He Vs She

[CptStern]

taken from somwhere else:

THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's
a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the tandem
story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the
first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person
will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the
story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish
to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a
conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

-------------------------------------------------------------

STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too
much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the
question.

------------------------------------------------------

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar orbit established. No sign
of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle
beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo
bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across the cockpit.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,
they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile
submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and
85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!
Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm an air
headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

*******.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

*****.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

Wanker.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Slut.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

Get f****d.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Eat s**t.

--------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - *****.

************************************************** ***********

(Teacher) A+ - I really liked this one.

lol

 

[Shakermaker]

Now that was a good read. The dude is actually funny.

 

[Dan]

I am quite certain I read that on this very forum some 2 or 3 years ago. It was proved to be made up I believe.

 

[Raziaar]

I am quite certain I read that on this very forum some 2 or 3 years ago. It was proved to be made up I believe.

Yeah, it is old. But I still enjoyed it when I read it the first time.

 

[Krynn72]

That was very awesome. That guy's story was way better too.

 

[Raziaar]

I don't know... if given the chance I'm sure the tea story could of progressed into something spectacularly.... oh who am I kidding.

 

[Ennui]

I've read that before I think, but I lol'd anyway

The whole guys vs girls thing is so true, too.

 

[Dekstar]

I hadn't read it before, and I thought it was very funny!

 

[CptStern]

public service announcement: ..there is no such thing as "old" on the internets ..there are no road signs that point to old stories, there are no museums that display internet fads that peaked in 1998 ..you are NOT the center of the universe, what is old to you may be new to someone else


that is all, carry on

 

[Raziaar]

There doesn't have to be road signs to tell people things are old. That's what we're for.

Old is old, no matter how new to somebody else it might be. Doesn't change it's age. :E

 

[CptStern]

if a tree fell in a forest 50 years ago but no one knows about it, will the discovery of it's falling be new? ..the only possible answer is "yes"

 

[Raziaar]

if a tree fell in a forest 50 years ago but no one knows about it, will the discovery of it's falling be new? ..the only possible answer is "yes"

I don't understand. In this scenario, we already knew and documented that the tree fell. :monkee:

 

[Dan]

public service announcement: ..there is no such thing as "old" on the internets ..there are no road signs that point to old stories, there are no museums that display internet fads that peaked in 1998 ..you are NOT the center of the universe, what is old to you may be new to someone else


that is all, carry on

I am pretty sure that I have seen you point out to others that they were posting old news

 

[CptStern]

sigh ..lets try again

if a tree fell in a forest 50 years ago but no one knows about it, will the discovery of it's falling be new?

how can it be known if we just discovered it? you're either not thinking it through or you're purposefully trolling

I am pretty sure that I have seen you point out to others that they were posting old news

only in the case if it had been posted recently in these forums

 

[Raziaar]

sigh ..lets try again

how can it be known if we just discovered it? you're either not thinking it through or you're purposefully trolling

only in the case if it had been posted recently in these forums

Stern... no, I'm not trolling. And it's kind of stupid that you would insinuate I am. I'm just saying, that what you're saying is moot because in this particular scenario, the tree in question has been known to have fallen and documented.

I don't understand why you mention something not happening, when in this case it clearly has. And I don't see why you're making such a big deal about people saying something is old.

We say it to everybody who posts something old. We don't mean anything by it, except that it's old.

The thread in question is http://www.halflife2.net/forums/showthread.php?t=108087

 

[CptStern]

Stern... no, I'm not trolling. I'm just saying, that what you're saying is moot because in this particular scenario, the tree in question has been known to have fallen and documented.

omg Raziaar how are you missing the goddam point? they dont know it had fallen 50 years ago till they make the discovery that it had indeed fallen 50 years perviously ...how are you supposed to understand the original point if you cant even understand the explanation of the original point? I know you're not that thick headed

I don't understand why you mention something not happening, when in this case it clearly has. And I don't see why you're making such a big deal about people saying something is old.

it's you who are making a big deal about, I made a single statement and said "that is all, carry on"

We say it to everybody who posts something old. We don't mean anything by it, except that it's old.

yes I realise this however my point still stands, old is relative to personal experience, that has been my point from the very beginning

The thread in question is http://www.halflife2.net/forums/showthread.php?t=108087

and? notice the lack of a post by CptStern? it's new to me, therefore my point still stands ..old/new is relative to individual experience


really cowman must you nitpick every single point I make?

 

[Raziaar]

omg Raziaar how are you missing the goddam point? they dont know it had fallen 50 years ago till they make the dicovery that it had indeed fallen ...how are you supposed to understand the original point if you cant even understand the explanation of the original point? I know you're not that thick headed

<shakes his head and clicks his tongue>

Carry on.

 

[Dan]

yes I realise this however my point still stands, old is relative to personal experience, that has been my point from the very beginning

So everything must be new to you then, relatively speaking.

 

[CptStern]

<shakes his head and clicks his tongue>

Carry on.

yes thanks for ruining yet another thread with needless bickering about asinine points

So everything must be new to you then, relatively speaking.
Reply With Quote

yes I immediately burn books as soon as I'm done reading them, I only wear clothing once and if it has even the slightest patina of age it's immediately discarded, ignored or avoided at all costs ..that goes for pretty much everything else ..i change my car every day and I'm not so sure who my wife is going to be tommorrow ...but it'll be someone new

 

[Darkside55]

I want to see a story passed between Raziaar and CptStern.

