Guys - Our ladies think of computer as 'other woman'!

[RogueAngel]

I'm not sure how many married guys there are on here since most of the people seem quite young. But anyone here who has been married for a while might be able to understand where I am coming from. Heck I am sure guys with girlfriends often have the same dilemma so here I go.

I love gaming. I’ve played games since the old Atari consoles. It boggles the mind how far games have come. If I could spend hours playing Atari consoles then how much easier is it do the same playing Counter Strike: Source?

My wife hates the time I spend on the computer! Even if she is busy doing something else and I am playing (Counter Strike: Source of course) she gets all-uptight. Men and women are so different and we look at things so differently and it can be incredibly frustrating at times.

I can honestly say that my gaming time is the main point of contention is our relationship. We really get along well and love each other and have 3 great children (7,10, and 12 << the oldest plays CS:S too). I am at a point where it is getting to be such a burden that I am considering quitting gaming for good. There are lots of other things I like to do like read, draw etc. so there is no problem with filling my time but the problem is, as stated above, that I LOVE gaming. I thrive on the competitiveness of it. It’s such a blast! I’ve been playing FPS forever and I do pretty well and I just lose track of time when I get ‘into the zone’.

So what is the point of this post? Part rant I guess. Just wanted to see how many others out there have similar problems. It’d be nice to talk to others who are going through the same thing. I really love my family and gaming is like crack, alcohol, or anything else, that when it is not in balance in your life, ruins relationships.

My 12 year old has a time limit on his playtime and maybe that’s the ticket. But the thought of having to do that gets me mad. Any suggestions? (Telling my ‘bitch’ to shut up isn’t what I’m looking for because she really is awesome and is not happy about the way she feels either).

I will give up gaming if I have to because family needs to come first. Is there a Computers Anonymous out there?

Anyway, any constructive ideas would be appreciated. I don’t care how old or if you are married or not as long as it’s useful advice.

 

[Ravioli]

Show her what you just wrote. The best way

 

[CyberPitz]

Virtually, I'm going off what my dad does.

He plays CS all the time...if he isn't working on electronics/talking with people/or at work. But he stays pretty attentive to the outside world....he does get lost into the game alot..but he pretty much only plays for a couple hours at max. When he is dead, he will get up and go talk to his woman a bit...kinda gets a feel out there, that way he isn't "gone". I guess you could try that

And I agree iwth Ravioli, if you feel it would help you in a way, show her this thread.

 

[AJ Rimmer]

Hehe, don't have that problem coz I don't have a girlfriend, hehe...

wait... that didn't sound quite as cool as I had hoped.

 

[BaconIsGood4You]

whipped!

 

[Lifehost]

My GF plays games with me.

Damn I am a lucky bastard.

I agree with Ravioli, show her what you just wrote, see what she thinks of it.

 

[BladeTurbo]

i'm in the same boat as you, RogueAngel. My life is 8hrs of work and 4 hours of gaming (then 2 hrs for CSI) everyday. For weekends, 8-10 hours. every once in a while, i can see in her eyes that she would like to take a sledge hammer to it and be done.

 

[A.I.]

1. Well, RougeAngel, is track of time the only big problem there? I lose track of time sometimes as well.
2. Does your wife considers your gaming as a total waste of time, or she gets annoyed over some other reason?
3. Did you discuss about your problem with your wife?
4. Does your gaming affect your real-life duties and performance too much?
5. How do you think the kids think about your little obsession? Are they even aware of it?

 

[Spugmaster]

I too am married with two kids and a gamer. She knew this coming into the relationship. I hardly watch TV so this is my relaxation. You need to tell your wife that this is an important part of your life and you need to be able to set aside time to pursue your hobby. I'm sure you wouldn't stop her from doing something she really loved would you?

So a happy medium needs to be reached. Sure I have jobs around the house to do and the kids to look after, but once everything is done and the kids are in bed it's game on. I spend time with my wife too but she knows that gaming is always going to be a part of my life. She has even expressed interest in getting into it herself - with the Sims and I would be happy to facilitate this.

So if your missus is giving you grief see what kinds of games she might be interested in and perhaps buy a couple.

 

[JNightshade]

We need some female input on this! Where's Bliink?

 

[Shippi]

Try to limit your gaming more. Don't give it up completely, as it's something you enjoy doing. I don't know, set a couple days aside a week where you spend time with family rather than on the computer?

 

[Smoke]

blinks a girl???

 

[A.I.]

The problem with computers is that they're not very socially oriented technology as TV is for example (I admit, even TV is not very socially oriented).

 

[Wraith]

just be happy that you have a girl that loves you enough to care so much about something so stupid

 

[Pressure]

I lose track while on the computer period. I'm usually writing a program or playing a game on it and when I do that hours pass by and I don't even notice. I'm lucky I don't have a GF or wife telling me to get off but that can also be seen as unlucky.

 

[Edcrab]

I can only suggest that you have a sit down and talk to her about it, explaining your viewpoint in full but also how you're prepared to make concessions- asking for advice on the internet can only get you so far.

