Texts From Last Night

CyberPitz

CyberPitz

Party Escort Bot
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Another fmylife type of page....but this one is actually funny.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com

EXAMPLES!

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

(337): I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?

(813): I'm ****ing your sister right now.
(1-813): You mother****er
(813): She's next.

(607): went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
 
:LOL::LOL:

Very funny.

"(405): The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
(405): And before you ask they are unrelated purchases. "

"(352): She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all. "

"(845): i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie. "

:LOL:
 
(602): Goodnight sugar queer
(480): Sugar queer??
(602): Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?

LOL
 
This can't be just me...

I don't find any of the ones posted in this thread funny.
 
Vegeta897 said:
This can't be just me...

I don't find any of the ones posted in this thread funny.
Click to expand...

It isn't just you. Other than the one I posted, I only found one other one funny. There are better ones on the actual site though.
 
Everything is funny if you eat a half box of Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs cereal.
 
(480): So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
 
(615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Click to expand...

I like this site
 
My friend showed me a text his girlfriend sent him awhile ago. It said "I just pulled over and said 'hi' to some chickens on the side of the road. Is that OK?"

I lol'd
 
On this site, I found not lulz. But words of infinite wisdom.
 
(805): She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
 
(508): just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
(678): I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to f*ck a fat chick with herpes.
(813): ha- omfg whatt the f*ck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions

And I'm sure Willie will appreciate this one:

(503): Buhtt sex?
 
too bad there isn't a lie detector built into the site so when somebody submits a text they get a big "YOU ****ING LIAR!" pop up
 
(303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom

(314): rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?

(816): She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.

(540): I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
(540) I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
 
(613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

True hero.
 
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