The Matrix Revolutions In Five Minutes!

Mr.Reak

Mr.Reak

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*SPOILERS*


*SPOILERS*


*SPOILERS*

Created by Donner, from rottentomatoes.com forums, I don't know why, but I found it funny and true :D


MAGGIE: Hey, Trinity, how are you?

TRINITY: Fine. How’s Neo?

NEO: I’m still unconscious.



NEO: Where am I?

INDIAN GUY: You’re in a subway.

NEO: Awesome. Gimmie a turkey and cheese on white.

INDIAN GUY: Thank you, come again!

LITTLE GIRL: I’m obnoxious!



ORACLE: Find the trainman.

MORPHEUS: Why are you different?

ORACLE: I made sacrifices.

MORPHEUS: So did the casting department it looks like.

ORACLE: Take Seraph with you. He’s cool and the audience likes him.

SERAPH: Hoooo. Sank you, Oracrew!

MORPHEUS: I liked the old Oracle better.



TRINITY: Look, there’s the Train Man! Let’s chase him!

TRINTY, MORPHEUS, & SERAPH: Chase, chase, chase, chase, chase!

TRAIN MAN: Run, run, run, run, run, escape!

TRINITY: He got away!

MORPHEUS: At least we had a little action to go along with all this exposition and set up.



NEO: Where’s my sandwich?

TRAIN MAN: You stay here!

NEO: But I don’t wanna!

TRAIN MAN: I smack you!

NEO: You’re mean!



TRINITY: I want my Neo back.

MEROVINGIAN: No!

TRINITY: I’m pointing a gun at you.

MEROVINGIAN: Okay, you can have him back.



TRINITY: Neo, you’re back!

NEO: Where’s my sandwich?



NEO: I have to see the Oracle.

TRINITY: Why?

NEO: Because I have to know why she looks different.



ORACLE: Hello, Neo, I will answer any question…

NEO: Why…

ORACLE: …as long as it doesn’t involve why I look different.

NEO: I’ll just leave.



ZION PERSON #1: Machines still coming?

ZION PERSON #2: Yep, we’re still screwed.



MORPHEUS: Hey, Niobe.

NIOBE: Hey, Morpheus. Wanna give my ship a jump so we can show the audience that handle starter-thingy that’ll be important later in the movie.

MORPHEUS: Yes.

TRINITY: Whoa, get a load of that sexual tension.

NEO: Sandwich?



ZION PERSON #1: Machines still coming?

ZION PERSON #2: Yep, we’re still screwed.



NEO: All right, you guys get back to Zion in that ship and Trinity and I will go to the machine city in this one.

CAP’N ASSHOLE: You can’t do that! I’m closed minded!

NEO: I’m crying.

NIOBE: Neo, take my ship, you pathetic man-woman.

TRINITY & NEO: Yay! We’re off to certain death!



KID: I’m scared!

OLD GUY: You’re too young!

KID: The machines are going to kill me too!

OLD GUY: Maybe the machines aren’t that bad after all.

KID: Yeah, I… HEY!



AGENT SMITH: Hello, Oracle, why do you look…?

ORACLE: Shut up and do that black tar thing.



ZION PERSON #1: Machines still coming?

ZION PERSON #2: Machines are here.

ZION: ARRRRRRRRGH! BANG, BANG, BANG! KA-BOOM! WAR CLICHÉ! WAR CLICHÉ!

ZION PERSON #1: Looks like World War II just started.



NIOBE: We have to sneak past these sentinels and get to Zion! They will come destroy us if they hear a sound!

MORPHEUS: Oops, I just farted.

NIOBE: Goddamnit! Now we have to escape through these tunnels that no one but I can pilot down!

CAP’N ASSHOLE: This is never going to work! You both suck! I have a small penis!



ZION: ARRRRRRRRGH! BANG, BANG, BANG! KA-BOOM! WAR CLICHÉ! WAR CLICHÉ!

BOY: I’m scared!



AGENT SMITH: Hey, Neo!

NEO: Are you here to give me my sandwich?

AGENT SMITH: I’m here to KILL YOU!

NEO: Ow, my eyes! You’re a dick!

AGENT SMITH: It’s inevitable, Mr. Anderson… I…

NEO: Why did the Oracle look different?

AGENT SMITH: I… I don’t know. Hey, how are you looking at me if your eyes are gone?

NEO: CLANG!

AGENT SMITH: Ow, my head! Urk!



