I know you're all sick of these threads but need to vent

[AKIRA]

I think I made like 3 threads about my anxiety/depression over the last 4-5 months but this time it's a little different and here's why:

Last 4-5 months have been pretty terrible for me, I had a bout of PTSD which got worse due to a terrible 4 month co-op work term and living conditions. Over the course of those 4 months I had ups and downs. One thing that remained consistent however during those dark times, was my hope. I had tons of it. I had tons of determination to get over this and I eventually did.

For the past month I've been on a constant climb in happiness. Beginning of november is when this climb started. Everyday I got a little happier and thoughts of the past didn't affect me as much. I eventually got to a point where I was completely and 100% back to my old self. Of course I had bad days, days in which before would have put me back into deep anxiety and depression but those days turned into just a bad day and didn't affect me.

Of course I was pissed off/sad/or whatever emotion accompanies a bad day - I basically handled it like any normal person would do, not completely break down and dwell on it for weeks.

This all changed however this past week. I'm reluctant about telling you all about the reason it changed because it may sound trivial and stupid and hey perhaps it is but it really put me down because I was back to my old self except after this particular situation I am back to anxiety/depression and I don't know if I have the strength to endure this again, especially since I only had a very short window of being myself again.

I'll go ahead with what went down and I will ignore any making of fun of me remarks(but I won't hold it against any of you because hey, I feel like a giant cry baby myself lol).

What happened:

Basically during my depression stage over the last 5 months, I've put my girlfriend through a lot of crap. Lack of intimacy, communication, general interest in anything obviously put a huge toll on her. She told me that it really put a damper in the relationship and we got into a huge fight about it (this was this past wednesday, 15th). She told me a lot of hurtful things like she didn't know who I was anymore, I wasn't the same person, she felt numb around me etc. This really put me down. I've always viewed her as the type of person who would go through anything with me, who would always love me no matter what happened except I didn't realize what I was putting her through, and I don't blame her.

I was so enveloped with getting over my depression that I really didn't see how it was affecting her. Anyway, the fight dragged out for hours. We finally made up except the next morning I woke up with extreme guilt/anxiety/depression AGAIN.

Every since then I've just been cloaked with hopelessness. It's like I've fought SO HARD for so long to get back to my old self and when I was finally there, this 1 fight completely made everything I did void. The thing is, she had every right to tell me how it has affected her but I just feel sort of resentment towards her for bringing it up after I was better.

I love her a lot, but I just don't have hope anymore I don't have hope that we'll get through this. It's really tough to swallow since we have a deep connection. I don't want to bring it up to her because she thinks things are fine now but they aren't. The reason why I don't want to bring it up is because I feel that I'm opening up a wound. I feel like I should give it a few weeks or something to improve. I don't want to keep opening a healing wound. It hasn't been a week since the fight but I just feel like it'll never get better.

I don't know what to do. I do NOT want to break up with her at all but I just need to find some way to get myself out of this. I keep blaming HER for getting back into my depression but in reality it's not her at all who's at fault it's me. Of course she has every right to bring up whatever she;'s feeling when it has something to do with us. My whole issue is that I don't know how to cope with that correctly. I feel like I've been in a huge battle with myself that I finally won and now after that fight I'm back to being wounded and I don't know how to get myself back up.

Sorry for super long post. Just helps when I write stuff out.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

I think what you need is something to occupy yourself while you wait to get over it. Sometimes time is all you need and a week may not have been enough. I suggest just finding some busy work or a new game or something that will occupy your time. Eventually the feeling should wear off and you should be fine. Of course if this restarts her 'ur being distant' feelings again, hell if I know, just tell her the truth if that happens.

 

[Raziaar]

I wish you the best.

Right now I just want to comment on the fact that yeah... around here people don't usually treat depression threads very seriously, which is a shame. I've basically stopped posting about my problems because of this.

 

[AKIRA]

I think what you need is something to occupy yourself while you wait to get over it. Sometimes time is all you need and a week may not have been enough. I suggest just finding some busy work or a new game or something that will occupy your time. Eventually the feeling should wear off and you should be fine. Of course if this restarts her 'ur being distant' feelings again, hell if I know, just tell her the truth if that happens.

This is true. I just feel that I don't want to put her through my shit again. It's hard to be intimate and happy when you're depressed/anxious. If I bring it up again it's just going to make me worse I believe. I don't want to open up this subject again because it will make my symptoms worse. I'm toying with the idea of putting a fake smile and and just forcing myself to be normal around her until eventually something makes me happy and I can build on that. The problem isn't her, it's me. I need to learn how to not take these things so personally. I also feel like it'll become awkard if I bring it up again, I don't want eachother walking around eggshells with our emotions it's super akward and makes the symptoms worse.

