Losing Control

[sinkoman]

I have never thrown a rage, a fit, or lost control of myself since before puberty. I can't imagine anything that would upset me that much no matter how hard I try. If someone insulted and abused me, sure I will be angry, but I wouldn't fly off the hook and attack them. I'd probably make some smart ass comment and walk away. If they pushed it, I might get violent, but not without good reason and conscious thought.

When you think about most things after the fact, it's not a very big deal at all, and the same is true if you think about them during the fact too.

I'd like to see you go your whole life without snapping at least once.

 

[VirusType2]

Recently
My pet bit me, and wouldn't stop trying to bite my fingers. I guess that hurt my feelings, and so I bit it back, and I felt the bones break. I didn't mean to damage my favorite creature. My baby. It just happened. I was so angry I didn't realize how hard I must have been doing it. I just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine so he would stop.
I'm so regretful. I am so ashamed.



As a child
examples include super glue in eyes, cutting body parts off, bludgeoning, bricks, fire, flamethrower, chemicals, boiling water, dissection, salt /worms, firearms, beating with sticks, capture, neglect, deprivation, feeding to my piranha, etc.


Again, this is when I was a child. Like 9-14 years old.

So, do you guys that said it's normal still think it's normal? It's sadism isn't it?


For the record:
I think I grew out of the sadistic phase. For the past 20 years, I don't even hurt bugs. - Except flies and other pests in my house or around my food if necessary.


However, yet still, sometimes I hurt things. The damaging inanimate objects usually happened when high on marijuana, so I stopped using it years ago.

I believe the solution is not to focus on stopping your bad behaviors but introducing new positive behaviors which, for me anyway, have eliminated negative aspects of myself.

So think about doing good instead of not doing bad.

That's maybe a good idea. Because they are like habits. They start with a little hurt, and you can't stop yourself, it becomes like a reflex...every time it does something you don't like, you reaction is to hurt it. then one day, it's dead. This is not the intended result.

This sounds like a great idea to me. What kind of positive behaviors do you suggest? Examples?

 

[DEATHMASTER]

Shit, you scare me Virus.

 

[Ennui]

In this thread: People wonder what to call things like rage and temper tantrums.

and try to convince themselves it's some kind of self-control problem instead of taking responsibility for their actions

 

[Dan]

I vote you the most likely to have a body (or bodies) in the freezer 20 years from now.

 

[Azner]

The last time i lost control was when my supposedly friend kicked something that i was holding on to that did not belong to me which cost around $120+?

Can't say i really lost control as i tried not to hit him in the face.

 

[Saturos]

and try to convince themselves it's some kind of self-control problem instead of taking responsibility for their actions

Wow, I don't think you could have said it any plainer Ennui. Though I took full responsibility (and my punishment) for maiming that guy that marked my shirt.

Damn psychologists making excuses for irrational and violent behavior right? :upstare:

 

[Ennui]

Wow, I don't think you could have said it any plainer Ennui. Though I took full responsibility (and my punishment) for maiming that guy that marked my shirt.

Damn physchologists making excuses for irrational and violent behavior right? :upstare:

*psychologists diagnose people with those sorts of disorders based on scientific/clinical testing and actual evaluation, which is quite a far cry from a thread on a gaming forum. Furthermore, those sorts of things are exceedingly rare and Virus sure doesn't seem like a sociopath to me.

Actually, you're right, he's probably completely incapable of controlling his actions. How long until he kills a baby or a grandmother? [/sarcasm] It's possible he actually has some kind of psychological disorder, but it's far more likely that he's just a little confused mentally, and telling himself that he can't control what he's doing surely makes that more true than holding the opposing mentality.

 

[Saturos]

*psychologists diagnose people with those sorts of disorders based on scientific/clinical testing and actual evaluation, which is quite a far cry from a thread on a gaming forum. Furthermore, those sorts of things are exceedingly rare and Virus sure doesn't seem like a sociopath to me.

Actually, you're right, he's probably completely incapable of controlling his actions. How long until he kills a baby or a grandmother? [/sarcasm] It's possible he actually has some kind of psychological disorder, but it's far more likely that he's just a little confused mentally, and telling himself that he can't control what he's doing surely makes that more true than holding the opposing mentality.

If Virus was a teenager, I'd just say he's going through puberty tbh.

