Unbearable Housemate.

[Yorick]

I don't think I've done a helplife2.net thread before, but I am growing to ****ing loathe my housemate. He's been living with me and Kate (my girlfriend) for almost two months, and it seems as though every day he does something worse.

I'm 24, and my girlfriend is 19. This is my fourth apartment or so, and her first. John's 23, and we met through an ex girlfriend of his. We kind of knew each other before he moved in, but we weren't really best friends or anything. I just needed someone to help with bills and he needed a place to live.

The problems with him run quite a range.

The thing that annoys Kate the most is that he only really talks to us when he's having some kind of problem. If he has friends over, they'll hide out in his room and not so much as say hello to us, which she feels is rude. And there are things like, he started painting his room (when he moved in months ago) and lost interest or whatever so it's half done now with open paint cans around.

On my end it's usually things like, today's the 7th and he still hasn't paid his half of rent, and it's unlikely he'll have it before this week is out. Or at least once a week I have to go into his room while he's at work to get dirty dishes so I can eat. He's never cleaned anything, and doesn't even so much as pick up after himself that Kate and I can maintain the rest of the house ourselves.

Right now our plan is simply to try and ride out the lease and get a place just the two of us in August. In the meanwhile I'm trying to figure out ways to make this more bearable, because I'm not so much an asshole that I want to force him out / make him homeless, but he's seriously not pulling his weight.

It's hard to talk to him because although he's 23, he has a total child outlook and anything I say seems to fall on deaf ears and a super laid back attitude. He's not a bad kid, he's just more of a kid than I thought, and I don't like having to be his parent. He's so self-absorbed that he doesn't even notice how much he's irritating us.

This morning I asked him about rent, since he told me over a week ago that he had it. I said that I was tired of taking flak for him, and he simply replied "Not my fault, you told me a week late was cool". And it's like, No, I said if it HAS to be late a week SOMETIMES, the landlord understands, but that doesn't mean you should act as though the due date is the ****ing 12th. Not to mention that he still hasn't paid the security deposit.

Part of me wants to ask the landlords to just boot him, but I'm not sure what the grounds are for even doing such a thing, and that puts me in a lousy position as well, since Kate and I can't pay for the entire apartment ourselves, and our landlords are both over a thousand years old and need the money for medication / food.

So, what do?

 

[CptStern]

The thing that annoys Kate the most is that he only really talks to us when he's having some kind of problem

so your girlfriend is also paying rent? were you dating prior to living together?

there is no guideline that says you must have conversations with your room mate. also why are you responsible for giving the landlord your roomates' rent? didnt you and your room mates sign a lease saying each person is responsible for their share of the rent? that should have been the landlord's responsibility to be a rent collector not yours. big mistake

it sounds to me like you want him to move so as to give you and your girlfriend more breathing room. besides the late rent you have zero grounds to have him evicted and even then it's up to the landlord to force rent payment. if the lease is under your name then YOU are legally responsible for making sure it's paid on time or risk getting evicted.


also for the record, never sublet to friends or aquiantances

 

[Yorick]

so your girlfriend is also paying rent? were you dating prior to living together?

there is no guideline that says you must have conversations with your room mate. also why are you responsible for giving the landlord your roomates' rent? didnt you and your room mates sign a lease saying each person is responsible for their share of the rent? that should have been the landlord's responsibility to be a rent collector not yours. big mistake

it sounds to me like you want him to move so as to give you and your girlfriend more breathing room. besides the late rent you have zero grounds to have him evicted and even then it's up to the landlord to force rent payment. if the lease is under your name then YOU are legally responsible for making sure it's paid on time or risk getting evicted.


also for the record, never sublet to friends or aquiantances

My girlfriend isn't paying rent. She's been doing the whole college and not working thing. I pay $1000 for the two of us and John is responsible for paying the other $600. And yeah we've been dating since May, she only moved in in November. I only got the apartment in September.

Since the lease is in my name and he has a sublease, it kind of is my responsibility to make sure he's paying the rent. It isn't to say that he gives it to me and I give it to the Landlord, but I'm usually the one who hears from them about it.