I wish you the best.

Right now I just want to comment on the fact that yeah... around here people don't usually treat depression threads very seriously, which is a shame. I've basically stopped posting about my problems because of this.

Thanks, appreciate it. Well my take on it is if they don't want to comment on it, then they don't have to. If they want to be a troll and say retarded comments, whatever they can go ahead I just won't acknowledge it. I find that there's always someone who's willing to listen/give advice. Even if nobody responds it helps me at least to write it out and post.

 

[FrostedxB]

I know it isn't much, but look into musical therapy. Certain sounds can evoke/stimulate "feel good" thoughts and feelings in your mind.

Also, do you have a decent amount of free time?

 

[AKIRA]

I know it isn't much, but look into musical therapy. Certain sounds can evoke/stimulate "feel good" thoughts and feelings in your mind.

Also, do you have a decent amount of free time?

What's funny is that as I was getting better and during the "climbing phase" I was listening to some great 90's classics - music that I grew up to and I felt that it really helped that climbing phase. I don't want to listen to those same songs again because they will put me back to that "climbing" phase which will make me depressed that those days are gone. In a way I don't want to tarnish those songs - I don't want those songs to be associated with this dark time.

That's my problem. I associate things with feelings and that if I experience something that once gave me a positive feeling, and all of the sudden it gives me a negative feeling I'm going to always associate that thing with a negative feeling. It's such a stupid way of living but it's what I've always done.

As for free time I have about 3 weeks(finished my co-op term start school on the 11th of January). I'm going to hold out and see where things go until then. Something that is giving me a tiny glimmer of hope (and not much mind you) is seeing the therapist at school. I've never been to a therapist before in my life but I don't want this stuff to effect my grades. It's free also, I don't know how much worse the advice will be if these therapists are free but it's worth a shot.

 

[FrostedxB]

Don't necessarily look towards music you already know and have grown up with. When I was depressed, I mainly listened to rock (Rammstein/Rise Against/Alexisonfire), and lately I've been listening to electronica (mainly progressive trance) artists like Tiesto and Armin Van Buuren. So try something new and different, you may find that it lightens your mood a little.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LNeMUaJEac

As for free time, I'd say excersize for an hour or two. And not necessarily going to the gym/body building (thats what I used to think when I thought of working out.) If you even kind of think parkour is cool, look at some of these workouts -

http://www.americanparkour.com/content/category/5/25/386/

Much more challenging then just lifting weights and you'll feel damn good about yourself when your done.

 

[morgs]

Frosted has a good point, music can speak to the soul, I don't know what I'd do without it.

 

[kineaesth]

In the future, you'll visit therapists to be given the latest Tiesto podcast or the latest edition of A State Of Trance.

 

[AKIRA]

In the future, you'll visit therapists to be given the latest Tiesto podcast or the latest edition of A State Of Trance.

lol, i mean music does do wonders but sometimes it could be a band-aid solution. It helps with the symptoms but doesn't get rid of it from the root.

I guess I'll play it out until school starts and I can start seeing a therapist about this. I mean, I can function fine, I can get out of bed fine, I can sleep OK(although I've always had issues with staying up really late because the internets is just so awesome) and I can function fine with my family and friends.

I'm hoping the therapist can help, I'm kind of nervous because I dunno, I've never been to a therapist and I'm afraid that since it's free the quality will be lower somehow...I'm probably wrong but has anyone seen a therapist through school? Did they help?

 

[Maestro]

Have you been diagnosed with anything clinical?

 

[Avoidist]

I am by no means a relationship guru (in fact far from it) so anyone feel free to contradict me, but I think you should let your girlfriend in. She clearly knows something is up, and if she loves you as you say then she's probably looking for you to confide in her and it's probably because she actually cares about you. By the sounds of what you wrote it's you not telling her precisely what you are telling us that is causing this recent problem in the first place. Telling her could very well help the relationship and most importantly you.

 

[AKIRA]

Have you been diagnosed with anything clinical?

No, I don't think I really have anything. I just don't know how to cope with massive amounts of stress something that I think a therapist would be able to help with.

I am by no means a relationship guru (in fact far from it) so anyone feel free to contradict me, but I think you should let your girlfriend in. She clearly knows something is up, and if she loves you as you say then she's probably looking for you to confide in her and it's probably because she actually cares about you. By the sounds of what you wrote it's you not telling her precisely what you are telling us that is causing this recent problem in the first place. Telling her could very well help the relationship and most importantly you.

