Return of the Rap Battle

[Sheepo]

Why take the time to make a rhyme?
Can't even see that yours are sublime?
Step back from the mike, you're a fool not to see
Wrapping shitty words won't make you an MC
Your rapping on the forums is not the best,
But battlin' with Koola will put hairs on your chest

Lemme tell ya about Koola
Beat up by a preschoola'
They say that he's a tool o'
The man, forum moderators
Administrators
Designated internet haters
Trolls on payroll
Hatin on us rickrollas
Koola is a foola'
Really likes hoola
Hoops, here's the scoop
He 'bout to get shooped

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

Da whooped.

 

[Krynn72]

Look at this phony
spouting off all this baloney
We got all up into Tibb's biz
but he don't even know what goth is
Hes tryin to own me
but i'm holdin my own see
I've got sense on my side
while all his shots are wide
I've got him backed into a corner
the next blow will make his motha a mourner.
His passing could have been prevented
If only he had relented.

 

[Kula Meenur]

Lemme tell ya about Koola
Beat up by a preschoola'
They say that he's a tool o'
The man, forum moderators
Administrators
Designated internet haters
Trolls on payroll
Hatin on us rickrollas
Koola is a foola'
Really likes hoola
Hoops, here's the scoop
He 'bout to get shooped

Tellin me about me and gonna work
You ain't got no skill so your meaning's like dirt
Comin after Koola, hell, you'll have to aim high
Backin up Tibbs, though you don't even know why

Sit on your ass and chill the **** out
Or i'll come over there and give you a clout
If not then i'll have to lay your ass when
You get here and we'll Barney there and then

Krynn is the man who always knows best
He'll mash you up bad you'll be all a mess
Don't **** with a negro you don't know too well
We will drop your ass low, you'll soon be in hell

You're a fool for trying tryin to pull on a slav
We'll carve you up bad you'll be all dressed in muave
So take a step off and we'll see who wins now
Until the time comes when i kill you in your sleep.


Bitch.

 

[swan_song1973]

You know, if I banned you all now, it would be an act of mercy.

i would bear >9000 of your children.

 

[G(ordon)-man]

Look at swan_song1973,
he'd bear 9000 children of Pi
now is that cool or what
able to bear and wear a hat

9000 children is much, yo
so many homies would die, no
maybe its their destiny
to be seeing children, tiny.

 

[Sheepo]

Buncha' cracka' bullshit

Now hold up a moment, lemme tell you it straight
You better run for it, before it's too late
I'm gonna backstab you with you some critical rhymes
Your defenses won't work 'cause they were built by mimes

Your cheapshot and low blows, they're like artificial snow globes
Brush em right off me like cheap instant coffee
You're a kid skippin nap time
Peed your pants and you're too shy
To admit it so you go cry
When you run into a true sheep
Say a bad word to 'em while you weep
Realize that you're in deep
Without a way to escape
Gettin raped by an ape
'Cause I'm in a league of my own
And now you're in my Twilight Zone

 

[freakyflor]

This thread = full of win

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

I'm sorry freakyflor
But that post was a total bore
If you're going to post, man
Do it in rhyme, if you can.

 

[Jintor]

This thread we're told is full of win
but him making that statement ruined everything
I mean post without rhyme? That shit's absurd
Don't kids read the rule that I put into word?

 

[Sheepo]

If freakyflor is illiterate, it would certainly make some sense
By all accounts I've heard, he is certainly very dense
Though I say that with no offense
Just kidding, as sure as I'm sitting
That was very offensive
Using expressions like that, is a very bad way to live.

 

[Darkside55]

Gave y'all a week to get the dope rhymes runnin'
a little head start before the 'Seid starts gunnin'
let your meters build up before the real verbal stunnin'
Mayor, call a warning 'cause the ice storm's comin'

Challenger number one calls himself 'Asse and it fits
'cause he's expelling some raps that smell like violent shits
close your mouth son you got verbal diarrhea
call the cops on you to throw you in the Black Maria
"OMNOMNOM?" Get out of here with onomatopoeia

Challenger number two, got love for my man Sheep
but I'ma shear 'im and skin 'im and make a coat of his fleece
give you the tap-out in one, two, three
you're a thousand years too early to be challenging me

