I have social problems (with girls). Is this normal or do I need professional help?

[ComradeBadger]

Pfft the worst thing that could happen is that she doesn't get to be with you.

Her loss.

Not yours.

[Nice way of thinking about things imo]

And Ennui <3

 

[kngHenry]

I just remembered an NLP technique that could help you, its called anchoring:

This is what I think you should try.

Find somewhere quiet, where you can be left undisturbed for a few minutes. Then just close your eyes, and try and imagine a time when you were really confident, remember what it was like to feel that sense of having a goal and working to achieve it. Try and remeber as much as possible, when you are in this motivated state, just rub your knuckle on one of your fingers, with another finger, for a couple of secounds. Then count down from 10 to 1, and go about your day, about an hour later repeat, but make the memory more vivid. Then the next day, repeat; try and make the memory more strong, and completeley feel confident while rubbing that same knuckle. Then about a week later repeat the process, make sure your rubbing the same knuckle. Then every now and then, maybe every two months or so, just repeat. If you do this whenever you need to feel confident, just rub that spot. And you will be fine.


Hope that Helps
Solaris

Cool, too bad my mind is not that weak though

 

[CrazyHarij]

Cool, too bad my mind is not that weak though

Not weak? You're weaker than anyone i've ever seen. Not a tiny bit of strength or even hope to change.

 

[Solaris]

What do you mean not that weak.

Hypnosis and NLP have nothing to do with how weak minded you are.
In fact they work excellently on intelligent people. It called an anchor, there are already 100s of them in your life. When you smell something and are reminded of a past event thats an anchor. Maybe a certain song makes you cry - thats an anchor.

The one I described, is to trigger confidence, it has nothing to do with a weak mind.

 

[kngHenry]

And you've got the worst self confidence I've ever seen. Despite several pages of advice you're still crawling in the mud and complaining about how shitty you get from it.

At least I was right when I said my case was different.

 

[jabberwock95]

Just thought i'd let you know, I was in the mood for a laugh today so I tried the 'eye contact dominance' stuff while I was out.

I found it pretty strange to be going around staring right at people (I usually mooch round looking at the floor if you must know), but I found it hard to keep from laughing when everyone I caught the eye of looked away first.

I'd advise everyone to try it, it put me in a great mood (and therefore more confidence) to stare right at some tough-looking guy with a smile on my face and watch him drop his eyes and step carefully around me. I think im going to try this more often...



kngHenry, you need some more self-confidence. That is most likely your only problem! Just try to have a more positive mental attitude, try that anchoring thing, take pride in your appearance, and do things you enjoy.

If you really feel you cant improve on your own, maybe you should try therapy. I know it sounds like admiting you are crazy, but therapists have great success at building self-confidence, its one of their main skills. But try to build yourself up on your own first, its cheaper.

 

[CrazyHarij]

At least I was right when I said my case was different.

A man can change. Change.

 

[Solaris]

KngHenry people are trying to help you and your being arrogant, and pretty rude.
Not a good way to act when youre asking for help now is it.

 

[Shodan]

Not weak? You're weaker than anyone i've ever seen. Not a tiny bit of strength or even hope to change.

It is true.

Please, go bodybuilding.com forums, they know about women and stuff, we know about C++ and coding etc.

 

[OCybrManO]

By now, it's becoming abundantly clear that he's just wants pity... and, for that, I pity him.

 

[kngHenry]

Just thought i'd let you know, I was in the mood for a laugh today so I tried the 'eye contact dominance' stuff while I was out.

I found it pretty strange to be going around staring right at people (I usually mooch round looking at the floor if you must know), but I found it hard to keep from laughing when everyone I caught the eye of looked away first.

careful, you don't want a tough guy to think you are giving him dirty looks.

 

[kngHenry]

KngHenry people are trying to help you and your being arrogant, and pretty rude.
Not a good way to act when youre asking for help now is it.

Sorry. I just don't buy this NLP stuff. Why? Because it is not scientifically proven to work, and that's a fact.

 

[Solaris]

Fine, don't.

Enjoy your cage.

