Have you ever contemplated suicide?

[mastag]

Have you ever really considered ending it all?

 

[Krynn72]

I did, like once back in High School. I was a pussy back then.

 

[Stigmata]

A few times in high school. Grade 11 completely sucked.

 

[MJ12]

I think almost everyone has at least once.

 

[Dalamari]

I have for about a second, then I came to my senses

 

[leib10]

I've put guns to my head countless times, but I never cut myself or mutilated myself.

 

[MJ12]

damn, those emo's made self mutilation so lame...

 

[Tyguy]

damn, those emo's made self mutilation so lame...

Leave it to emos to ruin suicide....

 

[xcellerate]

I think almost everyone has at least once.

seriously, everybody thinks about at least once; it's nothing special or unique.

 

[AKIRA]

honestly i haven't yet.

 

[tehsolace]

yup. i decided to give it a day and see if i still felt like it. i didn't. i'm not very impulsive, you see.

 

[Kula Meenur]

No. Weak way out

 

[Geogaddi]

I've contemplated what the world would be like without me, luckily for you guys I decided to stay.

 

[Raziaar]

I have and still do, frequently.

In fact, in a completely twisted and downright disturbing facet of my mind, I partly convinced myself I'd commit suicide and then everybody on the forums(a while back mind you) would wonder where the hell I was, and then somebody would figure out what I did. I know, it's completely irrational.

That's the problem with these thoughts. They're irrational. Can't stop em.

 

[mastag]

I have and still do, frequently.

In fact, in a completely twisted and downright disturbing facet of my mind, I partly convinced myself I'd commit suicide and then everybody on the forums(a while back mind you) would wonder where the hell I was, and then somebody would figure out what I did. I know, it's completely irrational.

That's the problem with these thoughts. They're irrational. Can't stop em.

To be honest, ever since you're farewell thread, i guess we'd just assume you stopped coming. I see what you're saying though.

Usually I'm just really depressed when I think about stuff like suicide.

 

[Geogaddi]

Who are some old members who suddenly stopped posting? I bet we have at least one who typed kill in console.

 

[Vegeta897]

Like Geo said, I've wondered what it would be like if I actually did, but I would never ever consider doing it. I'm good at staying happy.

 

[Que-Ever]

I think once, but then my balls dropped soon afterwards.

 

[Raziaar]

To be honest, ever since you're farewell thread, i guess we'd just assume you stopped coming. I see what you're saying though.

Usually I'm just really depressed when I think about stuff like suicide.

That's not why I stopped posting. I did intend to stop posting entirely and stop coming. Which I did for quite a few months, except for this temporary lull in my life(it's all a series of lulls really).

What I was talking about though, when I had those thoughts, it wouldn't have involved a farewell thread.

 

[Smoke]

Yes.

 

[mastag]

That's not why I stopped posting. I did intend to stop posting entirely and stop coming. Which I did for quite a few months, except for this temporary lull in my life(it's all a series of lulls really).

What I was talking about though, when I had those thoughts, it wouldn't have involved a farewell thread.

Ah. I get what you're saying now.

 

[sinkoman]

Tons. Used to think of it quite often back when I had a shitload of anxiety and derealization issues. It sometimes feels like the only way out of a bad bout with derealization, but I never really seriously tried to go through with it.

Don't think about it too much any more. Runs through my head every so often, but that's more of a "lol what would it feel like to shoot yourself?" kind of feeling rather than "OMG WORLD SUCKS GUNNA TYPE KILL IN CONSULKTHXBAI".

I've always wondered though, how many HL2.netters are dead, right now, and we just never were told? It's a harrowing thought tbh, think about it. If you were hit by a car tomorrow, nobody on HL2.net would know.

HL2.net NEEDS TO KNOW GOD DAMMIT!

 

[MJ12]

I know this sounds very self centered, but I become more depressed wondering if my really close friends would even attend my funeral, or if they would even be greatly affected by my death. I think losing your significance after death, especially by close ones, is far more depressing

 

[Vegeta897]

Yeah. I've wondered like, if anyone would look on my computer to like find more info about me.

 

[Qonfused]

Yeah. I've wondered like, if anyone would look on my computer to like find more info about me.

lol

 

[Vegeta897]

I'm pretty sure someone in my family would. Most of my family is very computer literate.

 

[Raziaar]

I have clinical depression and so I think about suicide quite regularly. For the last eight months, I've had very few days where I did not seriously contemplate it, or wanted to do it. I occasionally go into trancelike states when I'm really down and just stare at the floor for an hour. It is not uncommon for me to cry myself to sleep. I am convinced that I am a completely disgusting human being with no right to exist, and have resigned myself to slow decay.

Yeah, it's pretty great.

I'm sort of the same. I haven't been officially diagnosed with clinical depression, but I'm fairly certain I suffer from it. I go through what you describe, with the exception of crying myself to sleep. I do it on the inside, not the outside.

