Have you ever contemplated suicide?

[Shift]

The feeling is really ineffable, but it basically feels like nothing is real.

It's a side effect of anxiety. So usually, when things start becoming unreal, you're already in a paranoid state of mind, and the fact that things become unreal feeling just makes it worse. You start thinking "What if I don't exist? What if i'm just a mental fabrication?"

I actually think I know what you mean here. I had bad anxiety when growing up ever since I had this really bad flu one christmas, and my breathing was really short, i couldn't eat anything, i looked like crap and it was just a nightmare. I thought I had like cancer or something because my hair kept falling out (I was young at the time and didn't really know any better).

Well it passed but I was still really weary of my health and like the slightest thing would get me really worried. However it strowed away from health to my more metal functions, because around two summers ago this feeling I had never felt before came over me, and it was like nothing felt the way it should have felt anymore, like home didn't feel like home anymore, school didn't feel like school anymore, and it was almost like i was somewhere but I wasn't and it was an incredibly strange feeling and really scary at first. It triggered this massive panic attack one night, like my heart was racing, my hands and feet were tiggling and I just felt so weird it was untrue.

But I got a little older and wiser and I was able to ignore the anxiety, came to my senses sort of thing and now im fine. The entire experiance had made me a much stronger person though.

 

[Steven]

I used to have this paranoia of schizophrenia that sinkoman is talking about, I still think about it sometimes. Started when I realized that when you ignore all the "oh that's what mad man think that nothings real" and "accept" that you know there really is nothing from stopping reality from being a delusion. This sounds pretty lame but when you have people constantly telling you that you've been acting like a schizophrenic drug addict it certainly reinforces the fear that your reality could be a delusion. Then I realized the people telling me these things were being irrational and I started to reassure myself that I was sane.

 

[delusional]

I dont think i have ever contemplated suicide, since i fear death so much. If I could I would rather live a miserable 1000 years then an exciting 100.

I have been depressed before, but not the chemical imbalance one, but depression from the real world, that i could identify. Whenever I have gotten this problem I would just spend my whole day laying in bed, occasionally crying, but for me it is sort of refreshing, and enjoyable, because I'm letting my feelings out, which i almost never do. since I just bottle up my feelings. And I usually get rid of my depression by forgetting everything that happened or convincing myself it is for the better.

 

[Xune]

Christ, sea. Get over yourself.

I sincerely hope you never feel so completely and utterly crushed, unable to redeem yourself or even justify your own existence to yourself. It's a terrible place to be in, especially when there are people like you pissing in too.

 

[noQ]

I have thought about it. Socialising and being around positive people helps a lot.
It gets bad when a person I respect says something offensive/insulting/bad to me. I usually tend not to respond and it creates the question in my mind: Why am I required here ? Why am I necessary ?
When a person you respect tells you're good at something it really lifts your confidence. To other people I appear as stable and in good shape, but when I'm alone and start to think about my mistakes, my problems, my faults, my importance and then I lose myself.

Music helps a lot too. You got to spread the love not the hate.

 

[Taboo]

Yeah, I did alot several years ago. Its weird to think about it now. But I overcame it by thinking about two things:

1.) People with amazing lives that have them ripped out from underneath them everyday. These people would give anything for another hour and here I am throwing away my entire life.

2.) Kids in Africa with flies on their faces living in carboard boxes in street allies. What, I have bigger problems than they do?

Its mostly the first one, which I thought alot about after one of my close friends died in a car accident.

 

[L3adCannon]

Suicide is the pussy way out, I`M NO PUSSY.

FOR THE HORDE.

I`ve done it once or twice, but that was a long time ago.

 

[Mr. Banana]

I've never contemplated suicide

 

[mchammer75040]

The feeling is really ineffable, but it basically feels like nothing is real.

It's a side effect of anxiety..

