Joke Thread! Oh Yea!!!!

[WacK]

Ok ok.. try to imagine.. uhm.. okok..
yeah.. imagine a Unicorn.
The unicorn walks.. then suddently it makes a big f*cking slamdunk
with a silver basketball and then falls through the net and
on to a MINE and explodes in 11254 pieces and people randomly starts to get aids.
...
..
.
Dammit i suck at jokes :'(

 

[The Monkey]

An Italian Man Visits New York
[read with an Italian accent]
One day I'm'a gonna New York to big'a hotel. In'a morning I go to eat'a breakfast. I tell'a waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She bring me one piss. I say you no understand. I wanna to piss on'a my plate. She say you better not piss on'a plate, you son'a ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call'a me a sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the big'a restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tell'a her I wanna fock. She tell'a me everyone wanna fock. I tell'a her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on the table, you son'a ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call'a me a sonna ma bitch.
So I go to room'a in'a hotel and there is no sheits on'a my bed. I call'a the manager and tell'a him I wanna sheit. He tell'a me to go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna sheit on'a my bed. He say you better not sheit on'a bed, you son'a ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he call'a me sonna ma bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say "Peace on you". I say piss on you too, you son'a ma bitch. I gonna go back to Italy.

 

[Danimal]

Alright, so there's this boss, he's having some financial difficulties with his company and he has to fire one person.

There are two possible choices for him, a woman named Jill and a guy named Jack. They were both equally hard workers and were both close friends of the boss. The boss was faced with a difficult decision, he then decides that the first person to take a drink of water from the bubbler outside his office, he would call them in and fire them.

Jill eventually took a drink of water from the fountain, having partied the night before, she had a headache and needed a drink, she was called into the boss' office. The boss then tells her:

Boss: "I'll either have to lay you or Jack off"

Jill: "Can you jack off? I'm not in the mood today."

 

[Krynn72]

Thats a pretty good one.

 

[CyberPitz]

A hunter is in the forest, hunting a brown bear. After a few hours of tracking, he finds his target. He aims, fires, kills the bear. He's jumping for joy, he actually did it! He feels a tab on his back, and he turns around...it's a black bear.

"You just killed my brother....now you've made me angry. There are 2 choices here what I can do. I could drag you throughout the forest, then chew you limb from, or you can let me **** you in the ass." Well, the hunter didn't feel like dying today, so he pulled his pants down, and bent over.

3 weeks later, after he gets out of the hospital, the hunter is going to get his revenge. He's going through the forest, tracking that damn black bear. After a couple days of searching, he's found him. He aims his gun, shoots, kills. He goes over to the corpse, starts laughing, jumping, screaming. He then feels a tap on his shoulder. It's a grizzly bear.

"Now, you just killed my cousin. There's a couple things I can do to you. I could rip you limb from limb, and scatter then all around this forest....or you can let me **** you in the ass." The hunter, crying now, swallows his pride, and pulls down his pants.

A couple months later, he gets out of the hospital, and he's angry. He is going to kill that bear, and he is going to enjoy it. He starts to track the bear, and it leads him far up north. months of tracking and walking, he finally finds the bear, and shoots him dead. Huffing and puffing, he walks up to the bear and just starts shooting him over and over....then he feels a tap on his shoulder. It's a Poller Bear. The poller bear says, " You don't come up here for the hunting...do ya, pal?"

 

[Hazar]

poller bear? D:

 

[Acepilotf14]

What did the Poller bear say to the ostrich?

 

[Higlac]

What the F*ck is that?

One day after a hard ride a cowboy rides into a small cowtown and goes to the saloon. He's really horny, but completely broke, so he asks the bartender, "Are there any really easy girls around here, you know the free ones?" the bartender replies, "There is one, but you won't want her, her name is Scratchy Sally." The cowboy responds, "No, I want to f*ck anything with two legs right now." So the bartender shows him into one of the private rooms upstairs, and lying on the bed, completely naked is Scratchy Sally. The cowboy asks her, "Ok are you ready?" She nods yes and they start having sex. As they get started, he realizes that this is the absolute worst sex he's ever had, and he realizes why Sally got her nickname. She finally realizes that he is getting nothing from their encounter, so she goes into an adjacent room for about 10 minutes. When she comes back they start having sex again, and the cowboy enjoys it so much, it is the best sex he's ever had. When he is finally exhausted and can't continue, he asks her, "That was amazing! What did you do?" She responds, "I picked the scabs and let it pus and bleed a little."

 

[JNightshade]

What the F*ck is that?

One day after a hard ride a cowboy rides into a small cowtown and goes to the saloon. He's really horny, but completely broke, so he asks the bartender, "Are there any really easy girls around here, you know the free ones?" the bartender replies, "There is one, but you won't want her, her name is Scratchy Sally." The cowboy responds, "No, I want to f*ck anything with two legs right now." So the bartender shows him into one of the private rooms upstairs, and lying on the bed, completely naked is Scratchy Sally. The cowboy asks her, "Ok are you ready?" She nods yes and they start having sex. As they get started, he realizes that this is the absolute worst sex he's ever had, and he realizes why Sally got her nickname. She finally realizes that he is getting nothing from their encounter, so she goes into an adjacent room for about 10 minutes. When she comes back they start having sex again, and the cowboy enjoys it so much, it is the best sex he's ever had. When he is finally exhausted and can't continue, he asks her, "That was amazing! What did you do?" She responds, "I picked the scabs and let it pus and bleed a little."

/vomit

 

[Higlac]

/vomit

The sad part is that it describes one of the girls at my school.

 

[Steven]

I woke up and saw my TV floating last night.

 

[Hellrider]

A guy was walking and he got tired, so he started to run .


AHAHHAHA

 

[Hellrider]

oopsie internet lags

 

[Pulse]

****s.

 

[ríomhaire]

I woke up and saw my TV floating last night.

Did you catch the negro?

 

[Adabiviak]

...just thought of this a minute ago...

What do you call a female Transformer?


A Transister


(spelled wrong for clarity)

 

[Bull Squid Sally]

why did i poop on yo face? cause i couldn't tell da difference between your face and a toilet! buahah..buaha..haha..ha....ha
<_<
>_>

 

[Cole]

What do you call a 6 year old at a golf club?

intestinesless!











What? To soon?

 

[ailevation]

One time my penis fell off and ran after a one legged monkey

 

[comoxer]

Slowly, Slowly catch the monkey