Lately... I haven't even been able to play videogames or write or read. I just... idle. Which is why I happened to land back on these forums right at this time. I mean for ****s sake, I bought a new video card and what do I do with it? I idle... I don't take advantage of it.

 

[Naudian]

Not really. I think about dying all the time though.

Life's too short, I wanna live for at LEAST a thousand years. Even living as a head in a jar like in Futurama just to see what happens.

 

[MJ12]

I suppose this is the part of this thread where people don't know what to say



To quote the great Issac Brock-
"it's hard to remember, it's hard to remember we're alive, for the first time
it's hard to remember, it's hard to remember we're alive, for the last time
it's hard to remember, it's hard to remember to live, before you die

it's hard to rememberrrrrr"

moon and antarctica gets me everytime...

 

[Uriel]

Never have, I've had the thought of "what would happen if I die?" thoughts, but nothing by my own doing intentionally.

I'm kinda bummed a lot of you deal with depression

I can only say there was one point in my life that I was depressed, but never suicidal.

 

[AKIRA]

if you feel depressed go on a rollercoaster...honestly no matter how depressed you are you will have that 2 minutes or so of fun

 

[Vegeta897]

if you feel depressed go on a rollercoaster...honestly no matter how depressed you are you will have that 2 minutes or so of fun

Fantastic solution.

Hey everyone. Go on a rollercoaster. Right now.

 

[Uriel]

LOOK AT DIS!

 

[Raziaar]

People who suffer from depression are not gripped with it every moment of their waking days. Suggesting a roller coaster ride or something similarly fun, while good intentioned, is a little foolish. Why? Because they do those things. They live their life as you do. They have girlfriends, wives, some have wealth and material possessions, spiritual faith or whatever else that they derive joy from. They do things for fun unless suffering from a particularly rough spell. It's just that once the moment is over, when the mind has time to decompress and decompose as it will, the underlying problems are still there.

I know it's complicated for some people to understand.

I don't mean to write that as a further depressant for some people, but I just wanted to state it because I am tired when people underestimate the seriousness[serious business] and scientific basis of chemical imbalance that lurks beneath depression which is not influenced by sociological issues.

 

[Wanted Bob]

if you feel depressed go on a rollercoaster...honestly no matter how depressed you are you will have that 2 minutes or so of fun

Out of a morbid thread comes a very funny line. I like it (sigg'd).

Never have I thought about it. I guess I'm fortunate to have lead a good life so far...

 

[Uriel]

It's just that once the moment is over, when the mind has time to decompress and decompose as it will, the underlying problems are still there.

Happiness is fleeting, Joy is forever.

 

[AKIRA]

lol i feel so honoured i've been sig'd

and my post although on some level was serious, was mostly for laughs

 

[Raziaar]

I understand and relate with it completely sea.

 

[sinkoman]

When I was still suffering from derealization, I learned how to relax. It's a magnificent skill to have in your mental arsenal, and can pull you out of the most horrifically dim lit of situations.

I figured it out when my shrink, trying to help me out with my anxiety spells, suggested I listen to this CD. I kept thinking "bullshit, this is ****ing hippy shit that won't work", but when I popped it in one day while I was sitting in the corner of my room crying my ass off because I thought that I didn't exist, I found that even though the tape was as simple as some deep voiced dude saying "lol relax, relax your arms, legs, do all this shit lol", it for some reason, worked. The shrink said that it's something to do with the fact that if you close your eyes and listen to somebody saying something, you'll mentally put yourself in a "what if" situation of what's happening, which happens to actually be a state of relaxation for these tapes.

So now that i'm done with my derealization, i've found that this little skill is magnificently useful. No matter how pissed off I am, I can shake the feeling on a moments notice. No matter how sad I am, I can shake the feeling on a moments notice. No matter how sleepless, scared, shaken, nervous, etc etc, it just works.

The BIG challenge however, is convincing yourself that you no longer want to be in a detrimental state of mind. It's easy to stop being mad, but you have to want to not be mad, or sad, or nervous, or scared. Your mind wants to divulge in the situation, and delve deeper into the caves of "what ifs" and "whys" that a detrimental state will create.

I don't know if this'll help you depressed folk, but next time things seem horrifically down, just tell yourself that you don't want to be down anymore. Try to convince yourself that you want to be fine and dandy. It might not be as effective, since your case is a chemical imbalance, but I figure that if anything, it'll help you ignore the worst of times.

Btw, there's a shitload of relaxation tapes out there, and they're all basically the same. Torrent one and give that a shot too

 

[Absinthe]

Ditto.

Had a pretty long stretch where I contemplated suicide almost daily. If not proactively, then at least constantly dwelling on the idea of a world without me. Not so bad these days, but the malaise still lingers.

I also very much agree with depression being a default state. I can have an utter blast of a time. But once it's over, you quickly return to your normal state. That's pretty much why a lot of my friends and family were none the wiser about it with me. It's not something you wear on your sleeve.