HL2: What's the worst that could happen?

[Zyphria]

REDMOND, Wash. — August 10, 2003 — Microsoft Corp. today announced it has signed a definitive agreement to acquire the intellectual property and technology assets of Valve Software, video game developer, best known for Half Life(tm) and Counter-Strike(tm).

Microsoft’s acquisition of Valve's technology will help secure customers by providing additional titles for the Xbox console system introduced in the Fall of 2001.

"This is a strategic, competitive decision," said Alan Bowman, Regional Director, Xbox. "But most importantly, it is a great opportunity for customers. Everything tells us that people love Xbox; they think it is a fantastic product and they absolutely love the games."

Mirroring the purchase of Bungie in early 2001, Microsoft hopes to attract additional customers for the highly anticipated sequel to Half Life originally scheduled to be released for PC's this Fall. This new chapter, will feature the main protagonist of the original title, Gordon Freeman, along with a much improved game engine. Valve has been in development for almost five years.




:cheese:

So, what's the worst that could happen? Write your own spoof. I got my idea from this post over at TTLG about Thief 3.

 

[Guest]

dude yours isint funny its soo real sounding :flame: :dozey: :bonce: I have one though

Millions are in awe as america hasent had any power for two years and will remain powerless for years to come because a giant thong with teeth has eaten all our power plants

 

[Phlek]

Uhm, both kinda scare me.

 

[Guest]

wow,that was incredibly stupid.

Valve has been in development for almost five years.

a company has been in development?OMg I WAS RIGHT WE ARE IN THE MATRIX!!!!!!1111

 

[Peks]

i was scared till i saw the end

 

[Newton]

Originally posted by Zyphria
REDMOND, Wash. — August 10, 2003 — Microsoft Corp. today announced it has signed a definitive agreement to acquire the intellectual property and technology assets of Valve Software, video game developer, best known for Half Life(tm) and Counter-Strike(tm).

Microsoft’s acquisition of Valve's technology will help secure customers by providing additional titles for the Xbox console system introduced in the Fall of 2001.

"This is a strategic, competitive decision," said Alan Bowman, Regional Director, Xbox. "But most importantly, it is a great opportunity for customers. Everything tells us that people love Xbox; they think it is a fantastic product and they absolutely love the games."

Mirroring the purchase of Bungie in early 2001, Microsoft hopes to attract additional customers for the highly anticipated sequel to Half Life originally scheduled to be released for PC's this Fall. This new chapter, will feature the main protagonist of the original title, Gordon Freeman, along with a much improved game engine. Valve has been in development for almost five years.




:cheese:

So, what's the worst that could happen? Write your own spoof. I got my idea from this post over at TTLG about Thief 3.

I think you should have your typing privilages removed :hmph:
When I first read that I was like "NOOOoooOoOOOo" before realizing it was faked :dozey:

 

[Miculus]

Scared me too. Brought back painful memories of Bunji being bought out

Mic

 

[Guest]

and :bonce: :bonce: :bonce: :bonce: blizzard

 

[LoneDeranger]

Valve is a privately owned company. The only way Billy G can pull this off is to give Gabe an offer he can't refuse.

 

[nw909]

He'll transport him into a battle he can't win, some survivors would like to meet the destroyer of thier race.

 

[SpuD]

Gabe died, Half-Life 2 delayed until holiday 2004-ish.

 

[festivalman]

gordon could end up being a woman trapped inside a man's body, and alyx is a man trapped in a woman's body. once they come to this realization, they proceed to have a torrid love affair, gordon as the woman, alyx as the man. all of this is revealed after dr. kleiner pulls off his face which leaves the head of a giant bantha. sucks that the striders are made of jello.

 

[Mountain Man]

August 10, 2003 - In a surprising acquisition move, 3D Realms, makers of the popular Duke Nukem titles, has purchased Valve software for an undisclosed amount.

"We're really excited," says 3D Realms' spokesman George Boussard. "The additional personnel will give us the manpower we need to finish Duke Nukem Forever by 2005. 2006 by the latest. Or 2007."

