Funniest what-Iwould-do-if-HL2-didnt-work

ma näksiks seda tsempion. siis ma otsiks yles anu saagima ja näksiks ta nibu :D
 
I would biuld every monster in in the game into real life. LET ALL MY LITTLE ROBOSTIC MONSTERS LOOSE INTO THERE BUILDING.And watch all the headcrabs jump on each employee. And then ill save dog for newell. "HALFLIFE 2 IS MINE AHAHAHAHAHAH"
 
I'd bring my computer out into the middle of an open field along with a boombox, and blast "Still" by Geto Boys from the Office Space soundtrack while I smash it to peices with a bat...with a nail in it.

In case you haven't heard the song...the chorus is, "DIE MUTHA F*CKA DIE MUTHA F*KA!" It's actually a good song if you're into rap or have seen the movie...
 
Does anyone remember my Big Mac + stick & string thing? Someone can hold me in front of Gabe's window, and I can lure him somewhere where something bad would happen. :)
 
probably break a few things around my house, then play the working beta
 
I would first rip out Gabe's intestines and hang him with them. Then I would rip off his arms and tie them together using his ass hair and beat down the security guards using them as nunchucks. I would get the rest of the source code... ah heck just steal all the computers, and send them to Anon so that he could fix it, cuz if Valve can't even make a game work and this hacker can, then Valve sucks. I would then grind down Gabe's body and mix it with gunpowder and put that mixture into a HL2 box and light it all up :flame:
 
I would blame it all on that "Funniest what-Iwould-do-if-HL2-didnt-work" thread, for jinxing my game, then find the guy who wrote the thread and eat his face. Bon apetite.
 
I would do what the only cool guy in town would do...

I would first say to the hacker : Nobody steals our sourcecode... And lives ! (puts out a 12 gauge shotty and boom)

Then I would say to Gabe : I'm gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck ! (after ripping his head off I would take a newspaper and shit down his neck)

Then I would use my 12 gauge shotty to kill Valve's employees and after that I would finally say : Hail to the king baby ! (reloading my shotgun)
 
I'd throw rocks at retarded kids, then I would go off and club some baby seals.
 
I'd probably stalk Gabe till I could get close enough to fadunk him, i.e. slap my sweaty dizock against his forehead...
 
climb the largest tower i can find dressed like a combine, accompanied only by a copy of HL2 (that doesnt work!) a high caliber rifle and a ham sandwich, I would then throw whatevers at the top of the tower off to watch the "wicked physics" then start shooting and yelling in a daze of violence and anger. when the cops arrive they watch as i desperatly jump up and down grabbing at air screaming wheres the console impule 101! god mode! god!!! my mask would get turned around in the jumping, i'd think i've gone blind stumble around and then plummet to my death. my last words would be *excelent physics*
 
Hike to Valve HQ where I would take a dump in front of the door and then piss on Gabes car. Then I would pull out the HL2 box and whipe my crack with it. Then I would run home and start playing Doom III if it is out by now.
 
I would bend over my chair and take a dump in my hands...then I would eat it
 
...then as i stumble to Valve offives with poop smeared all over my face I would lay down and leak poop all over their sidewalk as I pass out
 