MEROVINGIAN: You mean that little bit at the beginning was my whole scene? THIS BLOWS GOAT ASS!



NIOBE: The sentinels are coming after us! Quick, let’s rip off The Final Flight of the Osiris! That should save us!

MORPHEUS: They all died in that movie.

NIOBE: Shut up.

MORPHEUS: No.



TRINTIY: We’re on the surface!

NEO: Watch me blow up all the machines coming after us!

TRINITY: You didn’t get them all.

NEO: Shit. Fly up and maybe we’ll crash in the machine city.

TRINITY: Good idea. Oh, hey look! It’s the sun! This is a beautiful and poetic moment for me and that means I’m probably dead meat!

NEO: Meat? I never did get that sandwich.

TRINITY: We’re crashing.

NEO: Do that handle thing that Niobe showed everyone!

TRINITY: We started it! Now if we can just get the ship to pull u--

SHIP: CRASH!



OLD MAN: I’m dying, but it was very brave you coming out and reloading my kill-bot.

BOY: I’m scared.

OLD MAN: Shoot the chains so that Niobe’s ship can come in and we can have more special effects!

BOY: Okay! BANG!

DOG: Arf!

OLD MAN: What was that?

BOY: Nothing. BANG!

CAT: MEOW!

BOY: Shit!



NIOBE: One special effects sequence coming up!

SHIP: Crash!

EMP: BANG!

SENTENIEL: BLORG!

CAP’N ASSHOLE: Mama!



TRINITY: Neo, I’m dying. There’s something I have to tell you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

NEO: Like, just die all ready!

TRINITY: HURK!



CAP’N ASSHOLE: More sentinels are coming. Niobe, Morpheus… You two really screwed up thus invalidating your previous heroic actions. Let’s go hide!

MORPHEUS: Okay!

NIOBE: Cool.



MACHINE: Speak!

NEO: My sandwich. Is it here?

MACHINE: Shut up!

NEO: Smith has grown beyond your control. I can stop him.

MACHINE: What do I care? I was going to destroy the Matrix anyway, remember?

NEO: Shut up!

MACHINE: No, you shut up!

NEO: You shut up!



AGENT SMITH: Mr. Anderson, welcome back. We missed you.

NEO: It ends tonight.

AGENT SMITH: To keep the movie from getting too exciting, my clones are just going to watch, okay?

NEO: Cop out much?

AGENT SMITH & NEO: Fight, fight, fight, fight, punch, punch, punch, punch!

AGENT SMITH: I win!

NEO: Okay!

AGENT SMITH: I take you over!

NEO: Arrrrrrrgh!

AGENT SMITH: Hey, what the…? Aw, fu—

AGENT SMITHS: Explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode!



NIOBE: The sentinels are going away!

MORPHEUS: Neo did it!

NIOBE: Did what?

MORPHEUS: Who cares! Now I can have sex with you!

NIOBE & MORPHEUS: Yay!



MACHINE: It is done.

NEO: Hey, look! I’m Jesus! ACK!



LITTLE GIRL: I’m still obnoxious!

ORACLE: Hello, Architect.

ARCHITECT: Sup, baby. Care to explain what just happened?

ORCALE: Who cares!? If they sat through this much of the movie, they can’t ask for a refund! All that money is ours!

LITTLE GIRL: Will we ever see Neo again?

ARCHITECT: It depends on how hard up the Wachowski’s get, little girl.



THE END
 
Haha... that was actually pretty accurate?

(I did like the movie, though...)
 
I thought the movie wasn't that bad... Waht was the deal with the sandwich?
 
the sandwhich is for fun
I'M A COMBINE!!!! I MADE COMBINE!!! w00t!!!! .... srry, i had to
 
Reloaded was criticized because it had too much story, Revolutions is being criticized for not having enough. People fail to realize though that the two films are actually one long film split in half, and should be taken as a whole.
 
its good to hear movie-nerds bash matrix 3. the movie rocked tho :)


"ZION: ARRRRRRRRGH! BANG, BANG, BANG! KA-BOOM! WAR CLICHÉ! WAR CLICHÉ!"

yah dude they ripped off brave heart had lotr2. Dude i have seen million squid-like robots in super-swarms go against huge mech armies in so many movies. what a cop-oou!!

"Quick, let’s rip off The Final Flight of the Osiris"

...herm who made that movie? what world did both matrix3 and final-flight take place in? OH SAME director/writer and same ****ing world(movie universe)......nitpicking to the point of pointlessness and insanity.


