My mum has severe depression and has thoughts about suicide

[Saturos]

So what the f**k do I do? I have a feeling she doesn't really mean it or anything, but people say that if anyone even mentions it, regardless if they are kidding or not, is cause for concern.

I told my sister already and she said to keep an eye on her and tell her if her depression gets any worse. She doesn't work as she's pretty much retired from the workforce and is a full-time house wife living at my father's home. She's had a few fallout's with my father in the past, but they supposedly worked things out and they seem to be getting along pretty well now.

The real problem I think is that she doesn't really have any kind of life. Almost everyday is the same for her and all she has time for anymore is to read and/or browse the internets once in a while when she babysits my niece. She doesn't really have any close friends anymore except close family members since she retired.

Some of us told her that maybe she'd feel better if she came out of retirement and got a part-time job somewhere. Problem is, probably nowhere will hire her anymore because of her age and COPD.

Shit this sucks. I wish I could help her out, but there's not much I can do. Suggestions?

 

[mortiz-Redux]

Tell her to take up night classes at a local college or something, at least she'd be getting out the house / meeting new people.

 

[Raziaar]

I am not exactly sure what can be done for her, other than for you to be there for her, let her know she's loved. Maybe talk to her about the seriousness that is suicide and how it won't make anything better, it will just make it a lot worse for all the people that love her, including you.

I suffer from severe depression sometimes and thoughts of suicide even. But the thing with me is, I often feel in control enough of my mind that I know I'm not going to act on those suicidal thoughts. I'm not going to take them to action. Partly it's because I'm too much of a pussy and coward to do anything like that, but the other reason is that I do love life. My biggest personal fear that involves myself, is me dying(all my biggest fears involved death. Death of myself, death of family).

The difficulty is though, it's difficult if not impossible to know if she's the same way. If she's as in control of her desire to not want to die, and not want to act on her suicidal thoughts as I am. And she may not have any fears of the repercussions of what suicide entails. There's no way for you to know this unless she comes clean to you and is honest about it, the way I mention here.

Oftentimes though, that's quite the task, to get a family member to discuss such a serious thing without them lying in the hopes of comforting their loved one. They'll try to get you to feel better and so they'll lie about that sort of thing. They'll reassure you, that they're okay, they're fine... you shouldn't worry about them. But inside they may know that's not true.

So it really sucks. You gotta communicate. Keep communication open, voice your concerns. I'm probably going to live with depression all my life, and while it's crippled me in many ways, I'm not going to let it finish me off by me committing suicide.


Sorry, beyond that difficult to follow rant I just gave, I don't know of any other way to help.

 

[nurizeko]

A short term solution is take her somewhere nice, get her out of the house. The night course thing sounds promising to.

Being stuck in the same four walls day in day out with depression is asking for misery.

 

[Saturos]

Thanks for the ideas guys.

My mum's not much of a scholar or anything though. She's never been interested in upping her education for the sole sake of interest, but she does like to read. Maybe if I took her to the college library or something?

@ Raziaar

Yeah, I thought about confronting her directly with this, but I've heard that you really can't believe what suicidal ppl say when they say they're ok. I don't want to make things worse either. Pressuring depressed people can only make things worse too. I've been thinking maybe it'll be better to be more subtle. Although too I doubt she's the type of person to do such a thing, but you never know. She's always been the pacifist type who doesn't like a whole lot of confrontation or violence.

I just wish I had enough money to send both her and my father to DisneyWorld or something tbh. We only live a couple hundred miles away.
Then again, she says she wouldn't be able to walk around much with her condition. F**king COPD.

 

[unozero]

why would you bet talking about this with people on the internet?

 

[Diesel_Power]

why would you bet talking about this with people on the internet?

My thoughts exactly! Stuff like this is internet troll bait. This thread should probably be closed.

 

[VirusType2]

Women threaten suicide much more than men, but men are usually the ones to actually go through with it. For what it's worth.

I'll think of something Saturos.

