Losing Control

[VirusType2]

I have a problem.

I hurt things, and I can't always stop myself. It could be any living thing, or a valuable object even.

Right before I do something I will regret, I get a mandatory STOP command, and I begin stopping my attack, but then, a half second later, something kicks in, and makes me do it anyway. Adrenaline? Rage? Anger?

The first couple of times - as a child - I thought I just did it on purpose. "How can your body do something that your brain tells it not to?" - I thought.

It was like a mini debate happened in my head. The thinking part and the action part. I can't hear the action side, it only speaks in actions. So I hear myself think "STOP", the action side starts to stop the attack, but then it seemed to want to show the thinking side that it does not fully understand how angry I really am, and therefore it disregards my judgment.


As I got older I realized that I wasn't doing it on purpose, I really couldn't stop myself - not always.

Seconds afterward, I feel regret and disappointment in myself, and in the case of a living thing, I feel sad and ashamed as well, yet I no longer feel anger towards the victim. Calm after the storm.


I want to know if others have experienced this or if there is something wrong with me. I think being a male has something to do with it BTW. I am really afraid that one day I will hurt someone really badly - even a loved one.

 

[Zephos]

A few inanimate objects have incurred my wrath.

And yes, the anger doesn't last too as the regret kicks in.

 

[Murray_H]

Stop watching porn.

 

[Naurgul]

You just have to realise that thinking of stopping is not the same thing as acting on the thought. If you become too conscious of your actions, they become regular thoughts, and then it's difficult for your mind to differentiate between thinking of doing something and actually doing it.

The solution? Beats me. It will probably have to do with figuring out how acting is triggered in the brain and then stop thinking about it lest you go back to square one.

 

[VirusType2]

You just have to realise that thinking of stopping is not the same thing as acting on the thought. If you become too conscious of your actions, they become regular thoughts, and then it's difficult for your mind to differentiate between thinking of doing something and actually doing it.

Hey. I think that might be it!

Thank you so much.


This is the first time I've ever talked about it, and I think I did a pretty good job describing it, actually.

I am also curious how many other people have had this happen. I want to know if this is something wrong with me - a disorder, or just something I never learned to control properly.

 

[Danimal]

I had the same thing happen as a kid.

Kinda' grew out of it as I got older, but sadly I have no idea how.

 

[Mutley]

I used to be an ant mass murderer as a kid, I don't know why I killed them but oh well.

 

[Solaris]

Examples?

 

[Eejit]

Have yourself committed before you turn into the Joker.

 

[VirusType2]

Almost always it has been objects. When I was a kid, like if I lost a game I would literally smash my controller into the ground. If I was in an argument with family I would put my fist through the wall. Of course, after that, then you have a god damn broken controller or a hole in the wall. Now why would I do that on purpose? It's obvious, I lost control. (literally in this case)



A few times it has been assault and battery, and a few other incidents I'm too ashamed to admit.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=mB-DWTCPdM8

 

[VirusType2]

lol'd a couple times

 

[DEATHMASTER]

That's an awesome song though.

 

[Lucid]

Sounds like you have diabeetus.

 

[Dan]

Last time I lost control was when I threw my shoe at a friend in grade 7 for cheating in soccer.

 

[Que-Ever]

Sounds like you have diabeatus.

At least it's not lupus.

 

[Saturos]

I used to have that same problem. Mostly on inaminate objects though. For no apparent reason at all, me and a good friend would just go out and break random shit like old radios, car models we'd made, windows, etc.

I'd never let my rage attacks hurt any of my family tough. Especially my parents, simply because I know they've done so much for me and I value respect for them and the parental love they had for me above all else.

However, there was one time I completely lost it in school and beat some guy to a bloody pulp back when I was like in 6th grade.
Wanna know what it was over? He marked on my shirt with a permanent marker. I tackled him, ripped off his own shirt and marked all over his chest with the marker before proceeding to bash his face into hamburger. Srsly, it looked like a blood pack exploded on his face before the Phys ED coach tackled me. :O

I was so scared after that though that I swore to myself never to lose my temper like that again. The guy was ok, and miraculously, I wasn't even suspended, just in-school suspension where we do all our work in solitary confinement for a week. I still passed that term on the honors list too.

