Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

kirovman

kirovman

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http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512

KANSAS CITY, KS?As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

Rev. Gabriel Burdett explains Intelligent Falling.

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity?which is taught to our children as a law?is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Click to expand...
 
bwahahaha....they can go to the newly found earth like planet which has 5 times more mass than earth.
 
:laugh: "intelligent falling down" boy they just cant help outdoing themselves in the idiot department ..this is by far the most idiotic thing they've ever said


i mean I'm surprised these people are even alive much less still coming up with new "theories" ..I'd have thought they would have killed themsleves in some grand over the top Darwinian award winning way by now ..the stupids just cant kill themselves fast enough for my liking

rats it's from the Onion ..serves me right for not reading the link posted

damn I really had my hopes they would come out with something this rediculous

/me shakes fist at the Onion/kirovman
 
Cmon Stern, that was the first thing I noticed :D
 
ya but come on man, are you telling me that the evangelicals wouldnt come out with something so rediculous? I even cross referenced other news sites just in case the Onion had an editorial reversal and started printing factual articles overnight (ok maybe I didnt go that far ..but still I thought about it)

I want to believe
 
Is it bad I actually thought this COULD have been real...since it's Christians.
 
I can't take any religious people seriously. Not even my own parents.
 
Why can't they just believe that god created gravity to hold us down? Irrational morons. :hmph:
 
(6.67 x 10^-11) * [(mass1*mass2)/r^2] * God = force of gravitational attraction

guys you can't dispute physics.
 
People can believe that God created everything including gravity but trying to make God's actions into some theory or law to teach in science is perhaps...perverted.
 
CyberPitz said:
Is it bad I actually thought this COULD have been real...since it's Christians.
Click to expand...

no, no its not, I too have come to expect this kind of wacked out crazy **** from them. If someone had said that to me, and they actually believed it, I am not sure what I would have done.
 
well they're kind of half right. the force of gravity as we know it doesn't exist. everything is held in place through the curvature of space time.
 
Another believer chiming in.

I thought the article in question was legitimate until someone pointed out it was from The Onion.
 
mindless_moder said:
well they're kind of half right. the force of gravity as we know it doesn't exist. everything is held in place through the curvature of space time.
Click to expand...

for that, I will only give you half a beating. which half do you want beaten?
 
They would too.

Careful now, don't want to be giving them ideas.
 
Take a look at this. I think this thing's for real LOL

http://richarddawkins.net/article,535,n,n

Edit: also this made me LOL hard

"And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."
 
IT'S THE ONION.

><

Unless you were refering to another article, of course.

Anyway, who's to say it's not His Noodly Appendage?
 
Hmm I didn't notice it was the onion. haha doesn't say too much about the evangelical movement when onion articles about them don't seem too outlandish :rolling:
 
(6.67 x 10^-11) * [(mass1*mass2)/r^2] * God = force of gravitational attraction

guys you can't dispute physics.
Click to expand...

<3 Singualar mass gravitational theory... you did physics?
 
jverne said:
bwahahaha....they can go to the newly found earth like planet which has 5 times more mass than earth.
Click to expand...

But what if the density of the planet is different and/or the core is different size/mass
 
what a wacko... but theres wackos where ever you go. cant blame it all on christians.
 
And when you do the laundry, God pushes the clothes really really hard to dry them!

Thanks, God, thank you for drying my clothes!
 
A week later:

Evangelical Scientists Refute Existence of Oral Bacteria With New 'Intelligent Tooth Decay' Theory
 
Why does God will larger and closer objects together with more force?

Edit:
Also, I saw a worse one before. The illusion of gravity is caused by the world continously moving upwards (You can thank the Flat Earth Society for that one)
 
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