If this were the case, we could just blame irrational behavior on bodily chemicals. :| [/sacasm]

Regardless, I do agree with you Ennui. Too many people out there nowadays who would rather blame their wrongdoings on ADHD, or manic depressive disorder, or bi-polar disorder, etc. than just taking up the slack and accepting punishment.

That's the rub I have with society when it comes to modern psychology and the media, parents, officials, etc, that excuses such behavior.

If a person really can't control their emotions due to some disorder, then shouldn't they really be in a correctional/mental institution so they can't harm others? :|

 

[Dan]

If Virus was a teenager, I'd just say he's going through puberty tbh.

If this were the case, we could just blame irrational behavior on bodily chemicals. :| [/sacasm]

Regardless, I do agree with you Ennui. Too many people out there nowadays who would rather blame their wrongdoings on ADHD, or manic depressive disorder, or bi-polar disorder, etc. than just taking up the slack and accepting punishment.

That's the rub I have with society when it comes to modern psychology and the media, parents, officials, etc, that excuses such behavior.

If a person really can't control their emotions due to some disorder, then shouldn't they really be in a correctional/mental institution so they can't harm others? :|

Uh oh! prepare to feel the wrath of the multitudes of depressives on this board.

 

[Saturos]

Uh oh! prepare to feel the wrath of the multitudes of depressives on this board.

...and we all know, "depressive" is really just a politically correct term for emo. :thumbs:

 

[dfc05]

Honestly, some of the posts in here are pretty scary.

However this:

I used to have that same problem. Mostly on inaminate objects though. For no apparent reason at all, me and a good friend would just go out and break random shit like old radios, car models we'd made, windows, etc.

I'd never let my rage attacks hurt any of my family tough. Especially my parents, simply because I know they've done so much for me and I value respect for them and the parental love they had for me above all else.

However, there was one time I completely lost it in school and beat some guy to a bloody pulp back when I was like in 6th grade.
Wanna know what it was over? He marked on my shirt with a permanent marker. I tackled him, ripped off his own shirt and marked all over his chest with the marker before proceeding to bash his face into hamburger. Srsly, it looked like a blood pack exploded on his face before the Phys ED coach tackled me. :O

I was so scared after that though that I swore to myself never to lose my temper like that again. The guy was ok, and miraculously, I wasn't even suspended, just in-school suspension where we do all our work in solitary confinement for a week. I still passed that term on the honors list too.

I guess what it's going to take is for you to lose something dear before your anger issues are solved. For me, it was the fear of failure from being expelled from school.
Or you could just go and play a violent video game too. In the post-GTAIII era, I've just become a much more mellow person ever since.

One of my friends actually has a very similar story. But he's a good guy and hasn't done anything like that since then.

I have never had any violent situations like that before. Mostly I just have personal breakdowns from school, stress, etc. and then I turn the cold shoulder to the people around me... and I regret that a lot, because they tend to not come back. If someone annoys me or does something bad to me, I usually just take it and deal with it on my own, which is also pretty unhealthy. So I guess a good balance of passive and aggressive is best.

 

[Kula Meenur]

Try a new hobby maybe, something that gets you out in the open and enjoying yourself. Maybe join a social sport club or somethin, buy a musical instrument, build models, **** the missus, anything mate


I deal with angst and frustration by taking a corner at 170k then screamin like a mad **** after it haha srsly pick something that makes you feel free in your chest and relaxful in spirit.

 

[Dan]

So I guess a good balance of passive and aggressive is best.

Why pick one when you can have them both?

 

[VirusType2]

When I was a kid, a psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADHD. A few years ago, I have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with Bi-Polar disorder and he said that disorders tend to come in groups, and that I may have other issues as well. They give me this thing with about 60 questions and a 'yes, no, sometimes' kind of checkbox for your answers, and I had all of these problems except for 1.

many of them I didn't realize were a problem - I thought everyone did that.


The other day, I was watching CSI (crime scene investigators - the popular fictional TV series) and there was an episode where they analyzed the killers handwriting. They had a handwriting analyst on the episode who said that people who write very dark often lose control - or something like that.

Well, I like to write as dark as possible without tearing the paper. And I do things like go over my writing several times so it's very very dark.

I've also heard things like kids who torture animals end up doing the same to people, and things like that. I'm just a little worried, because I would like to have a wife and children, but I'm afraid that if my kid starts crying when I pick it up, or says something hurtful to me when he is old enough, that I'm going to hurt him/her. I mean wouldn't that hurt your feelings if you pick up your new baby and it starts crying and wants to get away?

