My grandmother wants to die....

[ShinRa]

Here's the situation....

My grandmother, 84 years old, has been battling with stomach problems, mental problems, respiratory problems, and more surgeries than any human being should ever go through.

She calls me up at times to talk, and we're close. She has been telling me more and more lately that she just wants to die, she wants to go to her husband, whom died almost 25 years ago. She feels she has nothing left to live for here, and believe it or not, I understand that. I know she just wants to be at peace and go see her love.

My mother, 58, does not see it the way I see it. She doesn't want to lose her mother, and in turn hates me for the way I feel and thinks I'm the biggest asshole on earth. She's screaming and crying like a lunatic because she knows she's losing her mother. I try to be understanding of this as well.

Am I wrong for how I feel? She's had her mother around for longer than most people. Instead of seeing herself as fortunate, she's being selfish, trying to keep her mother alive for as long as possible.

Thoughts, concerns, comments?

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

Obviously your mum's position is understandable. I don't suppose you can do much to change her feelings towards you. I think, at least I hope, that in the end she will accept it just as most people accept death.
I think it's acceptable for people to want to die when they're in that situation.


I just don't think there's any advice I can give you But you're not wrong to accept your grandma's wishes. I wouldn't hold it against you mum. She might be acting selfish, but letting go of your mum is going to be hard, no matter how long you've had her around.

 

[Dog--]

My whole family has the exact same philosophy on death and old age (literally I've talked to them all about this) they all say as soon as they are old and immobile and need someone to take care of them they would rather just be killed, I as well. We are all really active and really enjoy being independent, so as soon as you take that away there isn't a point, I could never just sit and wait for death. So that being said I completely understand what she means, where you cant eat what you want, cant think the way you want and cant breathe properly (the most basic human function), and being subjected to all those surgeries I'd just want them to stick me full of shit to kill me too.

Your not an asshole, you are just seeing things how they are.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

I concur with understanding her (your grandma's) position. I should probably reiterate throughout my life to my family that if I end up ****ed up and want to die, I REALLY DO.

 

[xcellerate]

My grandmother is 92 and her husband of over 50 years died about 6 years ago, I couldn't imagine what that feels like; being with somebody for that long and then you wake up one day and they're not there....

 

[Remus]

I understand your grandmother's position. Both my grandparents on my father's side were in terrible shape when they died.

My grandfather could barely talk or walk at all, so whenever i went to see him he was always in bed. A few moths after he died my grandmother had a stroke. I had never seen a stroke victim before. It was horrible. You know the effects of sleep paralysis when your mind is awake but your body isn't, you can't talk, only mumble, and can't move. Well it was exactly like that. She passed away after a few weeks of that ordeal.

However I can also understand your mother's feelings. My father lost both his parents only a few months apart, I can't begin to imagine the pain he felt, even though he didn't show it.

 

[xdrive]

get a sawn off shotgun and shoot her.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

Start hanging out with her and putting sedative/opiate drugs in her drinks. She'll talk her heart out about this and that--and say things you'll genuinely remember. It will be lovely and her last moments will be happy, she'll reminisce and you can write and record some of it for the future generations.

Or you could just ask her if she wants drugs.

Drugs.

 

[kupocake]

Depression in old people is just something societies are so poor at handling. I'd like to think we could just do more to make their lives fulfilling (because we're crap at looking after them in general too) but depression just seems so rational at that age because we all just get depressed thinking about it. But try to float her house to South America anyway.

 

[Shyam]

Wow, that's a tough situation. I don't think I can give any advice, but I sincerely wish your grandma all the best.

get a sawn off shotgun and shoot her.

I think that was a bit inappropriate.

 

[Raziaar]

get a sawn off shotgun and shoot her.

Have some tact.

 

[VirusType2]

get a sawn off shotgun and shoot her.

Why are you not banned? Like when I smash bugs but they keep moving, "why won't you just die?"

 

[Tyguy]

If she's suffering than you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting that to end imo.

 

[Naph]

Why are you not banned? Like when I smash bugs but they keep moving, "why won't you just die?"

"Even though I'm no more than a beast, don't I, too, have the right to live?"

