Help with a girl

[Darkside55]

That's not true. After a while you can pick up on subtle clues that mean you have a chance or don't. After a little while of getting the no chance clues you back off before you get your balls torn off. Stern is right you need to learn to be intuitive as girls are actually pretty easy to read, most people over complicate things.

I'm not saying be a damn fool about it, or won't-take-no-for-an-answer guy. I'M saying don't scope a room for Likely Mary because you think the other girls are gonna shut you down. You sell yourself; don't give me that, "She's giving off subtle clues so I better not chance it" bullshit. You walk over, initiate conversation, and if she's not feeling it oh well.

you dont settle, you work within your means meaning you dont hit on the woman that makes the sign of the cross as you approach you hit on the one that shows some interest in you

People who use terms like, "within your means" have given up. You've already lowered your standards.

 

[CptStern]

I'm not saying be a damn fool about it, or won't-take-no-for-an-answer guy. I'M saying don't scope a room for Likely Mary because you think the other girls are gonna shut you down. You sell yourself; don't give me that, "She's giving off subtle clues so I better not chance it" bullshit. You walk over, initiate conversation, and if she's not feeling it oh well.


People who use terms like, "within your means" have given up. You've already lowered your standards.

:upstare: my wife is much better looking than I am ..when I met her I was one of three people interested in her ..the other two bent over backwards to try to woo her, I did not, I treated her like everyone else except I flirted with her in a nonchalant way ..the two other guys asked her out she said no ..when I asked her out she blurted yes before I had finished asking her out

settling isnt part of the agenda

 

[jimbo118]

3 pages in under two hours? Oh Hl2net and girl probs.

*goes back to read OP.

 

[Darkside55]

the other two bent over backwards to try to woo her

That was their problem. I don't know what's more disgusting, men who fall over themselves at some dame or jellyfish like Ayanami over here. Damn it Lambda are you shouting yet, you bastard?! Believe in yourself, wallflower!

You always play it cool. Nonchalant gets the goods; desperate, needy, and overly accomodating gets you home and a night with Handrea.

 

[jimbo118]

Also a really good date idea is a PJ movie night. When she gets there in her PJs tell her how great she looks, then go to the local store and let her pick out her favorite ice cream. When you get back tease her by bragging your ice cream is better and then try hers and go "Oh wow....ok mine is sooo much better whatever!" by the end of the night she will be eating candy out of your hand.

You said this before in another thread. Honestly is this for real? A Pyjama's night? What age are you? Is this common where you come from?

 

[Deleted member 56031]

Is that because you've tried and failed, or is it because you've never met a girl you actually care enough about to try to date?

It's because she is the first and I've never liked anyone else like her before.

If you don't ask her, you'll have to live with the regret of never trying when she hooks up with another dude, or moves away, or something.

You're right. I have to at least try and soon.

It doesnt matter how you say anything to her about 'asking her out', just try and not walk up to her and the first thing you say is 'uuhhhh yeah, wanna get a coffee after class?', thats just awkward and out of nowhere. For her to say yes, she needs to GENERALLY:

A - be alone with you
B - have been laughing with you earlier
C - single

If she says 'oh i like someone else', just say 'so?' and give her a big smile. Alot of girls do this to test you, 'so' is open ended so she has to react positively (ie says yes in the end), or she'll just laugh and say 'no im serious, but thanks'.

'Ive got a boyfriend', again say 'so?', she may still go for a drink with you or lunch (always try lunch instead of drinks, drinks/coffee is so common), but dont expect anything more really. Even if she shoots you down then agrees, go anyway, dont lose face, you can always go with her, have a good time and not go out again, but hey you just made a friend right?

You cant focus on one girl though, makes you mad/sick. If she shoots you down, just smile, say 'well maybe some other time then', keep talking or walk away after saying goodbye. Plenty more fish in the sea really.

Of course its hard putting all this into practice and youre generally a nervous wreck when its someone you genuinely like...but she'll pick up on the fact youre not talking to her just to get into her pants, and hey, maybe that alone will be enough for her to like you and go out for a while.

Like people here have said, each girl is different, knowing when what youre doing is working is the real trick.

Ultimately however, it all boils down to you reaching inside and grabbing a bigger set of balls. Dont wuss out. Many women like a man that can confront his 'fear' and go for what he wants :S

That's some good advice :O

Also darkside you're mean and yes I am shouting!!!!

 

[CptStern]

That was their problem. I don't know what's more disgusting, men who fall over themselves at some dame or jellyfish like Ayanami over here. Damn it Lambda are you shouting yet, you bastard?! Believe in yourself, wallflower!