Challenger number Hat, quicker than Sonic? I'm unleashed
gonna give me the tonic? I'm gonna give you the beast
you must be on the chronic, to think you could faze me in the least
But you're right I AM in the kitchen--cooking you for the feast

Challenger number--aw, who gives a shit? No one else left but kids
whack grammar chil'ens whose underoos are still covered in skids:
G(ordon), Mellish, Dekstar, Koola and Tibbs
Got fifteen metal slugs right here for Jintor and fire for Krynn
Pi's avatar might be Guan Yu but I ain't Yu Jin
try to capture me and I'll take a chair to your chin

 

[Sheepo]

Best thread ever? That's a certain fact
But I'm about to sever it, an' Seid's head gonna get cracked
If there's any better fuel for layin' down rhymes
Than what I'm usin', insomnia and limes
Then I certainly don't know it
And hell if y'all have shown it
Darkseid growin' senile
Says he lost his nets for a while
We all know it's bullshit
He ain't no longer a cool kid
Growin' old and he ain't no longer bold, all he does is scold, cleanin' up the other verbal mold
Don't lie, you lost yo' sight, yo' might, you ain't no rebel, you may as well be Pi

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

Darkside you've got some issues, do you hear
With everyone else's jam, we're gonna kick your rear
Come up in this thread an arrogant slob
We're gonna wear you down like corn on the cob
Sheepo is your greatest adversary
Don't mess with him 'cause that'd be scary
His rhymes are the bomb and you're the Hiroshima
He'll drop the shell and you're going to see your flaw

 

[Phobie]

Phobes has got a plan
And she's gonna sock it to ya,
It's all about a man,
And he posin' as a Toastah.
Although I dunno what you heard
About me and my vagina,
It's more like a penis
And that's a damn sight finer.

Awwwwwwrightttttttt penisrap :afro:

 

[kupocake]

Two lines, I must slide into this rap
In sector forty-seven, they said it was a trap!

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Nipples has the appearance of an androgynous whore
Shamrock looks like a white jewfaggort door
Pi is bald and full of anger
Hey crackers I'm a stranger

Yeah I got nothing.

 

[Sheepo]

The number of rhymes Willie has put through the air
Is proportianate to the thickness of Pi's abundant hair

 

[G(ordon)-man]

Rappers gonna get busted
by who, you ask, you old and rusted
imma not tellin ya, afraid to get peed
of course you know it, thy name is PI

 

[elrasho]

So if you Cover the bodies of your women
Everybody is grinning
Because black is so slimming
Though it?s not great for swimming
But it gives you an erection
With the increased sexual tension
What with the UV protection
That is second to none
You?ll find it all in the Koran
Just next to the bit that justifies guns
And says that it?s a sin
To take it up the bum
Even if it?s fun
Even with permission from your mum

let's be honest, we're past the point of making stuff up

-tim minchin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaLF8UGr0hQ&feature=channel_page

The most deluded person I have ever seen

 

[Kula Meenur]

*unts*-*unts*-*unts*-*unts*-*unts*

You threatnin' me?
the mighty king bee?
you must not see
but i'll set you free

But wait just a minnit
this is a sad song
speaking bad words
we used to be strong

I guess we all think
our torment is real
but our feelings are shared
just a different feel

This thing goin' on
will claim your damn life
you better back up mate
or you'll be my wife

to have and to hold
and to spend nights together
to cuddle under blankets
and hug in bad weather

We'd be so good,
you and i as one
we'd spend time together
we'd have so much fun
Ploughing through wheat crops
we'd sing and we'd hum
and we'd go back home
and i'd plough your bum.

Oops that was naughty
i hear you say
i cannot resist
you are a good lay

We'd tussle, we'd fight
we'd kick and we'll bite
But all and all
you'll still be my bitch.

