I have social problems (with girls). Is this normal or do I need professional help?

[15357]

Look heres my tips,

Be humorous, Girls love funny guys.
Be charming, Do go around and say "your sexy...rico...swhaveh". You got to develop character.
Be a character: If you stick out you will be reconized! So you can be a clown,cool-guy, just be somthing besides a average student!
Slick moves: Develop some great stratigys, if you bump here look in her eyes,
then say "Wow nice eyes, I never new how lovley they looked". If you do enough slick moves you can accidently spill milk on her and say "sorry" her responding thats ok.
Grow BaLLs: No offence but you got to stop the shy thing. Really, I was shy to!
But in order. HAVE A ACCIDENT! Bump her! Accidently trip her! Do somthing in the movies! This grows balls! While your at it you should go on a couple of freaky things you never done. Ride a freakishly large rollercoaster! SkateBoard down a hill! Do somthing that scares you!


Thats all I really do. Max OUT!:dozey:

I can see how you're special........

 

[Hectic Glenn]

Don't worry man, all you need is courage, which is why people always say grow some balls. I was walking along one day and i realised what had happened to me, i'd fallen for someone without trying, and they had fallen for me, i'm still with her now. I didn't try, nor am i bigging up what an awesome guy i am, because i can get women with a click of my fingers, in fact quite the opposite lol! Just be yourself, and if its the right girl you'll find yourself just talking to her without having to need to try to put any front on. Its just natural. The moment will come for you, no matter who is it. You'll be fine as long as you have the courage to see it through.

I dont care what people say, i find it easy to talk to girls, i do talk to them completely different to guys, but you just gotta talk like any other person.

I'll tell you about my uncle though, he lives at home with his mother still at the age of 47, hes got a cushy life, but after he lost a girlfriend at 18 he lost his confidence and has never had another since. I'm not trying to shock you, but i'm just saying thats a sad story, and it could happen to you, but your what...25? You have so much time on your side to make sure you grow those balls and don't miss out.

Everyone gets their chance and yours will come too. Confidence is key, i can't stress that enough, and being yourself with confidence is always a winner. Oh and don't necessarily always go looking, it can just "happen"

 

[kngHenry]

Look heres my tips,

Be humorous, Girls love funny guys.
Be a character: If you stick out you will be reconized! So you can be a clown,cool-guy, just be somthing besides a average student!

I am not a good actor. It sure sounds easy to say I should be all those things, especially when you ignore the fact that I have lived a quarter of a century being someone else. To me, there is no such thing as changing your personality, you are who you are. I could try to be humorous, charming, but I would eventually be unable to sustain it. I would reverse to "normal" mode sooner or later. Not to mention that it shouldn't take a person a lot of effort to tell that I am being deceiving and dishonest.

Grow BaLLs: No offence but you got to stop the shy thing. Really, I was shy to!

Yeah but you never lost sleep over all your "romantic failures", or did you? I still remember all the embarrassments I went through when I was in elementary school, middle school, high school, and college. Some people just forget those things. I can't. That's just the way my brain is wired and there is no willpower strong enough that can change that. It's just the way I AM.

 

[Teta_Bonita]

Just face the cold, hard truth:

If you ever get married, your wife will be ugly.

Sorry I had to break it to you like that.

 

[kngHenry]

Just face the cold, hard truth:

If you ever get married, your wife will be ugly.

Sorry I had to break it to you like that.

All I know is that ever since I have use of reason I have told my mother that I am never going to get married. To this day I still think the same way. Maybe my mother traumatized me at some point? If that was her goal, she did it magnificently.

 

[Pesmerga]

All I know is that ever since I have use of reason I have told my mother that I am never going to get married. To this day I still think the same way. Maybe my mother traumatized me at some point? If that was her goal, she did it magnificently.

Yeah, never get married until some sweety pie finds you slightly interesting and then she talks with puppy dog eyes about children and your future and so forth, and then, with your weak will power in mind, she will manipulate you to get your sperm to further the family tree.

Life sucks, play BF2 in the meantime.

 

[Soirjed]

Shut up kngHenry, you're just an attention whore. Rip your penis out of your ass, it will get you noticed

 

[B.Calhoun]

No No No Nooo! Dont Phunk Wit Mah Heart!!!

 

[RakuraiTenjin]

Yeah but you never lost sleep over all your "romantic failures", or did you? I still remember all the embarrassments I went through when I was in elementary school, middle school, high school, and college. Some people just forget those things. I can't. That's just the way my brain is wired and there is no willpower strong enough that can change that. It's just the way I AM.

Then there's nothing that can be done.

You either have to man up, grit your teeth, and move on, or be stuck in this situation. Sorry, just being honest, nothing else will happen until you do so.