I guess what it's going to take is for you to lose something dear before your anger issues are solved. For me, it was the fear of failure from being expelled from school.
Or you could just go and play a violent video game too. In the post-GTAIII era, I've just become a much more mellow person ever since.

 

[CyberPitz]

I know how you feel....when I was a kid *around 7* when I would get pissed, I'd go outside, and slam my head on the concrete as hard as I could multiple times. *that would explain a lot of things, too....*

I grew out of it after my mom took my head and slammed it for me, causing serious pain. See, beating a child works!

 

[taviow]

I used to do the same thing as Saturos but now I just control myself, I don't do anything, though a classmate of mine did get me mad once, I punched him some times then I was like "STOP, YOU IDIOT". I managed to stop but then he ran away. And hey, ironically the guy is one of my best friends these days. Hopefully he forgot about it. :|
I felt like an idiot. I'm never losing control again.

Better to stay out of trouble.

 

[PvtRyan]

I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

 

[Dan]

Wow you guys scare me. I would not want to live in the same house with someone that vents their anger by hitting stuff.

 

[Eejit]

How about some self-control?

"Wah-wah but I can't you don't know...." No, just control yourself.

 

[Geogaddi]

I have no anger issues. If anything, I'm too slow to anger.

 

[Saturos]

I have no anger issues. If anything, I'm too slow to anger.

Similar to me, except I wasn't "slow-minded", just not "quick-tempered".

Back then, I had a tendency to let stress slowly build up like a steam kettle before exploding. Breaking things I no longer wanted also helped too.

Thankfully, I don't have anger issues anymore. I've just seen too much nowadays to really care what happens anymore. So long as family is not injured in any way by a mugger of course, which then it'll be like the incident I had in sixth grade all over again once I found the bastard. :|

 

[Rizzo]

From the looks of it, there is alot of mental/health/anger problems at halflife2.net.

Me, I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

 

[PvtRyan]

American Psycho or something?

 

[Rizzo]

yeah...

 

[Ravioli]

I used to be an ant mass murderer as a kid, I don't know why I killed them but oh well.

I can definitly indentify myself with that. I remember using to plan out different techniques and strategies in my head all day long on how to destroy ants, how to oppress and turn their lives into shit. Sometimes me and my friend would pure boiling water into their nests, or take showels and dig the nests out and dump it into the water. Sometimes we just piss at it, or even shot at it with our airguns. Beat it with a stick, throw shit at it, anything. We even use to take those things (dont know english name, but you kill flys with it) and put ants on it, then high-five each other smashing the little ****ers. Sometimes we spit in a circle and put ants in the middle, and as they try to escape they get stuck and drown in our mucus.

God it gave me a rageing hardon :smoking:

 

[nurizeko]

Its my computer really.


I am fairly mellow, but my computer can just make me go of, I feel numb yet I am swearing and shouting and really needing to stop myself from hitting the goddamn ****ing useless dumb ass computer that cant ****ing do a simple thing AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHH!!!!.....just thinking of it ****ing me about makes me wanna ****ing slap it up the side of its stupid metal casing.


And god forbid anyone tell me to shut up when I am in angry time with my computer, I really have to ****ing bite my lip even though I know they are right and I am wrong, I just want to tell them to go **** right off and go ****ing stick their hand up their own rear ends and mind their own business, and how ****ing annoying they are thinking they can tell me to not get pissed at it, because deep down I know I cant and I just have to vent at my computer.



I'de feel more regret and shame, but anger is just part of human nature, thankful I only really feel it at my computer, and I have enough self control to stop myself hitting anything, so yeah, I feel as long as its at my computer, it helps me vent without having to risk exploding in someones face.

