'Youre too nice' etc etc...

[Dynasty]

Sorry for the slight tl;dr

So, my newest (and one of few) girlfriends just broke up with me, with the reasons of:

'Youre too nice'
'You deserve better'
'I dont want to hurt you'
'I cant take compliments'

She said she goes for 'bad' guys, yet the last 3 boyfriends she had used to physically abuse her (strangle, hit etc), and she was the one who came onto me during our uni fieldtrip to Uganda.

We hit it off from day one, both flirting with each other, playfull hitting toward me, she leant on my shoulder etc etc, all the right signs, and I ended up kissing her on the fieldtrip before she left a week before I did (2 week and 3 week groups split up). SHE started texting me first when I got back, we got to talking again and we decided to be a couple and see how things go, taking things slow as she said she didnt want to hurt me and she was still wary over her last relationships...

Ive slept in her bed twice since we got back 2 weeks ago (no sex due to taking things slow), been out with her loads during the day and night, kissed her everytime I see her (she kisses me back every time), she sent me random texts during the day saying she cant wait to see me etc...now suddenly she said she cant see us being in a relationship as she prefers bad guys to keep her on her toes...WTF??

yet bad guys seem to hurt her physically and break her heart each time? I dont get it...

Why the hell do 'nice guys' ALWAYS seem to finish last???

This has actually quite hurt me, I know 5 weeks or so is hardly a decent length of time to be feeling this way, but it was so awesome with her, and this just seemed to come out of the blue, yet shes still adamant that she wants to be friends. Do I just give her time, stay friends and see what happens?

I dont know, should I just stfu, grow up and move on? *sigh* ffs...

 

[Raziaar]

Give her what she wants... backhand her and call her a hypocrite if she doesn't immediately start tearing your clothes off for sex.

 

[Krynn72]

Bitches love being slapped around. It makes them feel noticed. Bitches love being noticed.

 

[Solaris]

Don't take things slow, girls never want that. They only say that to not seem like slags.

Try and be more outspoken in the future, don't be afraid to disagree with women, be the man. Tell her what she should do, make the plans, be dominant and aggressive sometimes.

I suggest 'The way of the superior man' as a good book.

 

[Dynasty]

I guess im just too much of a pushover in ways, I couldnt help but showing her how I felt etc. Its just the way I am, she was saying stuff like 'youre so well-mannered', I cant help that surely???

Maybe I just chose/fell for the wrong girl?

 

[Sheepo]

Stick it in her bum

 

[Tyguy]

Give her what she wants... backhand her and call her a hypocrite if she doesn't immediately start tearing your clothes off for sex.

hahaha

There are a few reasons why she broke up with you...

1. She was actually telling the truth and not using a lame excuse to let you down easy
2. She was lying and using a lame excuse to let you down easy.

If she really does like a tough guy, it's up to you to prove to her you can fill that void. Start by stepping on ants when your out in public and when people look at her say "dont look at her, fag".

However, im going to make an uneducated guess that she just wanted to split for whatever reason. take it as a lesson, and no matter what, dont call her, shes a bitch

and if all else fails, sheepo has the right idea

 

[Eejit]

3. She has low self esteem, really likes you but really does think she'd end up hurting you and thinks she's too ****ed up and you 'deserve' someone better.

 

[Pesmerga]

'You're boring'
'I want someone who challenges me'
'I want you to hurt me'
'I don't need compliments, I'm a big girl, I just want a good friend'

Please note that you don't need to be a jack ass (although people may appear that way) to get a girlfriend. Please for the love of god, don't compliment your girlfriend frequently. Do the opposite- bring her down a peg ever so often so you don't look like some white knight. Be honest with the bad stuff, and for god's sake don't talk too much. Most of my relational problems have stemmed from what I've said rather than my actions.

It's really hard to explain, it's just more learned. I'm a really nice guy IRL but that doesn't mean I go around handing out compliments- compliments are crap and usually not worth anything. You want to CHALLENGE your partner, play games with them (relationship games, not Monopoly, although if she wants to play naked Twister please do it's great fun), be witty and charming.

A lot of "nice guys" get the feeling that you have to really hate your partner and think women are garbage to be attractive. This isn't true- you just have to stop being a pussy.

So stop being a pussy, make fun of your friends (friendly like), and keep it interesting. Also, live your own life before you start living in another's. Your failed relationships in the past and in the future are not all your fault- infact it's probably no one's fault. You two just didn't click.

Ive slept in her bed twice since we got back 2 weeks ago (no sex due to taking things slow), been out with her loads during the day and night, kissed her everytime I see her (she kisses me back every time), she sent me random texts during the day saying she cant wait to see me etc...now suddenly she said she cant see us being in a relationship as she prefers bad guys to keep her on her toes...WTF??

Girls lie- they're very good at it and hardly think twice about it. Never let a woman take over your life at this age- having a partner is important but you need to learn to be independent. You're supposed to share lives, not be it.

