Desperate Measures
- Thread starter tinyxipe
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Overconfidence`
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I can say MORE? Whoa. Okay. It was great because it's so believable. The way the Vorts talk, the way Barney is (an already made character, you make him as himself yet your own), how your characters are very defined. How we know what the characters are discovering, and how they work already, but you make their discoveries so sincere and realistic. How some elements that are added that may or may not be fictitious seem just as plausible as already made beasts or elements included in the game.
The thing with Kat is that you can roleplay her character very well, and you have a connection, and her job is integral to the story, yet the story started off with a goal, and Kat achieved the goal. In all realism, she should die. However, after writing the story you realized a million more things that she could have done, and want to somehow take that back. You just have to work around the whole "succumbing to pain" thing (Hah, at least you never said "death").
The other great part is that Kat actually did something for the entire HL storyline. Believably, Gordon is taught how to use the bugbait BECAUSE of Kat. If she had never existed, he would have died on his way up into Nova Prospekt. Even though it was 'actually' a Vort or something who really found it out, Kat seems plausible.
^^; I'll just shut up now XD.
The thing with Kat is that you can roleplay her character very well, and you have a connection, and her job is integral to the story, yet the story started off with a goal, and Kat achieved the goal. In all realism, she should die. However, after writing the story you realized a million more things that she could have done, and want to somehow take that back. You just have to work around the whole "succumbing to pain" thing (Hah, at least you never said "death").
The other great part is that Kat actually did something for the entire HL storyline. Believably, Gordon is taught how to use the bugbait BECAUSE of Kat. If she had never existed, he would have died on his way up into Nova Prospekt. Even though it was 'actually' a Vort or something who really found it out, Kat seems plausible.
^^; I'll just shut up now XD.
tinyxipe
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Oh, I never wanted to kill her off, but she had to do something to redeem herself (at least in her own mind) and sacrificing herself for the greater good seemed like the best option. I started the epilogue today, but you guys know I can't match Edcrab's pace so give me a little time. I'll get it to you as soon as I can.
Overconfidence - I didn't really expect...well, so much more! Where were you when I started this thing?
Thank you! I love to hear the details that people notice and pick out of the story. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. As far as the bugbait goes, I wasn't too sure how well accepted it would be for Kat to "discover" it. But on replaying the game at one point, I noticed that the guy on the rock at the start of the antlion area (Lazlo's friend?) mentions that they were on their way to the Vort camp to get some bugbait. So I figured that the humans were already aware of it's uses and it wouldn't be too terrible for me to use my idea.
Okay, back to work on the epilogue.
Overconfidence - I didn't really expect...well, so much more! Where were you when I started this thing?
Thank you! I love to hear the details that people notice and pick out of the story. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. As far as the bugbait goes, I wasn't too sure how well accepted it would be for Kat to "discover" it. But on replaying the game at one point, I noticed that the guy on the rock at the start of the antlion area (Lazlo's friend?) mentions that they were on their way to the Vort camp to get some bugbait. So I figured that the humans were already aware of it's uses and it wouldn't be too terrible for me to use my idea.Okay, back to work on the epilogue.
Edcrab
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No matter how many times I read this I never tire of it
Pardon the bump tinyxipe... but I'm a nosy git and I was kinding of hoping you'd had time enough to work on your epilogue a little! To think I had to go to the archive to read this: how can anyone let it slip from the front page? Give it a read, it's as brilliant as its ever been!
Pardon the bump tinyxipe... but I'm a nosy git and I was kinding of hoping you'd had time enough to work on your epilogue a little! To think I had to go to the archive to read this: how can anyone let it slip from the front page? Give it a read, it's as brilliant as its ever been!
tinyxipe
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:E
It looks like there may actually be an epilogue after all. I've dusted it off, thrown most of it away and started fresh. Let's just say that I've been inspired by the idea of Kat meeting some... interesting characters in the future. And who knows what that could lead to...