It actually isn't a matter of Kate and I having more breathing room. In theory, I really like having someone else around. He's just not the right person for us to live with. I figured I didn't have any grounds for getting rid of him. Am I legally allowed to booby trap the apartment so when he comes home it just kills him?

 

[Krynn72]

I've only sublet to friends, and they've always been the best roomates. Maybe because I have good friends, but the few times I had unknown people be my roomates, they were terrible.

If your roomate is on the lease then its not your problem that he doesn't pay rent. If he isn't, which sounds like the case, then it is your problem and you need to deal with it. That means you need to be an asshole. Tell him its not cool to pay a week late anymore, and that if he doesn't respect the common property (dishes, etc.) you'll start looking for a person to replace him with. If he isn't on the lease, then you should be able to kick him out for not paying rent.

As for the "being rude" thing, its irrelevant really, and kind of subjective. If hes a private person, and doesn't want to hang out with you guys, I don't consider that rudeness. In fact, it sounds like hes doing you a favor.

 

[No Limit]

When you say sublease did he actually ever sign anything? If he hasn't signed anything you are free to kick his ass out anytime. So if that's the case you should probably confront him in a nice way and tell him exactly what you said here. And if he doesn't get his shit together kick him out. I do agree with Stern though, there is no rule that they must socialize with you (even if it is a bit rude), I would ignore that.

 

[Raziaar]

Confront him. Let him know your concerns and tell him that things really need to change, for his sake and for your own, or else he's going to find him unfortunately out of a place to live.

But do it in a respectful way and don't make it feel antagonistic for him, though undoubtedly he'll feel that way. You have to make your concerns known and the severity of the situation, so that's the only way to go about it unless you expect him to read your mind.

 

[<RJMC>]

rape him,or tell him to stop being a idiot,or let the landlord rape him

 

[Yorick]

Well, here's my question. He has signed a sublease. Do I need, like, cause to be able to kick him out since that's the case?

I do agree with Stern though, there is no rule that they must socialize with you (even if it is a bit rude), I would ignore that.

Oh I don't mean it in that it's an actual problem. I don't care about the socialising aspect. I was simply trying to establish the kind of person he is, that kind of freeloader attitude that he'll gladly use our shit without asking, but unless he needs something he won't talk to us.

 

[CptStern]

My girlfriend isn't paying rent.

she has no say sorry

She's been doing the whole college and not working thing. I pay $1000 for the two of us and John is responsible for paying the other $600. And yeah we've been dating since May, she only moved in in November. I only got the apartment in September.

Since the lease is in my name and he has a sublease, it kind of is my responsibility to make sure he's paying the rent. It isn't to say that he gives it to me and I give it to the Landlord, but I'm usually the one who hears from them about it.

sigh. big mistake. he should have been on the lease. you're responsible for the rent and it's your responsibility to make sure it's on time. really the landlords now have ground to evict all of you. and if he really wanted he doesnt have to pay you squat. and verbal agreements are worth squat so even if you wanted to collect the money you'd be out of luck unless you can prove he agreed to that amount and even then it would be months before you saw anything

you have a few choices. talk to him and without threatening or being pushy make it understood that if he cant live up to his end of the bargain you're going to have ask him to leave (remember you're bluffing as you have no legal right to evict him unless you have him arrested for trespassing). look for a new apartment

It actually isn't a matter of Kate and I having more breathing room. In theory, I really like having someone else around. He's just not the right person for us to live with. I figured I didn't have any grounds for getting rid of him. Am I legally allowed to booby trap the apartment so when he comes home it just kills him?

so his family can sue you for negligence causing death? you want to kill him as far away from your apartment as possible ..first go to the hardware store and buy ......... (for the rest of the plan please deposit $10K in small unmarked bills to my swiss account)

 

[No Limit]

Is there anything in the sublease about him paying his rent on time? How much time does he have before you can kick him out?