I'd probably give it an A-.

 

[Gunner]

They both have good writing skills that's for sure. Hilarious even if fake hehe

 

[Raziaar]

yes thanks for ruining yet another thread with needless bickering about asinine points

You contribute just as much as I do Stern. It takes two to tango.

Look. I have nothing against you. I think you're a great guy. You think I single you out on your posts and try to pick them to pieces. That however, is not the case. I think you blow my responses out of proportion because of some continued perception that I treat you differently than other members on the forms. The things I say to you, I say to everybody else. The frequency is attributed to the fact that your posts and threads are far more abundant than most others. It just gets more heated between me and you at times, because neither of us has the ability to drop something without a good half to full page of bantering. Other people... they let it roll off their back unlike us.

Treat my posts for what they are... not some imagined crusade against everything you do.

Capisce? Good. Besides... I'm sure you can appreciate the irony of such a back and forth between us in a thread such as this. Others do.

 

[Tyguy]

Stern, dont let anyone tell you what to post...ive seen this before but its no less funny...

keep it up!

 

[Dan]

yes I immediately burn books as soon as I'm done reading them, I only wear clothing once and if it has even the slightest patina of age it's immediately discarded, ignored or avoided at all costs ..that goes for pretty much everything else ..i change my car every day and I'm not so sure who my wife is going to be tommorrow ...but it'll be someone new

You didn't get it at all, I was making fun of your original statement, not the other way around.

 

[Beerdude26]

Stern probably didn't get enough sleep because of the baby D:
Or how old is he/she now anyway, Stern?

 

[THE_END]

Haha. I lol'd

 

[Gunner]

Stern probably didn't get enough sleep because of the baby D:
Or how old is he/she now anyway, Stern?

I don't think he'll divulge that kind of information here considering there are many loli/pedobear fans lurking about.

 

[Darkside55]

*Looks up at THE_END's location*

*Looks at Gunner's post*

*Looks back at THE_END's location*

My eyebrows are narrowed, but I'm smiling.

 

[CptStern]

she's 14 months (pedobears beware: stern has one of these and isnt afraid to use it) ..and yes lack of sleep is all too common in the stern household however I'm tired of debating semantics in every single thread I make

 

[Darkside55]

Kukri, huh? That ain't a knife.

THIS is a knife.

 

[Beerdude26]

she's 14 months (pedobears beware: stern has one of these and isnt afraid to use it) ..and yes lack of sleep is all too common in the stern household however I'm tired of debating semantics in every single thread I make

But more often than not we don't want to debate stuff, just comment stuff
Unless it's one of those highly debated subjects like oil, Iraq, global warming and such because those kinds of threads simply attract people from the dreaded Politics (cue "DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN"-sound) section.

Kukri, huh? That ain't a knife.

THIS is a knife.

TITANIUM SPORK <--- I win by default.

 

[Raziaar]

Kukri, huh? That ain't a knife.

THIS is a knife.

I see you've played knifey-spoony before.

 

[CptStern]

Kukri, huh? That ain't a knife.

THIS is a knife.

ya well that wont decaptitate a man with a single swing ..also good for castration

 

[Gunner]

Is that some sort of boomerang knife? :O

 

[The Monkey]

That's quality stuff.

 

[CptStern]

Is that some sort of boomerang knife? :O

no, it's a decaptitating knife

Kukri is deflected at an angle of 20? though some examples have a very steep angle. This angle causes the end section of blade, when the blade is used to chop, to strike square on, greatly increasing the effectiveness of chopping.

Despite the physical resemblance to a boomerang, the kukri is not really designed to be thrown, but if you have been trained and know how to throw a kukri it can be thrown to give your a opponent a devastating blow. The blade's distinctive kink is intended to translate and amplify lateral swipes into perpendicular motion. It is erroneously said that the knife is specifically weighted for the purpose of slitting the throat, but that is an urban legend. When held in the hand, it is evident that the kukri would be very clumsy for this as it is essentially a chopping tool. In the attack, the kukri is most effective as a chopping, slashing weapon, as photographs of kukri-swinging Gurkhas, with their weaponed hands raised overhead, would seem to indicate

but most commonly used for this:

Still, it is more commonly used as a woodcutting tool than a weapon, and is a very common agricultural implement in Nepal.

the kukri is most commonly employed as a multi-use utility tool, rather like a machete. It can be used for building, clearing, chopping firewood, digging, cutting meat and vegetables, skinning and also for opening tins.

a friend of mine bought it for me (by request) while in Nepal for the equivilent of $3 canadian ..he brought it home in his duffle bag without incident (it was pre-9/11)

 

[Raziaar]

When I think Kukri, I always think middle eastern weapon for some reason. Crazy that it's Nepalese.

 

[Darkside55]

There's a middle eastern-sword called a shotel that's similar to a kukri.

 

[CptStern]

it can almost pass off as a short sword ..it's definately heavy enough to use as one ..although I wouldnt want to

 

[Gunner]

a friend of mine bought it for me (by request) while in Nepal for the equivilent of $3 canadian ..he brought it home in his duffle bag without incident (it was pre-9/11)

Simpler times when you weren't detained for trying to board a plane with a toe nail clipper or perfume