It looks like there may actually be an epilogue after all. I've dusted it off, thrown most of it away and started fresh. Let's just say that I've been inspired by the idea of Kat meeting some... interesting characters in the future. And who knows what that could lead to...
tinyxipe
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Desperate Measures
Epilogue
_____________________________________________________________
Sounds were the first thing to come back. Murmuring voices and quiet footsteps in the distance, paper rustling and the occasional whir of machinery. They all seemed to echo as though coming through a tunnel. Nearby, someone was breathing with labored deliberation. After a time, she came to realize it was the sound of her own efforts.
The pain followed shortly after. It was everywhere. The dull ache in her head and back, throbbing spasms that ran up and down her legs and worst of all, a sharp, bright stab that came with every breath.
She opened her eyes and turned her head, unable to stop a small groan from escaping. The room was dimly lit and looked vaguely hospital-like. A few blinking machines stood near her bed and a blanket hung down from the ceiling to give her a semblance of privacy.
“Ah, glad to see you awake,” Amina bustled into the curtained-off area. She reached for Kat’s wrist and felt her pulse. “How are you feeling?”
Pulling in a meager breath, Kat tested her vocal chords. “Been better.”
Amina smiled as she examined various points of injury. “You are very lucky they were able to get you back here so quickly. You were in rather dire straits.”
Scowling slightly, Kat concentrated on her memories while she tried to keep the room in focus. “I don’t remember what happened. I wasn’t in the city though, was I?”
“No, you were out in the foothills. You really don’t remember?”
Kat shook her heard stiffly. “I remember the forest, collecting mushrooms for the Vortigaunts and something about a mine.” She paused for a moment as a vague, unsettling recollection filtered into her mind. “Oh…. I did…something bad.”
Mistaking her statement, Amina patted her hand, “Well, foolhardy perhaps, but you saved a lot of people.”
“How did I end up back here?”
“Barney and Nolan stole some CP uniforms and an APC. They packed as many of the wounded inside as they could and rushed back to the city before word of the attack got out. They just drove right in.”
Kat cringed at the mention of Barney and Nolan. There were hazy memories of looks of betrayal and disappointment. Amina continued to chatter on, cataloguing her various injuries and the treatment they were receiving. Turning her eyes to the wall, Kat tried to make sense of the strange mix of guilt and relief that she felt. Amina finished her ministrations and left her to her musings, slipping silently from the little corner.
The dreams came and went in slow, rolling waves.
They always started with the hallway where she knew the monster lived. The only way to save everyone was to kill it, but every time she tried, it turned into a sad-faced man who begged her to save his soul. When she tried to reach for him to reassure his fears, the ceiling exploded with a sharp, shattering sound and the real monster looked down at her.
She turned to run through the door as the walls began to shimmer and melt and stumbled out into the middle of the dark, open yard of the farm. A faceless creature loomed above her. Like the murky nightmares of childhood, it was more of a presence than a distinct entity. It screeched and chattered with incomprehensible Combine radio static, stomping around between her and a burning building. Over the roar of the flames she could hear the shrieks of terrified humans.
Backpedaling wildly, she slapped at her clothing, searching for any sort of weapon even though she knew she wouldn’t find one. Panic began to overwhelm her as the pleading voices and the monsters wailing tore through her head. There was nothing she could do. There was no way to save them. All she could do was run. And each time she ran, it saw her. Caught by its malevolent gaze, she knew all hope was lost and awoke with a gasp and pounding heart.
Sleep returned and the dreams with it. Even in sleep though, her mind searched out the small details, and this time she saw it. As she backed away from the monster, her eye was caught by a pale, fist-sized rock on the ground. Instinct screamed at her to run once again, but instead she bent down and grabbed the rock. It fit perfectly in her hand, with a satisfying heft. Surely it was a futile gesture, but something had to be done.
With every ounce of strength, she threw the rock towards the lumbering creature. Despite the darkness, she could see its arc as it soared towards the target. As it made contact, a bell-like resonance shivered through the air and the scene froze.