You always play it cool. Nonchalant gets the goods; desperate, needy, and overly accomodating gets you home and a night with Handrea.

ok maybe I overexaggerated when I said "bent over backwards" ..one of the guys did try to much imho but the other guy had his pick of women, he wasnt the fawning type

and from my experience most men are cluess as to how to attract a member of the opposite sex ..if looks didnt factor in most men would be single or women would settle more so than they do now

 

[Glirk Dient]

You said this before in another thread. Honestly is this for real? A Pyjama's night? What age are you? Is this common where you come from?

21 and it still works. It sounds stupid but I haven't seen a girl that hasn't fallen for it. It's meant to be fun and show her that your not some cliche idiot but someone who puts thought and effort towards her and that you like to have fun and not worry about what other people think about you. Not every girl wants every date to be the dress up go to dinner maybe a movie thing, it's so cliche and boring. Girls just want to be with someone that cares about them and is fun. The PJ movie night shows exactly that whereas some stupid dinner date shows that you don't put much thought forward and aren't a very fun loving guy if thats your idea of a good night.

You don't necessarily have to do that, but pick something fun. Like around christmas make a gingerbread house, go sledding, drink hot chocolate with candy canes in them, watch christmas movies. Be creative, it goes an awful lot farther than you might think.

 

[Darkside55]

I am shouting!!!!

Good! That's what you need! Shout! Confidence! You are a man! You're going to talk to that girl about how you feel the next time you see her!

I'm mean because I gotta be. Everybody else in this thread, no disrespect, they're giving you that watered-down advice. That tone of, "Oh, OP, we sympathize; here, look, here's what you do OK?" That's not what a man needs. A man needs a swift kick in the ass; a man needs to be told when he's acting a fool. I insult you because you needed to be insulted. Everybody else, they're giving you their little advice, their little tips and hints and SUBTLE CLUES. You NEEDED confidence.

You needed to shout.

 

[Llama]

Oh **** you Darkside. You want me to give practical advice, you scum-sucking maggot barrell of monkey-spunk?

**** this girl, OP. Both figuratively and literally. Treat her like dirt and whup some ass in front of her, then kidnap her and take her home where you ride each other like horses in heat.

 

[Reginald]

Until my current girlfriend, I counted myself as unlucky in love. And goodness knows I tried... sort of.

Every girl I ever met, regardless of looks or personality I would try and get in there with. But I had no luck.

The first girl I ever really liked properly was gorgeous and I thought I would have no chance with her. I chatted to her for ages and we spoke on MSN loads etc and then over a break from school, I come back and she suddenly has this boyfriend and I was like "WTF?!?!?!" Turns out she really did like me and I took too long over things. I was distraught. Thing is, she has been with that boy for 3 years now so ultimately I did a good deed by not asking her out as she seems genuinely happy. We still talk when we see each other and I am super happy for her.

Another girl who I really liked I got with on and off for about a year and a half and it was more of a **** buddy relationship than anything else, only without the sex. We were more very good friends who made out, fooled around and generally had a good time. That is a great relationship to have with a girl, and similar to the last girl we are still friends. But we decided to call it a day when we both wanted to move onto pastures anew. She is the sort of girl who you can half heartedly flirt with in between relationships, knowing that the cheesy chat up lines will be appreciated and reciprocated despite nothing coming of it. We're still firm friends.

Then came an absolutely disasterous relationship with an absolute bitch, but because it was my first serious girlfriend I stuck it out... for 2 months. It was absolute hell and it put me off even trying for an actual relationship for a good 10 months. We broke on bad terms and I would genuinely cross the road rather than withstand her presence. I know that sounds awful but... yuck.

Shortly after I broke up with her I met a girl. She was beautiful and shared many similar interests, but I really wasn't searching for any sort of relationship at that point. She, however, fancied the pants off me. I just didn't notice. 8 months later, she still fancied me, still unbeknownst to me. Still being friends with her however, I invited her to my 18th birthday party and, in a state of drunken not-really-foolishness I made out with her for about 2 hours, not stop. Boy were my lips sore in the morning. Naturally my friends were pleased, fearing I had been turned gay by my previous bad experiences, so they did some detective work and discovered how she had liked me all this time. Armed with this knowledge and a little courage, I asked her out to the cinema and bowling. I won the bowling and the rest is history. I love her and she loves me.



This potted history shows just how many relationship blunders and types you have to go through before you find someone you are truly happy. Whether this has made you feel better or not, I don't know, but I hope it has helped you get a clearer perspective.


EDIT: Forgot to mention that when I made out with my new girlfriend for the first time, I was wearing a musical man-thing and a pait of fake tits. And nothing else. Maybe that is the secret....

 

[Eejit]

Proviso: Don't literally shout in her face when telling her how you feel. May not go down well.

