Democritus
Newbie
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2003
- Messages
- 391
- Reaction score
- 0
I wrote and posted this to the Internet almost five years ago after HL1's release date shenanigans. Maybe some of you old timers recognize it. Seemed like a good time to resurrect it -- though you'll note the dated references. Barely too long for 1 post, so I split it into two parts. It's a longish read, but ejoy.
-------
[PART 1]
Release Date Rage
Anyone who gets excited over the coming of a new game has already taken one step toward the mania I will term "release date rage." As inevitably happens, games don't come out when Jim Bob the marketing agent or Stan the local Electronic Boutiques stiff says it will. Having lived through the release date roller coaster with several games, among them Jedi-Knight and Half-Life, I've begun to get disgusted by the reactions of the impatient horde who, justified or not, fly into this release date rage at the drop of a hat. Do the following phrases sound familiar?
-!@#$ them! If [Insert Company] can't get their game out on time, then I'm going to buy [insert competitor's product].
-Well, that SUCKS! I'm leaving this community and going to [insert other gaming community]. At least THEY have shareware to play.
-What the ^$&#? How can [insert company] betray their loyal fans this way? SCREW THEM!
-I'm gonna beat up somebody at [insert company]. Look out [company], here I come!
-Somebody at [insert company] really has their head up their butt. I mean, miss a release date by [insert number of months]? Hello!!!
-Let's face it, they lied to us. THEY LIED! They said [this date] and now it's [that date]. They are LIARS!
And that's just the people over 20! Once disappointment sets in to some of the more hormonally volatile teen crown, things really get out of hand, including pointed insults to parentage, intelligence, and sexual proficiency and/or preference.
The funny thing is this: if any of this ranting and raving meant anything, it might actually work to motivate gaming companies to better their treatment of fans. But it doesn't work. Why? Because as soon as the game comes out (or two weeks later, whichever comes first) the same upset, disgruntled, people all tip-toe back to the forums and the chat rooms ready for another round of disappointment. When the game does come out, they’re the first ones in line at the store.
Hence, game developers know that all this yelling and screaming and cursing and flame mailing is nothing to worry about, and life goes on as usual -- meaning release date guesses are ridiculously inaccurate and they'll put the game out when they darn well please (i.e. "when it's done").
So what's the fan to do? Well, the fan needs to understand that release dates given by companies, especially early ones, are wrong -- really wrong. If you haven't figured that one out yet (duh), you should flame mail yourself and call yourself a moron. I can't remember if any game EVER came out on time. Any software title at all, for that matter.
What we fans need is a formula for understanding game release dates and the variables in it. Once that first release date comes out, just use the following steps to calculate the actual release date. All variables are explained below:
1. Get the company's development time estimate in Months
2. Calculate the following: X = [OPM + HMD + SFED + W!D + GSSD]
3. Calculate Y = [BOT+ RST]
4. Original Time Estimate + X + Y = actual development time in months
OPM: Optimistic Programmer Miscalculation
OPM = (Original Time Estimate in Months * .7)
I've yet to meet a serious male programmer that doesn’t think he can program something in about half the time that it will really take. "Hey Bill the programmer," lead production designer says, "how long do you think it will take you to program a realistic physics model for the entire universe?" "Phaw!" Bill replies in a testosterone surge, "I'll get that done in a couple weeks, then we can spend the rest of the time tweaking multiplayer, which will only take a couple of days to code."
Lead designers and bureaucrats, for some reason, must believe this crap, make release dates, and then get shocked when Bill hasn't got diddly to show a year later. After two years go by, everybody starts to hate Bill, because he never, EVER, seems to get anywhere and sits around acting like he's the persecuted one because, "nobody understands how hard it is." Least of all him.
HMD: Hype Machine Delay
HMD = (OPM / 4)
Of course we all know that it's all about hype these days. Hints dropped in chat areas, tantalizing screen shots, juicy lists of features, refusals to talk about "certain aspects" of the game . . . aaaaah. Spongy fans soak it all in, shelling out dollars years ahead of time in frenzied anticipation. Well, companies spend time to maintain this hype. They show up at every major expo they can, sucking up the fan adoration and enjoying the exotic locations. They let people visit their offices. They do interviews despite the fact they just repeat the same old facts everyone knows and answer the same dumb questions for each interview. In the mean time, another release date slides by. No matter. Even a sliding release date is a form of hype! After all, it gets the game mentioned for free on all the major gaming sites, usually with the word "highly anticipated" in front of it.
