Realization? *sadness*

[MJ12]

I am sorry, But I need to spit this out. I dont expect anyone to want to read it, but it feels better to say all this.

I have finally came to the realization that my bestfriend is going to college, and that means she will meet new people, and yes that means she may find interest in another person.
She lives a state away, and we are in relationship.

I know this sounds like nothing, but you have to understand this is my best friend, I have never loved someone so much in my entire life.

It's more than that "kissy kissy girlfriend" bullshit, this is my best friend, I have never had such a personal connection with anyone.

We are both commited and faithful to our relationship, but see here is my problem-
I will never find interest in another woman, as long as she never leaves me.
In other words, I don't have the balls or audacity to leave her, she would have to leave me first. Because I honestly love her more than anything.

I know this sounds lame and all, but really, I have never met someone so great in my entire life. I wish she would just say something like "As long as you are my best friend, I will never leave you"

She says she doesn't intend on ditching me, but honestly, thats not enough to get me to relax.
When we are in college, if we are still best friends, and she finds someone else I am going to be depressed as hell.


So do you think I should cut off the relationship part now, or wait and see if things go smoothly?

 

[Dog--]

I hear cutting your wrists helps deal with teh painz.

 

[Vegeta897]

Shut up Cave.

I'd wait and see what happens.

Sounds tough, man.

 

[Qonfused]

Hope for the best... :\

 

[MJ12]

don't scrutinize me at the moment, i haven't felt this crappy in a long time, plus i dont drink or do drugs, and I don't cut, so I have no way of getting rid my depression
edit: to caveman

 

[Vegeta897]

Music always lightens my mood.
Just a suggestion.

 

[MJ12]

Yeah, music is a good way to cope. It's just really tough considering we are best friends, this isn't just some girlfriend, that would be easy. The fact that we are best friends makes it incredibly hard for me to handle.

 

[MorganFreeman911]

Yea, I listen to my beatles + other songs playlist. Sure, The Beatles are all about love and crap, but I like their music so that's what gets me happy.

 

[Dog--]

and I don't cut

Holy f*ck, you and veg.. It was a god damn joke... I didn't mean to "hurt your feelings" it was one of those "feel better" jokes. Guess those don't work anymore?

shit.

 

[Vegeta897]

I know it was a joke, and I didn't mean "shut up" in a particularly harsh way, but I don't really think it was called for.

 

[MJ12]

Yea, I listen to my beatles + other songs playlist. Sure, The Beatles are all about love and crap, but I like their music so that's what gets me happy.

yeah, the beatles do that, but they can also be depressing, and make me cry like a baby.
Modest Mouse makes me cry like a baby too, except for that float on song...
and that song the promise by when in rome, oh god that makes me whimper like a ****ing girl.
yeesh i am so lame

Holy f*ck, you and veg.. It was a god damn joke... I didn't mean to "hurt your feelings" it was one of those "feel better" jokes. Guess those don't work anymore?

shit.

i was just saying. sorry for being a grumpkins, i am just totally not in the state of mind to be happy right now.

 

[MorganFreeman911]

Holy f*ck, you and veg.. It was a god damn joke... I didn't mean to "hurt your feelings" it was one of those "feel better" jokes. Guess those don't work anymore?

shit.

Guess not cave. Don't worry, I still love you.

<3
EDIT: Holy ****, replies are fast here.

EDIT2: I have a vaguely similar thing. My girlfriend is in Point Roberts for a few days, and she told me that today she's like doing stuff and a lot of guys are there. I'm not worried though, since she's quite a devoted girl.

 

[Ennui]

zombieturtle, I am in the exact same situation. the girl in question and i are not dating but it's mostly because we're afraid to just before college... saving it for afterwards, i guess. anyway, i love her to death and vice versa, and we know each other better than anybody else. she's my absolute best friend and she's going to college a few hours from where i am, so i'm feeling the exact same shit you are right now.

it sucks. but you know what... it'll work out positively. if she loves you, and you know she does, it will turn out fine.

 

[MJ12]

zombieturtle, I am in the exact same situation. the girl in question and i are not dating but it's mostly because we're afraid to just before college... saving it for afterwards, i guess. anyway, i love her to death and vice versa, and we know each other better than anybody else. she's my absolute best friend and she's going to college a few hours from where i am, so i'm feeling the exact same shit you are right now.

it sucks. but you know what... it'll work out positively. if she loves you, and you know she does, it will turn out fine.

thank you for understanding. I really hope your right, and I hope things work out for you as well.

It's just a horrible thought. But that's life I suppose.
I know if it doesn't work out, I will honestly not be able to date another person for at least a year, maybe even longer. It can't be easy getting over a best friend

 

[Krynn72]

I will never find interest in another woman, as long as she never leaves me.
In other words, I don't have the balls or audacity to leave her, she would have to leave me first. Because I honestly love her more than anything.

...


So do you think I should cut off the relationship part now, or wait and see if things go smoothly?

 

[MJ12]

you know what i meant, i meant if i go farther into the relationship I wouldn't be able to break it off.

 

[Krynn72]

Why wouldnt you?

 

[MJ12]

Why wouldnt you?

because I am a sissy, fun little fact about me- I cannot break up with people, people have break up with me first.

I just don't have the balls.

 

[Krynn72]

But then why would you be able to break up now?

 

[MJ12]

But then why would you be able to break up now?

Well I dunno, it would just be better sooner than later. Plus we are not actually dating, but we are committed... I know that doesn't make much sense.

