Is spanking a legitimate way of Discipline

[Andy]

I don't think spanking (in England: "smacking" ) is such a great way to go about it. There's a pretty interesting program on TV here called super nanny, the woman on it suggest that parents follow a warning - redepmtion - punishment scheme. Where the child is warned and explained to, given a chance to redeem his/herself and if not punished, usually by being put in a boring room or the "naughty step" for a few minutes. It seems to be the act of punishment and implications of that act, rather than the act itself which is responsible for disciplining the child. This seems tho be quite effective.

That being said, smacking will soon be/already is illegal in the UK, which is wrong. Discipline is not the same as abuse and unless a distinction is made in legislation, that legislation is wrong. No government has the right to instruct a parent how to bring up a child.

 

[CptStern]

I think smacking is a last resort used by bad parents.

Locking misbehaving kids away on their own until they reflect and apologise for what they have done wrong is one way, another is to have an awards system where if they behave all day they get a treat.

The best thing to do is just spend time with the kids and teach them about morals and respect - which is what hardly any kids these days have any sort of a clue about.

the treat thing is almost the same as punishment in the sense that they are both about cause and effect. You do something good you get a candy, you do something wrong you get a .... poison candy? (simpsons line ...heheh had to put it in)

The best thing to do is just spend time with the kids and teach them about morals and respect - which is what hardly any kids these days have any sort of a clue about

alleluya!!! thank you ...so few parents will go that route cuz it's a lot of work, and spanking a kid is immediate. BTW Pobz sometimes you surprise me (in a good way)

 

[Neutrino]

It's quite nice to see so many people against spanking in this thread.

I just wanted to add one thing, I think the best thing to do before having kids and considering spanking or not spanking is to do quite a bit of research into child psychology or talk with a child pyschologist. I mean parenting has been going on for a hellavu long time. No reason not to learn from the past.

 

[Deadline]

Im going to build a room in my house that has no windows and is sound proof and when my kid misbehaves im going to shove him in there for like 3 hours. And then if I dont forget about him, Ill let him out if he promises to be good.

Ok yea, Im just kidding but still, I am still for spankin if its a serious issue, or at least force. I know parents who tell their kid to do something, and if they dont do it, the parents just let the child go on about it. and if the kid throws a fit the parents give in and give them what they want. Thats total BS and makes the kids worse as they grow.

 

[FoB_Ed]

The only spanking I do is to women

 

[A2597]

Spanking children just teaches them that violence is a valid means of communication and getting someone to do what you want.

Baaad idea.

A slap here or there, meaning when they deserve it, tells them "Whow...I did something really bad, better not do that again"

a slap with no verbal explaination is useless. ALWAYS tell them what they did wrong.

 

[ComradeBadger]

No, it doesn't, it says that you don't want them to do that, and you can inflict pain on them if they disobey you.

 

[Yakuza]

what is your child's reaction when you administer "A number of slaps on the buttocks delivered in rapid succession, as for punishment"? Does she say "I've learned my lesson daddy" or does she just cry? you're invoking a fear response to a behaviour ...once bitten twice shy isnt the right way to go about learning discipline. You may be lenient on your children I really dont know ...I'm also not accusing you of abuse but the fact is any physical form of punisment is detrimental to one's feeling of worth. "I must be bad because daddy punished me" Most times thee only thing a young child will learn from corporal punishment is that there are physical consequences to behaving a certain way, not necessarily that what they did was wrong just that it'll get them in trouble


oh and you cant say a young person doesnt understand reasoning. If I can successfully teach an autistic child with the IQ of a 2 year old the difference between right and wrong, I'm sure you can do the same for a "normal" child. I had some very violent students over the years who would often strike out at teachers which usually put them into a therapeutic holding (you hold the person so that he doesnt hurt himself) In 7 years of teaching I never once got hit but other male teachers who were often in the center of a therapeutic holdings would always be targeted.


btw Yakuza check your private messages

My daughter doesn't cry one bit, once she comes out of the corner we discuss why she was put it the corner and what she needs to do not re-peat the offence that got her there to begin with.

My son is very well behaved to most of the kids his age that I know. My son does have a healthy fear of me, much like putting on a seatbelt, its for his own good. I am not saying spanking is good for every child just some. My son is very strong willed as some other parents might get the same effect I get when I spank my son by simply looking at them with a stern expression.

A 2 year old doesn't understand the difference between right and wrong only the re-enforcement they get from you. Ask your 2 year old "What is the difference between right and wrong" and see what kind of answer you get.

the fact is any physical form of punisment is detrimental to one's feeling of worth.

no, I spend a lot of time re-affirming their worth to me and to the family. My daughter knows that she is loved even when she gets introuble.