 

[Yuri]

Pro help.

 

[RakuraiTenjin]

Pro help.

Yeah I agree with that now too. If you are really being honest about the thing I quoted two posts up, you should see a therapist to help you get past that.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

No No No Nooo! Dont Phunk Wit Mah Heart!!!

HAHAHA perfect time to quote that song

 

[Shamrock]

Have you ever thought about your gayness?

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

Have you ever thought about your gayness?

haha shutup shamrock <3


not nice

 

[OCybrManO]

EDIT: D'oh! Damn you, back button!

 

[OCybrManO]

Yeah but you never lost sleep over all your "romantic failures", or did you? I still remember all the embarrassments I went through when I was in elementary school, middle school, high school, and college. Some people just forget those things. I can't. That's just the way my brain is wired and there is no willpower strong enough that can change that. It's just the way I AM.

You're not unique in that aspect. Strong feelings build strong memories. I'll use elementary school as an example. All of the classrooms and people I either liked or disliked in elementary school are incredibly easy to recall. I can imagine the kindergarten, 1st grade, 3rd grade, and 5th grade classes as if they happened yesterday... but I can't recall a single thing about 2nd or 4th grade (well, I think one of them might have been in a portable). I can remember tying another boy's shoes together during nap time in kindergarten. I can still see the girl from my 1st grade class that died from leukemia. The mind remembers things that stand out. You're far more likely to remember something if it is important to you (good or bad) when you see/learn it. If you say something that makes you feel like an idiot you're probably going to remember it for quite some time (even if you want to forget it) because the memory is associated with a strong emotion.

That's the way everyone's brain is wired. You don't have some condition that's keeping you that way. You're just trying to make excuses for staying in your "comfort zone" (as much as I hate that term it applies here). I know what that's like. You lack confidence because you don't have any experience that's giving you a reason to be confident. You need practice before you'll feel comfortable... and the best way to practice is to get out there and actually do it. Start small and work your way up. Begin by just trying to initiate a dialogue with a stranger and work from there. Your confidence will increase naturally as you get better. Anything we can say to you will mean nothing if you don't get out there and build up some experience.

The one for you is out there pal; you just haven’t met her yet.

There is no such thing as "the one." If there is only one person... we're all ****ed. If you believe in "the one" you might as well give up now because the chance of running into "the one" in a world with over seven billion people is astronomical. Also, how the **** do you know you "just haven't met her yet"? Think about it. How many people, out of everyone you come in contact with, do you actually strike up a conversation with... or even make eye contact with, for that matter? If you are lucky enough to be in the same place as "the one" you'll probably just pass on by each other... never to meet again.

If you hold out for someone that is perfect you'll die alone. Everyone is flawed. Flaws are part of being human. Everyone either settles (albeit, to different degrees) or stays single. You'll have to make some sacrifices in any relationship. Get over it.

 

[mortiz]

I think this forum has some how been mistaken for a Singles forum.

Oh, on another note, if you want to talk to women when you go out with your friends, drink whisky. Honestly, as soon as I touch that stuff my mouth opens and it just will not shut. (if you're old enough of course)

 

[baxter]

There is no such thing as "the one." If there is only one person... we're all ****ed. If you believe in "the one" you might as well give up now because the chance of running into "the one" in a world with over seven billion people is astronomical. Also, how the **** do you know you "just haven't met her yet"? Think about it. How many people, out of everyone you come in contact with, do you actually strike up a conversation with... or even make eye contact with, for that matter? If you are lucky enough to be in the same place as "the one" you'll probably just pass on by each other... never to meet again.

.

Really ?
So according to you, unless I have met the entire world’s population I would not be in a position to know whether I have ever met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Wow, that’s my marriage doomed to failure then.

 

[kngHenry]

Pro help.

Possibly. I am tired of telling people about my problem and having them tell me it's normal. It is not!

Have you ever thought about your gayness?

Look Shamrock, the day I start downloading gay porn or looking at my male friends with lust I will consider that possibility, but until that happens I know I am 100% straight. But on a second thought, I bet I would get more action if I was gay, too bad I am not

 

[CrazyHarij]

kngHenry get your mind out of the ****ing gutter and do something. Jesus.

 

[Yuri]

Possibly. I am tired of telling people about my problem and having them tell me it's normal. It is not!

You spelled my name wrong, dude. And I didn't even read anything in the thread besides the title. I'm just going out on a limb and guessing, because you're asking an internet forum for the video game Half Life 2 that you've been a part of for only a few days personal questions about your mental health.

 

[Shodan]

If I want advice on what game to buy, I'll ask a forum, where the populace is experienced in the matter.