Yea that is a crazy feeling, I get that quite often even after being put on antidepressants there is still a detached spacey feeling like im not really there, just observing. Manic depression runs in my family and this unreal feeling is apart of that, have you ever been checked for manic depression? I guess it could be either since anxiety and manic depression are so closely related.
For me yea Ive contemplated suicide many times, and its like what someone else said earlier that there is a difference between a physiological and circumstancial cause of the depression. Sometimes when I get these unreal feelings thoughts of suicide intrude my mind that are suicidial and honestly I cant control them. Its so hard to explain its like a thought coming into your mind saying "YOUR HEART IS GOING TO STOP" it makes no sense but unlike most people I cant stop those thoughts from being there, thats the difference between the physiological and circumstancial

 

[AiM]

I dont think i have ever contemplated suicide, since i fear death so much. If I could I would rather live a miserable 1000 years then an exciting 100.

Definitely can't agree there. What's the point in living if all you'll ever feel is misery?

 

[Nemesis6]

I've asked that question, too, AiM, and the inevitable conclusion I reach is that you only have one life and then it's gameover. I used to find people who were afraid of dieing stupid, but now I find myself wondering every day whether anything's going to get better, how I'm really just a sack of flesh that will eventually just wither. That's quite a depressing turn-around. I mean I'm 19, and I feel like I have accomplished absolutely nothing with my life. A lot of things make me feel better, but the problem is that the thoughts are always there in the back of my mind. I used to just be depressed for some stupid reason, but now I'm only semi-depressed about the inevitability of death and my current predicament.

And yes, I have contemplated suicide a lot of times. The funny thing is, I searched on google for "how to kill yourself", and I landed on this site by Maddox - http://www.google.dk/url?sa=t&ct=re..._L4uTxoumzLdkU9cA&sig2=muWQTeeDKsFEMfSCwucGFQ

But anyway, if I were to commit suicide, I would make something of it. A coolest way/ the only way I've though up was to go jump into the nuclear graphite core of Chernobyl. Problem is it's contained, so it wouldn't really be probable that my remains would be spread through winds in the upper stratosphere. Still.

 

[Godron]

@ Sinkoman: Derealisation... I remember when once I sat on floor for what must have been about an hour at night, with my knees up to my chest. I can't remember it too well, but I think everything felt like it was just a thing, and I was completely disconnected from everything. My friends didn't really feel like friends at all, just objects. Could that fall under the same banner?

I've never seriously contemplated killing myself, I think, although I do often daydream about meeting my dopplegoffer and fighting to the death. I tend to get angry at myself rather than depressed. I haven't felt bad much during the holidays, but I'll probably be back to loathing myself again when I return to school. It's being near real people that makes me feel so angry, then edgy, then infuriated, then depressed, then lonely.
I'd describe it much better if I was feeling it right now and if it wasn't 1:50. Not always, but way too often, I simply can't think of anything to say to people. I didn't used to mind not having friends, until I came to secondary school, then eventually I realised how lonely I was. I'm normally all right left to my own devices. It's just when I see people talking in a group and laughing, sh*t that makes me mad... I mean, they make it look so easy, they don't look like they're having to constantly rack their brains for something interesting or funny to say, and that's how a conversation should be, right? Why the hell does that never happen to me? I'm mostly just awkward silences and that's not how you're supposed to have friends, is it?

I feel bad for going on too much now, especially when I'm not even feeling that bad. I feel much more sorry for sea and Xune now than I do for myself. I remember you on a relationships thread ages ago sea, you sounded like the last person I'd expect to have problems with relationships

 

[Dog--]

I really hate that. The thing is, most other people are simply incapable of understanding the fact that when you're depressed, you very rarely actually have a logical reason for it (as I and others have explained already). It's not a "bad day" or some total bullshit like that, where you're in a crummy mood because you got a parking ticket or something. If I spend a three-hour with my forehead on a desk, without responding even when people talk to me, I think it's safe to say that it's a little more than "oh, I'm a bit under the weather" (though getting asked if I'm hungover is mildly amusing). The problem is that people expect you to have some sort of ridiculous justification, like the death of a family member, in order for you to feel so bad; when you don't, they just cannot get it. Fortunately you don't come across that many people who are quite so daft, but it's awful when you do.