I told her before that I was depressed during my horrible 4 month co-op term when I was in a job I loathed and living in a different city in a crappy house with roommates I didn't really get a long with. She was supportive which helped but it also didn't help our relationship because of the lack of intimacy. She's not a selfish person by no means but hey, if you're in a relationship and you're barely intimate then it does take its toll, it did for her. My problem is that I feel resentment towards her by expressing her feelings for me and causing a huge fight JUST at that critical moment where my life was finally getting back to normal, when I was finally myself again.

My resentment towards her is irrational and stupid because it's not her fault at all for telling me how she feels. It just sort of set me back several steps because this fight happened at a crucial moment in my recovery. Had this fight happened a few months down the line I don't think it would have any major setback on my emotions because by then I would've been pretty much 100% recovered.

My problem is that now that I'm back to being sort of depressed I don't want to bring it up and cause another fight and put unnecessary stress into the relationship. I just need a way to sort it out on my own.

 

[Avoidist]

Your logic is sound. But at the very least, when you find out a way to sort out your problems whether it be seeing a therapist or some other means, let her know that you are taking steps to sort out what problems you may have. Keeping the relationship healthy as best you can seems a good idea to me.

 

[McGooTheWise]

A couple of days ago I felt the same way you do. just remember, anything you feel right now is by no means final, and if you're procrastinating, or putting ANYTHING off, it can weight heavily on your mind, and you may not realize it. Honesty will set you free. Perhaps you owe someone a revelation about something, or you're trying to avoid an answer that you don't want to accept...

Basically, get your shit done, and set up a date where you and your chickey-poo can be together, and alone. Watch a movie, and do the nasty, then just talk to her. If she's willing to put up with your shit enough to tell you how much it hurt her, instead of dumping your ass, she'll try to help, and she'll want to know.

Also, understand that every minor flaw with something you did doesn't make you a ****head bastard. You're only human, you're going to do stupid shit once in a while, or if you're like me, a lot. But that's the best way to learn, right? Fail at something, then you can come back and do better next time. That's all I got.

I identify with depression because I'm also way too hard on myself, and as a result, turned myself into a self-loathing vampire/troll, that did absolutely nothing. Just take a few steps in the right direction, doing things you know are right, and you will feel a lot better about yourself. And keep doing it.

 

[JUL3]

I've been nearly the same, except my girlfriend is a malicious bitch who I can't let go of.

Just open up to yours, she clearly cares about you. Tell her things aren't alright. Maybe consider seeing a psychologist? I currently am, & it's moderately effective.

 

[AKIRA]

I've been nearly the same, except my girlfriend is a malicious bitch who I can't let go of.

Just open up to yours, she clearly cares about you. Tell her things aren't alright. Maybe consider seeing a psychologist? I currently am, & it's moderately effective.

Psychologist, like the people you go to that talk to you not like psychiatrists who just prescribe you pills right? I'm only asking to clarify. I know some people who call psychologists psychiatrists and vice versa.

Are you seeing one through your school or just on your own?

 

[AKIRA]

I've decided that I'm going to see my counselor at school. I'm very skeptical about this however. What can she possibly say that I haven't thought of?

If she says: You need to communicate to your girlfriend...well I've tried that last year and that just sent my anxiety/depression through the roof. My problem is, HOW can I go on with the relationship when we both are so aware of the problems? HOW? How can you go back to being OK when something like this is looming over? I tried it last year but every second felt like both of us was walking on eggshells and it became extremely awkward all the time.

The problem is clearly me. There is something wrong with me and dealing with communication. I don't know what it is but if I say what I'm feeling I feel like it's just so out in the open, we're both so aware of the problem it's a giant elephant in the room. How can I possibly focus on anything else other than the apparent problem?

It has nothing to do with love, or losing feelings for her because the last time I broke up with her for a month (after having time to collect myself) I instantly began to miss her.

It's the feeling of complete hopelessness especially after going through 4 months of depression and then getting shot down by that massive fight last week JUST when I thought I was over it.

/rambling

 

[Tyguy]

Take solace in the fact that you aren't alone in your depression/anxiety...it's hard to convey the feeling of complete misery to someone who skips through their days without a care in the world. Unless you've experienced it for yourself, it's impossible to see things from our perspective.

Talking things out with people you're close with can only help.