nice one shaitheatery.... lmao nunchucks..... man, valve is in bellvue, Washington and i live by seattle so i'd drive my pissed self over there with a fake wood hazard suit i made in my woodshop with a krappy lambada symbol on it, go in and yell "I'm Gordon Freeman! Killer of Combine! Heed my fake hunter's orange wooden hazard suit that pwnzorz you all! Finally, I have a voice, played by the very man himself, GORDON FREEMAN!!!" hum the charge tune and beat everything with a crowbar except the one working copy of Half-Life 2, steal it and wonder why my long jump module isn't working. after that i would probably wonder why i can't swing the crowbar as fast as in the game without hitting myself somewhere, make another paper mache headcrab (see my post on page 2), beat the crap out of it and yell "BEHOLD!!!! I SAVED YOU STUPID SCIENTISTS FROM BLACK MESA!!! NOW ITS THE WHOLE EARTH!!!! WHERE'S MY KUDOS?!?!?!?!" grab a kudo's bar and say it's better than the quaker's chewy bars (s'mores is the best), and after being sued for free advertising on this post i would yell at gabe and say "WHY?! WHY HAVE I NO VOICE IN THE GAME?!?! WHY MUST I NOT SEE MY OWN TWO FEET?!?! WHY ARE THERE NO TOILETS IN A HUGE CITY!?!!?? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY??????!!!!!!" then end up beathing him with the dull side of the crowbar, only to discover it does nothing, then wonder where my HUD is..... then wake up in front of my computer to discover i'm in mid game and I've been the first one to beat it! :dork: :dork: :dork: :dozey: :dozey: :dozey:

then i would have a huge lan party where we wrap ourselves in aluminum foil and attach the other end to the antenna of the TV and get free cable from it..... then we would order 2000 pounds of green jello powder and use it to make a huge cube like pool of jello, watch the sides fall and be able to swim in the jello cube like in ed edd and eddy (how the hell am i typing all this, and how the hell do i remember that dumb show?!) only for it to be sucked in by gabe as his revenge of me humiliating everyone at VALVe and for the welts from the crowbar, and only to be sued for making this post. then pull the floppy disk from my floppy drive to discover that it's why my computer didnt work in the first place..... then wake up again to discover i'm at my computer, ive beaten half-life 2 blah blah and it's a never ending story.

oh and then wake up in my bed with my laptop to discover Half-Life 2 isn't even installed.

if you read the whole thing which was 2673 characters long. yes you can even check it in word perfect, it's that long. well ok maybe it's short but if you read the whole thing then thanks!

-=[Super]=-
 
Originally posted by Murray_H
I would dress up as a headcrab, go to Valve's offices and then jump on Gabe's head, not letting go until he fixes it personally
Click to expand...

finalboard.jpg
 
I would personally track u down Seal because you will have kinxed my pc! If it happens expect me to bust a hole through your door with a crowbar screaming 'HERES GORDON!" and then shove that crowbar up ur butt and throw you out the window, then drop your pc onto your body to make sure your dead and steal your copy of hl2 :p
 
Oh yea, I would also rip his eye's out and shove them up his ass so that he could see me kick the crap out of him (before the hanging of course:bounce: ). Then I would rip off his fingers and put them in the spokes of my bicycle to make that awsome motorcycle sound. Then I would feed him my crap, let him crap it out, and make him eat the crap made out of my crap. Then commence the hanging :x
 
Originally posted by _-_-SELAS-_-_
OK... picture this... You have just bought HL² and your getting ready to play the game with your top of the line computer, but something doesn't work, and no patches will help.

Now Im gonna issue a contest for the funniest How-I-would-go-POSTAL-if-HL²-didn't-work-after-I-just-spent-50-bucks reply. The PRIZE will be a funny random link or more perhaps. If the above aren't enough to ultra-piss you off your welcome to make up your own story. :)

Collecting evidence had gotten old a few hundred bullets ago..
Click to expand...
Friendly, if Half-Live II game no work on computer, I create a friendly to make travels back to time and purchase better money. :) :) :) :) :) :)
 
i thought alot of you were above some of this crap lol...wow.
 
I think Murray_H has it won, but...

As the HL2 install goes toast, I would start with a low high pitch snarl and grab the game-rig from under the desk and head for the front porch, where just as I got through the usb cable for the mouse would trip me. I would then land on my face and the computer would bust into a hundred pieces then the CD-drive door would pop open hurling the HL2 cd straight into the air. The momentum from my 'face first' skid would line my ass up perfectly to catch the game disk right between the cheeks. My wife would then have to rush me to the emergency room and the last thing I would hear before they put me under for surgical HL2 disk removal is a doctor speaking to a nurse "Wow is that the Half-life 2 cd? I played that just an hour ago on my lap top... cool game."