I think I know a reason people get depressed like that (keep in mind I never knew anyone who has depression like that, my Mom had it when she was a kid, but that's it), think back to early man - They were ALWAYS doing something, like hunting, foraging, SURVIVING and the like to keep them preoccupied, and I doubt many of them were depressed - if they committed suicide it's probably for a real reason, like in the middle ages they'd kill themselves before they got a chance to get tortured, rather then killing themselves because their life sucks. Look at people now-a-days, they just sit and basically do nothing, like most jobs have people sitting at a desk staring at a screen, but back then you would never be doing anything like that, you'd be a blacksmith or be in the military something, always doing something.

I don't think man is supposed to be doing nothing, in instinct we should always have something to do, and depression (feeling like your useless, etc.) is the side-effect of not doing anything, I guarantee if you were on a plane, crashed miles away from civilization out in the forest, you wouldn't be thinking "omg, just my luck - suicide.." you'd most likely be thinking "Shelter - Water - Food".

I dunno, seems logical to me - People aren't supposed to be used to the lifestyle of today. Depressed people, IMO, have stronger primal instincts then the rest of us, and need to "fulfill" them, which is is why they get the feeling of "uselessness".

Sorry if this is way off, it seems pretty viable to me, but like I said - I never knew a depressed person.


BTW - Some of you guys are ass-hats. I never knew a depressed person, but I do know how much of an effect mental illnesses can have on people. For example I have a chemical imbalance in my brain, which causes me to have Social Anxiety. What is basically does is make me sick (puke-type of sick) at pretty much random times. Although EVERY morning I go to school I feel like puking my guts out, but I just push through - and eventually, when I get there, I'm perfectly fine. You can't control something like Social Anxiety - a Chemical Imbalance in your brain - and you can't control depression, either. It just... Happens.

although I do often daydream about meeting my dopplegoffer and fighting to the death.

I do too, except in a cool (and happy, I might add) Matrix/action movie/slo-mo style, cool thing is - I always win. Hard.

 

[slider3005]

I have thought about it a lot. It's not that anything is ever that bad in my life, in fact for the most part everything is peachy. Its just when nothing is going on (which is common)I stop caring about anything and i start to see how pointless everything is. Even now nothing really excites me anymore. I play computer games and read and watch movies because it passes the time and i go to work because i need money to buy the things that pass the time. I can't imagine a reason. I'm also not scared of death, more curious than scared to be very honest. But if i ever seriously think of it i also think of my family back home, and my friends and i still care about them enough not to do it.

 

[Exploder]

I get that all the time.

Argh, that's the worst feeling in the world. When you finally puke though, it almost feels like an orgasm.

I got pretty close to it last night. I would have gone and jammed a kitchen knife inside stomach if I hadn't subdued myself through punching, kicking and banging my head on my bed-frame. I managed to calm myself enough to go to sleep by thinking about overdosing on sleeping pills.

I don't want you to kill yourself. I would love to meet you in person and have you as my friend. I don't want you to feel miserable and stuff.

Yeah, I did alot several years ago. Its weird to think about it now. But I overcame it by thinking about two things:

1.) People with amazing lives that have them ripped out from underneath them everyday. These people would give anything for another hour and here I am throwing away my entire life.

2.) Kids in Africa with flies on their faces living in carboard boxes in street allies. What, I have bigger problems than they do?

Its mostly the first one, which I thought alot about after one of my close friends died in a car accident.

Those are some good points. It definitely helps me whenever I'm depressed.

Christ, sea. Get over yourself.

You are disgusting.

 

[Raziaar]

Speaking of suicide, Owen Wilson tried killing himself. :|

EDIT: Whoops not today, a few days ago.

 

[sinkoman]

Speaking of suicide, Owen Wilson tried killing himself today. :|

WTF?

That guy rules

One of my fav actors, even though he kinda sucks.

