Jam

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Jam is the bane of my life. Even as a young boy I could not resist it's beautiful sticky redness, oozing from between two slices of bread. Now I weigh 35 stone, because of jam alone. I say we nuke jam, hanging isn't good enough for it.
 
I'm sad that more people didn't understand the point of this thread.
 
I'm sort of ashamed to admit I don't really know what this thread is about.
 
Well, Qonfused is hetairian so, jam on it. Jam on it all day, everywhere.
 
I prefer many kinds of jam, however strawberry is my favorite kind.

Jam can be used for just more than delicious consumption. Scientists have recently developed a motor engine that runs completely off jam. This is not only safer for the environment, but more cost effective and easier to harvest than fossil fuels. Not only that but it is a renewable resource that tastes delicious.

Other uses for jam may include, but are not limited to, lubrication for intercourse, a writing utensil, bathing suit, cure for alcoholism, lawn mower, cell phone, toothpaste, AIDS, underwear, etc... The possibilities are endless with jam. I have yet to find anything it CANNOT do, it even gave my girlfriend a g-spot orgrasm.

However, there are many people out there that say Grape is the best of all the jams. These people are akin to nazis, no wait, they ARE nazies. During World War II grape jam imprisoned, tortured, starved, and abused jews inside concentration camps. The government does not want you to know this and have told the masses that it was actually people that did this. They are lying, it was all grape jam.

One time while taking a brisk stroll through the streets of New York City and I heard muffled cries coming from an alley. Being the concerned citizen I am I went to go see what it was. What I saw was terrible. Grape jame was holding down and raping an eight year old girl. Her small, soft, supple body bending in both pleasure and agony. I could only imagine rubbing against that small, hairless body moaning in pleasure. I wondered how she felt on the inside and how tight it would be, but also how good that tightness would feel. The taste of those small, hard nipples as I sucked on them. The soft feel of her round bottom as I cupped it with my hand and inserted my tongue into her mouth during a passionate kiss. My mind was filled with these wonderful images of joy, then I was filled with envy and I stormed off in anger. I realised that I would never experience that with her because grape jam had stolen it from me. I will never forgive him for that. I had to settle for some nine year old that night. She was way too old.
 
Too far. Too ****ing far.

Jam knows its limits.
 
It doesn't, it really doesn't. How dare you take that from me. It's unforgivable.
 
jam
mam
man

2 phases is not very much work. Wanking is like 2 phases. If I wanked into your jam, what would you think.
 
Vegeta
Fegeta
Faggeta
Fagget
****** (Spelled F-A-G-G-O-T)

What would you think if I sucked your dick? What would you think if I sucked it so hard the skin came off?

Jam could fix it.
 
Jam is already in there. It fuels the fires of hell.

Jam is everywhere. It sees all, it knows all.
 
Mmm... jam is fantastic on croissants and scones (also PB&J sandwiches). I dont really eat marmalade, but Marmite and/or Vegamite both taste disgusting. Might be my opinion, but I reckon there are at least a few people that would agree.
 
Jam is the essence of faith. Not only that but it makes up 70% of the ingrediants used in the making of faith.
 
Bugs bunny vs Space marine

The fate of Jam shall be decided on this.
 
my buddy works at a jam factory. It's pretty cool.
 
We have a building here called the Jam Factory. These days, it has nothing to do with jam.
 
I just went out and put some jam on my toast this morning. It was absolutely invigorating.
 
ray_MAN said:
I just went out and put some jam on my toast this morning. It was absolutely invigorating.
Click to expand...

One day a van is going to park next to your house, when you go to sleep a group of men dressed as ants will break into your home and burn everything you love.

Because of Jam.

JAM.
 
Pressure said:
However, there are many people out there that say Grape is the best of all the jams. These people are akin to nazis, no wait, they ARE nazies. During World War II grape jam imprisoned, tortured, starved, and abused jews inside concentration camps. The government does not want you to know this and have told the masses that it was actually people that did this. They are lying, it was all grape jam.
Click to expand...

You shut up! Just shut up you strawberry loving apologist. I will not stand for it. I WILL NOT!
Grape jelly is the sweet nectar from the loins of Venus herself and is a most holy gift! Do not think I will stand idly by while you profane it's glory in your filthy sticky hands you jam connoisseur.
Do you not know, my son, with what little understanding the world enjoys it's pastries? That's right, WITH GRAPE JELLY! Not your foolish pagan strawberry worship. Oh but give it due time. There shall be the day when us grape jelly users just get so fed up with you heathens that we carve our own nation in the heart of the great Grapelands(western Togo) where only we are allowed. GRAPE LOVERS ONLY! AND FROM THERE WE SHALL CONQUER ALL THOSE WHO DO NOT ACCEPT THE TRIUMPHANT MARCH OF OUR PURPLE ARMIES OF THE GODS!
YOU HAVE OPENED THE GODDAMN BOX, PANDORA!

Also, this thread:
0PBF10060BC-Skub.jpg
 
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