She fell to her knees, tear streaming down her cheeks as a soft voice whispered from a distant memory, “… they made it… just rest…everyone is ok…they made it out…”
Kat opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, trying to absorb this new feeling of weightlessness. The dream had left her feeling raw and new, like something that had just shed a brittle shell. Something important had happened.
The rustling of paper interrupted her thoughts and she turned her head to see a dark haired figure sitting near her bed reading a sheaf of reports. She stared at Barneys bowed head in trepidation, deeply aware that he had good reason to be disappointed with her.
He looked up after a moment and gave her a broad grin, “Glad to see you among the living again.”
She smiled back tentatively, “I’m glad to be here.” To her relief she realized that breathing was becoming easier and the worst of the pain was starting to fade. She gingerly eased herself into a slightly more upright position.
“I don’t have a lot of time. I have a shift in a little bit, but I wanted to come down and check on you. Amina told me that you don’t really remember anything that happened after you ran into Lennox.”
She winced inwardly at the sound of the name. “Things have been coming back slowly. The last thing I remember clearly is trying to get out of the building through a small opening. Everything gets hazy after that.”
Barney leaned forward and recounted the events at the mine. Kat listened in amazement, stunned that she couldn’t recall the details of the encounter with the strider.
“We put a significant dent in their plans. Overwatch was in an uproar afterwards and there’s already a measurable difference in the air quality. Rumors among the citizens are flying. It really called attention to some of the hidden projects the Combine is working on and we’ve seen a wave of new recruits.”
As Barney continued to fill her in on the repercussions of the mission, she watched the sparkle in his eyes and his animated gestures. His hope for the future of the Resistance had been renewed. It made what she had to do that much harder. As he finished, she spoke up.
“I want you to know how sorry I am…about what I did.”
His face became serious, “You mean Lennox?”
She nodded. “I had spent so much time building him up into a monster that I couldn’t see anything else clearly, but it turned out that I was wrong. It’s made me see that there’s a lot more to fight for.” There was a long pause as she worked the edge of the sheet into an ever-tightening roll with nervous fingers. “I know I screwed up, so if you ask me to leave, I’ll understand.”
He sat back in shock, “Why would I do that? We need all the help we can get here and we don’t have anyone else with your background. Werner is already talking about what he wants you working on next.” He grinned at her look of relief, “We’re just going to have to spend a little time working on your teamwork skills.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” she said with a smile. “You know it’s not easy for me to be around other people. I had always imagined I would be leaving here, but it doesn’t seem right to run away now.”
“Well, I hope you won’t. Amina told me you aren’t going anywhere for a while, so I think we’ll have time to make sure you’re convinced.” He glanced at his watch and stood, collecting his pile of paperwork, “I’m sorry, but I need to get going or I’ll be late for my shift.”
As he turned to leave, Kat spoke, “Wait… I keep thinking about what you said after we got back from the coast, how talking about your problems had really helped you. I wasn’t ready to even think about what happened on the farm then, but I feel…different now. Do you think that when you get a chance to come back, that maybe we could talk?”
He gazed at her for moment and smiled in understanding, “That would be good. I’d like that.”
________________________________________________________________
I really hope it was worth the wait. Once again, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this out.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply about the story and to Sulkdodds who took the time to look this over while I was finishing it up. A huge thanks to Edcrab who has provided much support, enthusiasm and inspiration while I was writing this monstrosity.
Epilogue
_____________________________________________________________
Sounds were the first thing to come back. Murmuring voices and quiet footsteps in the distance, paper rustling and the occasional whir of machinery. They all seemed to echo as though coming through a tunnel. Nearby, someone was breathing with labored deliberation. After a time, she came to realize it was the sound of her own efforts.
The pain followed shortly after. It was everywhere. The dull ache in her head and back, throbbing spasms that ran up and down her legs and worst of all, a sharp, bright stab that came with every breath.
She opened her eyes and turned her head, unable to stop a small groan from escaping. The room was dimly lit and looked vaguely hospital-like. A few blinking machines stood near her bed and a blanket hung down from the ceiling to give her a semblance of privacy.