 

[Glirk Dient]

What the hell are you talking about? OK don't listen to him. If you walk up to her out of the blue and tell her you want to marry her, she is gonna run away crying and the whole school will make fun of you. Be cool about it, don't weird her out. If you tell her you have feelings for her and your not a good friend or she doesn't have feelings for you then your hurting your chances. Just hang out with her and flirt with her and take things slowly and evaluate whats going on. Examine how she responds. Things like she is leaning towards you, she has the same posture you do(crosses her arms when yours are etc), she laughs at things you say, even before you finish a joke. You catch her staring at you...things like that are very good. Just pay attention and go to www.askmen.com and read up on some stuff like that. Not everything they say is true, but it won't hurt either. Just remember to be yourself and be confident. If things don't go your way don't get down as it might take some time for her to warm up and connect with you. Just hang in there.

 

[Llama]

Not true. Shouting turns everything on, including the light switches and saucy-music player.

 

[Eejit]

evaluate whats going on. Examine how she responds. Things like she is leaning towards you, she has the same posture you do(crosses her arms when yours are etc), she laughs at things you say, even before you finish a joke.

Her playing with her hair while you're around is common one.

 

[Darkside55]

Proviso: Don't literally shout in her face when telling her how you feel. May not go down well.

Do grab your penis though. It shows her that you indeed have the goods she needs to survive.

**** this girl, OP. Both figuratively and literally. Treat her like dirt and whup some ass in front of her, then kidnap her and take her home where you ride each other like horses in heat.

God damn it Llama that is the best thing I've ever heard you bleat out of that mouth-breathing trap of yours! You ride her hard and raw, Ayanami!


Edit: Glirk, did I say he should ask her to marry him? Hell no, that's how you screw up. And don't give him that touchy feely f*cking "hang in there" shit you minge. He needs toughness.

 

[Deleted member 56031]

Thanks for the story Reginald

Thanks for the advice Glirk

Her playing with her hair while you're around is common one.

Well that's never happened but I did see her staring at me once or twice but I don't think that amounts to much.

EDIT: I just decided to send her roses by mail to her house tomorrow anonymously for valentines, that could help things.

 

[Glirk Dient]

Her playing with her hair while you're around is common one.

Yeah stuff like that. There are so many clues you just need to learn to recognize which are good and which are bad so you can direct the situation. It takes time and practice and you will never be perfect at it but practicing always helps. Also go for her...even if you fail you will hopefully learn and the next girl you fall for you will get from what you learned this time around. If you don't go for it you will just remain hopeless and that's not something you want. Getting rejected now is a lot better than being a 40 year old virgin.

 

[nurizeko]

It's because she is the first and I've never liked anyone else like her before.

Just remember the relationship is going to crash and burn irrecoverably.

Ahh, liberating!.

 

[Deleted member 56031]

Just remember the relationship is going to crash and burn irrecoverably.

Ahh, liberating!.

Gee thanks :|

 

[Darkside55]

EDIT: I just decided to send her roses by mail to her house tomorrow anonymously for valentines, that could help things.

anonymously

NO!

God damn it Ayanami, how will it help if you send roses without your name? Furthermore at this stage in the game sending gifts is heavy-handed and will HURT, not help! You need to speak to her first; if you do YOUR plan you're just wasting money and effort and you come across as desperate and cowardly! If you've gotta do it at least friggin' deliver them in person. Don't puss out on me now, bluehair!

 

[CptStern]

sending roses is bad idea even if you do put your name ...look unless she's interested she could misconstrue it as a romantic gesture (which it is) either freaking her out or putting up warning flags to avoid you as things will become uncomfortable

my advice is just ask her out, but make sure you tell her it's casual, no pressure ..but make sure you clarify it that you like her more than a friend

 

[Emporius]

The most important thhing is not to state it as: "Do you want to go out?"

That puts things in an awkward and uncomortable light, as well as placing a lot of weight/responsibility in her answer

 

[Jintor]

NO!

God damn it Ayanami, how will it help if you send roses without your name? Furthermore at this stage in the game sending gifts is heavy-handed and will HURT, not help! You need to speak to her first; if you do YOUR plan you're just wasting money and effort and you come across as desperate and cowardly! If you've gotta do it at least friggin' deliver them in person. Don't puss out on me now, bluehair!

Lol@calling Lambda "Ayanami".

Ayanami is not Lambda! Can never be Lambda! Lambda, you MUSTN'T RUN AWAAAAAY!

 

[Emporius]

You all realize that it's probably too late for him to recall the roses

 

[Darkside55]

If he sent them anonymously, it's still okay.

Also I'd just like to say if you follow anyone else's advice in this thread other than mine, make it Toast's. Seriously, women always fall for, "Hey, would you smell this rag?"

