Sgt.Tibbs
Spy
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2007
- Messages
- 87
- Reaction score
- 5
Here is a rather depressing story, I don't know what to do about anything anymore with this... Helplife2.net? Any ideas for the Tibbs?
I have my own problems, yes. But I try to put others ahead of myself. I'd sacrifice anything for somebody to truly happy with something they have that's non-material. Such as their brains, or their attitude. Or maybe... the love that they have for another person.
This happened a few months ago, but I just keep thinking ad thinking about it, I thought I was over it, but it came back. I can't stop thinking about it! It's just always sitting there, looming in my head, taunting me by waving the thing that I lost in front of my face, and laughing, always laughing at my pain. It's just out of reach and I try to get closer, but I can't move my legs! I can't get closer for anything! God, I'm on the verge of tears...
Here's a little story for you guys who take the time to read it. I've known this girl since... 7th grade when I met her on the school bus. She was in 6th grade. We just kinda started talking, and she became one of my best and closest friends. I developed a kind of crush on her within a few days, and asked her out, somewhat sheepishly. I wasn't very good with people back then. She refused, saying that her dad wouldn't allow such a thing.
So, I said sure, thats o.k. And we went on our merry way. Well, she moved to the other town thats about 30 miles away. But we were still best friends. 2 years later, we started talking almost every night. EVERY night, until about 12:00 at night. Somehow, we got into the conversation of love, and how we were both single. Then she just randomly said, "You're not single." I was naturally like, WTF is this wierd and enigmatic shit? So I'm an idiot and I ask. She asks me who I'm on the phone with. Then it dawns upon my dense skull that she wants to go out with me. How could I refuse? I'd had a crush on her since we first met!
So, we went out, even though I could only see her on weekends, because I visit my grandparents who live in her town, and When I stayed at home every other weekend. She lives in the other town with her dad, stepmom, and sister. Every other weekend she visits her mom who lives in my town. Eventually, we went past like, and into full blown love. Not that silly puppy love that some adult is bound to say, but true love, if you believe in such a thing. Which I obviously do.
My mom really liked her, and so did my stepdad. Actually all my family liked her, because I generally have friends that they really like. Except grandma, who doesn't like anybody and has a disdain for everyone, so she doesn't count. Her dad thought I was cooler than the other side of the pillow, and her stepmom did, too. Sorry, I'm kind of deteriorating in my writing. I'm not very good at this sort of thing.
But anywho. Six months after we started going out, and some rough spots along the way that I'm not going into right now, (but what relationship doesn't, ya know?) she called up and was acting really strange, and not in the normal strange that she has (I can't go out with anybody normal). She asked if it was o.k. if somebody could love two people. I said that I didn't think so (this changed, bear with me here) and asked what she was getting at. She said that she might love another guy. Here's my... errrr.... mistake.
I told her to go with whoever she thought could make her happier. She said Jeremy, the other guy.
I hung up the phone, curled up in a little ball on the bed, and cryed my eyes out (I'm a rather emotional guy, I just don't look it). She didn't try calling back. Not that I would have answered. I'd never felt so betrayed in my life. She had apparently liked this guy before me, and she knew he liked her. But she'd asked me first, even though she liked him him better than me. Once I found this out, I was even more devastated. I'm not blaming anything on her. I don't put blames on anybody, not since I changed. You can ask me what my 'change' was if you like.
The next day I was terrible at work, I could hardly move. I started cying and stuff, making everyone worry about me. I'm not getting into this story.
After work, I went to the LAN cafe where she and Jeremy were playing games to say my goodbyes, and make sure that this guy could be trusted. I can tell a lot about a person just by meeting them once. I had to make sure that this guy was going to keep her clean of drugs and that he wouldn't hurt her. He seemed pretty decent. Then I went nuts. I found out that when I suffer amazingly painful emotions, I get more strange behaviors than usual. I was walking down the street, singing to a McDonalds cup, and telling it that it was my best and only friend. I yelled the song out in the middle of my neighborhood and was surprisingly not yelled at or arrested. She called me while I was wandering and singing, and I picked up. She asked if I was o.k. I said no, then I hung up. She called back and asked if I'd hung up. I said yes and she said that she ought to slug me. I told her that she should, I probably deserve it. Then I hung up again. She didn't call back.
The next day, she wanted to go back out with me. I accepted and that lasted maybe 2 days, because she still really liked this guy. I then told her that night that I shouldn't be with her if she really did like this guy, and perhaps she should try something new.
I never deserved her to begin with. I she could have done better than a dense and chivilrous shmuck like me. I get bad grades. I drink. I'm impulsive. I'm considered by many far and wide (including my family) to be a crazy nutjob who could snap at any moment. What kind of guy am I for her? She needed more stability.
We're still friends, but It's hard to talk with her over the phone. I haven't seen her since we split up. It's just so terribly awkward! I'm like a starving man, smelling a delicious cuisine, but not being able to eat. Just smell, just wish, just be tortured... these thoughts and the longing I have to have what I once had, they are beasts. Beasts that I cannot hide from, and cannot fight. I tried hiding, by drinking. I was an idiot to think it would help. I tried going out with somebody else, but when I said that I loved her, I was fooling myself, and I ended up causing her pain, which I hated to hurt her. I can't fight this, I can't think this through... this is the one emotional problem that I can't stand up to or fix. Normally I can handle anything! The only refuge I have is video games and books. They help me forget.
I help others, even though they never helped me through this. People think that I don't have a care in the world. They're wrong... I do care. I care more than almost everybody. Thats why I help. I need to. In order to let people wake up in the morning, and think " Hey, its good that I was wrong about nobody caring. Obviously, I was lucky enough to find one of the few." not "Another day that I'm alive, to experience pain in my mind and heart. I hate living."