Some things that should make her happier and keep her distracted:
-getting a new pet or just go to the pound and look.
-get her interested in doing some decorating in the house
-some new entertainment, like more channels on the TV or a BluRay playeror something
-Make her a nice surprise dinner
-Wash and vacuum her car.

I wouldn't write her a sappy letter saying how much you care about her, because even if it's nice, it might be too emotional for her right now.

also, I would watch what you clean up things for her, she might not like that. I know I wouldn't want anyone surprising me by 'cleaning up.' my stuff. Her car and/or garage should be good though.

 

[mechanicallizard]

-getting a new pet or just go to the pound and look.

i vote this.

 

[Krynn72]

A lot of the suggestions here are good ones. A lot of times, someone who is depressed just needs a bit of perspective, they need something new in their lives to revitalize them. Find an activity that she will enjoy and get her to do it. Night classes are a good idea, but there are events held specifically for people her age too. Like bingo nights and such. A new pet will give her some responsibilities around the house and keep things fresh there.

Basically, she probably just needs something to do. Coming out of retirement is an option, and I know several big offices offer jobs for older/handicapped people doing some sort of simple work. But it may be hard to find somewhere like that with the economy the way it is.

 

[Tyguy]

therapist would be a good start, then go from there.

 

[Eejit]

A hobby she enjoys should help.

My granny plays bowls (not bowling) at her local club and has made a lot of friends doing that. Maybe she'd like to join a reading club. There are a bunch of things even unhealthy older people can do for fun, the healthy ones have even more options.
Alternatively, collecting dragonshirts

 

[Tyguy]

being depressed sucks, it completely takes over and you analyze everything until you are convinced your life is shit, although this is rarely the case. I'm sticking with my original advice. If she starts talking to someone it could drastically change her mood/outlook on life. Maybe meds would help too.

 

[Baserape>]

I've got a great idea :stare:

Why don't you talk to her <insert bullshit here>

 

[Shamrock]

I've got an idea. Bake her a cake every morning till there are too many in the house and they end up smothering your whole family to death.

Death by cake.

What a way to go.

 

[Ren.182]

Some good suggestions in here.

Like others have said, try and make her day a bit different, make her smile. Smiles fix everything

Good luck.

 

[Stigmata]

Take a look at what she enjoys, take a look at what you enjoy, find something that intersects, then take her out to do exactly that activity with you.

When pople are depressed, they often just need meaningful human contact. Not in all cases, of course. But I think that's why a lot of depressed people have such a hard time figuring out exactly why they're down in the first place. So go do something with your mom. Don't just give her an idea, a direction, and a pat on the back. Do it with her, show her that someone (you) cares enough about her to really spend time with her, and she'll be a lot happier.

 

[Omnomnick]

Get some anti-depressant pills. My dad suffers from depression, not as bad as this I bet but still, they work and keep him happy.

 

[Raziaar]

also, I would watch what you clean up things for her, she might not like that. I know I wouldn't want anyone surprising me by 'cleaning up.' my stuff. Her car and/or garage should be good though.

Dude... that's something right there that bugs the ****ing SHIT out of me.

I'll be making dinner in the kitchen, and in the process I'll dirty up some dishes, including the one I take to my room to eat with.

I come back out after I'm finished eating, ready to wash my dishes... and they're already washed. My dad's wife has washed my dishes before I even had the chance to.

I was going to ****ing wash them! Even if I decided to wait until tomorrow because it was too late at night and I was too tired, I was going to ****ing wash them!

Her problem is that she's a clean freak when it comes to the kitchen. Sometimes she'll wake up in the middle of the night and go clean the kitchen.

That's fine and all, but it really bugs me out when it involves washing my dishes. It's impossible for me to be appreciative of it when she does it either, because it's grown into a pet peeve of mine because there's always tension in the house when she feels the kitchen isn't clean enough, even when there's only a couple fresh dishes on the counter.