 

[AKIRA]

Take solace in the fact that you aren't alone in your depression/anxiety...it's hard to convey the feeling of complete misery to someone who skips through their days without a care in the world. Unless you've experienced it for yourself, it's impossible to see things from our perspective.

Talking things out with people you're close with can only help.

I agree. What makes it so hard is that yes, I went through a depression stage in my life that lasted 4 months (some weeks being tougher than others but other weeks going being like myself). The period of depression I went through for 4 months have been because of a PTSD issue which went away but then it came back because of my crappy working/living situation. My mind for some reason associates depression/anxiety to last year when I went through it for the first time for my girlfriend. I was able to differentiate it and make it not about her at all, then novemeber/december was the climb(i think people who have overcome depression/anxiety know what i'm talking about).

There's a climb, it happens gradually and it snowballs, sometimes you go back to feeling the symptoms of depression/anxiety but your mind doesn't feel it(i think it's the bodys way of "withdrawal" maybe? like it's so used to feeling the physical effects that if it's not there for a while it might create it itself). But anyways, during the climb, I'd have days on end where i'd be completely like my old self. Feeling good but then out of nowhere a wave of physical symptoms rushed over me but it didn't effect my thinking, my mindset.

It then came to a point where those physical symptoms stopped alltogether and I was myself. Until 1 week ago wednesday it kind of fell to pieces with a MASSIVE fight. During that fight my girlfriend brought up several hurtful issues (like the first time we broke up, the catalyst for all of this) and then that sent me back down. Physically and emotionally.

Here I am now, trying not to crack because I know I do love her, a lot. This feeling I'm experiencing is the EXACT same feeling I felt before our first break up to the T. It's horrible and I hate it but I'm trying to ride it out until I can talk to a professional.

Anyone have successful experiences with a therapist provided by a post-secondary institute? Are they helpful? I am completely 100% opposed to the idea of drugs though.

Thanks for replies, you guys are awesome.


I'd just like to say this now, I hope that any other current or future HL2.NET member can use this thread (or others like these that I and other users have created) to really get a hold of themselves and to see that there's always somebody willing to listen and there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how stupid you think the cause of your anxiety/depression may be shouldn't be a deterrent to get help or to vent.

Perhaps some of you can look at this thread and realize "hey, least i'm not this guy" LOL either way, thanks again for replies and future replies you guys are always good help.

 

[morgs]

I think talking to just anyone could be a big help, sometimes all it takes is a different way of looking at something.

 

[ktimekiller]

I find it funny that we have enough of these helplife2.net threads to make and fill an entire subforums (including the occasional posts by me lul)

Maybe we should actually have a subforum for this?

 

[Yuri]

hey i didnt read your thread but i can probably help

drink

 

[Naph]

I think talking to just anyone could be a big help, sometimes all it takes is a different way of looking at something.

This goes with every problem. Just this week I was faced a problem with a client and as I met my friend who I haven't seen a month or so, talking about it helped me resolve it completely.

 

[AKIRA]

hey i didnt read your thread but i can probably help

drink

haha even during my darkest moments i went out with friends and drank and while I did have fun like I usually do when I go out with them, I have never in my life felt the need to drink alone or smoke pot alone. I guess I can be thankful that I'm not that kind of person lol.

 

[VirusType2]

I'm too tired to invest in this thread right now, but just be thankful you aren't in excruciating physical pain. It's hard to, when you feel nothing.

I've often said that emotional pain is worse to me than physical pain, but I'm not too ****ing sure. Let's just put these at equal.

I have felt pain that's like torture on many occasion, and when it's over, you will live a little better for a while. That's until you forget again, and take it for granted again.

Pour acids and crazy ****ing shit into your fresh open wounds and use a dull knife to work it into your nerve endings; it's ****ing ****ed up, son. That's what it feels like. I bit part of the inside of my cheek off, like really god damn bad the other day when I was eating. Then I had spicy food.. I was so hungry, but after every bite I was screaming like in the movies when people are being tortured. I would stomp and drink some water and then take another bite.

I was like eating like I was in ZT's study, with my head leaned to the side, to keep the spicy sauce out of my wound. ****ing almost 'pass out' kind of pain, bro. Ever felt that?

This is coming from a guy who had 3rd degree burns on the bottom of his foot and in between his toes.

I know pain, we go way back.

 

[AKIRA]

I'm too tired to invest in this thread right now, but just be thankful you aren't in excruciating physical pain. It's hard to, when you feel nothing.