I feel like I lead a normal life for the most part, but I'm just want to be as normal as possible. Now you see why I made this thread? Analyzing what is normal and what is not, so that I can concentrate on things I might be able to change, and don't worry about things that aren't abnormal.

For no apparent reason at all, me and a good friend would just go out and break random shit like old radios, car models we'd made, windows, etc.

Yeah I used to burn everything, starting at like 7. Smashed 1000's of windows and got arrested at 13. In both cases though, I picked it up from friends that were a year or two older. It was my friend that got me into killing ants and things too. I mean I was 7-10 years old and have always been easily influenced.

 

[Ennui]

Analyzing what is normal and what is not, so that I can concentrate on things I might be able to change, and don't worry about things that aren't abnormal.


Yeah I used to burn everything, starting at like 7. Smashed 1000's of windows and got arrested at 13. In both cases though, I picked it up from friends that were a year or two older. It was my friend that got me into killing ants and things too. I mean I was 7-10 years old and have always been easily influenced.

There is nothing about your behavior, self, or life that you cannot change (with the exception of things like schizophrenia). Various imbalances or the like that cause things like depression, bipolar disorder, or ADHD make it more difficult to change certain aspects of your behavior but you can do it nonetheless, this is why I stress taking responsibility for yourself rather than worrying about it and scouring Wikipedia for disorders you think you could have - having them doesn't change the fact that you are responsible for every action big or small that you take.

Also, do you really think that you could hurt a baby even if it was annoying you or pissing you off? Think about it - it's almost impossible to justifiably feel anger towards something that is as incredibly helpless, innocent, and naive as a baby is.

When it comes to harming animals or people, all you have to do is take a good long moment and think about how ridiculously huge/complex/amazing/awesome your entire life/reality/existence is and it is self-evident that willful destruction of or harm to another being like yourself (which extends to animals as well as people, because they are a hell of a lot like humans in the sense that they are conscious living things when compared to the other 99.999% of the universe which is mostly bits of rock and mineral) is morally wrong.

I almost want to say that this is the kind of thing that psychedelics could help with a lot if used responsibly in a theraputic/spiritual context. However I do not recommend them if you're worried about mental stability because of bipolar disorder or whatever already, but give the LSD and mushrooms sections on Erowid.org a good thorough research and read and draw your own conclusions there.

Also, I think that for adolescent males destroying things is pretty usual. When I was in elementary school my friends and I did things like hit matchbox cars with hammers, break glass if we could find it, destroy old/unfunctional electronic equipment like radios or vcrs, etc. Middle school heralded a huge pyro phase of my life in which I burned or melted just about everything I could think of. All of these experiences were shared with a variety of friends... I would say that most of my closer childhood friends and I broke/destroyed something for fun multiple times during our adolescence. It's fun (if you disagree go get a bat and whack the shit out of an old computer and monitor and get back to me) and stuff looks cool when you destroy it too. I think it's a pretty harmless natural impulse.

However I never did anything to hurt animals or even bugs really (although I have no problem with killing bugs), I only would destroy inanimate objects. The closest to something alive were GI Joes or little green army men which melt wonderfully with a bit of lighter fluid. Even if you used to harm living things as a kid though I wouldn't worry about it too much - it's definitely not uncommon for kids to do that, and like I said before, it's up to you what you do and how you act in the future.

 

[Dan]

Also, do you really think that you could hurt a baby even if it was annoying you or pissing you off? Think about it - it's almost impossible to justifiably feel anger towards something that is as incredibly helpless, innocent, and naive as a baby is.

 

[Que-Ever]

Dan, how old are you, because I keep getting you confused with xendance which isn't exactly good for your image.

 

[VirusType2]

Thanks Ennui, you make me feel a lot better.

About the baby thing, well maybe that was a bad example. Honestly, I'm just a little worried about hitting or yelling at my children though.

I'll give you an example of a scenario that often takes place, and is something that disturbs me.

because of the difficulty I can have paying attention (ADHD), and the irritability I sometimes feel (BiPolar), for example, If something bad happens to me - for example, I get in a fight with a girlfriend, and I'm trying to get my thoughts together on how to handle it.

I would be very upset, and deep in thought on how to rectify the situation, when my pet starts requesting attention - bugging me. I say, STOP. STOP IT. but he does not. And not recently - but in the past, I have yelled at him, or snatched him up and Yelled at him.