He also mentioned that Duke Nukem Forever will now be developed using the Source engine.

What about Half-Life 2?

"We know fans of Half-Life have been really anxious about the sequel and we know Valve was weeks away from releasing it, but we want the fans to have the fullest confidence that we will release it when it's done."

 

[crabcakes66]

by "Maxx" on hl2central.net

"HL2...
source engine...
unimaginable power...
limitless capabilites...
mysterious reasoning for a delay...
this can only mean one thing...

get President Bush on the phone, i think we have reason to believe that the Valve offices are...
HARBORING WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!"

 

[oldi1knoby]

You little brat. That scared the crap out of me when I heard the M word. Microsoft eats companies and makes them produce popular games EXCLUSIVELY for their console. Halo was origionally a PC game. I almost had an anurism(sp?).

 

[RabidMeatloaf]

Originally posted by SpuD
Gabe died, Half-Life 2 delayed until holiday 2004-ish.

Humm.....so he Valve uses his clone for the interviews...very interesting....:cheese:

 

[supangr]

Worse that could happen? Yet Another Rebel without a Clue posts "M$" conspiracy theory number 239826349823469823462374287462387234682436872346283623.

 

[Slick601]

yes, i'd have to say that's one of the worst things i could immagine happening..../me shudders

 

[Ridic]

November 15, 2012

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."


November 16, 2012

The attack would have lasted 1 day, not feared as the last anymore, but looked upon as the first....People have been giving a 2nd chance...a chance to start the world over. Not to make enemys and not to make weapons but to just think. Think that the earth was made in 7 days, and can be destroyed in less. To think.....this is the last chance to get things right.

 

[DOOManiac]

I have come up with the ultimate worst thing that could happen to Half-Life 2. Nobody else should even bother to post, as you won't beat the amount of terror this instills.

10 Bonus points to everybody who understands why this is so unanimously the worst thing that could ever happen to Half-Life 2.

 

[budgie55]

Originally posted by DOOManiac
I have come up with the ultimate worst thing that could happen to Half-Life 2. Nobody else should even bother to post, as you won't beat the amount of terror this instills.

10 Bonus points to everybody who understands why this is so unanimously the worst thing that could ever happen to Half-Life 2.

ROFL n1 :bounce:

 

[budgie55]

Originally posted by Mountain Man
August 10, 2003 - In a surprising acquisition move, 3D Realms, makers of the popular Duke Nukem titles, has purchased Valve software for an undisclosed amount.

"We're really excited," says 3D Realms' spokesman George Boussard. "The additional personnel will give us the manpower we need to finish Duke Nukem Forever by 2005. 2006 by the latest. Or 2007."

He also mentioned that Duke Nukem Forever will now be developed using the Source engine.

What about Half-Life 2?

"We know fans of Half-Life have been really anxious about the sequel and we know Valve was weeks away from releasing it, but we want the fans to have the fullest confidence that we will release it when it's done."

now THAT would be funny :bounce: :bounce:

 

[DarkelP]

Originally posted by DOOManiac
I have come up with the ultimate worst thing that could happen to Half-Life 2. Nobody else should even bother to post, as you won't beat the amount of terror this instills.

10 Bonus points to everybody who understands why this is so unanimously the worst thing that could ever happen to Half-Life 2.

Dear god man! this is like Deja vu, not again! they cant let it happen again!!! no!!!!!

 

[Fyd]

"Valve is a privately owned company. The only way Billy G can pull this off is to give Gabe an offer he can't refuse"

Like gman to gordon?

 

[Archangel]

September 29th, 2003. Due to a shift in the magnetic field of the earth, all power supplying machines in the western hemisphere were rendered unopable. In an interview shown by press (handtyped and pressed on 19th century eqipment), Gabe Newell, Co-founder of Valve, said that this will delay Half-Life 2 "for a few weeks". Vivendy don't gave any comment, but inofficial sources said that the managers were "Outragous", because "they're usually the ones who announce delays. The contract clearly shows that Valve has to deny any delay."
In an additive note, north korea has joined forces with china and is currently performing an amphibious landing on the american westcoast.

