Failed date.

[Dodo]

So my date left me hanging...


...well we didn't really have a "date", but she would come over (around 23:30) after she finished working, to chill, smoke a spliff and watch a movie or so.


She's this really cool chick ive know for ages. I really like the girl. We go way back... in primary school we loved each other silly and she was my gf for some time. (primary school shit, but it still means something to both of us I think)
But different highschools separated us, only to bump into another a few years later.
When we started hanging out again, she still had a boyfriend.
Now that its over and out with her (now ex-) boyfriend I feel like this is the time to strike, take it to the next level, whatever you want to call it.
(And I think I've given her enough time to get over her boyfriend as I'm taking it fairly slow)

...so I was really looking forward this evening, if it were only to kiss or even just to ctach a slight spark or tingle in the air of attraction and love.

Anyway's....
It was after half an hour (around 24:00) when I got impatient, so I called her. Nothing.
As her work is about a 3 minute walk away, I decided to pick her up at her work. So I go over and see that the restaurant has closed, but still has lights burning, and people cleaning up.
As I peak through the window I see her relaxing, having a drink, with another (cute) co-worker, like they're is no date in the first place.
So while waiting in front of the restaurant, finishing my cigarette, I decide to give her a call, ... to ask if she can open the front door (as it was closed, just like the restaurant) ... or pretend and tell her I was still on my way over to pick her up.
Voicemail. ****.

edit: this is when i text her "Dude... wtf?"

So I pussy out, walk home and wait, to see if she wont come by herself after she finishes the girltalk.
I wait and wait, and around 01:00 I'm raging, trying to watch tv, but only thinking about what I'm missing. In some desperate attempt to not let this night fail horribly, I decide to walk over again to actually knock on the locked front door to kill her for being so rude and letting me wait and get this date back on track.
No one there. ****.

So I walk home, angry, sad, wondering why this is happening, what I'm going to do this evening (except masturbate) and what my next step should be towards her.
Eventually you scum pop up in my head, and I decide to post my dilemma on helplife2.net
Asking for your opinion on the choice I have on what Í'm going to say tomorrow.
For starters, I'm not going call tonight as that would make me look desperate, I'm not going to rape her like tollbooth will suggest and I'm not going to leave her just because she left me hanging.
I want this chick.

A: Tell her what I feel.
Tell her that I absolutely hate it when people don't even cancel the date and leave the other one wondering wtf happened. That she ruined my Friday evening. That its not the first time that this (in some, not this drastic, way) has happened.

B: Play it the safe way. (lie) (I kind of want to do this)
Tell her im so sorry about not showing up because i was with friends in this amazing place having tons of fun. But that I tried phoning her to ask if she wanted to join. And that ill make it up to her next time I see her.

They're pretty much opposites, but both have pro's and cons. Tell me what you think.
TLDR? > GTFO!


-dodo

 

[Headcrab Pie]

Although I have no exp in this, I'd take a middle route. Don't be an asshole but don't make things up to perserve her feelings.

 

[Dog--]

Second one.. Same outcome atleast you don't look like a whiny queer.

 

[Letters]

How about A2... just say that you missed her coming over like she said she was going to do... no need to be all "I HATE THAT SHIT" but your lying option reeks of... something bad.

 

[Dodo]

Although I have no exp in this, I'd take a middle route. Don't be an asshole but don't make things up to perserve her feelings.

Wouldn't making up things make me an asshole?

Second one.. Same outcome atleast you don't look like a whiny queer.

Good point. Same outcome.

-dodo

 

[Dodo]

How about A2... just say that you missed her coming over like she said she was going to do... no need to be all "I HATE THAT SHIT" but your lying option reeks of... something bad.

Ok, but why did i call her a few times then?

-dodo

edit: If I wouldnt have phoned her, I could do this. But now "A2" seems somewhat unsupported and vague.

 

[Dog--]

Good point. Same outcome.

-dodo

I didn't mean to sound like an asshole, but would you rather her think you're just a whiner or something?

 

[mindless_moder]

what ever happened to "Stick it in her pooper" , To be honest it doesn't sound like a date . So it would be ok for you to casually inquire about what happened to her but not give her the feeling that it affected you all that much . The other option is to give her a hint of how important it was to you , be subtle .

 

[Letters]

Ok, but why did i call her a few times then?

-dodo

edit: If I wouldnt have phoned her, I could do this. But now "A2" seems somewhat unsupported and vague.

You called her because you were expecting her, right? What's wrong with that?

 

[AJ Rimmer]

You called her because you were expecting her, right? What's wrong with that?

This. You called her twice, right? That's quite a bit shy of desperate or clingy.

 

[Dodo]

I didn't mean to sound like an asshole, but would you rather her think you're just a whiner or something?

