'Youre too nice' etc etc...

[Kula Meenur]

:thumbs: good thinkin kid, let her stew. if she wants ya, she'll try and keep ya. if not, she wont. Do you really think she's worth it?



if she doesn't, hit the clubs and pick up

 

[K e r b e r o s]

To ĐynastҰ

Been there -- done that.

Check the replies below.

yet bad guys seem to hurt her physically and break her heart each time? I dont get it...

Response #1:
She's addicted to that form of attention -- think about it. In the past five years, who is she more prone to be seen dating? The assholes, right? Right. Wannakno-y? Because bad and abusive relationships are the only thing she knows. It's the only form of attention that gratifies her and she subconsciously believes it's the only form of attention she'll ever get. She probably also worries about her outward reputation aswell.

Now, this matters because her relationship appears to look much like what we'd expect the shell of a Healthy Red Delicious Apple to be. Appealing, Unafflicted, Red, Clean. Right? Well, that's what nice guys and nice girls outwardly appear to be -- the reality of course being, that the shell is red but the core is rotten. I chose to illustrate this example to make a point with my final digression: That's how she screens her problems -- it's her own ego-centricsm in a respect, because she can choose how the world see's her. She goes for nice guys that eventually turn into assholes because they're things that she can control.

Even though they abuse her, subliminally behind the scenes, by being they're she acknowledges herself as the catalysct for these events, a sort of Messiah Complex. It's a socio-principle of yin and yang.

This has actually quite hurt me, I know 5 weeks or so is hardly a decent length of time to be feeling this way, but it was so awesome with her, and this just seemed to come out of the blue, yet shes still adamant that she wants to be friends. Do I just give her time, stay friends and see what happens?

Response #2:
Don't give her time but give the situation time -- remember that, "She's subsconsciously attracted to an abusive relationship bit?" Well, part of looking for someone who negatively enforces the stability of a relationship requires a routine that tests another individuals mettle -- in example, she's testing you to gauge and achieve a behavioral response to see if it's something that satisfies her subconscious attractions or outward appearance.

Now, we haven't touched on why she seeks something that rewards her individual worth (like we would expect of most healthy relationships of having the potential for doing) because primarly these, over grabby-feely-cantgetacluetonotbesoCLINGY guy types, are how she estimates that.

Now, another idea is that she might be trying to leave a bad situation or move on from what used to be her habits, but know this: In moving on, she's also going to emulate what "tested" her mettle as a form of emotional or psychological protection. Hence, where she's being so difficult. She's looking for someone whose emotionally gullible, so in the end, she can control the relationship. Exactly what her boyfriends did.

Don't give her that control -- be yourself, be chipper, chin up, and carry on. Because next come the rumours. And those will usually start if you didn't give into her game. And, trust me -- her games just not worth it.

Why the hell do 'nice guys' ALWAYS seem to finish last???

Final Response:
Well, they finish last, but with friends in the end. Guy in first place -- used all of his life lines and friends to get there. And take a moral lesson from this picture; because sometimes being first isn't always what you expected.

Spoiler

 

[Evo]

Oh I have to stop myself rolling on the floor laughing at the pic Kerberos

 

[Unfocused]

You did the right thing Dynasty; I think she'll respect you more now and will think twice before testing you again. :thumbs:

 

[Insano]

Finally I said she needed to ***king grow up and realise what shes got, and that if im really not what shes looking for then to just say it and to cut the foreplay.

 

[NeptuneUK]

Being the nice guy NEVER works!

!

 

[K e r b e r o s]

Being the nice guy NEVER works!

Yes it does.

Combined with candy, it helps lure all of the little children to your car ...

... to warn them abouuuttt GLOBAL WARMING! Haha, :dies:

 

[NeptuneUK]

In non pedo related situations.. it NEVER works!

 

[Eejit]

Being the nice guy NEVER works with skanks!

!

Fixed.

It actually works with women who are worth dating.

 

[Dynasty]

Well she replied to me with quite the long phone call.

She said the whole thing was just a game to test me, and that she was sorry for taking it so far and was glad I said what I did to her, as she now knows where I stand and who I am.