 

[Tull91]

Where's the western hemisphere? I live in Scandinavia, do you think I'll be affected? If not, that would be kinda amusing (in a crazy kinda' way)

 

[Typhon]

DOOManiac, that's hysterical.

Tull...you're east of greenwich. You're in the eastern hemisphere.

 

[RabidMeatloaf]

Valve is soo l33t Microsoft can't even touch it. But I do wonder if Billie Gates will try to buy Valve in the future....

 

[Guest]

September 29, 2003:
Valve bought by Electronic Arts. Half-Life 2 canceled. EA spokesperson says "we have been pissing on the console market for years and now PC gamers will have to endure our shittyness, like the console market any developer we can't buy we will try to put out of business so the only games on shelves are our peices of crap!. Our company motto is still the same 'We hate and abuse fans because we are very bad people'."

Btw, that paragraph is libel, not slander.

 

[schaf]

Originally posted by Peks
i was scared till i saw the end

me2

 

[Prince of China]

me3

 

[Ahnteis]

Worst case? Lets see:

Valve announces delay of 3 months.

Riots ensue near valve headquarters.

Police called in to quell riots.

Riots break out in other cities over police brutality.

National martial law.

Army deployed around US to keep order.

Guerilla forces gather in mountains.

Large scale civil war breaks out.
(All Valve computers destroyed, no working backups.)

World-wide recession due to loss of US income. (1/2 world population continues living in 3rd world conditions -- no change.)

China/Mid east war breaks out.

Nuclear strikes began.

End of human race.

 

[DarkelP]

Not that bad, I mean its only the human race, no real loss.

Valve turn around and say 'April fools!!!' and its one of the most expensive pranks ever made!

 

[FAK3R]

Bill's ultimatum to Gabe..
Give Microsoft all you have for free.
Or the Microsoft Gestapo will kill your family in front of you, then bury you up to your neck in xbox's and piss in your mouth. For the rest of your pitiful life

 

[Dagobert]

Worst thing that could happen is that Valve keep saying 'in a months time', giving us hard release dates, only to break them. This carries on for 2 or more years. In the meantime PS3 and Xbox 2 launch games get annouced and the game becomes more and more meh.

 

[Serpent]

January 549, 2003 Antlion, Massachusetts
Valve has announce that they are 99.9999999999% finished with HL2. They decided not to release the game and sell Valve Software to a 5 year old kid for 5 cents and an ice cream cone. Chocolate of course. And now the world is being eaten by giant radioactive monkeys. They are demanding radioactive bannanas or else they will buy Valve and make Monkey-Life 2.

 

[festivalman]

The Half-Life franchise gets bought out by Herbal-Life, the weight loss pyramid scheme. All health packs in Half Life 2 are replaced by product placement of vitamin supplements, and "How to sell crap to anybody" self starter kits.

 

[figge]

30th August 2003
Today Gabe Newell announced the new title for the sequel to the popular FPS Half-Life

At a pressconference today, Mr.Gabe Newell from VALVe Software announced a name change for Half-life2, the sequel to the popular game Half-Life. The new name is Half-Life: Forever, because of the changing of the name, the game will be slightly delayed said a spokesperson from Vivendi Universal. We need to change all the cups, t-shirts, logotypes and more said this anonymous spokesperson.

1st August 2010
Today Gabe Newell announced the new title for the sequel to the popular FPS Half-Life

At a pressconference today, Mr.Gabe Newell from VALVe Software announced anotjer name change for Half-life: forever (Half-life2), the sequel to the popular game Half-Life. The new name is Half-Life: Forever and ever and ever and ever, because of the changing of the name, the game will be slightly delayed said a spokesperson from Vivendi Universal. We need to change all the cups, t-shirts, logotypes and more said this anonymous spokesperson.

 

[Mountain Man]

August 11, 2003 - Valve Software hires John Romero.

Nuff said!

 

[gMANiac]

Originally posted by Mountain Man
August 11, 2003 - Valve Software hires John Romero.

Nuff said!

LMAO!!!

and adds killer attack robot head-frogs to the enemy list