No dude : ) I understand.

what ever happened to "Stick it in her pooper" , To be honest it doesn't sound like a date . So it would be ok for you to casually inquire about what happened to her but not give her the feeling that it affected you all that much . The other option is to give her a hint of how important it was to you , be subtle .

Well, i havent seen her in some time, and it wasnt a date as in taking her out, but it was a "date" as in a "semi-date" way... hanging out with just the two of us at my place late on friday watching a movie.

You called her because you were expecting her, right? What's wrong with that?

Oh, now i understand, nevermind ; )

-dodo

 

[Dodo]

This. You called her twice, right? That's quite a bit shy of desperate or clingy.

True, well maybe i called her 3 times orso lol ... oh and I forgot to mention:
I texted her saying "Dude... wtf?" around 24:30.
: /

-dodo

edit: Hmmm, i was just thinking that it might have been quite stupid texting the wtf messege. In someway it cancels my B option, unless i rip it out of context and say i ment it as in: "dude... wtf... your phones dead... again."
meh meh meh, ... choices arg.

 

[MuToiD_MaN]

Her actions don't send a very good message, IMO. It may not be in the cards.

 

[dfc05]

How about A2... just say that you missed her coming over like she said she was going to do... no need to be all "I HATE THAT SHIT" but your lying option reeks of... something bad.

This

I know flaky people as well and I hardly ever go for A because I'm not an A kind of person... but I wish I was! I don't do B either. I just kinda mention it and then the other person apologizes but then they flake out again. So maybe being upset about it will help a little.

B is kinda messed up and makes you seem almost as flaky as her. Then next time she might think "He's probably at some party anyways so it doesn't matter if I don't show up."


Oh hey by the way, was her phone even on/was the battery out? As in, when you called her at the restaurant did it seem like it was ringing?

 

[Dodo]

B is kinda messed up and makes you seem almost as flaky as her. Then next time she might think "He's probably at some party anyways so it doesn't matter if I don't show up."

Good ****ing point.

-dodo

 

[PimpinPenguin]

It sounds like you guys just hang out together and it's not really a "date" Perhaps's that's the reason she felt she could blow it off. Either way i would just causally ask what happened but try to make if sound like you're not bothered she didn't come. That or just don't bring it up. She may smell a rat if you claim you didn't show up aswell.

 

[Naudian]

^ Yeah
If she asks about the text, just admit you were wondering what happened/why she never returned your call.

Besides, B (making shit up) is lame and will likely make things worse.

 

[Dodo]

It sounds like you guys just hang out together and it's not really a "date" Perhaps's that's the reason she felt she could blow it off. Either way i would just causally ask what happened but try to make if sound like you're not bothered she didn't come. That or just don't bring it up. She may smell a rat if you claim you didn't show up aswell.

yeah... your also right.

what about this?

C!! "a bit of both"
Bassicly I don't tell her what i really feel.
(being angry for letting me hang, and possibly sounding like a little bitch)

But that i do tell her that I was counting on it and that it was the reason didn't see my friends, that being the reason i was disappointed it didn't happen, and that she should pick a date that suits her, and we try again... eh? :naughty:

The "dude wtf" txt fits, as it was the reason why i sent it in the first place.

-dodo

 

[Raziaar]

Your initial problem was associating with a woman.

 

[dfc05]

what about this?

C!! "a bit of both"
Bassicly I don't tell her what i really feel.
(being angry for letting me hang, and possibly sounding like a little bitch)

But that i do tell her that I was counting on it and that it was the reason didn't see my friends, that being the reason i was disappointed it didn't happen, and that she should pick a date that suits her, and we try again... eh? :naughty:

The "dude wtf" txt fits, as it was the reason why i sent it in the first place.

-dodo

Yes that sounds the best.

 

[Dodo]

Your initial problem was associating with a woman.

tihihi raz, you turn me gay everytime.... : >

Nah, i associate woman's pants off.
But not with this one, i dont want to slip into "friendzone". Im not there yet.
My intentions should be kind of clear, but relaxed enough to be able to hang around each other.

 

[PimpinPenguin]

yeah... your also right.

what about this?

C!! "a bit of both"
Bassicly I don't tell her what i really feel.
(being angry for letting me hang, and possibly sounding like a little bitch)

But that i do tell her that I was counting on it and that it was the reason didn't see my friends, that being the reason i was disappointed it didn't happen, and that she should pick a date that suits her, and we try again... eh? :naughty:

The "dude wtf" txt fits, as it was the reason why i sent it in the first place.

-dodo

That could work. It will also show her that you like her as you chose to "date " her instead of hanging out with your mates. Not sure if that's your intention.

 

[Dodo]

Yes that sounds the best.