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

Tibbs is back, the one who's resurrected
He got banned for something Pi detected
Apparently he still is, and he's a zombie
So I'd like to see the "mighty king bee"
Take on Sheepo's furry of rabbit punch rhymes
He'll kick your ass over and over a hundred times

 

[CrazyHarij]

wheeze

is this a joke, you a corporal? there's some fire on your pants
only battle you been in was fightin' Andre over Lance.
sheepo, more like cheapo, your computer's taken by the repo
why you tryin' to rap when work's calling by the Depot?

your rhymes aint as critical as you a hypocritical
making sounds with yo mouth without a thought of my reciprocal
i'm here to clean up, too many clowns, i'll take you down
got my AK loaded and it's about make a sound
BAM!

as i blow yo' face off, i'm looking just too cool
Darwin's giving me his thanks as i just got your genes removed
stupidity's hereditary, for that i'll give you his award
you bitches rappin' like you representin' Mardi Gras

cough cough

sit on that chair old man or you gonna break a hip
the only Dark Side here is the one i put upon yo' lip
I ain't giving you a slip, ain't got no respect for you
I'm exterminating you like Hitler tried to do the Jew

welcome to the 'seidocaust, bombs are dropping on your fake ass
you trying for the men's club like a poor boy with a fake pass
But i'm a goldmember, bouncer, president all in one
you an outcast, sucka, dont try wrestling the one who won

the championship title, here for me to take
getting in my way is gonna be yo last mistake
this is Crazy signing off, I got a date with yo' mother
i was destined for this throne so why you even bother?

 

[Sheepo]

DUUUUUUUUUR

Back up for just a second
I'm more than you have reckoned
Chief in charge of kickin ass
Are you referring to Lance Bass?

Didn't recognize yo' name name at first, not right off the bat
But you remind me of Delusional, with some rhymes to match
You think you oh so crazy 'cause you just learned how to rhyme
But yo words are straight lazy and not worth a single dime

Keep on screamin baby
Looks like you got rabies
All your friends been boomered right
I'm a smoker and I'm gonna hold you tight

BAAAAABY

You think you outa sight?
Singin' while you hide
Gettin' a free ride
Here's a news flash: YOU'RE THE WORLD'S WORST SPY
You're not even disguised
Your lines are filled with lies
Tastin' like snapple pies
So drop yo' stupid mic
You 'bout to get fried
Hidin' inside
Spawn aint so tight
'Bout to get to new heights

 

[G(ordon)-man]

Spy sappin my rhyme

 

[Darkside55]

Talkin'

Exterminate me? Hitler failed son, read the history
like a Jew I'll escape the furnace and root myself in the industry
like a Steinburg or a Rosenblum with ties to old family
everything I touch turns to gold just like I used alchemy

President? Gold member? Bouncer? Yo this guy is absurd
trying to act like he's balling and I don't know what y'all heard
but the only men's club he's part of is Queer's on Main St. and Third
And I'm not trying to wrestle with dudes, that's just not my style
but maybe we can play pretend and I'll make you my girlfriend for awhile

The right to sit on this rap throne is divine, it's not destiny
rage as hard as you like you won't be unseatin' me
not a one of you got what it takes to even threaten me
now pour salt on your wounds and go post in Off-Topic > Tragedies

 

[CrazyHarij]

blah

You full of shit, bitch, the only thing you smoke is cocks
Got a big mouth, but you also best friends with the cops,
I heard you got employment but it's got to do with mops
This is my enjoyment, piece of cake like stealing rocks

From a baby, you just lazy, a single hit and you get hazy
That's what happen when you **** with wiggas like Crazy

I'm a smoker and I'm gonna hold you tight

Don't even have to tell these people that you're being gay, see?

Your own words, you declare, admiration for the cock
I'm bringing this despair, cause you never heard the 'hop
So stop, drop the mic, let's fight, i'm just polite
I'm giving you a chance to have some sweet eternal night

I'll turn this Corp into a Corpse, don't waste your final breath
bitches on my dick while you fellate yourself to death
doing crystal meth, christ, you pathetic slob
I'm doing Crystal and Beth while you busy eatin' knobs

jive

This geek's no mystery, he can't spout anything but yaps
Your family history comes down to hookers and traps
Inbred bunch of people with their ass on for a hat
You parents shoulda taught you; "You want fries with that?"

I'm telling you the truth, but you ain't bein' able
When i say Elements you thinkin' periodic tables
Book paraphernilia, yo, this ain't no hoax,
you a necrophiliac, jacking off to dead folks

About as kosher as pig's meat, pretendin' like you from the street,
Wanna make it big but you ain't left your mama's teat
The only tragedy here is what you make yourself look like
So here's some advice, go back and read your books, aight?

 

[Darkside55]

go back and read your books, aight?

