Stupid things people have said

[Stigmata]

This thread is absolutely necessary.

Anyway.

My friend's Uni Chemistry class, random discussion right before class starts about the solar system and such. The discussion moves to the moon, and one girl raises her hand to ask "If the moon exploded, would it be daytime all the time?"

A few people decide to have a swimming race in a big pool. Two of them are really good at swimming, but the third one kind of sucks. So after a minute of racing, the third guy stops and yells "You guys are cheating! You... You're taking tiny breaths under the water, that's how you can swim so fast!" So then one of the first two guys grins and says "Okay, well if we're cheating, why don't you cheat as well?" So the third guy swims for two seconds, and then immediately coughs up a lungful of water and almost vomits.

 

[_Z_Ryuken]

Oh LAWD. High Larry tee.

-
On another note, I somehow read the title as "I" instead of "people" (wtf, I know), was expecting something different.

 

[Solaris]

My dad used to teach at my school, and in the only lesson where I was in the class and he was teaching, it was a revision session before the GCSE exam, and the head girl raised her hand and asked: "So is the sun a star??". My dad face palmed.

 

[Asknoone]

My Uncle works abroad, and he was in China for a week, and when it came up in conversation with a certain other family member, I said "Yeah, he's gone to China." "No he hasn't." "Yeah, he's in China." "No, he's in Hong Kong."

 

[The Monkey]

(From the other thread)

A girl in my former class upon seeing a picture with ice:
"Was this picture taken in the ice age?"

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

^

I remember when the olmypic flag was unveiled, my teacher said "who can tell me what was released yesterday?" (or something like that) and this girl just blurteded out "a flying saucer!?"

 

[Unfocused]

My Uncle works abroad, and he was in China for a week, and when it came up in conversation with a certain other family member, I said "Yeah, he's gone to China." "No he hasn't." "Yeah, he's in China." "No, he's in Hong Kong."

It's not THAT stupid. Hong Kong hasn't always been a part of China (it's been now for 10 years), so that could've confused your family member.

 

[Pulse]

A friend of mine thought Barcelona was an island.

 

[Shift]

Back in secondary me and some mates were pissing around, like taking the piss out of each other and we turned on one of our mates and really layed into him only before he shouted out, "Look would you quit patronising me already".

We asked what he thought it meant and apparantly he didn't have to tell us lol.

 

[Dynasty]

My favourite comment came from my mate's girlfriend, regarding the smoking ban. She asked 'With the smoking ban, will they have to ban fires too? cos they smoke'...

 

[Shift]

Heh I think she was just trying to be funny there, but failing miserably lol.

 

[Asknoone]

It's not THAT stupid. Hong Kong hasn't always been a part of China (it's been now for 10 years), so that could've confused your family member.

There's still a degree of stupid in there, I think.

 

[theotherguy]

In geography class, a girl raises her hand: "Hey, where's the 'U.K'? Is it in France?"
The teacher says calmly, "No, its in the British Isles."
The girl, looking at her map: "So it's in Iceland?"
Teacher::|

The same girl, 2 weeks later: "Why are there oil problems in the Middle East, can't they just grow more?"

Me, after learning that gravity accelerates objects constantly: "So if you had a really long ramp, could you accelerate something to the speed of light?"

I regretted that one

 

[kirovman]

Me, after learning that gravity accelerates objects constantly: "So if you had a really long ramp, could you accelerate something to the speed of light?"

I regretted that one

Science is about asking questions, and it's quite a good question to ask. Of course, you can't, and you know that intuitively, but thinking about why an object can't accelerate to the speed of light in this way is a good thought experiment, to make sure you understand the science behind it.

 

[mastag]

My gym teacher: Pick a number between 1 and 5 and the winner picks teams.

my friend: SEVEN!

 

[Stigmata]

A story I was told:

Someone comes home drunk after a party. Someone else had put something in the microwave earlier, set the time wrong, stopped it, then forgot about it. The drunk guy stumbles in, looks at the microwave, and says "Buh, what the... Oh shit! It's forty-seven o'clock!"

 

[Krynn72]

I didnt hear it, but my friend told me a story of when he was talking to some girl about Paris. She said something along the lines of "I wouldnt want to live there, because I dont like London." He asked what she meant and she said "Well, Paris is IN London, so I dont think I would like it there."

 

[Angry Lawyer]

"If you were to go out to the deep ocean, and swam down, and kept swimming down, would you reach Australia?"

---

"I've never understood words. I mean, why can't they do it like with chemical symbols. Just have a code for things."

"You mean, like...F...E...N...C...E, and it could mean Fence?"

"Yeah, exactly like that. Wait..."