My new thing, for the past couple months - I stop what I'm doing and immediately address him in a kind manner. "What's wrong baby?". I give him full attention. And every time, it's because he wants some food or water, or wants me to turn his light off so he can go to sleep. This is an example of me correcting my behavior.

I can picture a similar scenario where my child starts crying while I am deeply occupied with something - very focused and intense, and I'm afraid I will yell at my child for merely doing what a child does - request attention by crying.

I think having this pet has helped change my behavior that could be helpful when I am raising children, in addition to training me to care for something that cannot care for itself.

 

[Kula Meenur]

Good on you mate kudos to your efforts, your maturity, your self discipline and your acceptance of responsibility. Massive respect

 

[VirusType2]

Thanks. I'm feeling hopeful. It wasn't until someone mentioned that I need to change my behaviors that I realized that I had changed them for the better.

Like I noted, as a child, I neglected my pets... didn't feed them or whatever.

I remembered hearing someone say to 'get a plant. If you can keep this plant alive, then you can care for a child'. Well, I was concerned when my plants kept dying, even in my 20's.

Anyway, It took me a while, but I've been able to keep my pets alive for years on end. I've still got some pet fish that I got like 7 years ago. I'm sure there are some, but I don't know any other people that can keep their fish alive very long, and these people have children.

D:

heh. I guess when you have kids, you are too busy to care for the fish. LOL

 

[sinkoman]

I can't believe what i've read so far in this thread.

You've used an episode of CSI as one of several attempts at self diagnosing yourself with some sort of anger management problem.

Srsly, NOTHING i've read so far in this thread really screams "mental problems".

 

[VirusType2]

You've used an episode of CSI as one of several attempts at self diagnosing yourself with some sort of anger management problem.

I used CSI to explain how I became aware and concerned about my mental state.

Handwriting analysis is not an exact science of course, but it's supposed to be pretty reliable, but I've also read that certain handwriting types signify things like serial killer, etc. I tried to find some stuff online about it, but didn't come up with what I was looking for.

I thought it would be cool if there was someway I could have it analyzed by a computer program online or something. I was interested in the analysis of other forum members to compare them and stuff.

Srsly, NOTHING i've read so far in this thread really screams "mental problems".

Exactly! And believe it or not, that is something that makes it more difficult for me.

Many people don't believe such disorders are real, even though they are just as real as more serious ones that are obvious - Like cerebral palsy or MS. But that is also what makes it great. Because I don't get laughed at for the way I walk or talk. I am quite capable of all normal tasks. On the surface, you wouldn't know anything is wrong with me. Any symptoms - for example, anger issues or irritability, and people just think I'm a jerk or something.

But I've read that one 1 of 3 people that have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder eventually take their own lives. Tell me that is not serious.

Serious depression for no apparent reason is a huge problem.

Behavior problems are more of a problem than you might think. They cause other problems at school, with peers, with family, and things like losing jobs, or getting in trouble with the law.

It also causes other problems with managing money, sleep, and sex. Problems sleeping can make going to school and work extremely difficult.

You try going to work as a laborer with 5 hours of sleep a night for 6 days straight. I end up being late often, and since I'm tired, I end up feeling horribly all day, making the situation worse, since I'm not organized, I don't have a decent lunch with me, and since I'm irritable - it's not hard to see where it goes from here. I lose my job

Can you now see how difficult it can be? Between you and me, (and the world), I've been fired from ... perhaps 25 jobs for being late, and quit an additional 10 more so I wouldn't get fired.


People tell me, I'll just have to try harder, but It doesn't work! I CAN'T. I can't try any harder than my hardest.



I think I'm just going to turn back to self-medicating. (abusing drugs)

 

[Kula Meenur]

Self medicating?

No you don't, dont you dare don't you ****ing dare!

It's pretty apparent you're in a shitty place in your life. And yes, i have don't the less than 5hrs sleep job. I used to work as a shift manager for Toll West doin the night shift between 8pm-4am in the morning. Then i had school at 9:00. I did that for three years. My brother also runs a pool hall in the day and is an armed security guard by night. He's got MS, so he quit that job, but the disease was probably accelerated by his juvenile and current alcolism and smoking.