"AGENT SMITH: To keep the movie from getting too exciting, my clones are just going to watch, okay?

NEO: Cop out much?"


....no making another burly-brawl would be a cop out....****heads. 1vs1 like matrix1 is what was needed.

****in nerds....i can do the same with other kick-ass movies like lotr2.

LOTR2

random sam/frodo/smeagle scene

talk-talk talk-talk talk-talk talk-talk
talk-talk talk-talk talk-talk talk-talk

battle
random sam/frodo/smeagle scene

talk-talktalk-talktalk-talktalk-talktalk-talktalk-talk
talk-talktalk-talktalk-talktalk-talk

battle

random sam/frodo/smeagle scene
 
Originally posted by Subz
A lot of bitching
Click to expand...

Too bad you suck at it. Funny how everybody assumes that if you hate two new lame ass Matrix movies, you must be LoTR fanboy. Haha...
 
Originally posted by qckbeam
Reloaded was criticized because it had too much story, Revolutions is being criticized for not having enough. People fail to realize though that the two films are actually one long film split in half, and should be taken as a whole.
Click to expand...

true... very true
 
Incredible. Personally, I think that though Reloaded is meant to be a begginning to Revolutions, that doesn't excuse it for having a crap (not 'no') story. Or terrible dialouge. Or the nagging feeling that all the characters aren't actually acting how they should and are just furthering the story. Whereas Revolutions is really really good...that doesnt mean you cant take the piss out of it though.....
 
LOL! that was a classic. I loved the bit about "to stop the movie from getting too exciting my clones are just going to watch" cos that was what I was thinking.

The film was an immense let down and ruined the entire story IMO. Wtf actually happened? But I'm sure some folks must have liked it? Hello?
 
Originally posted by Mr.Reak




TRINITY: Neo, I’m dying. There’s something I have to tell you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
NEO: Like, just die all ready!

TRINITY: HURK!
Click to expand...

That pretty much sums up my opinion on that scene.

I just can't help but feel a little disappointed by the movie, It just felt so drawn-out. By the time the movie ended, I had been ready to leave the theater an hour ago.
 
Originally posted by Mr.Reak

TRINITY: Neo, I’m dying. There’s something I have to tell you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

NEO: Like, just die all ready!

TRINITY: HURK!
Click to expand...

Cant...stop..laughing...sides....hurting

Me: HURK!

All jokes aside, I wish the bitch died faster, I hated Trin, and I hated that "atempt" at drama, there was alot of meaning and deep stuff in the ilm

But Trin dieing made me laugh, then laugh at neo for careing

And I disliked Smith, he was a wanker. An annoying one.

The movie itself was great imo, the only bits I disliked where the ending and the long crappy trin dieing bit

Neo: Quick! Now where in the sky, dive down fast!

Trin: You sure?

Neo: Yea yea, into the wall, hurry no time to lose

Trin: *dives*

Trin *Splatters all over the window as they crash, her body becomes an unseeable mess of blood bones and gore*

Neo: Cool.

I R WRITE IT BETTER >_< stupid trin
 
LOL, that was great (I saw this thread before I saw the movie, but I wanted to see the movie before replying to the thread, so I dug it up)

I had to pee for the last 15 minutes of the movie, I was unable to enjoy it. sux 4 me. Oh well, I can play it back in my mind...
 
Why hate Trinity? WHat's wrong with Trinity? What did she ever do to you? I like Trinity.
 
Originally posted by Sulkdodds
Why hate Trinity? WHat's wrong with Trinity? What did she ever do to you? I like Trinity.
Click to expand...

she didn't give him any action? *shrug* i can't blame him for being angry.. :rolleyes:
 
I couldn't have written it better. I TOTALLY AGREE that the love scene was way too long. I told everyone I know to use that 10 minute monologue as a bathroom break...

My favorite line : MEROVINGIAN: You mean that little bit at the beginning was my whole scene? THIS BLOWS GOAT ASS!

HAHAH. Priceless!
 
Ya, that pretty much sumed up the whole movie. It completely blew total ass, and it ruined the entire trilogy for me. The story was confusing, and it answered very little for me (why could Neo use his powers outside the matrix???). And even if it was easy to understand, I probably couldnt understand it after watching the steaming pile of dog shit known as the battle for zion. It was VERY boring, and it was very corny. It felt like watching an episode of power rangers with the horrible dialogue.