This is because my wife and I spend a lot of time with our kids in a "non-conflict" enviroment. Most parents only try and enforce the integrity of their rules in the midst of punishment wich is to late and no one realy gets anything from it. The point of punishment is not for teaching its for correction, the teaching should be happening long before.

My correction techniques differ for each circumstance. The punishemt must fit the crime and spanking is the extreme measure to gain the absolute obedience for the benifit of my child in a circumstance that can have life altering out comes or a direct diffiance to the rules of the house. Meaning he knew better yet chose to do it regardless.

 

[Yakuza]

Yakuza - you say that children that age don't understand it.

Ok, that might be right , but if you slap them, they don't understand either. In fact the punishment has NOTHING to do with the misbehavior.

If your child likes to stand on chairs and you told him, then leave him - if he falls, he will hurt himself. That will teach him not to stand on chairs. And that will teach him to listen to you!
So when he runs towards a street, you don't have to slap him, cause your words are enough.

And please give me some examples when spanking is apropriate.

ps: Spanking is OF COURSE a form of violence! You posted it yourself.
vi·o·lence: Physical force exerted for the purpose of damaging (you damage the body AND soul)

And you are right ComradeBadger

1) He doesn't need to understand at this momment. I will teach him the why when he is old enough to understand.

2) I ussualy do let him fall off of chairs unless we are eating dinner. Then he either sits on the chair or in his room.

However certain things need to be enforced so that you can an authoritative position that he has a healthy fear of.

I mean if all you do is "tell" him what to do then what happens when he is running to the street and doesn't want to listen to you. However if he has a an awarness of your authority and finds that he would rather obey than run into the street.

Appropiate spanking times for my son is when:

1) Deliberate deffiance, especialy when his life can be endagered. Its the I know but dont care attitude.

 

[CptStern]

My daughter doesn't cry one bit, once she comes out of the corner we discuss why she was put it the corner and what she needs to do not re-peat the offence that got her there to begin with.

I meant when you spank her

My son is very well behaved to most of the kids his age that I know. My son does have a healthy fear of me, much like putting on a seatbelt, its for his own good.

because the fear is based upon corporal punishment (I cant really say with 100% certainty because I've never met your child)

I am not saying spanking is good for every child just some. My son is very strong willed as some other parents might get the same effect I get when I spank my son by simply looking at them with a stern expression.

A 2 year old doesn't understand the difference between right and wrong only the re-enforcement they get from you. Ask your 2 year old "What is the difference between right and wrong" and see what kind of answer you get.

you dont let them formulate the distinction because they cant. Leading by example, positive re-inforcement etc. These are alternatives to corporal punishment.

no, I spend a lot of time re-affirming their worth to me and to the family. My daughter knows that she is loved even when she gets introuble.

yes but you are sending mixed messages. You cant hit the child and then expect them to understand just because you tell them you love them

 

[Yakuza]

I meant when you spank her



because the fear is based upon corporal punishment (I cant really say with 100% certainty because I've never met your child)



you dont let them formulate the distinction because they cant. Leading by example, positive re-inforcement etc. These are alternatives to corporal punishment.





yes but you are sending mixed messages. You cant hit the child and then expect them to understand just because you tell them you love them

1) I dont spank my daughter she is 8 years old.
2) Your right.
3) Your right again. However I demand absolute obedience in 1 particular area that is important enought to me that I will spank my child if he dis-obeys.
4) No mixed messages. I show my kids I love them all of them time. Even when they are in trouble. They know that there are consequinces for particular actions. Corproal punishment is used only when the rules have allready been establishe. I wont spank my child for something he didn't know beforehand.

 

[CptStern]

1) I dont spank my daughter she is 8 years old.
2) Your right.
3) Your right again. However I demand absolute obedience in 1 particular area that is important enought to me that I will spank my child if he dis-obeys.
4) No mixed messages. I show my kids I love them all of them time. Even when they are in trouble. They know that there are consequinces for particular actions. Corproal punishment is used only when the rules have allready been establishe. I wont spank my child for something he didn't know beforehand.

I'm not sure what you mean by number 3. I cant really comment how you raise your kids because I'm not there to witness it. You've made the choice that spanking is ok for your child ...I can live with that because that is your choice (I dont have to agree with it). I have seen the ill effects and harm that comes from corporal punishment and it's not the way I will discipline my son

 

[Yakuza]

Like I said I dont think spanking is the way to go for all children. As a parent you have to find what gets their attention the quickest and most effecient way. As all children are different so is the way in wich we should discipline them.

 

[sHm0zY]

NO its not, you can find different ways of punishing children hitting them wont do anythign but hurt them

 

[Deadline]

I really think that putting them in a soundproof room is still a good idea...

 

[Yakuza]

NO its not, you can find different ways of punishing children hitting them wont do anythign but hurt them

Are you a parent?

