Jerry the Humanized Chimp

[CptStern]

read the story right to the end

Once upon a time in the middle of the 20th century, there lived a man named Jack Dutton. He was an average guy- nothing extraordinary about him, except that he owned some fancy parrots and a chimpanzee named Jerry. He and his wife Dorothy were raising Jerry as their baby. .....

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/01/21/story-time-jerry-the.html

mother****ing ;(

 

[The Monkey]

tl;dr

 

[CptStern]

no, you have to read all of it or it wont have much impact. a summary would ruin the story

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

I cried. Completely ruined my mood.

 

[CptStern]

ya sorry same thing happened to me ..except the crying part, wuss (actually I bit my tongue till it bled to prevent myself from crying like a real MAN ..ok that's true either)

 

[<RJMC>]

I will make a summary

jerry was a very humanized chimp and was raised by his owner who treated him like a son

and one time he decided to set up a spectacle using jimmy doing things humans do

and he become very famous trought he country in the 50's whit people coming to him to see him

even posing whit celebrities of the time like marilyn monroe and alfred hitcock

one day the president einsehower was going into a visit to the place and the owner was very excited cuz also he was going to sign some deals to make movies whit jerry starring and a talking horse so there was going to be a lot of cameras and such

and them in the big day the reporters where waiting for the president and the owner went to get jerry outside for them but for some reason jerry didnt wanted to go out

the owner isnited and make jerry to go out where he started to act violently when one reporter came,a police officer pulled a gun but jerry slaped it from his hand and picked up a tommy gun from another one and started shooting killing 6 reporters and 10 cops

since the president was there the police went on alert and combat ensued for several minutes

a police officer could get a aim to jerry but the owner walked beetwen him and jerry beggin to the cop to dont shoot but jerry pushed him over and the cops fired at the chimp around 469 times till jerry stopped moving

the owner went to him who wasnt alive,the president wanted to see what happened so he went near to the owner and put a hand on his shoulder and sayd "dont worry,he will be remnbered as a american hero"

the end

;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Alright, RJMC. You just turned what was a totally depressing story into the biggest laugh I've had all day.

 

[VirusType2]

EDIT: Never mind, I'm supposed to be unconscious.

 

[Barnz]

So this is your story Mr. Stern.

 

[lame-o]

I don't really understand why it ended that way.. What was the point of doing that? To save him the misery of being alone or something?

 

[Rico]

Because his owner ran out of bowls and wanted to have some cheerios, and monkey skulls make for great cereal bowls in a pinch.

 

[Raziaar]

Because his owner ran out of bowls and wanted to have some cheerios, and monkey skulls make for great cereal bowls in a pinch.

Oh god I laughed.

;(

 

[barbarbarbarbar]

RJMC wtf you never write this bad.

 

[Krynn72]

RJMC wtf you never write this bad.

Are you ****ing kidding me? His poor spelling is a god damn staple of RJMC's online persona. Get outta here newbie, you're back on my shitlist dickbars.

 

[Mellish]

Are you ****ing kidding me? His poor spelling is a god damn staple of RJMC's online persona. Get outta here newbie, you're back on my shitlist dickbars.

I'd like to know, for what reason, he was excluded from your "shit list" in the first place.

 

[StarBob]

It's obviously a story against cops.

 

[barbarbarbarbar]

Are you ****ing kidding me? His poor spelling is a god damn staple of RJMC's online persona. Get outta here newbie, you're back on my shitlist dickbars.

Oh god here he goes again thinking that I really care what anybody thinks of me...

 

[FrostedxB]

Oh god here he goes again thinking that I really care what anybody thinks of me...

Oh god, here he goes again thinking people are actually concerned about him...


Edit: Story really reminded me of Of Mice and Men, possibly the only book to ever bring a tear to my eyes.

 

[MJ12]

Oh god, here we go oh goding.

 

[Rico]

Hey guys, why don't you go dig some holes out back for a while? I'll be sitting here with my friend, who happens to be a cop.

 

[Nomad]

I didn't cry. I BAWLED

 

[Maestro]

That's what that god-damn monkey gets for trying to be a human.

 

[McGooTheWise]

Oh god here he goes again thinking that I really care what anybody thinks of me...

You'd be more productive if you didn't take him seriously.

 

[Eejit]

 

[The Monkey]

+1 to you Eejit for not posting the Family Guy monkey.

 

[Qonfused]

Oh god here he goes again thinking that I really care what anybody thinks of me...

YOU ARE NOW ON MY SHITLIST YOU SHITMOUTH

HL2.NET IS LIFE AND NOW LIFE HATES YOU GODDAMN

 

[The Monkey]

Leave the poor kid alone, ffs.

 

[Shyam]

Goddamit, Stern. I was expecting some hilarious Chimp story. But now you had to ruin the mood.

 

[Wanted Bob]

Damn, thats a sad story

EDIT: Godamn RJMC, you made me laugh

 

[Danimal]

Oh God I remember the sound effect and everything.

 

[flamingdts]

That is uncool.