 

[Kula Meenur]

WTF?

That guy rules

One of my fav actors, even though he kinda sucks.

LOL

 

[poo poo head]

I've contemplated suicide...many times. I've lived a life that isn't exactly what one would call "perfect". I've lost friends to drugs, guns, and gangs. Seen family members crumble in front of my eyes. I've lost heroes, and lost some of my sanity.

I've been taking anti-depressants for years. Since i was about 14, but i can remember being sad before that. I've attempted suicide once, obviously not successful. Never told any people till a long time after.

Since then...not much has changed. However, my outlook on life is a lot different. I've put up with way too much shit to stop now. Yes, once in a while i get really sad, but i've learned to cope with it.

I beg anyone, that if you are contemplating it, please don't. Life Turns around quick. Call your friends, tell someone how you feel, it works. Trust.

 

[Shift]

Well this aint gonna drive me to kill myself lol but since we are on a morbid topic. I dunno why but over the summer, i having these massive sensations of loneliness, and tonight it was really bad. I mean a mate of mine had his 18th tonight, and he wanted me to come and it now to my other mates that I wanted to come. But earlier, they all logged off, I asked where they were going, and they said to his suprise party, I just said ok and got on with it, like I have been doing all my life if something attempts to depress me.

However, as the night went on, the thought just kept hitting me on why I wasn't invited to this suprise party. It brought back my 18th, which was in January. I mean all my mates have a good time on there 18th, but with mine, I went for a meal with my dad, my mum, my sister and her boyfriend, sat and ate the dinner while they all blabbered on, went home, and went to bed. I never thought about it, I just said to myself, 'so what, its just another age difference, why does 18th have to be special'. Just got on with it like usual.

I mean I have a lot of good friends, its not like im a hated guy, Im well liked by a lot of people, I consider myself socially strong, but I dunno, I hardly go out with any of them anymore, only chat to them a few times on msn, and im always putting on the good face. My parents continue to nag me about god know what, which is driving me to stay in Manchester Uni dorm instead of commuting, just so I can have my own space. Im getting nagged at by my mum because I have never had a girlfriend, and I should have had one by my age (even though a lot of my friends, who are in a high social background, haven't had one either) and I cant help thinking she is right, maybe thats the major factor, maybe it aint.

Although, all my life I have put up with bad feelings and got with it like I said, keep telling myself, 'why sit around feeling sorry for yourself, your problems are nothing compared to the people with REAL problems, get off you backside and move on' but right now, all those times I brushed, they arestarting to catch up with me I think. I bet my sister, my parents, my friends think that I the least likely person to have these morbid feelings. But deep, deep down, Im a really lonely guy. Suppose thats a main reason why I wanna persue a music career. So I can do something I love, knowing that if successful, it will have an effect on people's lives. I have mastered two types of martial arts, received cirtificates for outstanding acomplishments and im a decent guitarist and majorily settled in the creative stage, but I guess I need that drive from music, so that I can go on a stage, perform music I wrote with my band to an audience of thousands, just so I get the sense of appreciation, love and major acceptance that I have never truely experianced in my life, regardless of my previous accomplishments.

Not saying Im gonna kill myself lol, and these problems probably seem zilch compared to others I have read. Just needed to express them, since I know no one of which to speak to about my inner most feelings. Kinda strenghens what Im saying, that I choose a forum on the internet, full of people I dont really know, to express these feeling :/

 

[Ennui]

Hey man, expressing them is what counts, even if it's to a bunch of semi-anonymous internet personalities.

 

[DEATH eVADER]

I have once or twice, and then I realised that I would probably have to liveout the same day again(Groundhog style), so I reconsidered.

 

[.Wolf.]

guns are fun.

 

[Nid Banikeri]

I've got trillions and trillions and brazillans of years to be dead coming up, might as well live for the next 90 whilst I still can.

deep, sigged

 

[Crushenator 500]

I've never been really depressed, nor truly considered killing myself

I've thought about it, but only as a what if scenario