 

[Dynasty]

***king Valentine's day man. 'Your secret admirer, Mr X', i mean wtf!?!?!?

If youre going to get a girl flowers, ***king go and give them to her in person. No cards, none of this general valentine's day shit.

Valentine's day is just a manditory 'im gonna show how much i like/love you', when you should be doing that every ***king day in the first place as far as im concerned. Its such a stupid day, such a waste of wrapping and shit.

But anyway im drifting;

NEVER use the words 'i like you' or 'do you want to go out?', because that just ruins whatever spark or interest or mistery she may have about you. If you say 'I like you', you blow the whole thing up because now she KNOWS your intentions instead of you keeping her on her toes and teasing her or playing hard to get.

Regards to asking her out? Hmm, well, thats your call really. Always make it seem like youve got something better to do before/after you want to see her, so you dont seem like a loner really.

Stuff like 'Im meeting some friends in town later, would you like to go for lunch afterward?' or hell even 'Im going to the cinema with some friends later, would you like to grab some lunch/coffee (meh, try not to use coffee) beforehand?'

That way she knows you have something of a life to look forward to I guess. You can also use the 'meet some friends' line if she turns you down too, its a good getaway line i find.

 

[Tyguy]

spread a filthy rumor about your best friend, then spread another rumor, but this time the rumor is you have nice pubes. Girls always like guys with great pubes

 

[Darkside55]

Stuff like 'Im meeting some friends in town later, would you like to go for lunch afterward?' or hell even 'Im going to the cinema with some friends later, would you like to grab some lunch/coffee (meh, try not to use coffee) beforehand?'

That way she knows you have something of a life to look forward to I guess. You can also use the 'meet some friends' line if she turns you down too, its a good getaway line i find.

It's the getaway line everybody already knows. Plus it makes you seem attached to your friends. It sounds like, "Hey, I'm covertly asking you out on a date as a tag along with a transparent excuse incase you reject my offer;" rather than, "I'm inviting you out to get the chance to know you and vice-versa and see if there's an attraction here."

Seriously, what is this beat-around-the-bush middleschool shiz? "DON'T TELL HER YOU LIKE HER OR ASK HER OUT ON A DATE; SHE MIGHT THINK YOU LIKE HER AND WANT TO GO OUT ON A DATE!" I have neither the time nor the inclination for women who want to play hard-to-get giggle games. You know how I get dates? I walk up, act casual, lean back slightly and ask, "Would you like to go get coffee/grab a bite/some other arbitrary thing?"

This hidey-hole shit is undignified. Just ask, maggots.

 

[CptStern]

you dont go on many dates do you?

 

[Darkside55]

Neither do you! Ooh, iceburn! That is a burn dude, burn, you got burned, so burned.



FYI yes, I do. (Lookout guy on internet saying he gets dates set lie detectors to FULL BULLSHIT range)

 

[Eejit]

Do you bring your favourite Transformer along to show her?



Just messing

 

[Emporius]

Yes, he transforms from flaccid mode to erect



On a serious note, once you get to know her better, if it turns out she has feelings for your friend, it may be better just to let it go and be happy for your friend. It will avoid hurt feelings, and you never know what might happen in the future :thumbs:

 

[Eejit]

Sha-wing!

 

[CptStern]

Neither do you! Ooh, iceburn! That is a burn dude, burn, you got burned, so burned.

ya well the wife wouldnt approve so no I dont go on many dates

FYI yes, I do. (Lookout guy on internet saying he gets dates set lie detectors to FULL BULLSHIT range)

ya but you dont finish the job ...metaphorically speaking

 

[Darkside55]

Do you bring your favourite Transformer along to show her?

Spoiler

 

[Tyguy]

i can remove mine and create an ipod..

 

[CptStern]

hopefully not an ipod nano :O

 

[Glirk Dient]

The roses idea isn't too bad as long as it's anonymous. She could get freaked out but hopefully since she is single it will make her think she has a secret admirer and then be on the look out. Hopefully she won't assume it was your friend because you don't want to give him free brownie points.

I do agree you should ask her out...casually. Like say "That new movie that came out this past week looks pretty good"

Then she will hopefully respond "Yeah...I was thinking about going to see it"

then you say "Well if you have time this weekend(or whenever) we should go see it."

after that you could joke around about doing something after...something stupid like robbing a bank, but I don't know what kind of stuff she finds funny so you can insert your own joke or just leave it out. Anyways...good luck and if she says she was interested in seeing the movie thats a great sign. If she says something like she thinks it looks stupid wait a little bit and find some other idea, you don't want to seem desperate by asking her out multiple times. If it doesn't work just say "Yeah...I should probably wait for my friends to see it with them anyways". Just act cool about it and don't let it get to you. Simply think of the next step to take.

 

[Deleted member 56031]

Thanks that sounds like it could work.