Get yourself in order. Take a ****in holiday Virus. You'll be a better man for it

Earn the money by committing yourself to a job. Or quit it. I know people back home who have nothing going for them, they stay in one job because the economy is so ****ed they cant get another job. Consider yourself lucky, and that ya got a lot goin for ya. Still i'm not your mom, just your mate from overseas. Do whatever you want, it's your life

 

[nurizeko]

Recently
My pet bit me, and wouldn't stop trying to bite my fingers. I guess that hurt my feelings, and so I bit it back, and I felt the bones break. I didn't mean to damage my favorite creature. My baby. It just happened. I was so angry I didn't realize how hard I must have been doing it. I just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine so he would stop.
I'm so regretful. I am so ashamed.



As a child
examples include super glue in eyes, cutting body parts off, bludgeoning, bricks, fire, flamethrower, chemicals, boiling water, dissection, salt /worms, firearms, beating with sticks, capture, neglect, deprivation, feeding to my piranha, etc.


Again, this is when I was a child. Like 9-14 years old.

So, do you guys that said it's normal still think it's normal? It's sadism isn't it?


For the record:
I think I grew out of the sadistic phase. For the past 20 years, I don't even hurt bugs. - Except flies and other pests in my house or around my food if necessary.


However, yet still, sometimes I hurt things. The damaging inanimate objects usually happened when high on marijuana, so I stopped using it years ago.


That's maybe a good idea. Because they are like habits. They start with a little hurt, and you can't stop yourself, it becomes like a reflex...every time it does something you don't like, you reaction is to hurt it. then one day, it's dead. This is not the intended result.

This sounds like a great idea to me. What kind of positive behaviors do you suggest? Examples?

Its not often but sometimes my dog will be in a mood and snap at me, and for some reason I will just find it so utterly ****ing anger inducing of him, I will over-power the little mutt and hold him down on the ground, and I swear to god for a split second I could easily hit him hard back, just so he knows what its like to be bitten, but with blunt human sized and strength fists.

Luckily the above makes me realize within half a second that I am more powerful then him by far (Jack Russel) and even if he could do some painful damage to me, I could utterly kill him within moments.

Its pretty rare though, I seem quite mellow when my dog is being a snappy jerk, or even barking louldy, for all his many failings as a dumb mutt I still wubs him, and his stupid puppy eyes.

But yeah, sometimes when he's in a mood, and snaps at me, it seems to just penetrate well deeper then his actual bite and I hold him down quite firmly and tell him to calm the **** down. :|






Past story from childhood

I used to be a fairly runty little kid, and well, glasses, I was just a perfect target for being pushed around.

Oneday I remember that I just snapped and started going apeshit on this kid, I mean whaling into him and screaming. All I remember was that he was crying and strangely after that day I got quite an interesting amount of general respect from the other kids, despite my size and target like appearance and generally having more friends then a small runty nerd like I was deserved in the rules of playground etiquette.

If Virus was a teenager, I'd just say he's going through puberty tbh.

If this were the case, we could just blame irrational behavior on bodily chemicals. [/sacasm]

Regardless, I do agree with you Ennui. Too many people out there nowadays who would rather blame their wrongdoings on ADHD, or manic depressive disorder, or bi-polar disorder, etc. than just taking up the slack and accepting punishment.

That's the rub I have with society when it comes to modern psychology and the media, parents, officials, etc, that excuses such behavior.

If a person really can't control their emotions due to some disorder, then shouldn't they really be in a correctional/mental institution so they can't harm others?

Even your personality and sapience is just a psychological condition, why shouldn't an undesirable level of anger or misbehaviour be either?.

So I guess a good balance of passive and aggressive is best.

Indeed. When I was younger and my anger more pronounced, I tended to take insult very badly, and stew on it.

Nowadays if someones being a cock to me I bloody well rip into them (verbally) right back, or just laugh it off.

 

[sinkoman]

You seriously just sound like an attention whore that just doesn't realize it :/

From what i've read and deduced, you get angry and want to do stupid shit, and then DO said stupid shit because then you get this neato moniker when you've done stupid shit, but then you get even more angry when you realize that nobody cares that you've done stupid shit, so you do even more stupid shit to make them worried and give you more attention.

I've been down that path and know how it goes, and you seriously sound like me when I used to be that way.

You don't seriously mean to tell me that you think this whole handwriting analysis thing is "reliable". You're self diagnosing yourself bucko, that's the least reliable shit possible.

You just told us that you're trying to self medicate yourself. That right there, SCREAMS attention whore.