I think so too.
Maybe except from getting advice, i also needed to vent, which i rarely do on forums.
Now with my parents gone for a month, and me stuck home alone, im pleased i have you guys : )

I think I've made my plan. Ill update this as soon as i speak to her.
Thanks again to all of you for sharing your thoughts and taking the time to help a brother from another mother out when in need!! : )

-dodo

edit:

That could work. It will also show her that you like her as you chose to "date " her instead of hanging out with your mates. Not sure if that's your intention.

Yeah its intended. And ofcourse i wont call it a "date" ; D ... Its more like choosing her over my friends on my weekend party nights.

 

[Maestro]

Sneak into her house, sit on the couch, wait until her heart stops threatening to explode after the initial scare of seeing you...then call her a **** and walk out the door.

This is the best option.

 

[Ennui]

Be careful. Her missing the date doesn't bode well for romantic interests, so be sure you don't end up desperate and/or clingy if she's not having any of it. I'm not saying give up, just know when to if the time comes. I would mention that she didn't show up but say it wasn't a big deal because you ended up heading out with friends 30 minutes after you figured out she wasn't showing.

 

[Xevrex]

I usually have a problem with this sort of thing too. I usually go with option A if this ever happens, and I always notice I feel like I'm a whiny bitch. I always keep thinking that if I don't respond and just pretend it didn't happen, it might be better.

You can try that option, but then again... acting un-phased might be suspicious.

 

[Krynn72]

Just call her tomorrow and ask her if she wants to go to lunch at some restaurant, tell her you'll pay and that you'll meet her there.

Then when you get there, just stay in your car with a friend in the passenger seat and just talk to them for awhile. Eventually she'll notice your car and walk over and see you talking to your friend, and she will knock on the door and be all like "dude, wtf". Dont respond to her at all, and when she starts to walk away all pissed, turn your car back on, back out of the spot and drive off, still not even acknowledging her.


That will get you in her pants for sure.


As for your options, neither. Just tell her you were angry that you waited for her, and that next time she should have the decency to call you back to cancel. Leave it at that, and let it go unfinished. She may try to make it up to you and reschedule, but dont. Just say you're not in the mood now. Let it mull over in her head for awhile so she feels bad (because she should), and after a few days, call her back and ask if she wants to do something again.

 

[MJ12]

Tell her you're sorry you couldn't make it because your grandma was in the hospital and wanted to make sure she was alright.
That will make her feel like shit.

Kidding.
But really, girl sounds extremely rude, or extremely forgetful. Most likely the former.

Also, what Krynn said.
And when you tell her that you were angry about what she did, be almost completely objective about it. If you sound emotional and clingy she will get annoyed, but if you convey to her that she wasted your valuable time that could have been spent out with friends, and that you were being polite enough to refrain from doing those things, it will make her seem more like a nuisance than a necessity.
If you convey the idea that she is a necessity, you'll lose any chance with her.

 

[Warped]

if you do A or B your results will come faster. I have never had a girl stand me up before because I'm the guy that gets hit on. but i'm a shy guy when it comes to chicks. but get a little alcohol in me and I'm an animal. i just wish i had more balls when it comes to action. i have all the conversation skills, but when it comes to women, but i suck at making moves.

but for you, she could be testing you or simply forgetful. is she a bitch or does she play things chill?

 

[Krynn72]

Wait, no! Tell her your car had broken down in the rain outside of town, and that you were calling her to cancel and ask her for a ride. Tell her she was the only one you knew to be available and everyone else you called couldn't help.

She'll want to bang you on the spot because she will feel so guilty. And as we all know, bitches use their vaginas to apologize.

 

[Hobostomp]

Despite what parents tell you, lying is good.

 

[Stigmata]

Wait, no! Tell her your car had broken down in the rain outside of town, and that you were calling her to cancel and ask her for a ride. Tell her she was the only one you knew to be available and everyone else you called couldn't help.

She'll want to bang you on the spot because she will feel so guilty. And as we all know, bitches use their vaginas to explode.

This is honestly how I read your post.

 

[Anthraxxx]

ahahahahaha, i bet she and her cute coworker are off having some hot lesbian sex. Without you. She loves the clam.

 

[Rizzo]

What if she saw you outside, but pretended not to. Then the lie about you beeing out will back fire.

Just tell her that it was a bad move on her part, and that she should'nt do that again. Don't make a big deal, but you should still let her know what she did was wrong.

-dodo

 

[VirusType2]

I think you should avoid talking to her until you can call her from a party while drunk. Make it happen. Then, from the party, go ahead and convey to her that you are into her in a way that won't be misunderstood, but don't seem clingy or desperate. Make sure it's you that gets off the phone, so you can get back to the party.

Being drunk at a party works for so many reasons:
You can blame what you said on the alcohol if it turns out bad.
Gives you a reason to get off the phone
You are out having fun without her
She knows you might meet someone else there
Since your out having a great time, you'll be in a totally different mood than if you are sitting in your room alone after being stood up
You won't feel needy because you have friends with you
She might wish she was out with you instead of whatever she is doing.