 

[Icarusintel]

i think this has helped me more than him, i'm actually absorbing the good advice, seems feasible, now i just gotta get myself out there

thanks to all those who contributed seriously, and most of those who didn;t

 

[CrazyHarij]

Seriously, you're ****ed up kngHenry. There's no wonder you are failing constantly if you have this attituide with everything.

Enjoy your cage.

QFT.

 

[kngHenry]

Seriously, you're ****ed up kngHenry. There's no wonder you are failing constantly if you have this attituide with everything.

QFT.

I am who I am because I have been surrounded by people like you all my life. It's their fault, not mine.

 

[CrazyHarij]

I am who I am because I have been surrounded by people like you all my life. It's their fault, not mine.

Please tell me you're a joke. Or a troll.

I used to be like you, constantly negative about myself etc, but I made the effort to change and hey, it worked.

 

[Solaris]

i think this has helped me more than him, i'm actually absorbing the good advice, seems feasible, now i just gotta get myself out there

thanks to all those who contributed seriously, and most of those who didn;t

I'd completley agree, although the original poster hasnt gained anything I have.
Im going to use these techniques and live a better life.

Thank You.

 

[Ennui]

I am who I am because I have been surrounded by people like you all my life. It's their fault, not mine.

...... attitude is one of the few things in life you have complete and total control over. don't make things worse for yourself by acting this way. you won't change unless you try to.

 

[baxter]

That's not what I said. In fact, you're doing exactly what I recommended. You've found someone that is good enough and you're not questioning it just because some ideal, perfect woman might be out there waiting. You don't know if you might have a better match with someone you haven't met yet. You've settled down with someone rather than constantly looking for someone just a little bit better. You have flaws. Your wife has flaws. You're both willing to sacrifice those little flaws to be together. See? That's what I was talking about. Some people aren't that realistic. Some people (and I know a few like this) will have an otherwise great relationship and throw it away because they think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

EDIT: The only thing I disagree with is that you said ". . . whether I have ever met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with." That's the part I don't believe. Two people aren't magically connected and destined to be together. We're not like a puzzle piece waiting to find the exact match. I think it's more like playing "chicken." Sooner or later if you don't swerve (give up the search) you're going to crash (die alone)... but if you swerve way too soon it won't be satisfying (married to someone you don't like). You have to know when to quit... late enough to be satisfying, but early enough to be safe.

just wanted to throw this in....you're right and I agree with what you say here, apologies for my previous post.

 

[CptStern]

I am who I am because I have been surrounded by people like you all my life. It's their fault, not mine.

come on, not everyone reacts to the same stimuli the same way ...I dont think anyone could break through my self worth ..words are just words ...you cant blame people for your short comings (wether real or imagined) ...only you can change your outlook on life ...no one has as much invested in your life than you ...seriously the sooner you start believing you're a worthy human being the sooner other people will start to believe it too

I used to get picked on all the time when I was young (being smart will do that to you) ...but very few people would try that now, cuz I'd just give them a mental thrashing ..my point being that the sooner people realised that I wasnt the least bit offended by their remarks the sooner they grew tired of it and moved on to the next schlep

 

[The Monkey]

You've just got 100 replies of people trying to help you, and all you can do is saying you don't buy it? Seriously, with that attitude, you're gonna die alone. If things are as bad as you say they are, you need to change.

 

[kngHenry]

Please tell me you're a joke. Or a troll.

I used to be like you, constantly negative about myself etc, but I made the effort to change and hey, it worked.

Neither one. People like you will tell me "do this do that and it will work for you because it worked for me". Wrong! Instead, they should try to delve into my problems more carefully and try to find the source of those problems. Until I can confront the cause of those problems, they will not go away.

 

[Ennui]

Neither one. People like you will tell me "do this do that and it will work for you because it worked for me". Wrong! Instead, they should try to delve into my problems more carefully and try to find the source of those problems. Until I can confront the cause of those problems, they will not go away.

Enjoy living in this wonderful cage you've built around yourself. It's like there's a key lying within reach outside the bars but you refuse to try and get it and want someone else to pick it up and open the cage for you when there's no one around.

 

[outpost]

And its not his fault that he built it around himself.

 

[jabberwock95]

Instead, they should try to delve into my problems more carefully and try to find the source of those problems. Until I can confront the cause of those problems, they will not go away.