You've also played the "sob story" card, "oh man, my condition is so bad, you'd know how I felt if you had to work the hours I did and got the sleep I did, bla bla bla". I mean, maybe i'm just an arrogant asshole, but from my experience with people, when they suspect that their current environment might be to blame for their issues, they present the case to other people as "I'm wondering if maybe it's because I sleep so little but work so much", while the people who just want an open ear will say "Man you don't know how much it sucks to be me with my work hours and such and such, it's why i'm the way I am".

99% of the time, when you THINK somethings wrong with you, NOTHING is wrong with you. People who have real behavioral problems are not aware of the fact that their behaviors are inappropriate, they oft accept it as norm until somebody straight up tells them that they're a ****ing nut.

Seriously, step back and read everything you've wrote so far. You're trying to convince us that you need help, not trying to present us with a case and ask us if we think you need help. Every time somebody has said you're fine, you've fought it back with "no i'm not, look at how wierd I am".

I mean, ****, if you're really that dead set on thinking you've got behavioral problems, go see a psych for it, don't sit here and try to convince us that something is up, because it won't help you at all.

 

[nurizeko]

No-one should be diagnosing themselves with an episode of a pretty dire TV series anyway.


I mean....using CSI...for anything but an excuse to change the channel is just wrong.

 

[Eejit]

No-one should be diagnosing themselves with an episode of a pretty dire TV series anyway.


I mean....using CSI...for anything but an excuse to change the channel is just wrong.

Or maybe... it's the diagnosis that's wrong...
/puts on sunglasses.

Yeeeaaaahhhhh!

 

[VirusType2]

Get yourself in order. Take a ****in holiday Virus. You'll be a better man for it

Earn the money by committing yourself to a job. Or quit it. I know people back home who have nothing going for them, they stay in one job because the economy is so ****ed they cant get another job. Consider yourself lucky, and that ya got a lot goin for ya. Still i'm not your mom, just your mate from overseas. Do whatever you want, it's your life

You said it bro. I'm quitting today. I have got to get my shit in order. I can't spend 55 hours a week at work, I have some big things going on right now. I've got a nice savings in the bank, and I can afford to be without a job for a little while. The sooner I move out of here, the more money I'll save. I'm going to find a new place to live this week. My dad wants me to go over there and get all my old boxes out of his house, I was supposed to get them out over a year ago, but I don't have enough space where I live now. I need to spend time looking for a place, and then doing all that paperwork stuff, and then moving in, and then looking for a new job.



OK. Sinkoman -

The point to this thread - I wanted to know about people with anger issues. I wanted to know about sadism. I wanted to know about destroying objects, attacking people, etc. I just wanted to know how common these things are.





I'm frustrated.

at 3:24 AM, when I made my last post, I was feeling hopeful. I was basically done with the thread. Then I saw that you had replied so I read it.

I didn't diagnose myself from CSI. Clear that up. I thought I explained it well enough the first time, then again on this page, and now I'm saying it again. (CSI is awesome show though)

You claimed that you don't see anything wrong with me, and I get that a lot. It frustrates me to death. When my step-grandmother claimed "it was all in my head", I said, "I KNOW. THAT'S THE PROBLEM"


you reminded me that it's not obvious that something is wrong with me, so that is why I went on about that.

I mentioned drugs because I used to have a drug problem like you. Since before I was a teenager I began smoking, drinking, and using drugs. It was the only time I felt normal. I stayed high on drugs most of every day for about 15 years until I was about 30, and that's when I found out I had bi polar disorder.

That whole time, I was feeling really low - I thought it was only because I needed to get high.

I knew I had depression, and I knew I was a mean son of a bitch with behavior problems, because I get kicked out of school, arrested all the time, etc., but I didn't know it was something more severe. I thought. "I have depression", " I have ADD". I didn't know I had something else as well.

It's a fact that most people that have bi polar disorder use some sort of self medication.

You on the other hand, probably have no excuse for abusing drugs, and always talk about all of your drugs and drama every night. And you are calling me an attention whore? *shaky fist* I'm not sure if I am or not. Don't really care. Everyone wants attention or they wouldn't talk.

OK the reason I kept adding more things wrong with me like I did, was because at first I was too ashamed to admit it. Then when I saw I wasn't the only one, I began to step forward. I don't think what I did was normal, but at least I'm not the only one, so perhaps it's not related to any sort of disorder. I am also not assuming that just because others did similar atrocities, doesn't mean there isn't something wrong with them too.