-Angry Lawyer

 

[Qonfused]

"I've never understood words. I mean, why can't they do it like with chemical symbols. Just have a code for things."

"You mean, like...F...E...N...C...E, and it could mean Fence?"

"Yeah, exactly like that. Wait..."

lol

 

[Sir Phoenixx]

like taking the piss out of each other and we turned on one of our mates and really layed into him

Sounds like the summary for a fetish porno. :O

 

[Shift]

Sounds like the summary for a fetish porno. :O

:naughty:

 

[-Psy-]

"Where's the umbrolley?".

 

[simonjedi]

"my friends gone to the tooth doctor"

 

[CyberPitz]

"What do you have in that car?"
"A rotary"
"I mean, is it a 4cyl or 6cyl?"
"It's a rotary, it doesn't have pistons..."
"Well, it sounds like you need to change your head gaskets."
":|"

 

[Dinkleberry]

A story I was told:

Someone comes home drunk after a party. Someone else had put something in the microwave earlier, set the time wrong, stopped it, then forgot about it. The drunk guy stumbles in, looks at the microwave, and says "Buh, what the... Oh shit! It's forty-seven o'clock!"

Class

 

[MJ12]

A senior girl asked what communism was in a theology class

 

[NeptuneUK]

Friend's sister:

"Where's the American entry for Eurovision"

It was an epic lulz, you cant make this shit up.

 

[Raxxman]

"What do you have in that car?"
"A rotary"
"I mean, is it a 4cyl or 6cyl?"
"It's a rotary, it doesn't have pistons..."
"Well, it sounds like you need to change your head gaskets."
":|"

you mean V8?

 

[Zephos]

We have a girl in our grade who constantly spurts out stupid lines..

In English, after reading Hamlet in it's entirety - "Miss, is Romeo, Romeo, where art thou Romeo from Hamlet?"

In Biology when discussing racial disease - "But we're not Caucasian, we're Australian!"

One random discussion "Hey, one word Jarrod... shut up"

 

[<RJMC>]

We have a girl in our grade who constantly spurts out stupid lines..

In English, after reading Hamlet in it's entirety - "Miss, is Romeo, Romeo, where art thou Romeo from Hamlet?"

In Biology when discussing racial disease - "But we're not Caucasian, we're Australian!"

One random discussion "Hey, one word Jarrod... shut up"

just ask her how much she charge for 1 hour

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

A friend of mine thought Barcelona was an island.

I used to think that

EDIT: Oh yeah, one of my friends once said (hes not the brightest of guys): I can't go out, I'm going to the eye doctor."

/FACEPALM

 

[Bad^Hat]

(I say this in like every one, but meh)

Me, after playing Command and Conquer with a friend for 6 hours straight: "Eh, screw this, I'm going to build a sandwich." (without realising )

In 3rd form science class I had this friend who got alot of shit because he had a lisp. In one class these two guys sitting infront of us kept making gay jokes at his expense. So I told him "next time they ask if you're gay, ask 'why, do you want a date?'" (in a mocking tone). He did. They laughed. I laughed.

He didn't talk to me for awhile

Edit - Since alot of these seem to be come from the classroom, there's some awesome ones to be found here -

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/dumb-class.php
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/more-dumb-class.php

 

[Kula Meenur]

"What do you have in that car?"
"A rotary"
"I mean, is it a 4cyl or 6cyl?"
"It's a rotary, it doesn't have pistons..."
"Well, it sounds like you need to change your head gaskets."
":|"

what type of mazda do you drive? RX-7...8?

 

[Deleted member 56031]

Someone in my chemistry class thought kryptonite was real. >_>

You should have seen the look on the teachers face

 

[Xendance]

Kinda daft:

Me: would you ever let your girlfriend strip for you?
The other guy: autopends.

he meant all depends.

 

[kirovman]

Someone in my chemistry class thought kryptonite was real. >_>

It is.

 

[Azner]

Just that superman isnt

 

[-Psy-]

Someone in my chemistry class thought kryptonite was real. >_>

In April 2007 it was announced that geologists in Serbia had found a mineral identified as having the chemical formula sodium lithium boron silicate hydroxide.[1] But instead of the large green crystals in Superman comics, the real thing is a white, powdery substance which contains no fluorine and isn't radioactive. The mineral, to be named Jadarite (after Jadar, the location of the Serbian mine where it was discovered), will go on show at the London Natural History Museum.[2]

.

 

[Deleted member 56031]

Oh cool.

but...

But instead of the large green crystals in Superman comics

that's what she thought it was. so she thought the superman stuff was real.

 

[Kula Meenur]

i lol'd