“Ah, glad to see you awake,” Amina bustled into the curtained-off area. She reached for Kat’s wrist and felt her pulse. “How are you feeling?”
Pulling in a meager breath, Kat tested her vocal chords. “Been better.”
Amina smiled as she examined various points of injury. “You are very lucky they were able to get you back here so quickly. You were in rather dire straits.”
Scowling slightly, Kat concentrated on her memories while she tried to keep the room in focus. “I don’t remember what happened. I wasn’t in the city though, was I?”
“No, you were out in the foothills. You really don’t remember?”
Kat shook her heard stiffly. “I remember the forest, collecting mushrooms for the Vortigaunts and something about a mine.” She paused for a moment as a vague, unsettling recollection filtered into her mind. “Oh…. I did…something bad.”
Mistaking her statement, Amina patted her hand, “Well, foolhardy perhaps, but you saved a lot of people.”
“How did I end up back here?”
“Barney and Nolan stole some CP uniforms and an APC. They packed as many of the wounded inside as they could and rushed back to the city before word of the attack got out. They just drove right in.”
Kat cringed at the mention of Barney and Nolan. There were hazy memories of looks of betrayal and disappointment. Amina continued to chatter on, cataloguing her various injuries and the treatment they were receiving. Turning her eyes to the wall, Kat tried to make sense of the strange mix of guilt and relief that she felt. Amina finished her ministrations and left her to her musings, slipping silently from the little corner.
* * *
The dreams came and went in slow, rolling waves.
They always started with the hallway where she knew the monster lived. The only way to save everyone was to kill it, but every time she tried, it turned into a sad-faced man who begged her to save his soul. When she tried to reach for him to reassure his fears, the ceiling exploded with a sharp, shattering sound and the real monster looked down at her.
She turned to run through the door as the walls began to shimmer and melt and stumbled out into the middle of the dark, open yard of the farm. A faceless creature loomed above her. Like the murky nightmares of childhood, it was more of a presence than a distinct entity. It screeched and chattered with incomprehensible Combine radio static, stomping around between her and a burning building. Over the roar of the flames she could hear the shrieks of terrified humans.
Backpedaling wildly, she slapped at her clothing, searching for any sort of weapon even though she knew she wouldn’t find one. Panic began to overwhelm her as the pleading voices and the monsters wailing tore through her head. There was nothing she could do. There was no way to save them. All she could do was run. And each time she ran, it saw her. Caught by its malevolent gaze, she knew all hope was lost and awoke with a gasp and pounding heart.
Sleep returned and the dreams with it. Even in sleep though, her mind searched out the small details, and this time she saw it. As she backed away from the monster, her eye was caught by a pale, fist-sized rock on the ground. Instinct screamed at her to run once again, but instead she bent down and grabbed the rock. It fit perfectly in her hand, with a satisfying heft. Surely it was a futile gesture, but something had to be done.
With every ounce of strength, she threw the rock towards the lumbering creature. Despite the darkness, she could see its arc as it soared towards the target. As it made contact, a bell-like resonance shivered through the air and the scene froze.
She fell to her knees, tear streaming down her cheeks as a soft voice whispered from a distant memory, “… they made it… just rest…everyone is ok…they made it out…”
* * *
Kat opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, trying to absorb this new feeling of weightlessness. The dream had left her feeling raw and new, like something that had just shed a brittle shell. Something important had happened.
The rustling of paper interrupted her thoughts and she turned her head to see a dark haired figure sitting near her bed reading a sheaf of reports. She stared at Barneys bowed head in trepidation, deeply aware that he had good reason to be disappointed with her.
He looked up after a moment and gave her a broad grin, “Glad to see you among the living again.”
She smiled back tentatively, “I’m glad to be here.” To her relief she realized that breathing was becoming easier and the worst of the pain was starting to fade. She gingerly eased herself into a slightly more upright position.