And Trinity's last moment was just simply pathetic. How can she give this massive 10min speech with about 6 metal poles impaling her?? If I ever meet the Wachowski brothers, I'm going to steal $14 from them to get my money back for my ticket, and I'll then kick both of them in the groin for making such an afwul movie.
 
Originally posted by Sushi
Ya, that pretty much sumed up the whole movie. It completely blew total ass, and it ruined the entire trilogy for me. The story was confusing, and it answered very little for me (why could Neo use his powers outside the matrix???). And even if it was easy to understand, I probably couldnt understand it after watching the steaming pile of dog shit known as the battle for zion. It was VERY boring, and it was very corny. It felt like watching an episode of power rangers with the horrible dialogue.

And Trinity's last moment was just simply pathetic. How can she give this massive 10min speech with about 6 metal poles impaling her?? If I ever meet the Wachowski brothers, I'm going to steal $14 from them to get my money back for my ticket, and I'll then kick both of them in the groin for making such an afwul movie.
Click to expand...


wow.... harsh words....
in reality u can stay alive and impaled for quite some time considering that.... you are impaled

as the wachoski's once said "you make walk away with 2 levels of the movie, 50 levels, or all 400.... like your forum mate thehunter1320! :p" (he stuck his tounge out at the camera there)
 
Meh, i walked away with all 400... and i loved it... imho the ones who disliked it went away with less then 100...
 
Originally posted by Mr.Reak
*SPOILERS*


TRINITY: Neo, I’m dying. There’s something I have to tell you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

NEO: Like, just die all ready!
Click to expand...


OMFG!

That is exactly what i was thinking...


And that was a good summary of the movie! :D
I liked it though, that wassome pretty awsome fighting with those kill bot things. :D
! thing that pissed me off was hopw many times they did that stupid ****ing expanding sphere thing in the final battle w/ neo and smith. once, ok. twice, neat. 8 times..... stupid.


Greatest line of the movie.
"She'll kill us all. She loves him"
 
No, the best line in the movie was clearly when Trinity called him Merv. :D
 
I have to agree with sidewinder that the expanding sphere was really cool the first time, but was used way to many times after that. Everything else everyone is saying I honestly can't understand. What was wrong with Trinity’s death exactly? It lasted all of two minutes. Can't people watch two minutes of exposition anymore, or is that two much to ask?
 
Neo: You can't die
Trinity: Yes i can
::trinity dies::

THAT was the best line... and the merv thing was pretty funny
 
People are way to critical of the movie or something...maybe they expect too much.. I loved Revoulutions. I thought Reoulutions had more story than Reloaded...but maybe I am wrong.
 
Originally posted by Mr.Reak
Too bad you suck at it. Funny how everybody assumes that if you hate two new lame ass Matrix movies, you must be LoTR fanboy. Haha...
Click to expand...

WOW dont get your panties in a bunch.
Chill out home-slice, i was using lotr as a example not saying the geeks who hate matrix series ARE lotr fanboys.....jeeze i love LOTR more than matrix what u smoking?

and this 5 min. shit is funny but you gotta admit most of it is nerdy-nitpicking which noone would normally see.
 
People are way to critical of this movie, I agree with Baal. It's not because they were excepting to much either. A local movie critic called the first hour of Revolutions the absolute worst hour of any movie he has ever seen in his entire life. It wasn't because he was excepting so much out of the film, it was just pure hate. He didn't give any real reasons for his hatred, but he did mention that anyone who liked the first hour was an "intellectual dweeb, which is like a nerd, except they are self-proclaimed and have none of the credentials to back up there title. Nothing more than intellectual wannabes.” He said he didn't understand any of the story and he didn't really care too either (yep, he didn't even try). The story confused him (his words, not mine). This is coming from a guy who gave The Hulk a perfect score, by the way.
 
Originally posted by Baal
People are way to critical of the movie or something...maybe they expect too much.. I loved Revoulutions. I thought Reoulutions had more story than Reloaded...but maybe I am wrong.
Click to expand...


Hold on a second here. Yes we are poking fun at this movie, and yes there are points that could have been improved. That doesn't mena we though it sucked. I really liked it, though this was very true and funny.
 
I think Baal was referring to the posts that weren't poking fun, but rather saying the entire movie blew ass and had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It had an excellent story, you just had to pay close attention, excellent battle scenes and fight scenes, and the dialog was perfectly fine, it wasn't crappy like a lot of people seem to think. The acting was also fine.
 
Yeah, I don't pretend the movie was perfect.
But I do know that I had my jaw on the floor most of the time. Thats good enough for me. :D
 
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