 

[CptStern]

Well, here's my question. He has signed a sublease. Do I need, like, cause to be able to kick him out since that's the case?

what are the terms of the lease? does it say when rent is expected by every month? breaking the terms is grounds for eviction however you'd better hope it'll stand in court if it comes to it

 

[Ennui]

Talk to him. If he refuses to clean his own dishes, you have to tell him that he can't use any of your dishes. That is perfectly reasonable. You aren't being an asshole by demanding that someone else be a decent roommate. They are being an asshole for not respecting you as their roommate. If worst comes to worst just keep your dishes in your room and if he makes messes outside of his room if he repeatedly refuses to clean up just throw all his trash in his room. If he wants to live in filth that's cool but he can't ask you to do the same, nor can he expect you to clean up after him.

I've had some awful roommates and I've found that communication and compromise have been very valuable and instrumental in maintaining good mutually respectful relationships with one another.

 

[The Monkey]

You pay $1600 a month for how many rooms? Jesus Christ, I thought the rents here were high.

 

[Krynn72]

He's in massachusetts, that's nothing for rent.

 

[No Limit]

I can't imagine that kind of rent. You can get a mortgage here for a huge ass house in the nicest part of town for the kind of money.

 

[Ennui]

I can't imagine that kind of rent. You can get a mortgage here for a huge ass house in the nicest part of town for the kind of money.

Where?

I live in a 4br 2 bath house in a crummy section of town, the house is 1 story and only has a living room and kitchen other than the bedrooms. Our rent is $1800 a month and that's pretty low by local standards.

 

[No Limit]

Albuquerque NM.

I was just looking at buying a 4 bedroom (2.5 bath) 2 story town house with a 3 car garage, giant living room, large kitchen, in a pretty nice area (not as nice as where I'm at now) for $120K which works out to about $800-$900 a month after mortgage insurance and all the taxes.

Currently I'm renting a one bedroom apartment in just about the nicest part of town for $575 a month. It's the largest 1 bedroom I've ever lived in, around 800 square feet. Although I am lucky since when I moved in they gave me a pretty large discount, normally they rent this for around $800 /month.

How much do you guys have to make to afford a $1800 a month payment? That's absolutely nuts. I have a pretty decent comfy job and I could never afford that kind of payment. Shit, after insurance my monthly car payment works out to more than what I pay for rent.

 

[CptStern]

Albuquerque NM.

I was just looking at buying a 4 bedroom (2.5 bath) 2 story town house with a 3 car garage, giant living room, large kitchen, in a pretty nice area (not as nice as where I'm at now) for $120K

wow you couldnt buy a bachelor condo for that much in toronto ..even in the suburbs. a friend bought a home downtown for $349K and it's 500 square feet; the single bedroom has enough room for a queen sized bed and nothing else

Currently I'm renting a one bedroom apartment in just about the nicest part of town for $575 a month.

average price for a one bedroom in toronto is $1000-1200. closer to $2000/month in a nice neighbourhood

How much do you guys have to make to afford a $1800 a month payment? That's absolutely nuts. I have a pretty decent comfy job and I could never afford that kind of payment. Shit, after insurance my monthly car payment works out to more than what I pay for rent.

average home is about $400K. most people's mortgage payments are around $2400K month for a $400K home over 25 years with a better than 10% downpayment

http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/docs/mortCalc/MortgageCalculator.jsp

 

[No Limit]

But your incomes must be huge to be able to afford that kind of rent. It's something I never understood. In LA the most ghetto apartments start a $1K a month, you would normally need a really good job to be able to afford something like that. Here if you have a job where you are paid $20 an hour you are in a pretty good place making well above average. I guess that's not the case in some places.

 

[Yuri]

holy shit you are paying for your girlfriend's rent you are a crazy sonofabitch

 

[CptStern]

most single people dont own a house, a condo or a town home maybe but like you said it's difficult to buy a house unless you have a $80K/year salary. having two incomes makes up for the not having a 80K/year salary; together we pull in more than that a year. I think average combined salary for a couple is in the 100 - 120K range

 

[flamingdts]

I'm in uni right now and my roommate is unbearable.

