Ok people its a joke thread.

a man geos to see his doctor,

man: so?
doctor: so what?

:LOL: very funny joke :LOL:
 
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the Stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying
out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam
the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, "WHO'S HORNY".....!" and she acts like she's sound asleep.
 
The minister of foreign affairs of the US is on a business trip to Japan. And it's a long stay there, three weeks without his wife and thus sex. So he decides to visit some nice japanese hookers to see if he still has 'what it takes'. He sees a nice japanese hooker and a few minutes later they have sex together. The minister gives everything he's got and the hooker starts making loud noises and she screams 'HATOI HATOI!!!' so the minister takes that as a compliment and continues. They do it again. And again. And again. And everytime she screams 'HATOI HATOI!!!' and the minister is very pleased with himself that he can still please a girl.
A few months later the Japanese minister of foreign affairs comes to the US for political business. So the US minister thinks 'I'll invite him for some golf this afternoon, afterall the people of his country were very nice to me.'
The next day they are playing golf. Suddenly the Japanese minister gets a hole in one. The US minister starts clapping and thinks 'what did that japanese hooker say again? Oh yes hatoi hatoi.' So hey claps even more and shouts 'HATOI HATOI!!'
The Japanese minister replies with: what do you mean, wrong hole?
 
Hhhhhmmmmm, seems to me that this is more like a place where dead jokes come alive! ;)

Instead of where old jokes come to die, that is.
 
Jim-bones, jim-bones, them...Jim-Bones!
Er...waitasec. What pirate one? EDIT: Oh, that pirate one.
I've done the 'two fish in a tank' one already haven't I?
 
American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.
He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.
After awhile, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood.....big, stately residences...no pubs, no stores, no
restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really , really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away,...anywhere you want."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the cop's blessing, he zips down and unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.
As he goes back thru the gate, he says to the Bobbie "That was really decent of you ....is that "British Hospitality ?"
"No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is the French Embassy."
 
OK, let's see...

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kinda joke?"

I'm bored, I got nothing else :p
 
thenerdguy you've got exquisite taste in jokes...keep em coming they're bloody hilarious.
 
I know some of you won't believe this story but it is very true. This is
reported to be a true story which took place in the little town of
Bemidji up north in Minnesota. I have no doubt that is true. Read on.

This story happened about a month ago in a little town in Minnesota; and
while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.

This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in
the middle of a storm.The night passed slowly and no cars went by. The
storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly
he saw a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom. It slowly crept
toward him and stopped. Reflexively, the guy got into the car and closed the
door, then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel.

The car slowly started moving again. The guy was terrified, too scared to
think of jumping out and running.The guy saw that the car was slowly
approaching a sharp curve.

The guy started to pray, begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car
would go off the road and he could plunge to his death, when just before the curve,
a hand appeared thru the window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the
car safely around the bend.

Paralyzed with terror, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they
reached a curve. Finally, the guy gathered his wits and leaped from the
car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and
voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, and told everybody about his
horrible, supernatural experience.

A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was apparently
sane and not a drunk.

About half an hour later, Ole and Lena walked into the same bar.
Ole said to Lena, "Look Lena, dat's da guy dat rode in our car ven ve vas
pushin it in the rain."
 
Thats a good story Nerd :D


Time to post another joke? Well since thise thread is so old...


In Soviet Russia joke laughs at you!

or my version of the joke

In Soviet Russia this joke is executed for revealing state secrets!...end of Soviet Russia joke!
 
Nice Farrow. I have one from the movie Miracle:
*watching a video of watching Russian hockey players*
Guy1: My God do these guys ever smile?
Guy2: They're Russians, they get shot if they smile.
 
Okay, three pieces of String walk into a bar.

However, the barman informs them that the establishment doesn't serve little bits of String, but rather is a place for Ropes and Mooring Cables to relax after a hard day's work.

So they leave.

A little while later, a rather tatty piece of Three-Strand Hemp Rope hops into the bar, and sits down. After eying it suspiciously for a while, the barman offers it a drink.

"Sure. Scotch on the rocks, thanks.", is the reply.

As the drink changes hands, the barman speaks again, "You look familiar... you're not those three bits of string that were just in here, tied together, are you?".

And the Hemp replies in three rather quavery voices:

"Errr... no, I'm a frayed knot."
 
^

Ooooh... I mean... ooooooh... what the.... oooooh... this is getting... well, that one's true.
 
Q:why does helen keller wear skin-tight pants?

A: so people can read her lips
 
What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
 
Q: Why were helen keller's fingers purple?

A: she heard it through the grape vine.


Q: how did helen keller's parents punish her?

A1: they put a plunger in the toilette
A2: they rearranged the furniture
 
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?






















Christopher Walken
 
This pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck to his groin. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him with a puzzled look and says "you're aware that you've got a steering wheel stuck to yur groin right?" The pirate then replies "ARRRRRR It's been drivin' me nuts!!"
 
I'd swear that that groin steering wheel joke is in this thread at least three times...
 
Bad^Hat said:
What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
Click to expand...
I wrote that about 6 pages back ;)
 
Brian Damage said:
I'd swear that that groin steering wheel joke is in this thread at least three times...
Click to expand...

i scrolled back to make sure i haven't posted it before, i didn't find anything. And i didn't feel like reading thru all the pages so yeah, just pretend it was funny.
 
why does ray charles likes sesame roll for breakfast?




because of the dirty jokes that are written on them.. =)
 
A young woman in Toronto was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into Lake Ontario. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy. " The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose. Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches, some bottled water and a piece of fruit, and they had passionate sex until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said.
"This is the Toronto Island Ferry".
 
jokz

A nun, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.


The bartender looks at the three very carefully and says, "What is this, a joke?"


*baby jokes gone*
 
You know you're a true computer-nerd if after being dumped by your girlfriend, you ask "Do you want to save before you quit?"
 
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