Top Ten Reasons for HL2 Delay [Humor]

[Democritus]

1. Taking a cue from 3D Realms, Valve decided they liked the Unreal engine better, so they're switching to it. The game will be done "When it's finished."

2. Valve employees are so committed to their fans that they feel the need to answer every "Is my machine good enough to run your game?/Your game R0xx0rz/Your game Suxx0rz" email in their inbox.

3. After negative reactions from the test group, Valve decided to rework the ending where Alyx flips Gordon off, kicks him in the crotch, and beats him to death with his own crowbar.

4. After seeing each other's presentations at E3, both ID and Valve are too intimidated by the other's game to release anything.

5. In a quest to be well informed, Valve employees are reading up on EVERY ONE of California's Governor Recall Vote candidates.

6. During a marketing meeting, Valve had a sobering epiphany: "If we realease Half Life 2 before Counter Strike: Condition Zero, no one is going to give a crap about Counter Strike!"

7. Using their vehicle system, Valve decided at the last minute that they had to have a new multiplayer mode called "Segway Scootermatch."

8. In beta testing, they realized that, for some reason, when they turned on the newly fixed FSAA, Alyx looked and talked like Fran Drescher.

9. Since Steam doesn't work right, they have to retool their entire distribution model to use a new method called "Make Them Buy It At the Store."

10. Problems with the G-Man: In this case, the IRS who wants Gabe to explain how a Ferrari is a "business" expense.

 

[subs]

all right except the #4 seems way to far off. Nothing scares Valve.

 

[Steven Q Urkle]

traditional top tens count down to #1 (10 - 1)

havent you ever watched letterman?

 

[rebb]

11. Several members of Valve's art-department got trapped during a dimensional Quake on Xen while taking Pictures for Photosourced Textures for HL2.
12. Gabe Newell got kidnapped by the Jackass Crew.
13. Erik Johnsons wife went into labour.

 

[Ro@cH]

14. NASA has secretly investigated the implementation of Havok into Source, concluding that it would be an excellent platform to test how they can actually make a shuttlecraft fly instead of crashing it. They've paid Newell 1 billion dollars to hand over the engine sourcecode and stop producing HL2.

 

[DrEvil]

ha. some of them are pretty funny.

 

[Anwar]

15. It's so good they just can't stop playing the beta version to finish it.

 

[PseudoKnight]

Excellent, Democritus. Very funny stuff. Well written.

 

[PseudoKnight]

On a side note: It's a sad day when you have to mark threads like this as "humor".

 

[nw909]

8. In beta testing, they realized that, for some reason, when they turned on the newly fixed FSAA, Alyx looked and talked like Fran Drescher.

Hahahahaha.

 

[RabidMeatloaf]

lol at number 3.....I'd like to see a scripted sequence like that.....

 

[3rd Impact]

Originally posted by rebb
12. Gabe Newell got kidnapped by the Jackass Crew.

Lol!

 

[Democritus]

Originally posted by rebb
13. Erik Johnsons wife went into labour.

Again? hehe. I'd forgotten about that particular delay excuse. Ahh the good old days when Valve told us when movies were going to be released.

 

[nw909]

16. No comment.

 

[figge]

10. Gabe has been zombiefied by a headcrab and is killing all his staff

9. Erics baby has been zombiefied and killing all at VALVe

8. They renamed Hl2 to Half-Life: Forever, and it will take some time to change all the logos out on the net

7. They didn't like source afterall, and switched back to Hl1 engine

6. Microsoft bought the rights for Hl2 and is turning Gordon into a Bill instead

5. "Someone" sat on the finalversion, and all the backupdisks

4. VU want's to wait until the VU owners computers can play Hl2

3. Half-life2 has been done since 1999, now it's all about finding the right time to release it.

2. Half-life2 is changing to the Doom3 engine


1. There is no Half-life2

 

[marksmanHL2 :)]

ROFL @ # 5.


seriously, that one made me giggle like a school girl!


sorry to that "someone" ( yes i do know who )




I feel mean now


:cheers:

 

[Democritus]

Originally posted by PseudoKnight
On a side note: It's a sad day when you have to mark threads like this as "humor".

Didn't want it to be mistaken for yet another delay thread ...

 

[Nuclear_Gerber]

16. Gabe got tired of seeing so much of HL2, he decided to make it a RPG game.
17. Someone stole the crowbar. Muwhaha.

 

[Gunner]

18. Valve is busy working on TF2...

 

[DOOManiac]

The first 10 were hilarious.

 

[marksmanHL2 :)]

Doom, U play NS?

I think i seen you on the NS forums before?

If so then hi!
if not then Hi!

 

[EC]

19: They realized that today is my birthday, and so to pay their respects, they sent me a copy of Half-Life 2, but then realized that it was their only copy, and now I must hide with my computer in a cave.

(And no, I'm not asking anyone to be special to me, just adding to the humor.)

 

[Tarkus]

20- they decided to create levels in xen after all, were in the end you fight a reborn ninilath that spits crowbars at gordon (how's THAT for ironics??)

 

[Hudson]

10. Gabe has been zombiefied by a headcrab and is killing all his staff

for some reason this almost made me spit out my juice in laughter

4. VU want's to wait until the VU owners computers can play Hl2

BURN!!!!!!

2. Half-life2 is changing to the Doom3 engine

lmfao

 

[Hudson]

21. the tables at valve were purchased from ikea and broke into millions of pieces destroying all the computers.

 

[Democritus]

22. Since they aren't showing anything new at ECTS, Valve realized that if they released the last two movies on the Internet there would be NO REASON AT ALL for anyone to visit their booth.

 

[Tull91]

HaHaHaHaHaHa!!

ROFLMAO!

*EDIT* no wait...that actually makes sence! lol!

 

[festivalman]

23. SCO called all the people who were going to buy Half-Life 2 and told them that the Source engine has SCO owned lines of code that each user will have to additionally license from them or be sued. When asked which lines of code were offending, they would only say that it had a similarity to a certain Aerosmith song.

 

[Adam]

24. The AI in Half-Life 2 was programmed so well, the game itself decided it didn't want to be sold to anyone, and dispeared into the eternal abyss of the internet.

 

[Adam]

25. The Physics in Half-Life 2 is so real, when one of the mappers created a level of a black hole, upon the test run, Valves entire office was sucked into the computer monitor.

 

[switch]

hahaha this thread is class, nearly everyone made me laugh

 

[Adam]

26. They finaly got to a point, where to more accurately describe the nature of their game, they had to change the name from Half-Life, to Full-Life.

 

[Adam]

27. The Half-Life 2 to Linux petition got Valve's attention.

 

[Adam]

28. The FSAA fix produced a bug giving the game a MA rating since it made Alyx's clothes transparent.

 

[Adam]

29. Network compiling of maps for Half-Life 2 is taking longer than expected, since someone is downloading the Doom III leaked Alpha off of Kazaa.

30. It was 'Invite Your Kids' day at Valve, but unfortunatly someones kid tripped over the main dedicated back up server power cord.

(Sry, forgot about 'Edit'.)

 

[marksmanHL2 :)]

heheh, keep em comeing. I liked the black hole one, actualy all of adams are very funny! lol. More. More. More!


this is great!, I will try to think of sum later

 

[The hotdog man]

30. All of the valve employees are locked up in my basement and i lost the key.

 

[Guest]

not funny, stupid, sorry

 

[nw909]

31. Gabe decided to scrap the project after they ran out of cheetos and mountain dew.

 

[TAZ]

32. They hired a bunch of guys from 3drealms.