mod idea in need of critic!!

[jister]

just what it says, i have been chewing on this for 10 months orso, mean while i joint a mod team, Hitchhiker as concept artist/level designer/mappr, to see and learn a bit on how a community team works.

so i tought i finnaly trow it out here so you guys can go ahead and eat it's guts!!

bonne appitide!

SALVATION DAY

part one

intro: In the near future there's a dirty and corrupt war going on in most parts of the world. It is the rise of a great repression of false appearance and superficiality!

story: By the "many treads of danger" civil rights begin to pay in, and as "the people's" freedom shrinks "the law" becomes more forced upon them! This system benifits offcourse the rich, and soon riots start to break out in the ghetto's, that spread like a wild fire to the suburbs into the harts of the city, the finnal perversion of a total civil war glances as a the rising sun...

YOU are Ridri Tchakowso a chech' father of an exceptional boy named Ghove, who mother died at birth.
You're job is to survive together with you're son, in an area predestined for total war!

This part is mainly FPS with story and cinimatic game cuts. the plot is that you give you're life for your son!... !and play/fight on as Ghove!!!

part two

story: WAR has come!!...and soon binds a global allaince that rules with an iron grip! you fight the mayor part of the war as an adolesent Ghevo, leading a group of rebellions... but finaly have to give up and go underground. So this is the end of the great World War and the begining of "the great repression of false appearance and superficiality!", destined by one world goverment and ONE world leader!

Here the game slowly changes with more rpg and strategy elements. You need to get a full uderstanding of the society around you and always have to be on the look out not to be discoverd. One of you're goals is to get an information network running, so you have to find equaly minded people to work for you're cause, you can just recruit anyone or you will be betrayed and caught. You have to assemble a small army, not only in force but also in intelligence as well as providence and resources to keep your network alive...
This is the critical part part the furher development of the game and it's end,you have to ind out whats really behind this world goverment and it's leader... lets say it has a plot where in it's good for you to be morally just and behave in this part (meaning only to use nessicary violence)

part three

story: The ultimate fight between you (and if just) "The antichrist". The rpg, fps & strategy of part two should have upgraded you character from human two god alike and offcourse you can only win if you have a "clean soul", so the more you abused you're freedom in part two the worse you're of in this part!the better you behaved the stronger you and you're amy are!
Win and bring salvation to mankind!!!

ok thats it now SHOOT!:sniper:

 

[63]

That's some damn nice work for 10 months.

 

[En1gma]

very nice job. Kinda already done, at least i think i have played something like this before, but i think this is much more original and thought out than that one. It has a much better storyline than the last one of these i played. I cant remember what game this was similar to, i guess that is a good thing, it means it was poorly done, where this is not.

 

[crackhead]

that took you ten months? or that is just a sample? coz that is a really small amount of work to have taken you ten months

 

[Ennui]

mate, same advice you were given over on interlopers - i'd find someone to translate that into better english.

 

[jister]

thx for the comments
it didn't took me 10 months more like ten minuits, and my spelling i tought wasn't important at this stage...
its that i had the idea a while back and kinda forgot about it.
i would love it if you could remember witch game it was, en1gma
actually i'm not a writer, so i was planning on letting it rewrite into a real story.
what do you think about the player dieing in a game and go on as ghove?

 

[Flewk]

mate, same advice you were given over on interlopers - i'd find someone to translate that into better english.

Are you an english teacher or something. Not everyone here is an UB3R L33T 3NGLI5H WR1T3R.

Its a good concept, BUT, its been done many times before. Freedom Force is a game to come to mind.

Make it a bit more interesting. Like maybe it starts in 2390, its a planet that humans colonised to when Earth wouldn't take all the human abuse any longer. Its a planet much like Earth but more variations of materials. Like one material is like silk, but its so resistant to anything that its unbreakable. You could form a suit from it. With these advanced materials, people get greedy and start to think that they can lead. This then starts the first of the wars. After 300 years of fighting, a man with the most advanced gear and drugs stands for world leader; with the drugs he can live a very long life. After countless rebellians, the strick laws soon make people realise there is nothing more to do.

Then here comes your character and his father. They work in a family business in the Virtua District of Belowtown Swuansay. Some time in the day a patrol drops by to buy a pack of beer and some donuts. Your father was mopping the floor and the soldier walked past him over the water. He slipped, tumbled into a stack of Plutan Viles (slime-like refreshments) and his comrades went to his aid. When he got up, he smashed your father over the head with his Baton. This didnt register to you for a few seconds, but then by instinct you pulled out a knike from under the counter and threw it as the guy with the Baton. Went threw the eye and lodged itself there. The man was now shreeking with pain. Your fatehr got up and kicked the man to his left in the back of his knee and lunged his right fist to the last guy. This is when your father picks up the gun and you start to control his actions.

Thats one way of starting it.

 

[Asknoone]

Are you an english teacher or something. Not everyone here is an UB3R L33T 3NGLI5H WR1T3R.

No he isn't, and no everyone is not, but its alot better when someone posts something thats readable and fluent.

 

[Flewk]

Like the saying goes, 'no one is perfect'.

We are on an FPS forum, espect all kinds of odd grammar.

Also the most important thing is the centents of the post. So stop whining and putting people down; because thats my job, and comment on his idea noobz!!11onetwothree.

 

[Asknoone]

Like the saying goes, 'no one is perfect'.

We are on an FPS forum, espect all kinds of odd grammar.

Also the most important thing is the centents of the post. So stop whining and putting people down; because thats my job, and comment on his idea noobz!!11onetwothree.

What good is the content of the post, if un readable? As it is, Ennui merely made a suggestion, and it was perfectly valid.

 

[Flewk]

What good is the content of the post, if un readable? As it is, Ennui merely made a suggestion, and it was perfectly valid.