When I said I might start using drugs again, It wasn't a cry for attention. I was actually trying to relate to you.

It was that you reminded me of all the things wrong with me, and reminded me that I used to have a drug problem. What you said made me feel a little hopeless again. If only there was a drug that could fix me right up.


I am an adult, and I make my own decisions. I've seen it all. If I want to go buy some heroine and inject it directly into my gigantic ball-sacks, then that is my own stupidity. Not looking to discuss drug use, I'm sorry I mentioned it.

 

[Ennui]

Virus please don't turn to drug abuse as self-medication/escape, if not for your sake then for mine, because it makes other drug users look bad

Been to that park, in Oslo right? Hundreds of naked statues in ridiculous poses. I saw Norwegians smoking marijuana in that park

 

[SamuraiKenji]

I have it happen to Virus
Ive almost punched a few holes int he wall
Had wild impulses to hurt things such as my sister
All the same problems really
Though im not bi-polar
So im on pretty much the same boat

 

[sinkoman]

You said it bro. I'm quitting today. I have got to get my shit in order. I can't spend 55 hours a week at work, I have some big things going on right now. I've got a nice savings in the bank, and I can afford to be without a job for a little while. The sooner I move out of here, the more money I'll save. I'm going to find a new place to live this week. My dad wants me to go over there and get all my old boxes out of his house, I was supposed to get them out over a year ago, but I don't have enough space where I live now. I need to spend time looking for a place, and then doing all that paperwork stuff, and then moving in, and then looking for a new job.



OK. Sinkoman -

The point to this thread - I wanted to know about people with anger issues. I wanted to know about sadism. I wanted to know about destroying objects, attacking people, etc. I just wanted to know how common these things are.

And the general answer so far has been "very", but you insist that your cases are extreme...

I'm frustrated.

I'm sorry :/

To be 100% honest with you, when I read this thread, I truthfully thought that you were a case of what I had described before, a closet attention whore, and in my experiences with attention whores, the best way to snap a closet attention whore out of their stupor is to confront them on it aggressively.

If their destructive behavior TRULY is an attempt to garner the attention of others, they'll usually begin to apologize and get all empathetic and will snap out of it, while if their destructive behavior is due to some other unfound cause, they'll get all defensive about why it is they do whatever it is they do.

My point remains though, if you really think something is up, make an effort to change your situation, whether it be by seeing a psych or just trying to lead a better life.

at 3:24 AM, when I made my last post, I was feeling hopeful. I was basically done with the thread. Then I saw that you had replied so I read it.

I didn't diagnose myself from CSI. Clear that up. I thought I explained it well enough the first time, then again on this page, and now I'm saying it again. (CSI is awesome show though)

You claimed that you don't see anything wrong with me, and I get that a lot. It frustrates me to death. When my step-grandmother claimed "it was all in my head", I said, "I KNOW. THAT'S THE PROBLEM"


you reminded me that it's not obvious that something is wrong with me, so that is why I went on about that.

I mentioned drugs because I used to have a drug problem like you. Since before I was a teenager I began smoking, drinking, and using drugs. It was the only time I felt normal. I stayed high on drugs most of every day for about 15 years until I was about 30, and that's when I found out I had bi polar disorder.

That whole time, I was feeling really low - I thought it was only because I needed to get high.

Just to clear something up here, I don't have a drug problem. I do quite a fair bit of drugs, sure, but i don't think it's a problem. Yes, a lot of the problems in my life are in some way shape or form connected to my drug useage, but they're definitely not rooted in it.

I knew I had depression, and I knew I was a mean son of a bitch with behavior problems, because I get kicked out of school, arrested all the time, etc., but I didn't know it was something more severe. I thought. "I have depression", " I have ADD". I didn't know I had something else as well.

It's a fact that most people that have bi polar disorder use some sort of self medication.

You on the other hand, probably have no excuse for abusing drugs, and always talk about all of your drugs and drama every night. And you are calling me an attention whore? *shaky fist* I'm not sure if I am or not. Don't really care. Everyone wants attention or they wouldn't talk.

OK the reason I kept adding more things wrong with me like I did, was because at first I was too ashamed to admit it. Then when I saw I wasn't the only one, I began to step forward. I don't think what I did was normal, but at least I'm not the only one, so perhaps it's not related to any sort of disorder. I am also not assuming that just because others did similar atrocities, doesn't mean there isn't something wrong with them too.