I don't take pride in it but.....anger is just part of everyone, to varying degree's, its not a switch that can be turned off, anger is part of what helps us not be depressed little tards or emotional pushovers, it doesn't feel pleasant, but its there and if my management of it is to vent at my computer every month or half month or so when its not working and I don't feel patient enough to just put up with it, so be it. :/


Much better then when I was a teenager though, I'de hit the monitor with my fists, slap the side of the case, of course the old monitor was a big glass screen one as they were, I even got a swollen knuckle from it once so aye....wasn't very painless. :S


I'm just swears and loud voice now. :imu:

 

[Krynn72]

In this thread: People wonder what to call things like rage and temper tantrums.

 

[L3N!N]

Stop watching porn.

This.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

Watch less violent porn.

Fix't.

 

[taviow]

I can definitly indentify myself with that. I remember using to plan out different techniques and strategies in my head all day long on how to destroy ants, how to oppress and turn their lives into shit. Sometimes me and my friend would pure boiling water into their nests, or take showels and dig the nests out and dump it into the water. Sometimes we just piss at it, or even shot at it with our airguns. Beat it with a stick, throw shit at it, anything. We even use to take those things (dont know english name, but you kill flys with it) and put ants on it, then high-five each other smashing the little ****ers. Sometimes we spit in a circle and put ants in the middle, and as they try to escape they get stuck and drown in our mucus.

God it gave me a rageing hardon :smoking:

Man... you were... evil...

 

[Danimal]

Wow you guys scare me. I would not want to live in the same house with someone that vents their anger by hitting stuff.

I now vent my anger with drugs, women and alcohol.

Live me with pl0x.

 

[Dan]

I am not a woman, a drug, or an alcohol, so I have nothing to fear from you.

 

[Danimal]

Which is why I'm asking you to live with me.

Holy shit.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

I have absolutely no self control. I frequently attack/verbally abuse inanimate objects and people for no particular reason, or just out of sheer anger.

 

[sinkoman]

I have a problem.

I hurt things, and I can't always stop myself. It could be any living thing, or a valuable object even.

Right before I do something I will regret, I get a mandatory STOP command, and I begin stopping my attack, but then, a half second later, something kicks in, and makes me do it anyway. Adrenaline? Rage? Anger?

The first couple of times - as a child - I thought I just did it on purpose. "How can your body do something that your brain tells it not to?" - I thought.

It was like a mini debate happened in my head. The thinking part and the action part. I can't hear the action side, it only speaks in actions. So I hear myself think "STOP", the action side starts to stop the attack, but then it seemed to want to show the thinking side that it does not fully understand how angry I really am, and therefore it disregards my judgment.


As I got older I realized that I wasn't doing it on purpose, I really couldn't stop myself - not always.

Seconds afterward, I feel regret and disappointment in myself, and in the case of a living thing, I feel sad and ashamed as well, yet I no longer feel anger towards the victim. Calm after the storm.


I want to know if others have experienced this or if there is something wrong with me. I think being a male has something to do with it BTW. I am really afraid that one day I will hurt someone really badly - even a loved one.

This happens to everybody, not just you. You are not a psycho, everybody gets this way when they get super upset.

Sounds to me like you've just never really gotten INSANELY upset before, so much so that you break, and now that you have, you think something's wrong.

We all snap, some of us have a lower tolerance for stress than others, but we all snap.

In this thread: People wonder what to call things like rage and temper tantrums.

Precisely.

 

[Saruke]

I believe the solution is not to focus on stopping your bad behaviors but introducing new positive behaviors which, for me anyway, have eliminated negative aspects of myself.

So think about doing good instead of not doing bad.

 

[Dan]

This happens to everybody, not just you. You are not a psycho, everybody gets this way when they get super upset.

Sounds to me like you've just never really gotten INSANELY upset before, so much so that you break, and now that you have, you think something's wrong.

We all snap, some of us have a lower tolerance for stress than others, but we all snap.

Precisely.

I have never thrown a rage, a fit, or lost control of myself since before puberty. I can't imagine anything that would upset me that much no matter how hard I try. If someone insulted and abused me, sure I will be angry, but I wouldn't fly off the hook and attack them. I'd probably make some smart ass comment and walk away. If they pushed it, I might get violent, but not without good reason and conscious thought.

When you think about most things after the fact, it's not a very big deal at all, and the same is true if you think about them during the fact too.