I mean, what does it take? Does it take me to wash my dishes before I've even finished my mean? That's super ****ing backwards. But that's what I've resorted to. I wash most of my cooking dishes before I even have started eating, and sometimes I wash the pans and stuff while they are still scorching hot. It bugs me that ****ing much that it bugs her that much, especially considering she oftentimes leaves her own dishes until the next day.


/rant

 

[Laivasse]

I think the good suggestions in this thread took all the wind out of the helplife2.net sails I was going to sail in on. Virus had some good ideas and Krynn took the words right out of my mouth with the bingo suggestion.

It's good that you're close and open enough with your mum that you feel like you can discuss things directly with her or do something to directly help her out. It is definitely a cause for concern when anyone starts talking about suicide, but I'd say your instincts are correct when you worry about pressuring or unsettling her. I would say just try out a couple of the ideas here, and if she ever brings up the subject of how bad she's feeling just talk it over with her, let her know that you're around for her, she doesn't have to feel as if she's alone, etc. If it's really bad, and if you think she'd be open to the idea, maybe you could get her to see a doc and get some meds.

 

[Kiva128]

If no one will hire her due to age, maybe she could do some volunteer work around town. No pay obviously but at least she'll have something to do and will feel good about helping others.

 

[VirusType2]

buy her a plant.

also a nice pot, and wait and see if she pots it.

I love my new plants. If you get one/some that only need part sun, you can put it/them inside in a windowsill.

I lined my entire windowsill and it looks really awesome. It really put the finishing touch on my kitchen. For about .50 each, I bought some that weren't doing well and were going to die, but I revived them with a little care. They are getting bigger already.

Add some aesthetic life and fresh air to the room and it's something for her to look after.

 

[Saturos]

All very good ideas guys, thanks! She actually liked bingo at one time, and I casually asked her about it and she just wondered if she should get an account at bingopalace.net LOL

So much for that idea getting her out of the house.

Oh, and about the pets, no need. She already has about 30 cats, 2 parakeets, 2 dogs, and an African Grey parrot. LOL Her house is already like a zoo, so that idea is out of the question. If anything, it may be contributing to her stress as she constantly worries about people running over her cats.

About the community service/job thing, well the problem is not only her age, but her condition really does limit what she do. She can barely walk from the parking lot to the grocery store without running out of breath. COPD is really bad business. She's already on an inhaler.

About the plants. She has a few rose bushes which we sometimes pick for her and put in a vase, but actually potting plants? She's pretty much too tired to do any of that at the end of the day, or so she claims.

The one thing I managed to get out of her one time was that she'd like to go around and visit people, but because she babysits, and because of gas prices (Ford F-150's are gas guzzling pieces of shite) that's out of the question for now.

When I start building up my saving, I think I'm gonna surprise her in a year or so and get her the dream car she's always wanted. A mini-cooper. (LOL don't know why)

Oh, and I do agree with Stigmata too. I think she just needs to feel like she's loved and appreciated once in a while. Thanks.

Thanks for the suggestions though, and sorry if this is " tl;dr "

 

[Raziaar]

If anything, it may be contributing to her stress as she constantly worries about people running over her cats.

I have a single cat, and I worry about people running over her. I can't imagine 30 cats!

Though thankfully my cat is about as lazy as I am... lounging out on my windowsill when she goes outside and really never leaves the yard.

 

[VirusType2]

I love kittens! bawww


30 cats though? D:

 

[The Monkey]

Thanks for the ideas guys.

My mum's not much of a scholar or anything though. She's never been interested in upping her education for the sole sake of interest, but she does like to read. Maybe if I took her to the college library or something?

Maybe an evening course in literature, then? Or anything else that interests her. There's gotta be something.

 

[VirusType2]

Massage her scalp.

 

[Shamrock]

Did you not listen to my suggestion?! CAKE! I'm telling you!

 

[CyberPitz]

Male prostitute.

 

[Saturos]

Male prostitute.

LOL.

I dare not think about her love life. Gross.