I've often said that emotional pain is worse to me than physical pain, but I'm not too ****ing sure. Let's just put these at equal.

I have felt pain that's like torture on many occasion, and when it's over, you will live a little better for a while. That's until you forget again, and take it for granted again.

Pour acids and crazy ****ing shit into your fresh open wounds and use a dull knife to work it into your nerve endings; it's ****ing ****ed up, son. That's what it feels like. I bit part of the inside of my cheek off, like really god damn bad the other day when I was eating. Then I had spicy food.. I was so hungry, but after every bite I was screaming like in the movies when people are being tortured. I would stomp and drink some water and then take another bite.

I was like eating like I was in ZT's study, with my head leaned to the side, to keep the spicy sauce out of my wound. ****ing almost 'pass out' kind of pain, bro. Ever felt that?

This is coming from a guy who had 3rd degree burns on the bottom of his foot and in between his toes.

I know pain, we go way back.

Yes, I understand but it's really 2 different things.

 

[VirusType2]

Sorry, I'm like delirious or something. I'm on medication and half asleep. My ****ing mouth hurts, though. CHRIST.

 

[McGooTheWise]

Akira, the best thing you can do is attempt to resolve the problem with your girlfriend, or whoever you know can help. Your Mom, your dad, one of your friends, whoever. Ignoring a problem makes it bigger, because it can feast on the food in the refrigerator that is your emotions. Acknowledge it, and tell it to go the **** away, cause you want to live your life. Life is too short to be dealing with a big-ass problem that makes you feel miserable. Enjoy your life while you have it. Enjoy your freedom of remembering things while it lasts. You should be pissed that you have this problem. What the ****, you just want to live your life. Fight it. Get rid of it. Don't sulk because of it. Stand up for yourself, and your right to be happy, and take some action. A problem like this is just like anybody that breaks into your house right when you wake up and bashes your big toe with a hammer, then runs away screaming "YOU SMELL LIKE BUTT!" Don't take it. find a way to get rid of it, or just suck it up and discipline yourself to fix it. You can do it. It's your life, if anyone can fix your life it should be you. The best the rest of us can do is give you our best wishes, and advice. A councilor is going to try to put you on Lexapro, or Xanex, and you know you don't need it. They might tell you what you want to hear once in a while, but at the end of the day, they want your money.

Its your choice to go, I'm going to one, and I've made a friend with her, but most of the time it's just friend talk, and I get no help with my problems. She doesn't even bring it up except for "How's the medicine going?" I enjoy going, but it really hasn't helped me with my problems one bit. The only thing that helped me was getting sick of my problem, and stepping up and dealing with it. That's my 2 cents.

 

[AKIRA]

Akira, the best thing you can do is attempt to resolve the problem with your girlfriend, or whoever you know can help. Your Mom, your dad, one of your friends, whoever. Ignoring a problem makes it bigger, because it can feast on the food in the refrigerator that is your emotions. Acknowledge it, and tell it to go the **** away, cause you want to live your life. Life is too short to be dealing with a big-ass problem that makes you feel miserable. Enjoy your life while you have it. Enjoy your freedom of remembering things while it lasts. You should be pissed that you have this problem. What the ****, you just want to live your life. Fight it. Get rid of it. Don't sulk because of it. Stand up for yourself, and your right to be happy, and take some action. A problem like this is just like anybody that breaks into your house right when you wake up and bashes your big toe with a hammer, then runs away screaming "YOU SMELL LIKE BUTT!" Don't take it. find a way to get rid of it, or just suck it up and discipline yourself to fix it. You can do it. It's your life, if anyone can fix your life it should be you. The best the rest of us can do is give you our best wishes, and advice. A councilor is going to try to put you on Lexapro, or Xanex, and you know you don't need it. They might tell you what you want to hear once in a while, but at the end of the day, they want your money.

Its your choice to go, I'm going to one, and I've made a friend with her, but most of the time it's just friend talk, and I get no help with my problems. She doesn't even bring it up except for "How's the medicine going?" I enjoy going, but it really hasn't helped me with my problems one bit. The only thing that helped me was getting sick of my problem, and stepping up and dealing with it. That's my 2 cents.

You're absolutely right. It took me almost 3 months to get back on my feet and when I did I got knocked down again. It's only been a week since so I guess I just have to give it more time. The councilor I would be seeing is part of my school and is free, I'm not sure if he or she would recommend meds..I'll give it a shot and see where it goes.

Thanks again for the replies.

 

[Stigmata]

I was like eating like I was in ZT's study, with my head leaned to the side, to keep the spicy sauce out of my wound.