In all honesty, you have a great opportunity to get back with her and do right what you did wrong before. I've done this many times with girls who've broken up with me, and it was a great learning experience. This is what you have to do...

1) Don't talk to her for a while. Months. If she texts/calls you, pretend you're doing fine and living life (don't overdo it- pretend like you're talking to an old acquaintance you don't really like).
2) Go do stuff to take your mind off her. Go out and live- bitches love active lifestyles.
3) Work out. What a god damn awesome way to feel good.
4) Let her come back to you. If you want to, slowly allow her to come back into your life.
5) If you two manage to get back together, correct the mistakes you made last time. Don't talk a lot, don't compliment her unless it's important (really, these times are few and far between), and let your actions speak for you.

Good luck!

 

[Krynn72]

Get her pregnant. Bitches love guys that get them pregnant.

 

[-Psy-]

in the butt.

 

[highlander]

Wow. Nice one pesh...

 

[Raziaar]

*SNIP*

Wow Pesh. I didn't sense one ounce of rotten asshole in that post.

:thumbs:

 

[xcellerate]

My girlfriend has the same complaint with her old boyfriends, she said they were all way too nice and would never do anything to try and upset her. They complimented her on all her stuff and would try to avoid an argument at all costs:

her: what kinda pizza do you want?
them: i don't know..what kind do you want?
her: i don't care, just pick something.
them: whatever you want...

Like somebody said, it's hard to explain how 'rough' you need to be. I push my girlfriend around all the time...from walking through a parking lot trying to push her into cars, to trying to keep the remote from her for the tv. If you're going out somewhere when she steps out of the room you can look at her with shock and say, "really?? that's what you're wearing?" ...they want to be a friend, and you joke around and play rough with your friends. It's definitely a style thing, I do the mean thing because I'm not mean (I don't even look mean) so when I say something mean I just sound silly.

The last girl I dated was like 110lbs, she was just a small girl though, so I'd make cracks at how fat she was. If we were eating with dinner and she'd order desert I'd pat her stomach under the table or something. If I'm laying down and she laid on top of me you make that 'uf' noise like she just crushed you. etc...and you can do it all with a smile on your face.

 

[Krynn72]

her: what kinda pizza do you want?
them: i don't know..what kind do you want?
her: i don't care, just pick something.
them: whatever you want...

Thats not avoiding argument, thats being indifferent. Me and my friends are like that all the time. It takes us 2 hours to order pizza sometimes because nobody cares whats on it.

 

[Dynasty]

....okay NOW I dont know wether to laugh or cry.

The gist of the last 3 messages shes just sent me are as follows:

'I was testing you; Ive fallen for you, I want to be with you but just not so public as its a bit too fast for me'

What a mind **** shes just given me...what the hell!?

Now ive just asked her if shes being serious and to basically cut the BS.

Im in a haze of confusion.

 

[-Psy-]

That's not a good sign. "I want to be with you but just no so public". She might as well say, "I don't want to be with you".

 

[Eejit]

Alternatively act the same way, but with a girl who isn't ****ed up.

 

[Sheepo]

She sounds irritating

 

[Dynasty]

Im tempted to tell her to get ***ked now if she replies with something along the lines of 'yeah I want to be together, sorry for testing you'

Problem im facing is that on some level, ive fallen for her too. Theres nothing wrong with her at all, shes a bit moody but who the hell isnt? *faceplant* Argh!

 

[-Psy-]

Wow. We all posted at the same exact time. POSTERS UNITE!

 

[Zeus]

My friend was in a similar situation, this girl kept going back to her boyfriend on and off who treated her like crap (abuse, cheating) also I heard she even had to get an abortion because he got her pregnant. Every time they would break up, my friend (the "nice guy" sort) would try to make a move, but she would keep going back. It's amazing how some guys can treat women like shit and not have a problem getting them. Meanwhile the "nice guys" like us get overlooked in favor of the shit heads.

 

[Raziaar]

Thats not avoiding argument, thats being indifferent. Me and my friends are like that all the time. It takes us 2 hours to order pizza sometimes because nobody cares whats on it.

I'll be the first to say green olives, onions and a shit load of jalape?os.

That way everybody will ****ing decide already or else that's what I'm ordering.

 

[xcellerate]

Thats not avoiding argument, thats being indifferent. Me and my friends are like that all the time. It takes us 2 hours to order pizza sometimes because nobody cares whats on it.

It really wasn't being indifferent though, she could ask, "do you like pepperoni?" and they would ask, "do you?" It really was stupid. I've read some of their emails and messages and it was so cliche it was sickening. One guy kept putting beautiful in front of her name, so he would call her "how are you beautiful sarah?" it's just like....I don't know.

 

[Eejit]

....okay NOW I dont know wether to laugh or cry.

The gist of the last 3 messages shes just sent me are as follows:

'I was testing you; Ive fallen for you, I want to be with you but just not so public as its a bit too fast for me'

What a mind **** shes just given me...what the hell!?

Now ive just asked her if shes being serious and to basically cut the BS.

Im in a haze of confusion.