Alright lemme sit down and read this book it's called:

Schooling Chumps--Now With More Visuals!
And in this book it explains how to out-rap certain individuals
Chapter 1 deals with writing word from the conceptual
and spitting it out in rhyme designed to be conflictual

Goddamn this book is good, I could just sit here and quote it
whose name is on this cover? Oh shit, looks like I wrote it!
And I'll use Harij's bitch ass as a way to promote it
show how even you at home can rap so you better keynote it

Chapter 2 is real simple it goes like this:
you take what your opponent's saying and you give it a little twist
so he said some shit that makes no sense but I can still flip the script
take this fool's weak rhymes and give him the clip

Talking about families, that ain't a good thing to do
because when it comes to relatives I got the real dirt on you
maybe I got some hookers as kin but at least they're making the cheese
can't say the same for your sister cause she just gives it out for free
and I know for a fact your mom's down for the three-P
but only because she's trying to upstage your dad at cockslobbery
And yeah you caught me about being a necro--I raised your granny for a little hobnobbery

With my penis.

 

[CrazyHarij]

whoopdeedoo

Oh, shit, I'm sorry, did I cross the line?
GMT -8 homeboy, you're way behind my time.
The San Fran Man, ladies and gents, trying to be a pro
We're way over here, we couldn't hear that shit bro.

Raise your voice or you'll always be second
I play this game of hip-hop like you ain't even reckoned
The city of fags, you still repping that town?
while I stay true to the game, never stepping down
to bitches like you trying and prepping for a slaughter
but your stride ends up in laughter... so I guess I keep the crown.

Right, let's get it on, the crowd is waiting for my taunt
bread and edu-tainment, let's give 'em what they want.
What you spittin here, it goes right through
And you know what? Your book is just as fake as you.
My story is a legend, passed through word of mouth
your story's taken from the records of some mental house.

I guess that somewhere down the road you went wrong,
trying to be strong, but coming along
just knowing you don't belong in this game,
but in a gay pride song, you being too lame.
Having all this fame never felt this good, I'll just say so long.


..But wait, the audience expecting a da capo?
I don't give a ****, I'm the bane of this gestapo
When your lines are out and rhymes ain't doing you no good,
I'm still rapping on like all you bitches should.

24/7, I'm living what I write,
telling you are fakers, I ain't doing this in spite
I'm the hard-knock teach', bitch-tutor day and night
As long as there are clowns alive, there's no end in sight
So you wanna keep on doing this, you think this is a fight?
You ain't seen nothing yet, I'm just laughing at your shite.

 

[Darkside55]

You're wounding me bro I thought you'd get down on my location
a fine upstanding pole-smoker like you? SF would be your dream vacation
I'm not my town son, it warrants clarification
but you're not rapping against me you're rapping against a population

And it'll take more than that noise to put me down
you act like you're already king but you haven't even seen the crown
'cause I still got it
still flaunt it
still putting the slant on it
gonna rock this shit out until the sun burns out on it

See you're talking a lot of shit but honestly I can't follow
not because it's complex but because your rap is empty and hollow
I'm spending more time watching the Super Bowl than I am watching you wallow
with your clumsy blah-de-blah-de-blah that's just too hard to swallow

Seriously like all your paragraphs are fluff and sound like you pulled them straight from a rap catalogue
talking time zones, son I'm digital and you're analog
Like I said I'm not my city, but let me give you something on which to choke
I'm not originally from San Francisco, I'm originally from the OAK
Don't talk to me about street son, nobody's eating that bullshit you're feedin'
like I tell my e-friend Patrik, "No one cares about Sweden"

 

[Sheepo]

Don't even have to tell these people that you're being gay, see?

I can see that you're a stupid swedish cock
Judgemental and immature aint no way to rock
Boring and pointless with all your stupid profanity
You don't have shit on anybody's insanity

Whether you think you're cool
Or not, you're still a tool
So stop, it's makin' my facepalm hand too tired
To see all your rhymes, when your wit has clearly expired

 

[CrazyHarij]

rappawappa

You spit like you about to get down on a cock
Your shit lacks momentum, it's absolute crock.
I can't understand how you think you can rap
Acting all buff while your boys' shop at the GAP.

It's what they say but they don't care about you
Since nobody sucks as much dick as you do
Should I repeat it or am I coming through?
Your boyfriend Patrik is cheating on you too.

The OAK, that a tree or an abbreviation?
I don't care, you're still in the same fuckin' nation.
Part of a problem that everybody's hatin'
Alone like a kid with a broken playstation.