I will help, just give me a chance.....
Help me...
I have my own problems, yes. But I try to put others ahead of myself. I'd sacrifice anything for somebody to truly happy with something they have that's non-material. Such as their brains, or their attitude. Or maybe... the love that they have for another person.
This happened a few months ago, but I just keep thinking ad thinking about it, I thought I was over it, but it came back. I can't stop thinking about it! It's just always sitting there, looming in my head, taunting me by waving the thing that I lost in front of my face, and laughing, always laughing at my pain. It's just out of reach and I try to get closer, but I can't move my legs! I can't get closer for anything! God, I'm on the verge of tears...
Here's a little story for you guys who take the time to read it. I've known this girl since... 7th grade when I met her on the school bus. She was in 6th grade. We just kinda started talking, and she became one of my best and closest friends. I developed a kind of crush on her within a few days, and asked her out, somewhat sheepishly. I wasn't very good with people back then. She refused, saying that her dad wouldn't allow such a thing.
So, I said sure, thats o.k. And we went on our merry way. Well, she moved to the other town thats about 30 miles away. But we were still best friends. 2 years later, we started talking almost every night. EVERY night, until about 12:00 at night. Somehow, we got into the conversation of love, and how we were both single. Then she just randomly said, "You're not single." I was naturally like, WTF is this wierd and enigmatic shit? So I'm an idiot and I ask. She asks me who I'm on the phone with. Then it dawns upon my dense skull that she wants to go out with me. How could I refuse? I'd had a crush on her since we first met!
So, we went out, even though I could only see her on weekends, because I visit my grandparents who live in her town, and When I stayed at home every other weekend. She lives in the other town with her dad, stepmom, and sister. Every other weekend she visits her mom who lives in my town. Eventually, we went past like, and into full blown love. Not that silly puppy love that some adult is bound to say, but true love, if you believe in such a thing. Which I obviously do.
My mom really liked her, and so did my stepdad. Actually all my family liked her, because I generally have friends that they really like. Except grandma, who doesn't like anybody and has a disdain for everyone, so she doesn't count. Her dad thought I was cooler than the other side of the pillow, and her stepmom did, too. Sorry, I'm kind of deteriorating in my writing. I'm not very good at this sort of thing.
But anywho. Six months after we started going out, and some rough spots along the way that I'm not going into right now, (but what relationship doesn't, ya know?) she called up and was acting really strange, and not in the normal strange that she has (I can't go out with anybody normal). She asked if it was o.k. if somebody could love two people. I said that I didn't think so (this changed, bear with me here) and asked what she was getting at. She said that she might love another guy. Here's my... errrr.... mistake.
I told her to go with whoever she thought could make her happier. She said Jeremy, the other guy.
I hung up the phone, curled up in a little ball on the bed, and cryed my eyes out (I'm a rather emotional guy, I just don't look it). She didn't try calling back. Not that I would have answered. I'd never felt so betrayed in my life. She had apparently liked this guy before me, and she knew he liked her. But she'd asked me first, even though she liked him him better than me. Once I found this out, I was even more devastated. I'm not blaming anything on her. I don't put blames on anybody, not since I changed. You can ask me what my 'change' was if you like.
The next day I was terrible at work, I could hardly move. I started cying and stuff, making everyone worry about me. I'm not getting into this story.
After work, I went to the LAN cafe where she and Jeremy were playing games to say my goodbyes, and make sure that this guy could be trusted. I can tell a lot about a person just by meeting them once. I had to make sure that this guy was going to keep her clean of drugs and that he wouldn't hurt her. He seemed pretty decent. Then I went nuts. I found out that when I suffer amazingly painful emotions, I get more strange behaviors than usual. I was walking down the street, singing to a McDonalds cup, and telling it that it was my best and only friend. I yelled the song out in the middle of my neighborhood and was surprisingly not yelled at or arrested. She called me while I was wandering and singing, and I picked up. She asked if I was o.k. I said no, then I hung up. She called back and asked if I'd hung up. I said yes and she said that she ought to slug me. I told her that she should, I probably deserve it. Then I hung up again. She didn't call back.
The next day, she wanted to go back out with me. I accepted and that lasted maybe 2 days, because she still really liked this guy. I then told her that night that I shouldn't be with her if she really did like this guy, and perhaps she should try something new.
I never deserved her to begin with. I she could have done better than a dense and chivilrous shmuck like me. I get bad grades. I drink. I'm impulsive. I'm considered by many far and wide (including my family) to be a crazy nutjob who could snap at any moment. What kind of guy am I for her? She needed more stability.
We're still friends, but It's hard to talk with her over the phone. I haven't seen her since we split up. It's just so terribly awkward! I'm like a starving man, smelling a delicious cuisine, but not being able to eat. Just smell, just wish, just be tortured... these thoughts and the longing I have to have what I once had, they are beasts. Beasts that I cannot hide from, and cannot fight. I tried hiding, by drinking. I was an idiot to think it would help. I tried going out with somebody else, but when I said that I loved her, I was fooling myself, and I ended up causing her pain, which I hated to hurt her. I can't fight this, I can't think this through... this is the one emotional problem that I can't stand up to or fix. Normally I can handle anything! The only refuge I have is video games and books. They help me forget.
I help others, even though they never helped me through this. People think that I don't have a care in the world. They're wrong... I do care. I care more than almost everybody. Thats why I help. I need to. In order to let people wake up in the morning, and think " Hey, its good that I was wrong about nobody caring. Obviously, I was lucky enough to find one of the few." not "Another day that I'm alive, to experience pain in my mind and heart. I hate living."
I will help, just give me a chance.....
Help me...