If I want advice on how to get laid, I'll ask someone who is experienced in the matter.

*Barry White voice "Ladies and gentlemen, the love doctor is about to speak..." /Barrywhite

 

[kngHenry]

You spelled my name wrong, dude.

I don't think I spelled your name wrong, I just wrote another name. Sorry

You're not unique in that aspect. Strong feelings build strong memories.....
....That's the way everyone's brain is wired. You don't have some condition that's keeping you that way. You're just trying to make excuses for staying in your "comfort zone" (as much as I hate that term it applies here). I know what that's like. You lack confidence because you don't have any experience that's giving you a reason to be confident.

Then how come everyone else does not have to go through this? I don't suppose they were born "experienced".

 

[Fishlore]

I suggest you create a profile on some well respected internet matchmaking site. Match, Yahoo, or one of the hundreds of other sites. Start sending out emails to a bunch of ladies that might fit some general criteria that are important to you. This way you can make initial contact online and remain fairly anonymous. Stick to middle of the road looking women. If you send out enough you should get a few hits in return. Don't dwell on the negatives you're experiencing in your profile. Don't lie, but don't talk about the inability to find someone. Say you're looking for a friend with the possibility of maybe something more one day.

Exchange emails for a while if possible then invite them out for a drink/dinner whatever. The whole time you're doing this, keep telling yourself it's just for practice and that's it. Go in with the mindset that it won't work out in the long run, but you're gaining experience. Experience is the key word here. Set a goal of going out with 5 or 10 different people before you start to move beyond the practice stage. After 5-10 different people you should be ready to face whatever will come your way in the future.

Advice from all these people won't mean anything unless you do something about it. You have to make the step. You said that you don't care what people think of you. Is that really true? You wouldn't be having these issues if that was truely the case. It sounds like the hardest part for you is meeting someone. At 25 with school in the rearview mirror and it sounds like you're not into the bar scene, the internet might be the way to go.

Good Luck.

 

[CptStern]

everyone goes through this ...you're your best and worst critic ...you need to have a positive attitude ..cuz people react well to positive attitudes ...example ..you mentioned that you've told potential dates that you've never had a girlfriend ...that's a mistake ...if you must be brutally honest tell her after you've gone on a few dates ...if you feel you must tell a potential date that you've never had a girlfriend you should at least say it in a positive light ..."I've never had a girlfriend because I've always become friends with the girls I've dated so there was no need to date ...casual sex and all that" ...add a bit mystery while sorta telling the truth ...women dont really care who you are initially ...they have to find that out once you're sleeping with each other

tip: dont reveal everything about yourself ...dont be too eager to divulge every last detail about yourself ...women like mystery (so do men) ..besides, there really is something to the "strong silent type"

you have realise that's there's the "Truth" and then there's the truth

example:

the truth

"hi honey, I had a good time with the boys tonight, we went to a bar full of great looking women and some of my friends got lucky"


the "Truth"

"hi honey, I had a good time with the boys tonight"

 

[kngHenry]

I suggest you create a profile on some well respected internet matchmaking site. Match, Yahoo, or one of the hundreds of other sites. Start sending out emails to a bunch of ladies that might fit some general criteria that are important to you. This way you can make initial contact online and remain fairly anonymous. Stick to middle of the road looking women. If you send out enough you should get a few hits in return. Don't dwell on the negatives you're experiencing in your profile. Don't lie, but don't talk about the inability to find someone. Say you're looking for a friend with the possibility of maybe something more one day.

Exchange emails for a while if possible then invite them out for a drink/dinner whatever. The whole time you're doing this, keep telling yourself it's just for practice and that's it. Go in with the mindset that it won't work out in the long run, but you're gaining experience. Experience is the key word here. Set a goal of going out with 5 or 10 different people before you start to move beyond the practice stage. After 5-10 different people you should be ready to face whatever will come your way in the future.

Good Luck.

Sounds like a lot of work to me. I tell you, if not having to put on these shows means not getting laid, it might as well be a bargain...

You said that you don't care what people think of you. Is that really true?

Yes and no. I don't care if people think I am an idiot because I choose to be geeky and mind my own business, I am fully conscious of these actions and I am willing to accept the consequences, but I care when people think I am an idiot because I act like an idiot, like when I fail miserably to seduce a woman. Can you see the difference? In the first case I am in control, in the second case I am not.

 

[Dalamari]

I am 25 years old. I have problems talking to women.

Nobody cares

Nuff said

 

[jabberwock95]

Nobody cares

Nuff said

Damn, why didnt you post this at the beginning?!

If we'd have known no-one cared we wouldnt have bothered replying...