Then again calling my relationships destructive would be like calling a matter/anti-matter collision slightly messy, so I'm hardly qualified to comment

 

[Shodan]

My girlfriend likes playing San Andreas, She says "its funny to run people over."

She scares me a bit.

 

[Shippi]

It's very easy to lose track of time on a computer.. I'm trying myself to cut down but it's not working. I've got no real reason to though..

You do though, so try, for her But don't give up doing something you enjoy because she has asked you to, she has to understand that

 

[RogueAngel]

The wife and I have talked about his in DEPTH! We are very serious about our relationship and talk about everything. Even she hates the fact she gets upset about this. She wishes she didn't feel the way she does about it but she does.

As far as other things not getting done around the house and such I make sure things are done. I take children to some of their activites. I help around the house. She is a house wife and she home schools our children so I know she's busy and I always help when I can. Our sex life certainly isn't affected (no isn't in her vocabulary - I'm truely a blessed man). It's just that there is a jealousy against the computer. The honest truth is I don't blame her because she thinks she takes second to it at times and that really is no way to treat a woman you really truely love.

Like I said in my original post it's that gaming is a addiction. I will be good for a week.... play it an hour here and hour there.. then I pull what I did this last Saturday when I played for 8 hours straight. The kids were all gone and my wife had a lot of sewing to do so I thought it was a good time for some power gaming. I did take some time out to make both of us lunch just to show her I cared but the end result was she was pissed. If I had read, or drawn or done just about anything and gave her the same amount of attention she wouldn't have been mad. It was that I spent that long on the computer.

I told her if she didn't want to sew any more than she should have come to me and asked me to do something. I would have turned off the system in a second. But she never said a thing.

This is the crux of the issue I guess. If she comes and says something to me and I stop because she asked then I am not doing it with of my own will and that wreaks it for her.

My wife and I have always joked about the fact that men and women are as alike as birds and fish. We've always tried to be penguins and flying fish but over this one issue and this one issue only we can't see eye to eye.

Like any addiction... maybe I need to kick this habit. Reading and drawing are better for the brain anyways.

 

[LittleB]

When I'm playing Halo at my GF's house (I don't have Xbox), she'll take her shirt off and her bewbies will be naked and I won't even notice :stare:

And she'll go "Brendan!!" And I'll go "huh?" and look and be like OHHH sweet :angel:

 

[Edcrab]

Weelll... seems to me that her issue is with gaming rather than the time you allocate to her (not that she's a chore or anything, but you know what I mean).

If you really love her, feel free to drop computing all together- but maybe she needs to realise and accept that there's a degree of irrationality in her feelings?

Problem with being responsible adults is that you'll have to sort it out yourselves.

 

[Direwolf]

My girl uses her computer as much as I do. I actually watch her play CS:S when we get together half the time.

 

[weesee]

My wife plays too! Sometimes we frag until we cant see the screen anymore. We both play many online and off games. Our comps are right next to each other with a third sytem in between for web surfing and MP3s.

Having a girl who also liked gaming was mandatory for me.

*Sits back and grins*

Im sooo lucky

 

[Teddy]

I have a similar, but different situation with my gaming and girlfriend. But instead of playing for a few hours a day, i spend 8-10 hours a day coding my mod (Dystopia). My girlfriend has been very supportive of the project, however she too sometimes feels like she's playing second fiddle to my work..

There's no real easy answer to this problem, for us it meant we both had to make some changes so we could spend more quality time together. I changed my coding schedual so i could work early in the morning while she's at work, and she's learnt how to download mp3's, so she sometimes sits next to me on her computer while i'm working and we listen to music and talk, and i try to get her a little bit involved by showing her something new i'm working on, or any funny little bugs that pop up, that sorta thing. Like i said, there's no easy answer, i guess it's something you both have to work on. You need to show her your commitment by cutting down a bit, and she needs to show she cares by taking a little bit of interest.

Giving up something you love definatley isn't the best answer, lest you resent her for taking it from you.

 

[Huntoon]

I think it is unimportant really whether you are in the right or your wife is in the right, or both or neither. The situation is that you are married and you have to share yourself with others now.

Emotions like jealousy (whether jealousy over another, or jealousy for one's own space or freedom) arise in various circumstances, what is important is not that it happened but how those (negative) emotions are integrated into the continuity of our experience so they promote positive maturity and development.

 

[poseyjmac]

my idea would be to sacrafice sleep hours for gaming hours instead of gaming during the day. that is, if the wife doesn't mind you not coming to bed till late. its a lesser of two evils really. tough situation.

 

[Impulse147]

My GF only plays console games like GTA and ever since i got a gf i haven't had to many long gaming nights because i find it more enjoyable to be laying next to a hot chick than pwning 13 yr old nerds on cs.

 

[sgrby877]

i'm not married, but I do believe I can probably help with your problem.

I think what your wife wants is just your attention. Since you are playing css a lot, she feels that most of your attention is towards the game rather than her. If you can talk to her and seriously tell her how you feel about her. And that you only play the game because you enjoy the competiveness of it. Also ask her if she would like to play. And of course don't beat her in the game a lot. Try to show her why you love this game so much. But the biggest thing is you have to show her that you truly love her. She just wants your attention. After all, that is the reason you married her.