Problem:

1. You have no self confidence.

Cause:

1. People laugh at you? People belittle you? I dunno, but the solution is the same:

Solution:

1. Believe in yourself more, you are great, people who dont think so are jerks.



And I also have learned a lot from this thread, taught me to believe in myself more. And yeah, I was careful about tough guys thinking I was giving them dirty looks, so I kept a smile on my face. The smile said 'I am king of the world, I assume you are a jester sent for my entertainment.'

Perfect that smile. Use it a lot.

 

[CptStern]

Wrong! Instead, they should try to delve into my problems more carefully and try to find the source of those problems. Until I can confront the cause of those problems, they will not go away.

you're asking us to psychoanalyse you? we're not qualified to do that, not too mention that since we're on a gaming forum on the internet we dont exactly have a complete picture as to what makes you tick ...ask for advice sure ...but dont expect us to "fix" you ...it's just not very realistic of you

 

[sabre0001]

a friend of mine also miraculously gained confidence a few weeks ago...its a little annoying - was for me because i was also a bit lacking in confidence (general sense)...He was a guy who was constantly ridiculed, mocked and insulted - if he can do it, anyone can...

You know what is wrong - you dont socialise, talk to ANY women or go out...Now you just need to fix that.

 

[kngHenry]

Problem:

1. You have no self confidence.

Cause:

1. People laugh at you? People belittle you? I dunno, but the solution is the same:

Solution:

1. Believe in yourself more, you are great, people who dont think so are jerks.

I used to believe in myself, but then external events surrounding my life forced me to open my eyes... There are just so many times you can fail until you say to yourself, yee, maybe those kids were right.

 

[outpost]

I used to believe in myself, but then external events surrounding my life forced me to open my eyes... There are just so many times you can fail until you say to yourself, yee, maybe those kids were right.

Its your ****ing fault your like this not anyone elses.

 

[Ennui]

You are so stupid. You sit here asking for help and then sit there and go "no, that's wrong" every time someone gives you advice.

 

[Pesmerga]

lol internet drama is fun

you're probably going to die a virgin.

 

[jabberwock95]

OK, you have to admit that nearly everyone has given you the same advice. That advice is: Get Confident, Stupid! (sorry) :E

None of us can compliment you sincerely. We cant tell you that you're brilliant, we dont know you. But you know yourself!

Do you try to be a good person? Do you do your best to be nice to people? Are you reasonably intelligent? Focus on good aspects of yourself.

 

[bam23]

A man who gains will continue to gain, a man who gets nothing will continue to get nothing.

You have the wrong attitude. If you're having problems with girls, then getting guys mad at you, even online, will surely plant you in the middle of Disneyalonebymyselfland (WTF).

 

[CptStern]

I used to believe in myself, but then external events surrounding my life forced me to open my eyes... There are just so many times you can fail until you say to yourself, yee, maybe those kids were right.

okay now you're being defeatist ...if you truely are what you say you are then no amount of "advice" will help ...you need to see a psychiatrist

 

[kngHenry]

You are so stupid. You sit here asking for help and then sit there and go "no, that's wrong" every time someone gives you advice.

That's because noone has told me what I want to hear!!!! I liked your imaginary cage analogy. you know what, maybe you are right, but until I understand why I locked myself in that cage I run the risk of locking myself again.

 

[Ennui]

Even if you might be locked in the cage again, it's nice to at least try to escape instead of obstinately sitting there.

 

[CptStern]

That's because noone has told me what I want to hear!!!! .

that could be the probelm right there


solving problems is not about conforming to what you want to hear ..it's about brutal honesty

 

[The Monkey]

That's because noone has told me what I want to hear!!!! I liked your imaginary cage analogy. you know what, maybe you are right, but until I understand why I locked myself in that cage I run the risk of locking myself again.

Most of the people here are under 18, and you expect us to run a full analysis? Considering this is a gaming forum I say that you've gotten really nice answers. And, as Stern said, the important thing is not what you want to hear, but what you need to hear.

 

[Ennui]

People have mostly been uncharacteristically helpful so far... usually you get a lot more flaming. Like Dgenatron's thread, not that the bastard didn't deserve it.