I told her that part of me was sorry for being rude to her like that, but part of me is still understandably annoyed and confused at her for play games with my mind, and that I didnt want to take any more of that shit.

She was like butter after that, saying (again) that she couldnt wait to see me and that she missed me even more now. Looks like being nice with a bad side DOES work. Wether this is just another one of her games though, im unsure...but atleast ill be having my suspicions in future.

I think im gonna give it a shot, hell at the end of the day if she screws me over, atleast ive learnt something about myself and wont make the same mistake twice in my life. I can safely throw my 'push over' sticker that was on my forehead in the bin and forget about it.

 

[Eejit]

No, if she's willing to play games with your emotions like that she clearly cares less about you than you do about her. And that's what she wants!

If you do go through with it... be very careful you don't get too deep because she's shown that she'll hurt you just out of interest as to what you'll do.

 

[Beerdude26]

TBH I'd give it a try and try and get inside her mind and see what irks her. But that's just me

 

[Dynasty]

Im going to, I want to see what happens.

If it all falls apart then ill learn from it, can only make me stronger.

If it all goes well, then..well..thats a good thing.

 

[cheddarrr]

tits or gtfo

 

[Eejit]

Im going to, I want to see what happens.

If it all falls apart then ill learn from it, can only make me stronger.

If it all goes well, then..well..thats a good thing.

Just make sure you don't turn into a cynic who thinks all women are whores and there's no such thing as love

 

[Dynasty]

Just make sure you don't turn into a cynic who thinks all women are whores and there's no such thing as love

Heh I appreciate the concern but id never become that shallow.

The attitude I have is; if its meant to be its meant to be, if not then ***k it, ill move on and be stronger.

 

[CrazyHarij]

What gives her the right to test you?

 

[Sheepo]

I hate to say this just when you guys are taking another try at it but she sounds like a stupid bitch.

 

[Dan]

Definitely, she has the IQ of a doorknob, not a keeper.

 

[Unfocused]

Girls test and play games. And not every girl doing that is a bitch not worth dating IMHO.

I'd see how it turns out. Don't be an ass to her, but don't show her that it's all OK. Act slightly indifferent. Make her chase you.

 

[Dynasty]

Das is de planeth

 

[ríomhaire]

I act like the way Pes and xcellerate say (and who everyone seems to agree with) to absolutely everyone, girls included, so why the hell have I never had a girlfriend? D=

 

[sinkoman]

I act like the way Pes and xcellerate say (and who everyone seems to agree with) to absolutely everyone, girls included, so why the hell have I never had a girlfriend? D=

Question is why do you want one?

@Dynasty, I dunno, from my point of view, if she was willing to play a stupid game with you to learn shit about you once, she's willing to do it again, and who's to say that the second round will end as pleasantly as the first?

If anything it sounds like she doesn't like pushovers, which means she didn't like you, and then you sacked up and stopped being a pushover, yelled at her thusly proving to her that you're not a weakling, so she pulled song and dance about "testing" you out of her ass so she didn't have to tell you that she was really just tired of you being a pushover since she suddenly wanted you again.

If that's the case then bravo, life is good for you! Not only have your balls swelled with pride, but you've got a loyal maiden to suckle on them for the days to come.

 

[nurizeko]

Zero tolerance. Life is too short to waste on trying to appease some hussy.

If she's not interested then flip her the bird and get on with life, I really cant get my head around this obsession with some guys to dwell and over think and chase a bint who pushes you away. I can only assume its the folly of youth because I remember being like that until I learned to respect myself regardless of marital status. :cheers:

 

[xcellerate]

I act like the way Pes and xcellerate say (and who everyone seems to agree with) to absolutely everyone, girls included, so why the hell have I never had a girlfriend? D=

yea, but the real question is, are you as dashingly handsome as we are?

 

[ríomhaire]

Question is why do you want one?

Actually I'm quite indifferent to it. So there's the answer right there.

 

[Solaris]

The higher up you are in the male social ladder the better looking girls you will get.