When I said I might start using drugs again, It wasn't a cry for attention. I was actually trying to relate to you.

It was that you reminded me of all the things wrong with me, and reminded me that I used to have a drug problem. What you said made me feel a little hopeless again. If only there was a drug that could fix me right up.


I am an adult, and I make my own decisions. I've seen it all. If I want to go buy some heroine and inject it directly into my gigantic ball-sacks, then that is my own stupidity. Not looking to discuss drug use, I'm sorry I mentioned it.

I think that what'd help you a lot would be some good old fashioned meditation. You seem to think way too much about your problems. That's not to say that they aren't legitimate or serious problems, stressing over them will only make them worse.

 

[Moto]

I was playing GTA IV the other day, failed a mission for the 100th time, and threw the Xbox controller on the ground. It broke. It no longer rumbles and the headset doesn't work with it either.

When I was little, I got really angry with my brother and threw one of my toys across the backyard and into a brick wall. It shattered into pieces.

Every now and then, I ride my dirtbike like an idiot, have a really shitty, frustrating day and get really disappointed in myself. On days like this, I often park my bike and throw things like my goggles and my gloves into the bed of my truck, utter many expletives, and then get dressed into my street clothes in a hurry.

I'm one of the most laid back people you'll meet, too. It's pretty normal for people to break stuff if they get frustrated enough. It's better to take your anger out on an inanimate object than to keep it bottled up and unleash on somebody who doesn't deserve it.

 

[theotherguy]

I have a problem.

I hurt things, and I can't always stop myself. It could be any living thing, or a valuable object even.

Right before I do something I will regret, I get a mandatory STOP command, and I begin stopping my attack, but then, a half second later, something kicks in, and makes me do it anyway. Adrenaline? Rage? Anger?

The first couple of times - as a child - I thought I just did it on purpose. "How can your body do something that your brain tells it not to?" - I thought.

It was like a mini debate happened in my head. The thinking part and the action part. I can't hear the action side, it only speaks in actions. So I hear myself think "STOP", the action side starts to stop the attack, but then it seemed to want to show the thinking side that it does not fully understand how angry I really am, and therefore it disregards my judgment.


As I got older I realized that I wasn't doing it on purpose, I really couldn't stop myself - not always.

Seconds afterward, I feel regret and disappointment in myself, and in the case of a living thing, I feel sad and ashamed as well, yet I no longer feel anger towards the victim. Calm after the storm.


I want to know if others have experienced this or if there is something wrong with me. I think being a male has something to do with it BTW. I am really afraid that one day I will hurt someone really badly - even a loved one.

That's some ****ed up anti-social behavior right there. Seek professional help before you become the next serial killer. If you're already blaming "that part of you," and you "feel like you're losing control" and can't take responsibility for your own rage, then you really ought to take a step back, realize that it really is you doing this, and find out ways to stop it.

 

[DigiQ8]

I blame GTA

 

[VirusType2]

Anti-social. Yes. I believe this is correct.


I went into work and quit my job today, came home and got in bed and went to sleep. Awesome.


psychiatrists are like $200 an hour or something, my Dad paid for some sessions a few years ago.

I got really pissed off, assaulted and nearly attacked the psychiatrist I did have. He told me he wouldn't put me on some medication because he thought I would sell it on the street. I was so offended.

I just wanted a silver bullet - mr.fix it pill, and be out of his office.

If only they had a psychiatrist at Wal-Mart or something BTW. Discount prices.

 

[sinkoman]

Always makes me feel like there's still hope:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O80b002XT0

 

[Saruke]

if you want a discount deal on a psychiatrist you can go to colleges with psych programs and have a student be your psychiatrist but I'm not sure if you'd like that or not.

I must say though that you have a problem. Your not "crazy" or anything like that but you shouldn't fool yourself into thinking that the anger management problem you have is "ok" or normal.

You need to deal with it or it will continue to consume your life.

 

[VirusType2]

I use a heavy bag, video games, and possibly music to vent excess aggression. I used to go out in the woods, smoke some weed, and kick down dead trees like a ninja training for the final battle. It takes a lot of kicks, but every chunk of chips that fly off is closer to the goal. And broken feet strengthen the bone. Now that summer is here, I may go out again. The weed brings out some sort of primal instinct. Either that or it just makes you stupid enough to do something like this.

 

[Kula Meenur]

i would take the latter, virus