 

[Absinthe]

You're setting yourself up to get screwed over. There's a population of billions on this planet outside of you and her. She will meet and bond with new people. When will waiting for things to go smoothly ever end? After college, there will be jobs, probably different areas too. The most you can do is make an effort to maintain any relationship with her over such ever-increasing distances and hope she reciprocates.

Yeah, it sucks. It can really suck. But saying you're a sissy and acting defeatist isn't going to do you any favors. It's time you faced up to the possibility that things aren't going to be perfect. You can cut it off now, although many would argue that would be your loss. But your alternative waiting game has no end in sight either.

This "committed but not dating" thing really is nonsense. Buck up and make an advance now. Don't plan on it a year or two down the line. If your aim isn't an eventual dating relationship, and you just want to keep her for yourself in some way, then you're really just acting unrealistic, and even selfish.

 

[MJ12]

well, i can't disagree with you much on this absinthe.

but we don't consider ourselves dating because we live a state away, so we really cant date.

but we do have a relationship if you will, we wont date other people, and we wont cheat on each other.

She lives 3 hours away from me, her college will be 6 hours away. This is the moment in which I punch myself repeatedly for not getting my drivers license by now.

Anyways, keep in mind this is my best friend, I know I've said that a lot, but it's not just some girlfriend, girlfriends are easy to get over, she means a lot more than that

 

[Kula Meenur]

Break it off

 

[JFry]

if she really means that much to you, do her in the butt.

 

[Absinthe]

It's impossible for either of you to cheat on each other. You're not dating. Maybe I'm not understanding what "relationship" means here, but the best I can surmise is some awkward limbo status between courting and friendship. I'm familiar with it in the extent that I've heard people close to me try to explain the same kind of thing, but to no avail. And most of the time it was a bad case of blue balls mired in denial.

If you're not dating, then she's free to see other people in that way, as are you. Being "committed" should entail nothing more than being a good friend, because outside the context of dating or marriage, it doesn't make sense in any other way. But I digress...

The way in which you've set this up in your head has left you with only two possible outcomes: One which is emotionally devastating and the other that never amounts to anything beyond your current relationship status. Meanwhile, the rules you've placed on it are only going to interfere with your ability to form similarly meaningful relationships with other people. This was demonstrated in a previous topic of yours where her act of cuddling with somebody else punched you in the gut. I can guarantee you that there's going to be a long road of this stuff ahead.

You just have to change the way you're looking at this whole thing and be reasonable. Easier said than done, but that's the only way you're going to preempt or reduce any "heartbreak" that lies in the future.

 

[Anthraxxx]

Some guy you don't know is going to take her virginity!

And you know she'll enjoy it.


/evil

 

[MJ12]

she likes girls more than guys, I am one of the very few guys she has ever been interested in. So I am not really worried about another guy taking her... as for a girl *worried look*

and don't respond "dude, have a threesome, videotape lesbian shit yo!" -we do not have an "open relationship", we just both happen to be bisexual

 

[Darkside55]

I hear cutting your wrists helps deal with teh painz.

That's really insensitive, dude. He's looking for advice, and you're making jokes. I can't believe some people.

Zombie, what you really need to do is kill her, then kill yourself. Now no one will have her but you.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

I foresee AIDS, eggs and bacons.

 

[Bad^Hat]

we are in relationship.

Haha, sorry, I couldn't read past there, that just made me lol uncontrollably...

May I sig your pain?

 

[Krynn72]

I give you permission.

 

[Adabiviak]

Cave Canem, JFry, Bad^Hat: I lold. Who hasn't gone through something like this in their life? It's horrible while you're in it, but you will either move on and meet another great person or you won't move on, and, well, listen to Cave. You have my sympathy, but I assure you, "This too shall pass".

 

[Llama]

Don't worry, she'll jut get boned a few times then forget all about you...

...oh, whoops >_>

 

[AiM]

100% Agree with Absinthe, these long distanced relationships (although your's might not even qualify for this) rarely work out. Man up and move on, you have to be realistic between what your heart wants and what you can actually attain.

 

[Jintor]

Srsly though, ask for personal halp on the internets what.

Good luck with whatever it is you're doing though, but it's only generalised luck. I can't give specific luck unless I ask Buddha, or maybe Dawkins. I forget.

 

[Mr-Fusion]

Long distance relationships can and do work. Depends on the people involved.

If your best friend is a life loving extroverted life ****er

In conclusion. Good luck in your pursuits.



*Life ****er - someone who ****s life in the ass with passion. Ditches people when they move to a heightened state of living, grows, evolves, dances until the grave.

 

[MJ12]

meh, this morning, I was in between that awake state and that state of wanting to sleep more. Right as I decided to sleep more the thought of this situation came worming back into my brain, it got me all anxious and I couldn't fall back asleep
*sigh* this blows

I don't get depressed often, but when I get depressed mannnn I get depressed

 

[<RJMC>]

dump the bitch and go to a "cowboy" bar

 

[tehsolace]

long distance relationships DO NOT WORK.

nuff said.

break it off and i promise you'll feel just fine in about 2-3 months, no matter how serious the relationship.

 

[CyberPitz]

Confront her about your feelings, she'll tell you that she will always love you, and will never leave you.

Then she leaves, finds another guy, takes him, breaks up with you over phone/email/IM/VM...anything.

And you're left heartbroken. This is how it's going to work, just nip it in the bud now.