-------
[PART 1]
Release Date Rage
Anyone who gets excited over the coming of a new game has already taken one step toward the mania I will term "release date rage." As inevitably happens, games don't come out when Jim Bob the marketing agent or Stan the local Electronic Boutiques stiff says it will. Having lived through the release date roller coaster with several games, among them Jedi-Knight and Half-Life, I've begun to get disgusted by the reactions of the impatient horde who, justified or not, fly into this release date rage at the drop of a hat. Do the following phrases sound familiar?
-!@#$ them! If [Insert Company] can't get their game out on time, then I'm going to buy [insert competitor's product].
-Well, that SUCKS! I'm leaving this community and going to [insert other gaming community]. At least THEY have shareware to play.
-What the ^$&#? How can [insert company] betray their loyal fans this way? SCREW THEM!
-I'm gonna beat up somebody at [insert company]. Look out [company], here I come!
-Somebody at [insert company] really has their head up their butt. I mean, miss a release date by [insert number of months]? Hello!!!
-Let's face it, they lied to us. THEY LIED! They said [this date] and now it's [that date]. They are LIARS!
And that's just the people over 20! Once disappointment sets in to some of the more hormonally volatile teen crown, things really get out of hand, including pointed insults to parentage, intelligence, and sexual proficiency and/or preference.
The funny thing is this: if any of this ranting and raving meant anything, it might actually work to motivate gaming companies to better their treatment of fans. But it doesn't work. Why? Because as soon as the game comes out (or two weeks later, whichever comes first) the same upset, disgruntled, people all tip-toe back to the forums and the chat rooms ready for another round of disappointment. When the game does come out, they’re the first ones in line at the store.
Hence, game developers know that all this yelling and screaming and cursing and flame mailing is nothing to worry about, and life goes on as usual -- meaning release date guesses are ridiculously inaccurate and they'll put the game out when they darn well please (i.e. "when it's done").
So what's the fan to do? Well, the fan needs to understand that release dates given by companies, especially early ones, are wrong -- really wrong. If you haven't figured that one out yet (duh), you should flame mail yourself and call yourself a moron. I can't remember if any game EVER came out on time. Any software title at all, for that matter.
What we fans need is a formula for understanding game release dates and the variables in it. Once that first release date comes out, just use the following steps to calculate the actual release date. All variables are explained below:
1. Get the company's development time estimate in Months
2. Calculate the following: X = [OPM + HMD + SFED + W!D + GSSD]
3. Calculate Y = [BOT+ RST]
4. Original Time Estimate + X + Y = actual development time in months
OPM: Optimistic Programmer Miscalculation
OPM = (Original Time Estimate in Months * .7)
I've yet to meet a serious male programmer that doesn’t think he can program something in about half the time that it will really take. "Hey Bill the programmer," lead production designer says, "how long do you think it will take you to program a realistic physics model for the entire universe?" "Phaw!" Bill replies in a testosterone surge, "I'll get that done in a couple weeks, then we can spend the rest of the time tweaking multiplayer, which will only take a couple of days to code."
Lead designers and bureaucrats, for some reason, must believe this crap, make release dates, and then get shocked when Bill hasn't got diddly to show a year later. After two years go by, everybody starts to hate Bill, because he never, EVER, seems to get anywhere and sits around acting like he's the persecuted one because, "nobody understands how hard it is." Least of all him.
HMD: Hype Machine Delay
HMD = (OPM / 4)
Of course we all know that it's all about hype these days. Hints dropped in chat areas, tantalizing screen shots, juicy lists of features, refusals to talk about "certain aspects" of the game . . . aaaaah. Spongy fans soak it all in, shelling out dollars years ahead of time in frenzied anticipation. Well, companies spend time to maintain this hype. They show up at every major expo they can, sucking up the fan adoration and enjoying the exotic locations. They let people visit their offices. They do interviews despite the fact they just repeat the same old facts everyone knows and answer the same dumb questions for each interview. In the mean time, another release date slides by. No matter. Even a sliding release date is a form of hype! After all, it gets the game mentioned for free on all the major gaming sites, usually with the word "highly anticipated" in front of it.