I'm waiting till near the end of the semester, so I can piss on his toothbrush and **** around with his stuff (maybe piss in his protein shakes as well).

As for your housemate. Threatening him is not a good idea at all, since he could easily pull on dirty pranks like what I'm doing for revenge. I think you just need to ask him nicely to do his part, and if he doesn't you might have to bear with him till the end. Unless of course, you're ready to go to war with him, but that isn't worth it in my opinion.

 

[Maestro]

Is that CDN or USD, Stern? Conversion rates may put it closer to what's considered reasonable in the US. Texas has some cheap mother****ing houses, 200,000USD for house that's 3200 sq. ft. in OK condition.

 

[CptStern]

canadian dollar is currently higher than american dollar

1.01010 of US dollar

also keep in mind this is in toronto. I could buy a house in butt**** saskatchewan for less than half that but who the hell wants to live there?

 

[Krynn72]

In Louisiana I was paying 475 for a two bedroom duplex. My cousin up here in Connecticut found a similar place for $950. In Florida I had a two bedroom apartment near Orlando and it was $800. It all depends on the location.

 

[CptStern]

jebus you literally couldnt rent a garage in toronto for $475/month

 

[StardogChampion]

I suggest you move somewhere cheaper, where you won't need a roommate, and stop caring about pointless things like clean plates.

 

[kupocake]

Dirty plates? I'm so very happy we have a dishwasher in this house. I have dirty house-mates by even my own low standards, but the worst that happens is that I'm the one picking the plates out of the machine after five days of them just sitting there.

So get a dishwasher. And yes, considering the rent status of your girlfriend, there's at least one misogynistic joke to be made here.

Slightly more seriously, I was the fourth person in the house in a similar scenario last year. The girlfriend in a couple ticked off by the lack of socialising a housemate did and their general messyness. Spent a lot of time being diplomatic on both sides, felt she was overreacting and my other housemate was being a bit of a jerk. Awkward and mostly annoying rather than genuinely upsetting. I mention this more because the root of the problem - the lack of socialising - came primarily because the 'other' housemate started out hating how 'couple-y' the other two were, and developed this whole general dislike of the girlfriend after she started making hissy faces about how little they hung out.

Neither side is 'wrong', so much as the situation is just plain unworkable. The thought of living alone with a couple, constantly being the third wheel, should make any sane person break out in a cold sweat.

 

[Maestro]

canadian dollar is currently higher than american dollar

1.01010 of US dollar

also keep in mind this is in toronto. I could buy a house in butt**** saskatchewan for less than half that but who the hell wants to live there?

Shit, when did that happen? And why are paperbacks still more expensive in the US on the label?

 

[YROC]

Nice apartments here run about $380 a month. Usually 1 bathroom/bedroom.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

Honestly I suggest being more straight forward with him and stop doing his dirty work. He needs to learn the hard way that he's being an irresponsible **** rag.

 

[Hectic Glenn]

I wouldn't go straight to kicking him out, tell him you're sick of getting the flak from the landlord and if he's going to consistently be late on the rent, that he gets added to the actual lease. Then he can take the aggravation from the landlord when it is late and you're holding your side of the bargain. Need to shift those goal posts, he seems to not appreciate the importance of sticking to his sub lease agreement with you.

With the dishes and other issues. Just tell him straight up. You don't need to be a parent figure, just be tactful. 'Hey the sink is getting full, I need to cook in a bit, could you clear your stuff away?'

 

[dfc05]

Yikes, for the dishes, like people said, just tell him to wash them. And rent is important so, yeah, don't let him slide on that.

I've been living by myself for a few years. 50% of my stipend goes toward this, but it's worth it.

Someone I somewhat-knew asked to share an apartment last year. I considered it for 10 seconds and decided against it. Now I'm really glad as I think he'd probably have been like yours. Has never washed a single dish by hand in his life, never peeled or cut a single vegetable or fruit (I genuinely doubt he's ever used a knife on raw food before), never boiled an egg. People like that irritate me. I totally understand that someone might not know how to do those things if their parents terribly spoiled them and they lived in a dorm, but once you get an apartment, at least try.