 

[Slug Advisor]

The higher up you are in the male social ladder the better looking girls you will get.

Please, stop.

 

[Solaris]

I don't think it sucks, from an evolutionary perspective women seek high status males becuase they are going to be the best providers. Men choose women based on indicators that they are healthy and young which will enable them to raise healthy kids: Big breasts, Blond Hair etc.

With regards to looks, their is only so much women can do its who they are that determins how attractive they are.

For men it's all about how you act which you can change.

 

[VirusType2]

I told her the nights I spent with her that I did want to have sex with her, but waited for her to make her move first as I didnt know how slow she wanted to take things

LOL. I can't believe you took my advice ...and that it worked!

cool man. If you are having trouble breaking the ice - have a couple drinks. DO NOT GET DRUNK. just get a buzz so you feel comfortable and touch her and shit. DO NOT TRY TO SLEEP WITH HER FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK. It is some kind of major jinx.


have fun man.

 

[Sulkdodds]

DO NOT TRY TO SLEEP WITH HER FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK. It is some kind of major jinx.

This is completely true.

 

[Glirk Dient]

For the record...if you really want to make it serious hang out and have fun. That is the most important thing about finding someone you hope to get into a long term relationship with. Booty will come eventually, but finding a girl that your interested in and fun to hang out with means so much more.

I wouldn't suggest drinking, unless your confident with yourself when drunk and can control the stupid side of you while making sure she is having fun(ie...don't act like a drunken idiot and ruin everything).

 

[Pesmerga]

In general, Solaris is right. Men's looks do not account for all of their attractiveness- but it certainly helps. Women generally are judged on their looks and immediate personalities (read- not a complete bitch). Mostly it is how men carry themselves- who they are and what they do that defines them. Girls can look far past arbitrary physical appearances in favor of a strong connecting personality. It is my belief that generally women do not find men's appearances more important than leadership, intelligence, and other incorporeal values.

tl;dr - Men don't need to look good so long as they have something else to bring to the table.

This doesn't necessarily hold true over time, but for the intents and purposes of this thread, assume that you're in it for the short term. Generally the art of seduction isn't concerned with what happens after you **** the girl, and my advice for the complications that arise after the first few months is sparse, vague, and probably incorrect. Just follow your nose, as my friend Toucan Sam would say.

 

[Sulkdodds]

It's true! One might indeed speculate that it is an evolutionary vestige - men wishing to breed strong babies, women wishing the protection of those men who are socially powerful and confident, in a position of importance in the pack. One might also speculate that this is a crock of shit belonging to the same field of pseudoscientific gender politics that has men in awful sunglasses claiming that women are inferior because they are biologically built to watch the home. I really don't know.

 

[VirusType2]

I'm thinking that women with long fingernails which are perfectly maintained are basically golddiggers who expect their man to do all the work and take care of them, because with nails like that, I'm sure it's difficult to do any kind of work.

 

[Kula Meenur]

Well she replied to me with quite the long phone call.

She said the whole thing was just a game to test me, and that she was sorry for taking it so far and was glad I said what I did to her, as she now knows where I stand and who I am.

I told her that part of me was sorry for being rude to her like that, but part of me is still understandably annoyed and confused at her for play games with my mind, and that I didnt want to take any more of that shit.

She was like butter after that, saying (again) that she couldnt wait to see me and that she missed me even more now. Looks like being nice with a bad side DOES work. Wether this is just another one of her games though, im unsure...but atleast ill be having my suspicions in future.

I think im gonna give it a shot, hell at the end of the day if she screws me over, atleast ive learnt something about myself and wont make the same mistake twice in my life. I can safely throw my 'push over' sticker that was on my forehead in the bin and forget about it.

**** yeah negro, thats the way to handle it!



kudos :thumbs:

 

[sinkoman]

It's this sort of thinking that really kind of disheartening for me; that women and men are somehow fundamentally different, separate from one another, and monolithic groups by their natures and not by upbringing. While it's absolutely true that people tend to be attracted to certain physical features and personality types, and there may very well be a basis in evolution and instinctual mate selection, the fact remains that there is so much heterogeneity amongst people of both sexes, whatever gender identities and sexualities they take on, as well as across different cultures and time periods (just look at what was considered attractive in 15th century Europe), and because of this, it is impossible for me to accept such broad, sweeping generalisations.

