Funniest GLADOS line

[Dan]

What is the funniest monologue of the game?

 

[Gomit]

Some of my favorites...

"Remember when the platform was sliding into the firepit, and I was all "Goodbye!" and you were like "NO WAY" and then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you"? That was great."

"We were going to throw a huge party for you, and we were going to invite your friend the Companion Cube. But he couldn't make it. Because you killed him."

"You are adopted!"

 

[Psychanalysis05%]

"Remember when the platform was sliding into the firepit, and I was all "Goodbye!" and you were like "NO WAY" and then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you"? That was great."

Seconded.

 

[Tyguy]

Almost all the lines at the end are hilarious...

and the end song

 

[Xendance]

Some of my favorites...

"Remember when the platform was sliding into the firepit, and I was all "Goodbye!" and you were like "NO WAY" and then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you"? That was great."

Seconded.

Thirded.

 

[Nitre]

Thirded.

fourthed.

 

[Ennui]

"We were going to throw a huge party for you, and we were going to invite your friend the Companion Cube. But he couldn't make it. Because you killed him."

Win.

 

[Rapstah]

"Oh, what is that? Look, it has numbers on it."

Curiousity part of GLaDOS core.

 

[CyberPitz]

"Oh, what is that? Look, it has numbers on it."

Curiousity part of GLaDOS core.

yeah, that one is so cute. "Oh your the lady from the test chambers! How are you!?"

 

[Wrath]

"Good Job (Android). And just to remind you, robot hell is a real place and you will be going there at the first moment of resistance"

or something along those lines... I know it's butchered a little bit.

 

[Destron]

"Quick! Hurry back! Somebody has already cut the cake! We told them to wait for you, but they cut it anyway."

 

[Shakermaker]

When you do your first slingshot jump in room 10 or 11:
"Weeeeeee!"

 

[Teta_Bonita]

"You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is ten... IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!"

 

[Ridge]

"You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is ten... IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!"

Damn beat me to it...

 

[Nitre]

"You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is ten... IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!"

I only got that one just now, since in Computing today we were doing binary, denary and hexadecimal. Hooray for coincidence.

 

[314URBLOC0017]

Here's my favourite:

Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on: "Hillooooo" That's you. That's how dumb you sound.

 

[scotland1]

Here's my favourite:

Yeah I lol'd at that one.

 

[tetsuo2040]

"It says here that you were adopted. So that's funny."

"Here at Arpeture Science, we try to give you the best advice we can to help you succeed. For example, if you touch the floor, you will die. Good luck" [or similar]

"This next room is down for maintenance due to android testing, and all bots are now using live ammunition. We apologize for the inconvenience."

 

[ríomhaire]

I'm doing this from memory, so they may not be exactly right.

First place:
"Well done, android. We would like to remind you that android hell is a real place and you will be sent there at the first sign of defiance."

Second place:
"We were going to have a huge party for you and we were going to invite all your friends, but your best friend, the companion cube, couldn't come, because you murdered him. None of your other friends could come, either, because you don't have any other friends because you're unlikable. It says so right here in your file: Unlikable - liked by no one."

Joint third place:
"If the companion cube could talk, and we would like to take this opertunity to remind you that it cannot, it would tell you to go on without it, because it would rather die in a fire than be a burden to you."
"While the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, eight out of ten Aperture Science ethics experts agree that the companion cube is probably incapable of feeling much pain."

 

[AnonymousBlade]

From end credits song:

"But there's no sense crying
over every mistake.
You just keep on trying
till you run out of cake!"

Also:

"I just figured out what that piece you just incinerated was. It was the morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, to stop me from flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin. So please wait while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters."

I can just imagine her smiling during that quote.

 

[Iron Feliks]

I like the bit about no longer enhancing the truth.

James

 

[Qonfused]

"We were going to throw a huge party for you, and we were going to invite your friend the Companion Cube. But he couldn't make it. Because you killed him."

Win.

.

5cha

 

[cabbs]

Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the appropriate test chamber for this sequence is unavailable. It has been replaced with a Live Fire course, designed for Military Androids.

The enrichment center apologises for any inconvenience, and wishes you the best of luck.

 

[Chabo]

"If the companion cube could talk, and we would like to take this opertunity to remind you that it cannot, it would tell you to go on without it, because it would rather die in a fire than be a burden to you."
"While the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, eight out of ten Aperture Science ethics experts agree that the companion cube is probably incapable of feeling much pain."

I don't remember these two. Were they said during the Companion Cube stage? Did you have to linger long enough until Glados started spewing other random quotes?

 

[outcastelf]

yea. she says some others as well. someone told me if you hold the companion cube long enough he speaks to you.

 

[SPARTACVS]

"Thank you for once again helping us help you help us help everyone."

 

[Stigmata]

"Thank you for once again helping us help you help us help everyone."

"Thank you for helping us help you help us all."

I think.

My favorite is still "That was the morality core that they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, to stop me from flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin."

 

[Sulkdodds]

Yeah, that's awesome. My favourite line probably has to be the "that's how stupid you sound" one. The juxtaposition of a seemingly serious revelation, with serious metaphysical and identificational implications, with her retarded humour...

I find GLaDOS lines are best expressed in writing with a minimum of punctuation, italics and other nontext discourse markers:

Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said Goodbye and you were like No way and then I was all We pretended we were going to murder you? That was great.

There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I even invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are.

 

[Asymptote]

Originally Posted by GLaDOS
There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I even invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are.

I second that.

 

[XerxdeeJ]

First post on this forum!

The following is an approximation of my favorite line. I just played this last night, so forgive my paraphrasing...

"If you come into contact with the floor, a negative mark will be placed on your record, followed by death."

Every Glados said was hilarious. I was surprised how often I was caught off gaurd with a laugh.

Nice place you have here. I will be back.

 

[Fragalishus]

"...to put it in laymen's terms...speedy thing goes in...speedy thing comes out."

 

[hl2blackbox]

In the song, when she said "We're out of beta, we're releasing on time". I nearly fell out of my chair laughing.

 

[Adabiviak]

I giggled at most of them, but the bit about android hell made me laugh out loud.

 

[kupocake]

That thing you burnt up isn't important to me: it's the Fluid Catalytic Cracking Unit. It makes shoes for orphans. Nice job breaking it, hero.

 

[ChazFox]

"A noticeable taste of blood is not part of Enrichment Centre procedures. It is however an unexplained side effect of the material emancipation grid. In semi-rare cases the emancipation grid has been known to emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel and teeth."

Just one of many lines that had me laughing out loud

 

[alehm]

We would like to remind you that your cube cannot speak and if it does that you shouldn't listen to it


the aperture science facility is forced to remind you that the test will be over soon and that you will be baked and then there will be cake

 

[Andrew LB]

...just lye down and take the rocket.

 

[xennyth]

"Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on."

"Hello."

"That's you! That's how dumb you sound!"

was a good one.

 

[ChazFox]

"The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."

Well that's helpful, GLaDOS!

 

[poop100]

Please note, we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!