazyHarij]

haha, great stuff... but i actually feel kind of sick. but funny as hell nonetheless

this one just instawins

"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!"

 

[gick]

"I often debate with evolutionists because I believe that they are narrow mindedly and dogmatically accepting evolution without questioning it. I don't really care how God did what He did. I know He did it."

Lollers.

EDIT: Holy shit. This one is pretty horrifying:

"President Bush, I dream of a world in which little muslem children sit in the glass and ash of what was once their cities, and listen, trembling and wide eyed, as their mommies tell them tales about the bad men in the west and what will happen to them if they so much as whisper the words, "Allah Akbar.""

 

[Solaris]

That place outnumbers fundies by mechas about 1:5000

And some of thoose people need to be shot.

 

[kjac]

wrong on oh so many levels

"Let me clear some things up

Fossiles prove one thing and that is something died, they cant say it is million years old. why? becuz they werent there so there is no proof. also if the big bang thery were to be true everything would be in one direction. the planets all spin a different way. evolution is just a "therory" not proven facts they just think it happend. in the bible it says in genises that god created us out of dirt, notice how all of our skin tones match the soil of earth? also girls have one more rib then us also stated in genesis where it says god took the rib from man and brought women to life. also the whole global warming thing is not true, many people say it is, but it says in the end times [ which we are living in right now, which i belive] that there would be many storms,fires, dieses, and famin amoung the world."

A Christian response to the Kent Hovind tax evasion.

"[Re the Kent Hovind trial, where Hovind evaded paying $800,000+ in taxes over 5 years and his lawyers don't call any witnesses in his defense]

This was Christian religion on trial here folks, I was there I saw, I heard how this case was a joke. This was just one of many more to come of cases against Churches, look out Churches. Shame on anyone that distanted their self from this family before and during this trial instead of supporting them, not agreeing with them but standing beside faithful, faithful servants of the Lord how have stood beside many of us through our trials and struggles.
Is this what our court system have become? A kangaroo court. Not the evidence but just what a biased judge wants to allow the jury to hear. [...]

CHRISTIANS open your eyes, our BIBlE says that the Christians will be pursecuted in the end times, well this is what happened today in that court room."

 

[repiV]

christiananswers.net is always good for a laugh.

 

[Dalamari]

"COMFORTER,
TODAY, AFTER READING A BOOK CALLED "PORTALS TO CLEANSING" BY DR. HENRY MALONE, I DECIDED I NEEDED TO HAVE MY ANIMALS DELIVERED AS WELL. I STARTED WITH MY CAT. I HAVE ALREADY ANOINTED THEM AND PLED THE BLOOD OVER THEM, BUT I DECIDED THEY NEEDED A DELIVERANCE AS WELL.
I ANOINTED HER WITH OIL IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. THEN I DEDICATED HER TO THE LORD. THEN I BEGAN THE DELIVERANCE. AS SOON AS I TOLD THE EVIL FORCES TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY, THE CAT DID TOO ! SHE RAN FROM ME AND HID. THEN, SHE RAN TO THE DOOR. SHE LOOKED FRIGHTENED. SO, LOOKING HER IN THE EYE, AND BEING ABLE TO TELL THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE BESIDES HER, I COMMANDED THEM TO LEAVE HER BODY IMMEDIATELY AS SHE IS DEDICATED TO JESUS CHRIST AND HIS PROPERTY. I LET HER OUTSIDE AND SHE YAWNED...WHICH IS AN INDICATION THEY ARE LEAVING. SHE STAYED OUTSIDE, DESPITE THE WIND BLOWING HARD. THEN, AFTER ABOUT 10-15 MINUTES SHE CAME BACK IN. SHE SEEMS DIFFERENT. IN A GOOD WAY. I GUESS THE DOG IS NEXT.
COMFORTER, ANY THOUGHTS OR ADVICE?"

What

the

****

 

[CptStern]

if I were that person my adive would be

you have demons in your head the only sure fire way of getting them out is by using one of these, praise be to god, let his will be done


whhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[kirovman]

I like the conspiracy theorists say the darndest things.

Also, this guy debunks a lot of those stupid arguements (from fundies and conspiracy theorists) put forwards.

http://www.don-lindsay-archive.org/index.html

 

[Shippi]

.

 

[Beerdude26]

I'm moving to Mars, who's with me

 

[kirovman]

I'm moving to Mars, who's with me

Why can't we ship them to Mars instead?

 

[jverne]

Why can't we ship them to Mars instead?

dude are you nuts!
i hope to live one day on mars. don't want to see churches when i come there.

i suggest somewhere warm...like the sun or venus!

 

[Ennui]

this site is hilarious but it has a nasty tendency to make me register on fundamentalist forums and take on all of them at once

it wouldn't be the first time

 

[Seagull]

this site is hilarious but it has a nasty tendency to make me register on fundamentalist forums and take on all of them at once

it wouldn't be the first time

where was this first time :O

 

[Ennui]

some christian gaming clan, they ended up deleting my thread but it was me vs. about twenty people

also i've registered on several racist/white power forums for the same purpose

those usually get deleted too

 

[Absinthe]

I gave up on that practice long ago. Now I reside myself to scheming about the destruction of the planet. :O

 

[Puzzlemaker]

Ennui, if you ever plan to do it again I am with you.

In fact, why don't we get together a strike force? Go and invade a forum. They can't stop sheer numbers.

We can use the people from the politics section as our elite force, already battle-hardened after many long forum debates.