“I don’t have a lot of time. I have a shift in a little bit, but I wanted to come down and check on you. Amina told me that you don’t really remember anything that happened after you ran into Lennox.”
She winced inwardly at the sound of the name. “Things have been coming back slowly. The last thing I remember clearly is trying to get out of the building through a small opening. Everything gets hazy after that.”
Barney leaned forward and recounted the events at the mine. Kat listened in amazement, stunned that she couldn’t recall the details of the encounter with the strider.
“We put a significant dent in their plans. Overwatch was in an uproar afterwards and there’s already a measurable difference in the air quality. Rumors among the citizens are flying. It really called attention to some of the hidden projects the Combine is working on and we’ve seen a wave of new recruits.”
As Barney continued to fill her in on the repercussions of the mission, she watched the sparkle in his eyes and his animated gestures. His hope for the future of the Resistance had been renewed. It made what she had to do that much harder. As he finished, she spoke up.
“I want you to know how sorry I am…about what I did.”
His face became serious, “You mean Lennox?”
She nodded. “I had spent so much time building him up into a monster that I couldn’t see anything else clearly, but it turned out that I was wrong. It’s made me see that there’s a lot more to fight for.” There was a long pause as she worked the edge of the sheet into an ever-tightening roll with nervous fingers. “I know I screwed up, so if you ask me to leave, I’ll understand.”
He sat back in shock, “Why would I do that? We need all the help we can get here and we don’t have anyone else with your background. Werner is already talking about what he wants you working on next.” He grinned at her look of relief, “We’re just going to have to spend a little time working on your teamwork skills.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” she said with a smile. “You know it’s not easy for me to be around other people. I had always imagined I would be leaving here, but it doesn’t seem right to run away now.”
“Well, I hope you won’t. Amina told me you aren’t going anywhere for a while, so I think we’ll have time to make sure you’re convinced.” He glanced at his watch and stood, collecting his pile of paperwork, “I’m sorry, but I need to get going or I’ll be late for my shift.”
As he turned to leave, Kat spoke, “Wait… I keep thinking about what you said after we got back from the coast, how talking about your problems had really helped you. I wasn’t ready to even think about what happened on the farm then, but I feel…different now. Do you think that when you get a chance to come back, that maybe we could talk?”
He gazed at her for moment and smiled in understanding, “That would be good. I’d like that.”
________________________________________________________________
I really hope it was worth the wait. Once again, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this out.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply about the story and to Sulkdodds who took the time to look this over while I was finishing it up. A huge thanks to Edcrab who has provided much support, enthusiasm and inspiration while I was writing this monstrosity.
Edcrab
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Brilliant- I knew it all along, but having Kat's survival emphasised is a moment to cherish!
Finally an ending that feels... well, right. Ties up loose ends, but implies that there are plenty of new threads and future events that could easily be called upon
I'd like to take this opportunity to say that reading DM helped me maintain my sanity, and I've loved every moment of it. Character interaction is still unmatched- it took its time to coming, but the finished result couldn't be better! Kudos!
Finally an ending that feels... well, right. Ties up loose ends, but implies that there are plenty of new threads and future events that could easily be called upon
I'd like to take this opportunity to say that reading DM helped me maintain my sanity, and I've loved every moment of it. Character interaction is still unmatched- it took its time to coming, but the finished result couldn't be better! Kudos!
CrazyJeepDriver
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Wow...Words fail me...
I never read this before, but I can say this is one of, if not the best Fan-Fic I have read
This is Excellent!
I never read this before, but I can say this is one of, if not the best Fan-Fic I have read
This is Excellent!
Narcolepsy
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I really do want to give you the in-depth criticism that you've been begging for, but I'm getting the most excruciating writer's block as I sit here and stare at the new post window. That's because you've managed to inject your story with that special something that artists everywhere strive for. The unfortunate part of your accomplishment is that the special something is beyond description, and if it could be formulized and duplicated, it would no longer be a special something.