:E

 

[DreadLord]

Nobody cares

Nuff said

Dalamarowned!!!1

 

[OCybrManO]

So according to you, unless I have met the entire world’s population I would not be in a position to know whether I have ever met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

That's not what I said. In fact, you're doing exactly what I recommended. You've found someone that is good enough and you're not questioning it just because some ideal, perfect woman might be out there waiting. You don't know if you might have a better match with someone you haven't met yet. You've settled down with someone rather than constantly looking for someone just a little bit better. You have flaws. Your wife has flaws. You're both willing to sacrifice those little flaws to be together. See? That's what I was talking about. Some people aren't that realistic. Some people (and I know a few like this) will have an otherwise great relationship and throw it away because they think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

EDIT: The only thing I disagree with is that you said ". . . whether I have ever met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with." That's the part I don't believe. Two people aren't magically connected and destined to be together. We're not like a puzzle piece waiting to find the exact match. I think it's more like playing "chicken." Sooner or later if you don't swerve (give up the search) you're going to crash (die alone)... but if you swerve way too soon it won't be satisfying (married to someone you don't like). You have to know when to quit... late enough to be satisfying, but early enough to be safe.

 

[Ennui]

kngHenry, I really just think you're a perfectly normal guy who's too afraid to go up to a girl. Think about it - if you go up and make a fool of yourself, what's the worst that happens? You might mess it up with that girl but there are a thousand more. Even if it's awkward and embarrassing at first, you'll eventually learn and gain experience and get better at talking to them.

 

[Solaris]

Id advise you sign up for the free NLP course in the NLP thread, not as blatent advertising, but I really think it would help. It involves alot of the advise that has been already given, which is IMO absolutely brilliant advice.

 

[Solaris]

I just remembered an NLP technique that could help you, its called anchoring:

This is what I think you should try.

Find somewhere quiet, where you can be left undisturbed for a few minutes. Then just close your eyes, and try and imagine a time when you were really confident, remember what it was like to feel that sense of having a goal and working to achieve it. Try and remeber as much as possible, when you are in this motivated state, just rub your knuckle on one of your fingers, with another finger, for a couple of secounds. Then count down from 10 to 1, and go about your day, about an hour later repeat, but make the memory more vivid. Then the next day, repeat; try and make the memory more strong, and completeley feel confident while rubbing that same knuckle. Then about a week later repeat the process, make sure your rubbing the same knuckle. Then every now and then, maybe every two months or so, just repeat. If you do this whenever you need to feel confident, just rub that spot. And you will be fine.


Hope that Helps
Solaris

 

[MuToiD_MaN]

Perfectly Normal Beast.

 

[ComradeBadger]

fastseduction.com is proof that the most natural and normal thing in the world can be analysed, made ****ing stupid by classification and anagrams and basically broken down into models. What a load of arse

It's all just common sense... surely?

And at all costs, avoid these three themes: politics, religion and conspiracy theories. These are guaranteed to nuke your otherwise wonderful interaction.

Really? Shit..

Just be confident, be yourself and JUST DO SOMETHING!

 

[Solaris]

I know, Youre about to go out with a girl only to find shes a right wing facist idiot - best not to ask for political views.

 

[sabre0001]

you need to get past the issues on your own really. All you need is to become comfortable with women...I dont really go up to women in bars, sometimes you just click. The humourous approach is the way to go - worked for me.

You dont need pro help, appreciate what you have. Focus on positive aspects - i had some same doubts as you and one day just wrote down all the **** in my life that was bothering me and im much happier afterwards.

I dont know what happened for me but one day i woke up and suddenly became more comfortable with the girls in work and all. You just need to have some proper conversations and you might be able to build something from there if you're interested - that will get you dates and a girlfriend (or a girl whos a friend - still good for you). If however you just want to get laid, you'll have to work on a bar technique... Or look in those personal ads...whatever floats your boat.

 

[Ennui]

fastseduction.com is proof that the most natural and normal thing in the world can be analysed, made ****ing stupid by classification and anagrams and basically broken down into models. What a load of arse

It's all just common sense... surely?

For manwhores like you, yes! <3

 

[kngHenry]

kngHenry, I really just think you're a perfectly normal guy who's too afraid to go up to a girl. Think about it - if you go up and make a fool of yourself, what's the worst that happens?

The worst that could (ie: will) happen, is that I'll have to live what that thought for the next 5-15 years. That's how it is with me

 

[CrazyHarij]

The worst that could (ie: will) happen, is that I'll have to live what that thought for the next 5-15 years. That's how it is with me

Every guy is like that, you just need to mellow out and relax abit and forget it. Stop taking life so seriously. And you've got the worst self confidence I've ever seen. Despite several pages of advice you're still crawling in the mud and complaining about how shitty you get from it.