And if she doesn't understand the circumstances, try to come up with a compromise such as you limiting your time on css and spending more time with your wife.

I'm just tryin to put together a time frame. Say you go to work for 8 hours. Add in about 2-3 hours for travel and breaks. Add say 8 hours for sleep. Add another 2-3 hours for dinner and or breakfast. That's a total of 2-4 hours leftover. Now this is just your weekdays. So for those particular days, you should discuss with your wife what she would like to do and see if you can play during these times. On the weekends, you probably have a bit more free time which is totally up to you what you do.

 

[kmack]

I like to think of gaming as an affair, as long as no one finds out, no one gets hurt. Try to avoid giving any hints away, here's some things to avoid:

"Honey, these mashed potatoes are uber-leet"
"what did you just say"
"nothing"

if you are more open, or can't hide your gaming, the best thing is to talk, and , if you really love someone you can give up or seriously limit gaming, in the long run, a relationship is a lot more important than a 21-6 score on dust 2.

 

[BlackDahlia]

If the computer is like another woman, then I must be a lesbian. Or Bi.

 

[Greatgat]

I am determined to fill the front page with posts... Anyway, I had a girlfriend who was into the Sims while I would while away my time on other things, but the best times we had was when we would both play together, fighting over the controls. Maybe try to introduce her?

 

[bliink]

We need some female input on this! Where's Bliink?

heh, yes, I'm a girl therefore I can solve all girl related problems...

ha!

 

[RogueAngel]

heh, yes, I'm a girl therefore I can solve all girl related problems...

***Waits expectantly***
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Awwwwwwww I was hoping for solutions

 

[Rocketman9mm]

comprimise and understanding. she needs to understand that it is a part of you. ask her how she would feel if you completely resented her favorite past time. but comprimise is needed. ya can't and (though I don't think you are) not spending any time with her because of it. I think a time limit would be a good idea. But don't think of it as something imposed on you by your wife, which would get any man upset, think of it as your marriage is your job, keepin each other happy. gaming could be your alone time and then make sure she gets plenty of care. she needs to do the same thing and let you have a satisfying amount of game time without hassle. If she can't accept you gaming at ALL, she's not letting you be you.

 

[Ravioli]

Make her sit down, start half-life2, lock her in for about 2 hours.


All problems solved.


NO, dont close this window, i am serious, make her play the game!!! she WILL understand then.

And play a Multiplayer game with her, so she can feel like she is a part of it. its fun!!!

 

[ray_MAN]

I am 14, my dad is... older than you, and he plays games. I play most games he plays. We both play Far Cry, HL2, Doom3, C&C Generals, and other things. However, my mom hates the fact that I play games. I am smart enough to recognize when she gets annoyed, so I get off the computer and sit down to read a book for 30 minutes to an hour. My dad plays games sparingly. He only plays on the weekends and late at night. I think you shouldn't quit all together, but just play a bit less. About your kids:
I think games are a great thing. Just like TV was in the old days when my parents were growing up, games have become the form of entertainment of the twentieth century. I think you should let your kids play games, but encourage a lot of reading and other things. My parents make me read at least an hour a day. I think you should do the same. Video games + books = good imagination and a good brain
Yes, it must feel wierd getting advice from a 14 year old, but it's just a suggestion. It doesn't mean you have to do it, but I thought you might like to see things from my perspective.

 

[RogueAngel]

Yes, it must feel wierd getting advice from a 14 year old, but it's just a suggestion. It doesn't mean you have to do it, but I thought you might like to see things from my perspective.

I don't put an age limit on good advice.:thumbs:

 

[rpgprog]

i agree with alot of the ppl here, introduce your wife to gaming, give her the SIMS 2, and have her play that with you.

BTW the sims is a good gateway drug ... uh... i mean game, to get into bigger and better things, like css.

A Family that Frags together, sticks together, and stuff.

 

[Maui]

If the computer is like another woman, then I must be a lesbian. Or Bi.

a/s/l! a/s/l!!!!!oneoneeleven eleventy-one.

I guess one of the real tricks is to share hobbies to at least some degree. I'm not sure how excited you are about sewing (though there's always the headcrab plush toy thread - I can get you the link if you'd like), but she probably has a few other hobbies too. Try to get involved with some of those a bit, and with any luck she just might give gaming a try and get addicted as well!

EDIT: I'm an idiot, the link is in my sig. :dozey:

 

[DoctorWeeTodd]

Spend more time with you family silly!

Take your wife out for a romantic retreat for about a week, I'm sure you can survive without games for one measly week. Play with your kids more often and more actively. Theres always something fun to do with a wife and kids.

Maybe you can even use the computer as a middleman to the relationship. Chat with your wife over AIM frequently when you are apart play a few games of DM with the kids (If you think they're ready for that kind of stuff.) maybe even try to introduce you wife to a few games that may suit her tastes (But don't try to push it too much and too fast. I've been there and you need to take it slow when it comes to games and technology in a relationship.) Hopefully in the end, you two wouldn't remember why you had such a problem.