I can try, though, to give you some slightly less sparkly ambiguous feedback, if only because I'm pretty hungry right now, and those chocolate butter cookies are sounding really good. The main strengths of Desperate Measures are the pacing and the character interaction. I'm no literary critic, but I consider pacing to be the clip at which your story moves along; how you balance description with events, action with dialogue. I felt like I was always getting enough information about the setting without being pelted with an onslaught of djectives, and that the explosions and acrobatics were perfectly balanced against the dialogue.
Speaking of dialogue, it was this crucial component that rescued your characters from being walking cliches. Kat, as a character idea, isn't overly original - we basically have the mysterious, anti-social action hero with a dark past. However, you made it work anyway (and quite well) because this character concept seemed so very sincere. It's kind of like the nonsensical song with the lyrics that mean absolutely nothing, but which are sung with such passion that you can't help but be moved.
In fact, you did so much right in this story that it almost backfired. I've never read any fan-fiction before, so my only basis of comparison for reading Desperate Measures were award winning, best-selling novels and the stuff in my English book. So my mind did tend to be a little overcritical at times; as much I was against writing an epilogue at first, I have to say that I didn't really connect with the original ending that much. For such a unique story, it seemed a little bit too generic action-movie-ish to me, and I really do hate to say it, but Kat's death didn't really ring true with me... it seemed a little too abrupt and haphazard. The mining operation mission itself didn't really hold my interest either (despite the great interlude with Kat's betrayal and Lennox). It lacked a lot of the uniqueness that made your earlier chapters so interesting - especially the zoological emphasis, which was exploited to great effect in discovery of the Ant Lion pheremones. (But remember, such criticism is really quite unfair, like the prodigy minor league baseball player who suddenly gets thrust into the big leagues.)
Your epilogue, then, ended the story on a much better note, blending hope with melancholy into a very wistful and moving conclusion. The dream sequence in the middle was also outstanding, quite possibly one of the best sections of the entire story - I really love this image:
So in conclusion, it was good. Very good.
I can try, though, to give you some slightly less sparkly ambiguous feedback, if only because I'm pretty hungry right now, and those chocolate butter cookies are sounding really good. The main strengths of Desperate Measures are the pacing and the character interaction. I'm no literary critic, but I consider pacing to be the clip at which your story moves along; how you balance description with events, action with dialogue. I felt like I was always getting enough information about the setting without being pelted with an onslaught of djectives, and that the explosions and acrobatics were perfectly balanced against the dialogue.
Speaking of dialogue, it was this crucial component that rescued your characters from being walking cliches. Kat, as a character idea, isn't overly original - we basically have the mysterious, anti-social action hero with a dark past. However, you made it work anyway (and quite well) because this character concept seemed so very sincere. It's kind of like the nonsensical song with the lyrics that mean absolutely nothing, but which are sung with such passion that you can't help but be moved.
In fact, you did so much right in this story that it almost backfired. I've never read any fan-fiction before, so my only basis of comparison for reading Desperate Measures were award winning, best-selling novels and the stuff in my English book. So my mind did tend to be a little overcritical at times; as much I was against writing an epilogue at first, I have to say that I didn't really connect with the original ending that much. For such a unique story, it seemed a little bit too generic action-movie-ish to me, and I really do hate to say it, but Kat's death didn't really ring true with me... it seemed a little too abrupt and haphazard. The mining operation mission itself didn't really hold my interest either (despite the great interlude with Kat's betrayal and Lennox). It lacked a lot of the uniqueness that made your earlier chapters so interesting - especially the zoological emphasis, which was exploited to great effect in discovery of the Ant Lion pheremones. (But remember, such criticism is really quite unfair, like the prodigy minor league baseball player who suddenly gets thrust into the big leagues.)
Your epilogue, then, ended the story on a much better note, blending hope with melancholy into a very wistful and moving conclusion. The dream sequence in the middle was also outstanding, quite possibly one of the best sections of the entire story - I really love this image:
So in conclusion, it was good. Very good.