I could read it, and its alot better than most posts on the damn forum. Learn to read.

 

[Ennui]

"It is the rise of a great repression of false appearance and superficiality!"

Certainly more of a strain to read than normal english, and perhaps you should calm down a bit Flewk. It was a suggestion, not a flame. If I had different opinions than I've already seen posted in this thread or in the thread on interlopers, I'd voice them.

 

[Flewk]

Im always calm. Just get fed up of seeing sly comments about peoples writing disabilty.

 

[Asknoone]

mate, same advice you were given over on interlopers - i'd find someone to translate that into better english.

Im always calm. Just get fed up of seeing sly comments about peoples writing disabilty.

Yeah, I'm totally seeing the slyness in Ennuis post. Actually, it was a friendly suggestion. And I suggest you stop dragging this out, for your own good and for the sake of this thread. If you've a problem, send a pm my way. I'll quite happily answer it for you

 

[Ennui]

Im always calm. Just get fed up of seeing sly comments about peoples writing disabilty.

What I said could hardly be called sly. His spelling and grammar are pretty bad - the concept itself is fine, but he could certainly do with finding someone to help him communicate it better.

 

[Flewk]

He has teachers to tell him what his english is like, not you.

 

[Ennui]

That may be one of the stupidest comments I've ever heard.

 

[Asknoone]

I'm not sure whether to laugh or not at the idiocy of that comment. Like I said - not the thread to be discussing this, you have an issue? Take it to pm, I'll glady answer it.

 

[jister]

k first of any of you feel a calling in putting this idea into a whole fluid readable story. here you go more of these i can't stop my sentince stuff. lol

second i'm sorry to say i'm not at shool anymore so no english teachers around...

then flewk thx for the idea input, i liked it a lot and could just picture all you wrote, but than i really want it to feel as the future of tomorrow. so you could think in a paranoid way this story is happing now or the prequel to it is at large in our world no-a-days...?
actually to be honest my parents are good religious people, who if i visit then always come up with these amazing statistics and conspiracies, from the main world bankframe its number beeing 666, to parts about the apocalypse where they rebuild the jewish temple in jerusalem (wich a real commity is called out for just a year ago)... and lots more about secret groups like skull and bones and stuff...
but its all very very near future or is it already a part of dailly life, we're so used to that we don't see the treath... or am i getting paranoind to by these stories hhahahaha lol.
so you see flewk it feels as a whole new story you're telling, but surely as interesting.

if some one is willing to help making this al a bit nicer to read please mail me at thejisters@hotmail or pm me thx

 

[Flewk]

666 is the Police code for Hit and Run

 

[Flewk]

I'm not sure whether to laugh or not at the idiocy of that comment. Like I said - not the thread to be discussing this, you have an issue? Take it to pm, I'll glady answer it.

Why waste my time on PMing YOU.

 

[jister]

flewk where can we see some work you did?
and 666 is also in all barcodes!!! ééééiiiiiiik haha

 

[Flewk]

Ive never done any work for Half Life 2, and my portfolio for my art work is not scanned in. I did try concept art for morrowind, but that was before I went to further education in art and design.

 

[jister]

so then can you proof in anyway that you're the qualified concept artist you say you are...

 

[Flewk]

I have 3 A lvls, I am qualified at 'MY' lvl. Why?

I see your point, it might be a little misleading. I will change it to more appropriate wording.

 

[jister]

and still active in drawing and things, you have a dig.cam.? can you take some pictures of recent drawings? i'm concept artist for 2 hl2 mods at the moment hitchhiker and territory (didn't make any work for the last one yet) i also map and do level design... i'm alway intressted in the work of fellow artists.
i have a master and post graduate in fine arts, but i found out that after not drawing for like 6-7 years makes one very rusty (talkin bout me, don't know how long you finished art skool).

 

[Angry Lawyer]

Why waste my time on PMing YOU.

Because he's a moderator? Seriously, you need to develop some respect for other people.

-Angry Lawyer

 

[Flewk]

and still active in drawing and things, you have a dig.cam.? can you take some pictures of recent drawings? i'm concept artist for 2 hl2 mods at the moment hitchhiker and territory (didn't make any work for the last one yet) i also map and do level design... i'm alway intressted in the work of fellow artists.
i have a master and post graduate in fine arts, but i found out that after not drawing for like 6-7 years makes one very rusty (talkin bout me, don't know how long you finished art skool).

I have just started Foundation. Dunno if its the same name as where you come from, its worth 1 A lvl and is like an extra year before going for a Degree.

I am looking towards Illustration, as my interest in Fine Art in general lacks (I never did like those odd cubic shapes Picaso did oO ).

I dont like showing work that isnt 'Completely' done, and I am still in the process of refining my drawing skills (Just figures really, anything else is fine). I can show you some sketches from my sketch book (through PM).

 

[Flewk]

Because he's a moderator? Seriously, you need to develop some respect for other people.

-Angry Lawyer

If they show it to me

 

[Angry Lawyer]

If they show it to me

For someone who joined this month, I think you need to earn their respect first. We can be quite cliquey here, to be part of the in-croud and legitimately be able to insult people, you've got to prove you are AWESOME.

-Angry Lawyer

 

[jister]

guess i'll put up a writer wanted thread soon...!

 

[Kebean PFC]

Well i am kinda a writer. Wrote a couple short stories that i can scan in if you want. I like writing futuristic sci-fi, so i may not be the one you want, but i can proofread and am planning on being an English Major, so feel free to email me, [email protected]

 

[jister]

hey kebean thx
i'll mail you fo sure tonight.

 

[jister]

I mailed kebean so hopefully he'll rewrite the whole thing! otherwise (and I totally forgot) my girlfriend is an excellent writer. so the full story version will come definitely.