 

[Deadline]

He has no idea Yakuza... only reason I partly know about this stuff is that there are quite a few kids in my family and I babysit my two neices every now and then. So yea, there really are no ways of punishing your children that wont do any "harm" to them, may it be physical or mental.

 

[Dedalus]

can you guys stop saying 'spank' please? just sounds a little....left of centre if you get me...

anyway, what happened to old fashioned punishments? my neighbours kids are always messing around, and quite often they get told off. there's two kids, one is 3, the other is 1 and a half. but they both know when they've done something wrong. i've watched when they knock a plant pot over or they spill someone's drink, they know they've done wrong simply by getting the reaction from the parent.

now the parents are portugeuse, so i don't understand what they say, but i can get the general gist of it, raised voice, full of frustration and strained love etc. the kids will pick up on this and either cry or go and hide behind me as if they won't be seen by their parents. sometimes when they're crying the parents refuse to pick them up. even if they're just sitting there balling their eyes out, even if they can hardly breathe for the screams they're making, they won't pick them up.

it's part psychology and part discipline. i've never seen my neighbours smack their kids, yet they're still well schooled in what is acceptable and what isn't. of course it doesn't stop them throwing things and breaking things, but they know they've done wrong.

well my convulated point was that parents and kids have a natural chemistry, and a look and a voice of a parent is more powerful than a smack, in my opinion.

 

[The Mullinator]

Myself and my little brother are living proof that spanking is a punishment that will work if used properly.

From when I was a toddler to around 10 years old I would get spanked if I did something really bad or stupid. Since then if I do something stupid it was a swift smack accross the face (it never hurt and I havn't been smacked in years). It really depends on the kid but the fact is that spanking will work and be a major long term benefit if it is done properly.

I truly am happy that I was spanked too, I can still remember the first time I was spanked, I felt like I had complete control over my parents, I felt that it didn't matter what I did because I could simply refuse any punishment that they handed down, I could wear them out and there was nothing they could do about it. Then I got spanked, I cried of course but it really did set me straight, I now knew that I couldn't get away with doing whatever I wanted.

EDIT: It really all depends on the kid, the reason a kid will not do something bad is out of fear of punishment, this fear can be brought on by either spanking, yelling, or other punishments. Different kids will not be afraid of some things while others will be terrified of them. If your kids are scared of being yelled at then yell at them when the do something bad. If they aren't scared of yelling or most other kinds of punishments then spanking might be the only viable option.

 

[Neutrino]

Myself and my little brother are living proof that spanking is a punishment that will work if used properly on a certain type of child.

Fixed.

Also, even though it does seem to work for some kids, I still really question if it is necessary.

 

[The Mullinator]

Fixed.

Also, even though it does seem to work for some kids, I still really question if it is necessary.

I usually think of my arguments as I write, then I go back and correct. I guess I missed that.

 

[Shippi]

I think I've only ever been smacked once, by my dad, when I was quite young (around 6, I should think). I was being a total brat about something pretty insignificant, but I didn't care. My dad was yelling, and I was just answering back just to piss him off. All of a sudden he smacked me on the face. Not hard enough to hurt, but it gave me a damn good shock. That just put everything in perspective, and, while it upset me, it made me think when I was about to act like that again. I hated seeing my dad so upset with me that he felt the need to hit me, so I tried to act good after that.

So, I do think that hitting a child is acceptable, as long as the parent knows they can keep themselves in control. If the parents smack their children for every minor thing they do wrong, there's a good chance that a) It will lose it's effect, and cause the child to hate and fear you, and b) The parent may lose control when angry and cause serious damage to the child.

Edit: And I realise that it wouldn't work on every child, and that the parent should explain exactly why he has been hit and make sure he knows that his parents still love/care for him

 

[oldagerocker]

Hitting children, and i dont mean Hitting them, just a sharp slap on the bum or the back of the legs, is sometimes the only way to disipline a child and show who'se boss.

As a parent you sometimes need to do that, and you're feel guilty after naturally, but it's for the best.
You cannot sit and talk to a child, they dont and arent mature enough to understand reason, like adults do.

To think you can safely bring up a child within a familly and not slap them to keep them from harm (such as running across a road or playing with electricity sockets) is rediculous in my opinion.

In my memory my father and mother did hit me, but i know now that my behaviour was unacceptable in thei eyes, as a child though, it seemed fine... for whatever childish reason.

 

[^Ben]

Acceptable but the line of violence is a thin one.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

under no circumstances will I ever spank my son ..it teaches nothing except violence is ok

I actually tend to agree with this.

 

[CptStern]

Acceptable but the line of violence is a thin one.

does that line have 15,000 dogs waiting to cross over

 

[^Ben]

As long as they go to my local kebab shop