Yeah, it's sad, but ****, it's TRUE!

 

[Sulkdodds]

It's this sort of thinking that really kind of disheartening for me; that women and men are somehow fundamentally different, separate from one another, and monolithic groups by their natures and not by upbringing. While it's absolutely true that people tend to be attracted to certain physical features and personality types, and there may very well be a basis in evolution and instinctual mate selection, the fact remains that there is so much heterogeneity amongst people of both sexes, whatever gender identities and sexualities they take on, as well as across different cultures and time periods (just look at what was considered attractive in 15th century Europe), and because of this, it is impossible for me to accept such broad, sweeping generalisations.

Well, I personally think that sexuality/gender are far more constituted in culture, language and the social sphere more than at any deep-down evolutionary/essential level. Our ideas of gender and what it is to be a man or a woman are social constructions and always have been. Hence the disclaimer: what I said doesn't necessarily reflect my opinion.

Nevertheless, as observers, we can make assertions about what gender is and is not in our current time. I think it's fair to say when it comes to attraction it is fair to say that men tend more towards looks, women towards social capital. This, after all, is hardly their choice. However, though trying to link these propositions to evolutionary roots is a reasonable thing to do, we should be careful of, so doing, claiming that these are eternal or essential qualities, that there is an ultimate 'feminine' or 'masculine'. I'm deeply suspicious of such attempts, not least because they are almost always attempts to justify power or inequality.

There is of course an extent to which ideas about what women are and how they act can be seen as a placebo for would-be Casanovas. Even if it's not empirically true, or shouldn't shape your normal actions, maybe a reductive "women are whores, rub them the right way" maxim can help you out. But frankly I don't think it's necessary to reduce people to objects in order to be conscious of, and take advantage of, what makes them tick - something we all do all the time, knowingly or not - and I don't think that making claims like ours about the game of love necessarily entails an exploitative view of women.

Besides, you're one to talk, with all your nice-guys-finish last and young-women-are-crazy fatalism.

 

[Dinkleberry]

Im going to, I want to see what happens.

If it all falls apart then ill learn from it, can only make me stronger.

If it all goes well, then..well..thats a good thing.

:thumbs:

But if it does start to fall apart, word of advice - think very carefully about what you do, how you get the message across, and wait to chill out before making any decisions.

I wrote my lass a letter, beginning...
"Oi fudgepacker, not so fast!"
And that was after I thought I had calmed down.
[Note that she works in a fudge shop ]

Good luck though!

 

[Dinkleberry]

Well, I personally think that sexuality/gender are far more constituted in culture, language and the social sphere more than at any deep-down evolutionary/essential level. Our ideas of gender and what it is to be a man or a woman are social constructions and always have been. Hence the disclaimer: what I said doesn't necessarily reflect my opinion.

Nevertheless, as observers, we can make assertions about what gender is and is not in our current time. I think it's fair to say when it comes to attraction it is fair to say that men tend more towards looks, women towards social capital. This, after all, is hardly their choice. However, though trying to link these propositions to evolutionary roots is a reasonable thing to do, we should be careful of, so doing, claiming that these are eternal or essential qualities, that there is an ultimate 'feminine' or 'masculine'. I'm deeply suspicious of such attempts, not least because they are almost always attempts to justify power or inequality.

There is of course an extent to which ideas about what women are and how they act can be seen as a placebo for would-be Casanovas. Even if it's not empirically true, or shouldn't shape your normal actions, maybe a reductive "women are whores, rub them the right way" maxim can help you out. But frankly I don't think it's necessary to reduce people to objects in order to be conscious of, and take advantage of, what makes them tick - something we all do all the time, knowingly or not - and I don't think that making claims like ours about the game of love necessarily entails an exploitative view of women.

Besides, you're one to talk, with all your nice-guys-finish last and young-women-are-crazy fatalism.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htvyzKqtEV0