Sulkdodds
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Guide to Etiquette in the Workplace, #231: Sexual Suggestion
It is often the case that workers have trouble distinguishing between flirting which is ‘innocent’ and flirting which is genuinely intended as a prelude to something more pneumatic. The best way is always to match a flirt at each point, escalating the situation until it is insufferably clear what precisely the situation is.
As this point approaches, the wheat is separated from the chaff, the men from the boys, and the committed sexual adventurer from the mere tourist. The latter will disengage before it is reached; the former will persist until full body contact.
Use these methods to determine which is flirting with you.
Firstly, keeping your eyes fixed upon the woman, or an appropriate part thereof, commence this movement of your eyebrows while you speak:
For added effect, perhaps after a short period, combine this with an extension and rotation of the tongue, as shown.
Adopt a posture of extreme relaxation. It is a well known fact that if one ‘treats them mean’ one simultaneously ‘keeps them keen’, and well observed that women are often attracted to those who, they feel, are cool, or, as it were, laid back. Take this latter phrase literally.
It should however be abundantly clear which part of your body you consider the most important, in relation to her. Thrust forward your groin. It should be the highest point of your body at all times. This will ensure that blood drains away from it, helping to prevent an erection (which would at this stage be crass).
Keep your hands rested on your hips, with one thumb protruding inside the waistband of your trousers and the fingers lain on the outside. Depending on whether the situation is intense or relaxed, have your hands closer or further away from your loins respectively.
After an appropriate period of time you may wish to move your hands fully inside your trousers, like so.
This tried-and-tested system will soon polarize her behaviour into one of two responses: the violent or the violently passionate!
It is often the case that workers have trouble distinguishing between flirting which is ‘innocent’ and flirting which is genuinely intended as a prelude to something more pneumatic. The best way is always to match a flirt at each point, escalating the situation until it is insufferably clear what precisely the situation is.
As this point approaches, the wheat is separated from the chaff, the men from the boys, and the committed sexual adventurer from the mere tourist. The latter will disengage before it is reached; the former will persist until full body contact.
Use these methods to determine which is flirting with you.
Firstly, keeping your eyes fixed upon the woman, or an appropriate part thereof, commence this movement of your eyebrows while you speak:
For added effect, perhaps after a short period, combine this with an extension and rotation of the tongue, as shown.
Adopt a posture of extreme relaxation. It is a well known fact that if one ‘treats them mean’ one simultaneously ‘keeps them keen’, and well observed that women are often attracted to those who, they feel, are cool, or, as it were, laid back. Take this latter phrase literally.
It should however be abundantly clear which part of your body you consider the most important, in relation to her. Thrust forward your groin. It should be the highest point of your body at all times. This will ensure that blood drains away from it, helping to prevent an erection (which would at this stage be crass).
Keep your hands rested on your hips, with one thumb protruding inside the waistband of your trousers and the fingers lain on the outside. Depending on whether the situation is intense or relaxed, have your hands closer or further away from your loins respectively.
After an appropriate period of time you may wish to move your hands fully inside your trousers, like so.
This tried-and-tested system will soon polarize her behaviour into one of two responses: the violent or the violently passionate!