I'm analog and class, like a good synthesizer
You broke and dead like a younger Mike Eisner.
Bluffing kids with mice and ducks
Except you trick yours with shriveled nuts.

Now who the hell cares about super bowl?
Not even a sport, that shit's dull and old.
Soccer is twice as big and guess what?
We kick your ass at that hockey you watch.

Rap catalogue? I wrote that one with ease.
Happens that kicking your ass is a breeze.
Not my fault that everybody's wanting a squeeze
From my dick 'cause your dick has caught a disease.

My rhymes are infectious, a pandemic's spreading
Obama's your hero, soon you'll have gay weddings
I think we can all see where this is heading
Papers at the office is the only thing you shreddin'

 

[CrazyHarij]

clearly expired

Good job sucka, you stole 2 of my rhymes
You just a kid, you just wasting my time
Come on bitch, don't play with fire like this
Or you'll get caught in a terrible hissyfit

There's punks to be wasted and clowns to be slain
I'm taking you down like you was Chamberlain
And I'm Churchill, coming here to save the free world
Confirmed kill, I'm done in time for bed with three girls

 

[Sgt.Tibbs]

Hey all look at my count
Looks like Pi went all out
I had a feeling this'd happen
But it's all cool with my spam tappin'

 

[Sheepo]

Durrr

Haha, are you serious with this debate that you have started?
Judging by these rhymes you're borderline retarded
Whether you're serious or not
You'll find yoursell caught
With an inevitable fate
Caught at Hell's gate
I'm dropping stings like hellfire
Knockin' you is my only desire
Your child molesting ass
Leaves a taste like sour bass

I think that's the second time I've rhymed ass and bass. Wow.

 

[Darkside55]

Harij when are you going to stop with the the "I'm more street than you" motif?
The only GAP around here is that space in your front teeth
from where my dick's been fitting, nestled in your mouth like a sheath
sucking on it like a pacifier trying to get some relief

Comparing me to Eisner? Thanks, that's quite kind of you
Roy Disney called Eisner "soul-less;" I think that works for me too
And like Eisner I also have a formula for success
I release hit after hit every year without rest
and when I get tired I can look back at my best
and release sequel after sequel after sequel--and you'll STILL eat it up and digest
'cause my flow's just too good, kid, my raps are as malleable as a toon
got more hits under my belt than the Disney Afternoon

And here comes the European talking about soccer
what else would I expect from a predictable cock knocker?
Keep raging about American football, I'm sure everyone cares
about the opinion of some guy from a country that's only 449,964 kilometers square

You just can't insult me dawg it's like I'm rubber and you're glue
except that ain't adhesive--that's all the cum I've been spraying on you
while you lap like you're starved, hungry for my lyrical semen
and you try hard and in vain to fight me off but you're dreamin'
'cause these red eyes are glowing like a motherfuckin' demon
and my words are so hot yo my breath is comin' out steamin'
a hot poker in verbal form and you're gonna be screamin'
here to save the masses like a rapping Gordon Freeman
from the whack ass rhymes of this Swedish butt-seaman
A Hershey pirate; dude sure raps a lot about homosexuals
I think he's projecting; that's the opinion from this intellectual
but I feel bad for you son; you're just looking for something sensual
you rap so much about the gay I think you're just looking for something consensual
so you can FINALLY come out and have a relationship that's mutual
instead of hanging around porno arcades with your mouth against a hole in the wall
waiting for someone to come in and stand in the next stall
and feeding you penis while you're shouting, "GIVE ME IT ALL!"

And I feel bad for you son, really, I truly do
because you see all the views for this thread? You know they're not here for you
and deep down you're just wanting to be acknowledged too
but it's not gonna happen when Darkside's in view
everyone's blinded by my lyrical radiance--don't lie to yourself, Harij.

You know that it's true.

 

[Raziaar]

This thread has a distinct lack of Raziaar in it.

And it should stay that way.

 

[Darkside55]

I wish you'd stick around, but I don't want to burden you
seems like you're having too much of a good time with Baloo.

 

[jet_porkins]

Iiiiiiiin West Philadelphia, born and raised

 

[G(ordon)-man]

yoyo hl2.net gman back in haus
you all waitin heads in your blouse
hes comin to bust ya headz
run homies your blood is what he needz