:naughty:
 
1. take this guys afro:afro: and rip it off his head, boil it, then eat it
2. tie a rope around gabe
3. attach rope to car
4. let my 3 year old brother drive home
5. shove every single key on my keyboard down gabes throat
6. shove a crowbar up his ass untill my computer is fixed

sorry that was a little to violent
 
Originally posted by razorblade kiss
I would snap the CD in half, drive to the mall with one of the pieces of sharp cd, and find the asshole clerk who sold me the game. Even though its not his fault I need someone to blame, and someone to hurt. I would slice off his heels, cut off his ass and glue them both to his head. I would the go to the escalator outside the store, and take all the HL2 boxes and throw them on it, the pour gas all over the escalator and the HL2 boxes, and light them on fire. It would be a big moving, rotating, swirling HL2 fire storm. After I watched them burn. I would get into my car and drive into a wall at 145 miles per hour, launch out the front window with my sharp piece of cd in my hand, fly all the way to Valve headquarters and in mid air while flying chop off Gabes head while screaming 9/30! 9/30!!!. After I landed I would hit up a bar, and threaten the bar tender with my cd shard for a free alcohalic beverage of my choice. I would then light him on fire as well. After I vented a little bit, and released my anger I would find some drunk girl from the bar to drive me all the way back to Connecticut to find that Valve released a patch that woulda fixed all the problems with HL2 not working. And then I would kill myself.
Click to expand...

lmao :D
good one.
 
i'd eat the cd. that way when im being sliced up from the inside, i can take a trip to the hospital, steal alot of medicated drugs while i'm in the waiting room, then once i'm all better, i'd sell the drugs to unsuspecting kids, take the dosh, but another copy, if that one didnt work, i'd use the left over money, and buy a new computer. If it still didnt work, i'd eat my computer and repeat the above steps. if again that didnt work i'd buy 14 mice and set them free in the valve HQ, and whilst everyone is running around, i'd steal more stuff. like their computers and their games. Then i'd ring my mum to bail me out of jail.
 
FFS< please get rid of your avatar, lol, it scares the crap out of me
:cheese:

on topic,

"shhhh,...bwe vwery vwery quwiet, im huntin gwabes"

*in bad elmer fudd type
 
i would go inside valve HQ naked with a shotgun screamin 9/30 9/30 u bunch of dirty mother ****ers while conituning to mow down coders and mappers and finally reaching gabe i would take my disk ( which i ate whole and shitted out whole ) and proceed to yell 9/30 while shoving the hl2 disk up gabes ass while shoving a crowbar up his pisshole and i would leave him there to squirm while i go to the top of valve building with a flag reading "FREEDOM!" as i jump off the building killing myself in the name of HL2 and at the moment of death it will magiclly fix all broken HL2 disks and make them run at super speeds.
 
i would go to programing school till i learned enough about programing, no matter the cost, and fix it myself.

Then sit back and realize that i spent damn near 10g's getting the game to work...then pray to the lord its the best game ever ever ever. If not, i go to Valves office with a crowbar, and start swinging and scream "How do you like your crowbar now!"
 
I would try these steps.

1) Turn off the computer switch.
2) Turn on the computer switch again.
3) Turn off the computer switch.
4) Turn on the computer switch again.
5) Turn off the computer switch.
6) Turn on the computer switch again.
7) Turn off the computer switch.
8) Turn on the computer switch again.
9) Turn off the computer switch.
10) Turn on the computer switch again.
11) Turn off the computer switch.
12) Turn on the computer switch again.
13) Turn off the computer switch.
14) Turn on the computer switch again.
15) Turn off the computer switch.

I'm sure my Half-Life 2 would work.
 
o_O

Mmmm... nothin' secksier than 8 chins, and multiple layers of dripping, sweaty fat!
















JUST KIDDIN' GABE, Y'KNOW I LOVE YA ;)
 
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