When he first moved into town I let him borrow a sleeping bag and blankets, and when I went to pick them up (yes I had to carry them home, he didn't offer to bring them to back for me; and actually I had to carry them to his apartment too) -- they were in a messy pile on the floor because he didn't know how to fold a sheet or roll a sleeping bag. I literally rolled it for him while he stood there like "LOLOLOL I've never done that before." :flame:

And then there was the part where I spent some of my own time finding his apartment for him to his ridiculous specifications, then had to listen to him whine for a month because "there's marks on the wall" or "my refrigerator isn't working, let me feel your refrigerator -- OH HEY my refrigerator really is working but I was too stupid to know."

Yeah.... I'm never rooming with anyone ever.

 

[JUL3]

You pay $1600??? Jesus christ, my older brother was paying $300 rent when he lived in Melbourne with two other guys, & that was expensive. When he lived in Queensland he was paying something like $80 per week, in a nice sharehouse near the beach.

I literally rolled it for him while he stood there like "LOLOLOL I've never done that before."

I lol'd, for a long time. I know someone exactly like that; only child, spoiled to no end. We went camping, he sat around in a chair & complained about mosquitoes while set up his tent for him.

 

[VirusType2]

Tell him to get his own dishes. Probably the only way to change a slob is to go hardcore. Don't be understanding. Tell him not to leave one dirty dish laying about, or he will need to move out that very day. Like the minute he finishes eating, tell him to stick it in the dishwasher. Treat him like a child.

 

[StarBob]

My room mate rarely ever does his dishes. He works the same amount of hours each week that I do, but spends his time off 20 feet from piles of dishes stewing in the sink ignoring them to play video games lazily. Once in a while when his girlfriend comes over and he decides to cook - he does them. I used to trade off with him, but lately I'd do all the dishes and like a week would go by and I'd end up doing them again. So now I just do my own and take the things I want to use with me up to my room - like my cereal bowls (I love cereal and he loves using my bowls) and a glass or two that I intend to use.

I honestly don't think he's realized I don't do his dishes anymore and will probably complain to me at some point that I never "do the dishes" despite them being entirely his own. It's amazing how many he manages to use in a single day though.

Sometimes I wish I could get a house, but with my awesomely terrible salary and student loans, I can barely afford splitting this apartment. There's also the fact that I don't want to live here because this town sucks and you can't get a decent salary without working at one of a handful of prime organizations that are tougher to get in to than the Illuminati.

Anyways that's my advice. Some people are just lazy pricks that do stupid things. The only way to solve the problem is to face it head on I'd say, otherwise you'll just have to accept it.

 

[Remus]

And that ladies and gents is why I'll never have a room mate/housemate EVER.
Also the advantage of being alone is that if I choose to be a lazy bastard I don't have anybody to complain about it. However I usually do the dishes on a daily basis.

 

[CptStern]

Shit, when did that happen? And why are paperbacks still more expensive in the US on the label?

wha? it's the opposite in canada. paperbacks are listed on the back is cheaper in the US than in canada usually by 10%

 

[VirusType2]

I'll just put this here as something I was thinking about earlier. I don't like when anyone tells me what to do. I might not do it, even if I was going to do it before they told me. I mean to an extent at least. Some people are very defiant/stubborn or don't like to be told what to do. The saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink."

So maybe you can simply pose it as a question. Like, instead of saying "stop leaving the dishes here and there.", ask him "how do you fix something to eat when you don't have any clean plates?"; "do you have any plates because we don't seem to have enough?"; "do you mind giving me a hand with the dishes?" (roll up your sleeves, as in right now)

But don't be passive aggressive, AKA - "do you know where we keep the dishrags?"

Or you can do what I suggested earlier and be rid of him.

 

[MJ12]

The best roomies are recluses, who cares if they are your friend, just get someone who will leave you alone and pay their shit.