 

[VirusType2]

Not if you fly about my home from restroom to kitchen, spreading disease and endangering my health.

 

[Warped]

I'd want to go out of life just the way I came in....kicking and screaming! meaning I'm gunna be a crybaby and do what I want when I want. hell give her the keys to the car and let her drive around the neighborhood going 90 mph off a cliff or whatever the hell makes her happy. give her control of something fun and exhilarating

 

[Raziaar]

I'd want to go out of life just the way I came in....kicking and screaming! meaning I'm gunna be a crybaby and do what I want when I want. hell give her the keys to the car and let her drive around the neighborhood going 90 mph off a cliff or whatever the hell makes her happy. give her control of something fun and exhilarating

Seniors behind driving cars kill enough people as it is, let alone ones who are trying to kill themselves.

 

[VirusType2]

All I can say Shinra, is to force yourself to spend some time with her, because you won't get another chance.

Cook her a favorite meal. God knows she hasn't had anything home cooked in a while if she's in a hospital.

I made my grandma a hot sandwich just 2 weeks before she died. I don't think it was my cooking that killed her, but I can't be sure.

Spoiler

lol'd

Anyway, elderly people have so much wisdom and memories that should be shared, but in my experience, it's almost impossible to pry anything out of them. I guess when they know they will be dying very soon, they just aren't thrilled to talk about anything anymore. They get lost in their thoughts. They are in pain emotionally and physically. My grandfather died years before my grandmother. I don't think one could ever understand the pain that comes after loosing a spouse after 70 years of marriage, unless they experienced it themselves.

 

[Kyzr]

A person has the right to live, and they also have the right to deny the right of life. I personally think its foolish for anyone to even consider killing themselves, no matter how much pain they're going through, physical or mental. If you just look outside, and not just glance but actually look, you'll see all the reason you need to try as hard as you can to not die.

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

Could you explain that reason?

 

[Vegeta897]

Farrow just glanced.

LOOK, MAN. ACTUALLY LOOK.

 

[Tyguy]

I personally think its foolish for anyone to even consider killing themselves, no matter how much pain they're going through, physical or mental. If you just look outside, and not just glance but actually look, you'll see all the reason you need to try as hard as you can to not die.

Not me, I think people should kill themselves if they want.

 

[VirusType2]

If they are in incredible pain that cannot be repaired, then I can't see why looking outside would cheer them up. I'm not trying to be a smart ass either.

 

[Remus]

If you just look outside, and not just glance but actually look, you'll see all the reason you need to try as hard as you can to not die.

Hahah, if anything that will get them to commit suicide faster. They don't even have to look outside, tun in to the evening news. "What a wonderful world..."

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

It's not that. When you're in that position, you can't actually experience any of the wonders of the world. You sit, in the dim knowledge, that you must endure this pain, whilst others enjoy life. That they won't let you die because they're afraid of death, and they're ultimately (And understandably, of course) being selfish.

 

[ríomhaire]

I think you should definitely try and spend some time to sit down and talk with your grandmother while you still can, and try to shift the conversation from morbidity. I don't mean purely avoiding or ignoring her state or wishes, but acknowledge them but try to shift her attention to more pleasant things or memories. I'm probably just spouting clichés at the moment but it's a very serious situation. If your grandmother isn't long for the world you should make it count, just don't buy plane tickets to Peru.

Your mother's position is an understandable one and it probably won't be easy to convince her to accept your viewpoint. I suppose just spend time with your granny and hope she sees that the reason you would her death is that you do care, not that you don't.

 

[Dodo]

Euthanasia.

Holland gets a lot of shit for supporting it, I think its no more then reasonable to allow it...

A person has the right to live, and they also have the right to deny the right of life.

Couldn't have said it any better...

 

[Sedako]

A person has the right to live, and they also have the right to deny the right of life. I personally think its foolish for anyone to even consider killing themselves, no matter how much pain they're going through, physical or mental.

Obviously you've never been in so much pain that you can't think clearly about anything else. If someone has lived a long life and has befallen a terribly painful, incurable illness, I see no reason why they shouldn't be allowed to do with their life as they choose. You would much rather have them life out their lives in intolerable agony?