Akira, seeing your school counsellor is a really good idea. They may not say anything you haven't thought before, but they might approach it in a way you haven't thought of. Plus, your school will now be aware of the issues you're working through, so any problems with completing schoolwork will have an officially recorded psycho-medical basis.

 

[AKIRA]

This feeling sucks. It's not a burning anxiety feeling, or deep depression feeling it's more of a "meh" feeling. I don't really feel joy anymore. Before the anxiety and depression were intense but like whenever I thought of a certain thing or event in the past that made me happy I was happy, like I was reliving that event again. It worked for a short bit but at least I felt happiness and excitement.

Even 2-3 days after that big fight, I felt sort of defeated but I still felt happy at some points. Now whenever I try and think about things and events that made me happy I don't really feel anything. I feel so alienated from everyone lol it's a peculiar feeling. I look at my girlfriend and I'm like "who are you?" I talk to my family "Who are you?"...bah I don't know if there's actually something wrong with me or if it's because after the fight(when I thought I was completely back to being myself again) and that knocked any hope left in me or something.

I feel like there's no hope, no way of getting back to where I was before. Nothing suicidal at all but it's just a boring flat feeling. Don't like it.

 

[McGooTheWise]

Man, just go out and do something. get away from the feeling and take a different approach to it. You should clear your mind of it, stop dwelling on it, and attack it from a different angle. Think of it as a really hard level on a game you can't quite beat yet. If you keep charging headfirst into it, chances are you're going to keep losing. Take a different angle. Go for walks in the local park every morning, or something. Get yourself some outside thinking time. it really is a human need to stop and collect your barrings, and a lot of people float through life acting like idiots because they didn't stop and get some fresh air. They didn't take a breather. You can only beat your head against a brick wall so many times before you knock yourself the f*ck out. lol

But, The main point is, try to find another way of looking at it, like changing from the idea that you don't know what it is to maybe something you're repressing, or that you can't quite admit to yourself yet, and give it time to emerge. The best thing for you, from my perspective, though I don't know your daily routine, is to get some vitamin D, and some fresh Oxygen. Both will increase the production of serotonin in the brain. It's a natural anti-depressant. or get some Sunny D, I dunno. I'm just trying to be a good neighbor.

 

[AKIRA]

Man, just go out and do something. get away from the feeling and take a different approach to it. You should clear your mind of it, stop dwelling on it, and attack it from a different angle. Think of it as a really hard level on a game you can't quite beat yet. If you keep charging headfirst into it, chances are you're going to keep losing. Take a different angle. Go for walks in the local park every morning, or something. Get yourself some outside thinking time. it really is a human need to stop and collect your barrings, and a lot of people float through life acting like idiots because they didn't stop and get some fresh air. They didn't take a breather. You can only beat your head against a brick wall so many times before you knock yourself the f*ck out. lol

But, The main point is, try to find another way of looking at it, like changing from the idea that you don't know what it is to maybe something you're repressing, or that you can't quite admit to yourself yet, and give it time to emerge. The best thing for you, from my perspective, though I don't know your daily routine, is to get some vitamin D, and some fresh Oxygen. Both will increase the production of serotonin in the brain. It's a natural anti-depressant. or get some Sunny D, I dunno. I'm just trying to be a good neighbor.

I already know what my problem is. I still haven't come into terms with dealing with the past and I don't know how to really deal with it. Seeing my school therapist is a step I'm willing to take to see if he or she can provide a good way to cope and deal with the past. When I say past I mean stuff that I went through with my girlfriend that keeps haunting me to this day. It's unhealthy and whenever I get some sort of anxiety/depression I always relate it back to that one episode and I think it's going to repeat itself, this instantly sends alarms in my body and I react to it the same way I did when the event actually happened.

I want to find ways of actually coming to terms with it and not letting it affect me anymore. This is not my girlfriends problem, not my friends problem, nobody's problem but mine.

It also probably doesn't help that I have an exam tmw and I've been pretty much cooped up in my room for the past few days and not getting a lot of sleep.

On a brighter note, I feel a lot better today then yesterday so hopefully I'll come to another "climbing" point and within a couple weeks I'll be back to my normal self. Only issue is whenever something knocks me down, I need to have a good set of arsenal under my belt to cope with it and not put me spiraling downhill again.

I don't believe in pills, this is just a perspective issue for me. You can't fix perspective with pills.

Thanks again!

 

[McGooTheWise]

Well good luck, man. And I hope you do well on your exam.