If she was really "testing you" she's one ****ed up bitch, and honestly not worth your time. Find a girl who doesn't love mind games.
Of course "testing you" could be an excuse to keep her dignity and she's a ****ed up emotional wreck. /shrug

 

[Dynasty]

I can kinda see where shes coming from, considering the last boyfriend she had was in the process of strangling her in a headlock causing her to phone the police on him...id imagine that would keep anyone sceptical about getting into a new relationship...

But at the same time, its ***ked up if she IS testing me in such a way.

 

[Krynn72]

It really wasn't being indifferent though, she could ask, "do you like pepperoni?" and they would ask, "do you?" It really was stupid. I've read some of their emails and messages and it was so cliche it was sickening. One guy kept putting beautiful in front of her name, so he would call her "how are you beautiful sarah?" it's just like....I don't know.

Wow... what a fag.

 

[Cormeh]

Smack her around a bit. That ought to verify her story.

 

[Lucid]

....okay NOW I dont know wether to laugh or cry.

The gist of the last 3 messages shes just sent me are as follows:

'I was testing you; Ive fallen for you, I want to be with you but just not so public as its a bit too fast for me'

What a mind **** shes just given me...what the hell!?

Now ive just asked her if shes being serious and to basically cut the BS.

Im in a haze of confusion.

What the ****?
And you actually like this bitch?

Just break it off and ignore anything she says.

 

[CptStern]

Sorry for the slight tl;dr

So, my newest (and one of few) girlfriends just broke up with me, with the reasons of:

'Youre too nice'
'You deserve better'
'I dont want to hurt you'
'I cant take compliments'

She said she goes for 'bad' guys, yet the last 3 boyfriends she had used to physically abuse her (strangle, hit etc), and she was the one who came onto me during our uni fieldtrip to Uganda.

We hit it off from day one, both flirting with each other, playfull hitting toward me, she leant on my shoulder etc etc, all the right signs, and I ended up kissing her on the fieldtrip before she left a week before I did (2 week and 3 week groups split up). SHE started texting me first when I got back, we got to talking again and we decided to be a couple and see how things go, taking things slow as she said she didnt want to hurt me and she was still wary over her last relationships...

Ive slept in her bed twice since we got back 2 weeks ago (no sex due to taking things slow), been out with her loads during the day and night, kissed her everytime I see her (she kisses me back every time), she sent me random texts during the day saying she cant wait to see me etc...now suddenly she said she cant see us being in a relationship as she prefers bad guys to keep her on her toes...WTF??

yet bad guys seem to hurt her physically and break her heart each time? I dont get it...

Why the hell do 'nice guys' ALWAYS seem to finish last???

This has actually quite hurt me, I know 5 weeks or so is hardly a decent length of time to be feeling this way, but it was so awesome with her, and this just seemed to come out of the blue, yet shes still adamant that she wants to be friends. Do I just give her time, stay friends and see what happens?

I dont know, should I just stfu, grow up and move on? *sigh* ffs...

move on


and nice guys dont finish last ..they end up married with kids ..the bad guys end up six feet under or flipping burgers at Mcdonalds ...anyways, dont persue her, let her go, find someone else ..bet she would take an interest then ..then it's time to say "kiss my ass" and walk away

 

[Dynasty]

Yeah I do in many ways, its awesome when we're together, she acts a bit weird when she texts me but shes all laughs and flirts over the phone.

I dont know what to think now, im ***king torn here.

 

[Seppo]

kinda hard to give any advice if you're not going to post any pics of your girlfriend

 

[Dynasty]

lol, you little perv.

 

[Pesmerga]

Yeah this girl seems like trouble. But you're at an age where you don't make rational decisions, so go out and be boldly stupid so you learn to not **** up next time.

 

[Cormeh]

Yeah I do in many ways, its awesome when we're together, she acts a bit weird when she texts me but shes all laughs and flirts over the phone.

I dont know what to think now, im ***king torn here.

Texting is a shitty form of communication for such a circumstance anyway. She honestly sounds a wee bit messy, but you should maybe just ask her to sort it out. She's all over the place by the sounds of it - she probably doesn't have any idea what she wants.

 

[Dynasty]

Exactly, which is why we decided to take things slow from the start.

Even her friends say shes not herself right now, so maybe I should back off or get closer to help her through...I dunno.

 

[Eejit]

If you think she's worth it... help her through.

 

[CptStern]

screw that! never ever date a person long term who isnt "sure" ..that just opens the door for her to find someone more suitable

back off for awhile and let her come back to you ..if she doesnt, oh well on to the next one

 

[Eejit]

screw that! never ever date a person long term who isnt "sure" ..that just opens the door for her to find someone more suitable

I know from experience that this is false. Or at least, not always true,

 

[Dynasty]

I dont get with many women as I dont believe in just having sex with someone and then moving on, not one-night stands but being a relationship where its just sex. I want more than that.

Therefore, and I know it sounds just a bit like desperation, when I really fall for someone I want it to last, 'If you want something in life reach out and grab it' right?