I could probably go on for a while. I think it's a good idea.

Let her know she was missed, but I would definitely not make a big deal out of her standing you up. There are many reasons I say this.

You'll either end up with her or not, so one night of watching a movie together really makes no difference in the end.
You don't want to be needy
You don't want to be in a fight with her

There really is no point in making a big deal. It can't do anything good for your relationship. It's not like next time she'll be like, "oh, I better not stand him up again". Instead she'll be like, "oh, he gets mad if I don't show up, so I better avoid him for a while and or break it off completely." Or she'll think you are constricting her.

 

[nurizeko]

...well we didn't really have a "date", but she would come over (around 23:30) after she finished working, to chill, smoke a spliff and watch a movie or so.

There's your answer pal. Your her drug dealer. She comes over because you freely share your jolly green with her.

Except in this case she wasn't in the mood.


Stop reading into something that isn't there. From what I am getting you are over-thinknig this far too much. She obviously isn't into this notion of "sparks and magical unicorn shit of love" as you seem to be or she would have at least had the courtesy to tell you she aint coming.

The fact she didn't says A) She probably isn't that into you and B) never considered it a date.


I voted for telling her how you feel because as it stands its probably best she knows your a stalker who goes over to her work and stares at her through the windows longingly then to allow her to continue to believe your just an old acquaintance who is happy to share some J's once in a while.

Just call her tomorrow and ask her if she wants to go to lunch at some restaurant, tell her you'll pay and that you'll meet her there.

Then when you get there, just stay in your car with a friend in the passenger seat and just talk to them for awhile. Eventually she'll notice your car and walk over and see you talking to your friend, and she will knock on the door and be all like "dude, wtf". Dont respond to her at all, and when she starts to walk away all pissed, turn your car back on, back out of the spot and drive off, still not even acknowledging her.


That will get you in her pants for sure.

Masterful. Krynn can teach us allot.

Such as this...

Wait, no! Tell her your car had broken down in the rain outside of town, and that you were calling her to cancel and ask her for a ride. Tell her she was the only one you knew to be available and everyone else you called couldn't help.

She'll want to bang you on the spot because she will feel so guilty. And as we all know, bitches use their vaginas to apologize.

 

[Kadayi]

Her actions don't send a very good message, IMO. It may not be in the cards.

This.

Seems to me there's a bit too much wishful thinking going on, and also a fair degree of angry in there from you, and angry is never a good thing (esp at the girl in question). The only real place you can go to with the angry is turning it into concern. So next time you see her, its not 'WTF were you?' but instead 'I thought you were coming around (insert date) evening? You didn't turn up and I was kind of worried that something bad might have happened to you.' That's a graceful way of putting the matter to rest. However given that she didn't turn up, and didn't call you, I'd agree with Mutoid that it's not on the cards. If she was into you as boyfriend material she wouldn't blow you off like that. Now is the time to stop fixating and start looking elsewhere.

 

[Dodo]

I think you should avoid talking to her until you can call her from a party while drunk.

Hahaha! I like the theory : D ... but its risky, and i could make a proper fool out of myself when calling someone while im drunk.. but ill remember the tactic VT... : )

but for you, she could be testing you or simply forgetful. is she a bitch or does she play things chill?

She's very chill about most things... she isnt like some people here picture her. As for you, just ****ing try more! getting rejected only makes you more experienced. I think we all have this primal fear of getting rejected, because back in the days when we lived in small groups next to rivers, getting rejected ment that you wouldnt reproduce and so be the end of your genetic line. Now that is totally out the window, so have some balls and take action. Rejection isnt thaaat bad ; D

bla bla bla

You, my friend, are a gigantic gay. Its gay pride in amsterdam atm, come and visit.

So next time you see her, its not 'WTF were you?' but instead 'I thought you were coming around (insert date) evening? You didn't turn up and I was kind of worried that something bad might have happened to you.'

Thats a pretty good point.

What if she saw you outside, but pretended not to. Then the lie about you beeing out will back fire.

Just tell her that it was a bad move on her part, and that she should'nt do that again. Don't make a big deal, but you should still let her know what she did was wrong.

-dodo

That she wouldnt pretend : ) but you are right, ill probably tell her that.

Krynn1234 and Zombie, i hear you guys. I live in amsterdam, we dont have cars, but i could try your theory on my bike lawl : D

thanks again all of you : )

-dodo

 

[Laivasse]

Why do I feel that I'm reading the beginnings of a story which ends with a headline like:

LONELY MAN EVISCERATES GIRL, BUTCHERS FAMILY

"I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE HER" SCREAMS SANTA-SUITED SADIST

 

[StardogChampion]

You sound like a damn stalker. If there was no date arranged in the first place other than her randomly showing up to get free drugs/beer from you, then you going to her work etc is WEIRD.